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mudpiegrl

:: 2004 30 August :: 10.56pm
:: Mood: confused

first, i must tell you, neil and i got in a sort of fight. more like i was yelling at him.

i wont get into it.

but then i couldnt sleep...first cuz i was crying...and cuz i always feel bad for yelling at him...

then i had a dream.

::gets out notebook:: i wrote it down in study hall.

I was with jackie, patrice, jill, sandy and the same guys as a few entries before. We went to dinner and afterwards, visited another school and listened to their band/orchestra play. They were actually really really horrible, but we thought they were okie...maybe it was some circumstance we knew that i didnt actually know. we went to the parking lot and the girls got in the car but the guys decided it was nice and stayed out there so we got out too. we started looking at the stars and they were shooting...but not just straight across.

"Do shooting stars change direction?" I asked, as if no one else could see them (my dream is beginning to sound narrative-like).

After a while, they got boring and we all trotted down to the dock. Two signs saying 'play dog #1' and the corresponding number two on the higher level of the dock. i took the first one out on a leash...he was a happy playful dog. then he started to get growly and i got more cautious. he randomly ran and jumped in the water (we're on a dock, remember) and we were like, "hey we should pull him back"...but it was really casual...until we saw the tail fin of a dolphin (beluga whale; white, small) and the dog tried to bite it. We kicked it into high gear, attempting to pull the dog out of the water. Eventually succeeding, the dog approached me, glaring at me and circled me, growling. i got scared and pulled my arms and legs into my hoodie and woke up shaking uncontrollably at five thirty five in the morning in the same position i was hiding from the dog. i couldnt go back to sleep for a while. i was afraid to close my eyes becasue the dog was going to get me, which, of course, i know is dumb, but my subconscious would catch me everytime i got halfway rested.


yea....thats all really i wanted to say.

who said that?


mudpiegrl

:: 2004 28 August :: 1.46pm

so hello...

today im going to a five year olds birthday party!

last night i had a dream...

i was at some kind of building...and for some reason we were laying on the floor...waiting for something to start i think. and i felt really lonely so i started smelling people...like hul and wender. then i smelled bentons cheek...which was really weird cuz i was smelling everyone elses shoulders. and then i kissed benton, and it felt wonderful...like the loneliness drifted away. and i started hoping no one saw...but kyle hul and wender were all over at the ticket booth asking a question, and although there were more people around me, i only cared what those three thought and so i kissed him again.

::shrugs:: i dont know...

um...let's see...in other news...(can it be news if its not quite new?)

i still miss neil...gee, you needed to hear that to know...ill write another entry about that...

um...yea this was mostly for the dream...

oh yea and im going to give the link to neil...

all the ones i dont want him to read, ill 'friends only'

who said that?


mudpiegrl

:: 2004 27 August :: 8.14pm
:: Mood: worried
:: Music: radio

gerbilness
my gerbil is dying.

shes got a lazier eye now and her paws were bloody the other day.

she also was really fat and now shes super skinny.

shes gonna die

shes old

::sigh:: i want another pet though...



on a happier note...

my birthday is sunday!

woo!

ill be r-rated and able to stay out late!

yay!!!

2 persons said it | who said that?


anytngbtordinary

:: 2004 27 August :: 7.40pm

I Don't Want To Be Me
~ Amanda Clemens


I'm not feeling so bold
Can't you see I don't want to grow old
And my photograph's an epitaph of parody
I don't want to be me

I'm not feeling so sure
It would help if you offered a cure
If I wait, it's too late for the remedy
I don't want to be me

You won't save me
Cuz I'm not the fortunate one
So don't blame me
If I decide to go hide or instead to just run

I'm not feeling so well
Maybe we could just sit for a spell
And make amends, it depends on my injury
I don't want to be me
I don't want to be me
I don't want to be me

You won't save me
Cuz I'm not the fortunate one
So don't blame me
If I decide to just run
You won't save me
Cuz I'm not the fortunate one
So don't blame me
If I decide to go hide or instead to just run
If I decide to go hide or instead to just run
If I decide to go hide or instead to just run

I really like that song...it was on Degrassi.

who said that?


goose

:: 2004 26 August :: 12.36am

dont care how many days
Going back into the past is bad. There's a reason its in the past its over. But I cant believe it still makes me mad, makes me want to throw up. Finding out things that someone did behind my back that i never knew about...always great im going to be sick now. i cant believe i was so dumb.

