::
2006 3 January :: 10.39 am
:: Mood: thoughtful
:: Music: untitled 1 by panda bear
happy birthday rus
i haven't writen in this journal since june. so many things have happened since then. i've grown so much, too much, too fast. not fast enough? well, it's stayed the same as far as unsteady girl/boy situations. i have this list etched into memory, nothing works out. i finally got a job to save money for when i move out in july. today i am nineteen, and i don't like it already. sometimes i wish that i hadn't started to abuse substances. wasted youth, if you will. not really wasted, but it definately could have been happier had i thought more the way i think now. scribble me scared. i am weakening, i want to feel love. i want to be touched and cared for.
most of all i want liberation. real freedom.
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