Toki
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2004 10 August :: 12.06am
I spilled salsa all over my pants today. Not good. I smell like Chipotle. :-\ So off to change the pants.
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mudpiegrl
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2004 9 August :: 10.40pm
:: Music: breaking benjamen
went to the race today...mushrooms back...my dad was 13/16 with his team of three, my bro 14/16 when i left...jens babysitting.....cathy's here.....neils in gurnee with the rest of the world.....cathy's here and were gonna go for a walk cuz my mum's being super-bitch again.
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Toki
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2004 8 August :: 6.03pm
:: Mood: Done with this
:-\
Ok. I just want to say. I probably won't have many real updates anytime soon. Well, not any emotionful ones. I think I'll stick with the surveys and random entries.
This journal, as much of a blessing as it can be, it has brought me down ten times as much.
I'm trying this not writing thing. See what happens.
I can't keep focusing on my emotions and stuff right now. I'm not trying to avoid reality or any of that shit.
It's good to talk about problems, but focusing solely on that is bad. ::nods::
I love all you guys. ::hugs::
Ok..Shower time.
-Patrice
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Anytngbtordinary
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2004 7 August :: 10.51pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Prayer- Disturbed
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I really needed that scream.
Im starting to realize its pretty near impossible to be happy.
I don't try to make others unhappy...i hope you all realize that.
I never make decesions with out thinking about how it will affect others.
Sometimes you just have to do something for yourself though don't you?
But when you make decisions in hopes of making yourself happy...the misery of others can destroy you alone.
I am sorry that I am not exactly the person you are looking for.
I am sorry I cause drama...because I am definitely the only one who does it you know?
I am sorry that you may think I only think about myself.
I'm sorry I am going crazy and that I am dragging you down with me.
I am sorry I am falling apart and taking it out on you.
You never should've met me. It only brought pain.
I am so sorry for everything.
No sarcasm there.
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Toki
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2004 7 August :: 2.00am
I can't be online right now. All there is on this computer is IMing and journals. So not many mood improving things. Just had a good conversation with the Keister. Emotions suck. Especially when you can't control them. And you don't even know why you're thinking them. And the only reasons you come up with only make it worse, because why would you flip otu abotu such small things?
So seeing as A) It's late at night. and B) I'm alone. It's best that I'm not online.
I will be awake though. Because I'm just insane.
uuumm...yes. Bye I guess.
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Toki
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2004 6 August :: 12.42am
Im tired. But sleep doesn't look like it'll happen anytime soon.
I honestly feel kinda crappy right now. Not a bad night, just bad thoughts that won't leave me alone.
Reality finally catching up with me I guess. I kinda just want to disappear.
I know I shouldn't though. Because reality will always be there, no matter where I run to.
Trying to find quotes from Thoreau. Something I read a while back that kind of relates. But it's not working.
Want to hear a funny story though? So Jackie was over. And my sister was being..weird. So we, well I, attacked her with shaving cream. Then she came back with shaving gel. Lol
You'd be surprised how far the gel shaving stuff shoots. :-) Good times.
I haven't laughed that hard in ages.
It was cool.
Just be careful. It's a bitch to get out of the carpet. :-)
I got ten cigar boxes today. They're really pretty. I just need a use for them now.
I'm only working one day this week. :-( Poo. This week is shaping up to be very bad. I guess I'll just wait and see what happens.
Poo on a big fat hairy stick.
Ok. Good bye.
-Patrice
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goose
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2004 5 August :: 12.02am
:: Mood: CRAP, Thanks guys
Not so Happy
i feel like crap! CRAP! CRAP!
so i spent the majority of the day bragging about how great spencer is, then i get a text message, he misses me, so i call him...doesnt want to talk he's with friends...so i go to work call again...he doesnt get it...so screw the suprise visit, guess he really didnt miss me after all
i talked to james todd today, he's only 18, thats crazy sweet, i got hyper a little but not too much spun in spinny chair got dizzy..he wanted me to answer his cell phone too which was weird but ummmmmmm today sucked, thank you all! BYE!