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Anytngbtordinary

:: 2004 24 August :: 4.09pm

So i think im addicted to changing my hair. I cant go into the hair cutting place with out changing something... so...i got bangs. They are like side bangs though, and fairly long...but its still different. Its weird.

School today was weird...a lot of people i havent been in classes with since 8th grade are in my classes now. Ahhhh. I like Mr. Curry and Mr. Mann. They are cool. I think im going to switch 1st and 8th periods.
Im worried about choir... she wants to test people in the next few days... ick. I cant do scales...as i learned at Joseph....blah! Oh well... thats all i got. You guys should see my hair! lol Ok. Byebye.

~Jackie

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goose

:: 2004 24 August :: 12.14am

11/12 days til i see spencer
not sure when he's coming but he's coming back for labor day! :) im excited, i already took off work....hehehe i went out today...not sure it was alright i still feel an abscense, i like staying at home by myself then my saddness doesnt rub off on others and just make people mad and uncomfortable i hate that. so i really dont want to do it so if i decline your offer to hang out im sorry, its probably for the better of you becuase if your stuck home doing nothing there's at least potential to have fun and do cool things by yourself as i have discovered...yes that is my story bye

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Toki

:: 2004 23 August :: 3.13am

Is it better to have dreams that will never come true, or no dreams at all?

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mudpiegrl

:: 2004 22 August :: 11.24pm
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: radio

im talking to the sandy kim and sort of the goli and just talked to the hul-ay!

today i did allstate, as well as yesterday......

PEE-POLE:
angela ames and laura mohs from LHS are in and laura's fun to talk to.

katlin is from resurrection hs in chicago...going to be a junior i believe...i dont know shes cool though.

carmel kid is obviously from carmel, but not jessica harling...he's cool....i understand why carmel's plays arent all that great...in the first place, the plays arent exactly moving around plays so much as im gonna stand....and talk....and not only that....the director thinks her work is incredibly talented making people stand and talk for blocking because "it looks natural". and of course, being a catholic school, funding is not abundant, but even when they have it, they spend it on dumb things....i dont remember examples but anyways....carmel kid is cool

sublime kid...i havent talked to him much but him and his friend.....sublime kid's real name is AJ...they're really funny...they're from naperville

jeremy...hes the first person i talked to that i hadnt known before! he's a sweetheart. he's a real tall black guy (no, im not racist)...and he's awesome...he's from a little town down south i believe...but no southern accent. he's funny too. his school only has about four hundred people in it. oh and he has really soft hair!

the cool bryan....look at this! an actor! we had to do interviewish things...which wasnt that bad, cept it was at nine on the first day...we would have rather gone home but anyway...i talked to him and i dont remember where he goes but he has really really cool hair, like jeremy's but not so soft. but he spells his name with a Y so he's cooler than the brian....which i dont really knwo but eh.

drew and woody (bruce): holy....i dont know...southerners. they're friends from the same school....in rockford....straight west of here (north of chicago)...but yea. and they dont accept my suggestions or anything and it pisses me off! but eh. they're okie i guess.....they dont do a whole lot of talking to me but i got put in a group with just them so ::shrugs::...oh well we're done with our piece so yea. oh and its funny cuz drew calls a hammer a "beater".

jeramiah...wow...thats such an awesome name i love it. there's soemthing sweet, and cool...like calm and relaxing... about it. i dont know...he looks like mushroom...only his hair isnt so shiny, he's skinnier and.....no, no, hes just about as cute.

cool kid with the beard (ben) is a senior just as most people are. his eyes are such a pretty shade of green/hazel...i dont know (i love brown eyes). he has a full beard but its not that long...well okie it is...its not system long...lol. and he has long curly hair...all dirty dirty blonde. but his eyes arent just pretty. they have an attractively kind quality about them...like you could cry on his shoulder really easily and know he cares. that kind of kind. but he's really quiet and funny when he talks. dont remember where hes from either.

pietro...i think thats it...i dont know...its a cool name tho...wonder what nationality it is....anyway..at first i didnt talk to him much cuz usually its relaly hard to talk to deaf people....but its fairly easy....only a few words are difficult to understand...and i had a long convo with him...he's cool....hes just a normal kid...oh god that sounds horrible.....i know i know....but laura (a deaf girl at VHHS) and the one in crew.... they're harder to get along with......mostly cuz they dont talk....i dont know....he's treated well at his school...he was talking about people there. he lives in naperville.