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mudpiegrl
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2004 4 August :: 11.16pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: Enya
Fucking relaxing bath...
im gonna pop mr. bubble's bubble
set fire to burt's bees hives
shoot dove
put venus in a good fly trap
and rip apart all the water molecules in the universe.
yes.
my bath sucked.
i inhaled bubbles.....and it hurts like fuck in the bronchial tube...
then i got soap in my eye from burt's bees...
the water wouldnt get hot...
the other day i cut myself with the razor
and im cursing dove although its done nothing but run out on me.
not to mention, my brother walked in on me...it wasnt that bad ::shrugs:: although i think i would have preffered someone else...
anyway.
ive been a real basket case this week....i cleaned the whole downstairs
Mood swings like CRAZY!
Attracting the male more
and crazy driving
yup...im not even gonna bother writing about today...its not that intresting to anyone but jen...and she was there...
basically i felt like a little kid all day...
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goose
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2004 4 August :: 12.58am
The Village
I must say I am proud of myself. Yes circumstances are different but I got through this movie with no nightmares...yet.
Before you make fun of me you should know this, when Signs came out i had a lot of things going on and after i saw it i slept in my parents room for 2 weeks. Now i can pretty much guarantee you that you do not know what was going on in my life now. Only 2 people know that and if you think you know...you dont.
So yeah its not only because i was scared of the movie, but i can never be sure you see there waere many things going on, many therapisits i was talking to, many people in my house, i went insane but only for a month...you dont know what im talking about trust me.
so anyway aback to the being proud of myself part...woo hoo 1 night with no nightmares! :)
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goose
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2004 4 August :: 12.35am
LIKE 2 WEEKS AGO SPENCER WAS VERY SWEET LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT IT...
FIRST I WAS GROUNDED AND I COULDT SEE HIM BUT HE STOPPED BY ANYAY AND BROUGHT ME FLOWERS
THEN THE NEXT DAY I WAS STILL GROUNDED AND HE GOT ME SECRET WINDOW...
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
ALSO HE WENT TO MICHAELS AND BOUGHT ME A SHIRT SO I COULD TIE DYE...IT TURNED OUT LIKE CRAP BUT IT WAS FUN
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
BTW FUZZ YOU STILL HAVE MY DVD...
LOVE YA SPENCY! :)
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Toki
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2004 2 August :: 1.06am
:: Mood: ::shrugs::
:: Music: Five For Fighting
My eyes hurt. I'm really not all that tired. Just very...___________......if that makes sense. So not good, not bad. Just kinda here.
Jill's was rockin' awesome. Party. And it was a party. Haha. Woo. :-P
I feel stupid updating everyday. Who reads it anyways? Who really cares what pointless thing is going on in my life or what sad stupid thought I'm thinking today??? Um. Yeah.
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Toki
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2004 31 July :: 12.50pm
Do you know what would be fun? A machine that erases your mind. And clears out every bad thought and just leaves the good stuff. I would like that.
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Toki
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2004 31 July :: 11.37am
"When people don't express themselves, they die one piece at a time."
I should really shower soon. I don't know when I'm leaving for the Jillian's. And I still need to pick up my senior picture outfit. I'm excited for tonight. and Tomorrow. It should be fun.
And I'm gonna be in a good mood. I'm gonna be happy and smiling. Because who wants to hang out with someone who's always pissed off? It gets boring. and annoying. So :-). Okay people. Bye.
-Patrice
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Toki
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2004 29 July :: 11.20pm
I'm doing my nightly update. Not much to say. Learned to knit. Finally watched West Side Story. Saw Farenheit 9-11 with Sarah. It was fun. Then yeah, I'm here. Dreading my final and planning on sleeping really soon. Good night.
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