matt...hes the tech director...one of them...he's really easy going and extremely positive but its awesome cuz he tells you what he means and if he doesnt like it, he helps you fix it rather than just being like grr you did it wrong. i had him for my interview and he kept saying fantastic!...he still does that with various encouraging words.

bob is the other TD. hes real rough.....like hes in his seventies and you can tell hes had years of experience. he has good suggestions but hes gonna be an ass closer to the show...you can tell.

anne...we're moving into people i dont like, which thankfully, the list currently has two people on it....anyway...shes not really that bad...shes real hyper but that isnt the thing....shes a cheerleader...or bred that way...she has cheer shorts and ive never actually heard someone say SHUT UP! like they do in princess diaries...but apparently, it happens. shes a valley girl...yea....thats all...and she cant remember my name for shit...and pretends she knows......

casey kid...okie.....just like casey skeens....the way he walks...and talks....and he does the whole shaking hands thing too....he has an ego...and hes like casey. hes also henry ford.

oh and theres this kid that looks like little mike from LHS....and his name's mike...but hes not him. little mike is still popping amps at LHS....as laura told me today.



FOOD
yea its really not that great.

salad: of course yummy, fresh...salad dressing has no spoons!!!

veggie salad: fresh veggies with vinagerette...yummy as well.

pasta: weird ass noodles, ketchup and water sauce, uncooked meatballs.

sandwiches: the meat doesnt like you if you make your own, or if you get the prewrapped, the bread is so tough you have to rip at it with your teeth.

fruit: need i say how yummy little bananas are after craving food? and the valencia (new word for you all-means orange) oranges were yummy and perfect juicy for the ride home and apples are fun for chats after cleaning.



BUILDING
this is what we're there for right...lol

well, the majority of the large pieces are built.

towers: there are six, box on top, box on bottom, flats in between...at least twelve feet tall.

staircases: large and small, they got built....but holy stairs on the big ones! they are gigantic.taller than any at VHHS yet.

platforms: the girl has issues....cuz the rest of her group is guys and dont listen to her common sense, not to mention the fact that shes never built set before. everything has so much detail in wood...would be easier in foam but wood is easier to transport without getting ruined.

gates: these are cool....angela's on them though, along with jeremy....but i dont wanna tell her cuz shes irritating as it is with her i know everything attitude.

bleachers: finally, the project im on. difficult to figure out from the plans, seeing as they're incredibly vague (that how you spell it?) but like a picnic bench....only four of them in stair shape. but we got it to be amazingly stable....which matt was enthusiastic about!

i guess thats it... hm....yes i suppose....its okie...about the same as i thought...im just bummed about not being able to hang out with everyone at theatre fest.

1 persons said it | who said that?


Toki

:: 2004 22 August :: 3.16pm

Ok. I know no one really cares that much. But I'm still asking.

Who thinks I should go for the uber short hair cut?

And who thinks I should wait until it's longer then make it less dramatic-ish?

I need opinions. I'm tired of long hair. But short hair involves work. You know? Whatever I do, 10 inches will be gone. At the least. For the locks of love dudes. I don't know. Ah.

I'm not very good at making beauty/lookish decisions. I need help.

-Patrice

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Toki

:: 2004 22 August :: 12.46am

I'm so bad at this journal thing.

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goose

:: 2004 21 August :: 11.26pm

i need to get out of my house as much as possible because so many things about this house just remind me of him and then i cry, i pulled in my driveway and remember last night where we hugged eachother and cried, he wouldnt leave until i stopped. i walked into my house and saw the porch where i hugged him for the last time in a while at 6:30 in the morning. i go inside and to my room...i go downstairs and cant take it anymore i cry because i remember last night at 11:50 where we just held eachother and cried and now im writing this after working a 12 hour shift, where i was ok and now i want to die.

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Toki

:: 2004 21 August :: 2.18pm

Ok. Changed the journal around. My eyes needed a change.

Enjoy.

who said that?


Toki

:: 2004 20 August :: 3.08am

SANDY! IT'S 2:04 AND I'M SIGNING OFFLINE!

I can keep promises.

Byeee
-Me

1 persons said it | who said that?


goose

:: 2004 20 August :: 12.18am

1 day
tomorrow is my last day with spencer before he leaves

saturday i get to open to close...12 hour shift, that has to be illegal right? guess not, i wish
then sunday open to 530 gggggggggreat! I WANT TO DIE!!!


im so sad and so mad at the same time i wish life didnt have to be like this. im considering quitting work...im going to start looking for a new job its just changed so much, for the bad.


im sad now

who said that?

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