::
2004 5 July :: 8.46 pm
:: Mood: crappy
The Problem With Online Journals
Don't get me wrong, I love my journal. It just seems they cause so much trouble. As a rule, I don't give out my journal URL to many people, (and I'm careful putting some things onto restricted.) I used to have this on my MSN profile, but when people I don't know very well can read it and look at things I would rather they didn't see, I realise that it wasn't such a good idea. (I really fucked up the tenses in that last sentence, didn't I?)
I don't particularly like the idea of a lot of people I know reading this, to be honest, but since it's up on the web for all to see, I'm not going to complain. The trouble is, when people read your journal, they learn so much about you. Not minor things about appearance, exact location, that sort of thing, but they can see how you feel inside. It's like a window into your mind and your emotions.
People forget that someone other than some stranger surfing the internet can read their journal. It gets treated like a private journal because you don't expect people you know to see it. I mean, I mostly have this journal because it's a convenient way of noting events and feelings, and I can customise the layout easily.
I'm rambling and I can't be bothered to continue this. I feel dizzy.
2 Whispers |
Endlessly, she said... |
::
2004 4 July :: 7.02 pm
:: Music: Nightwish ~ Sacrament of Wilderness
It's raining outside. Wow, I have nothing more interesting to say. I just felt I had to update my journal. I'll shut up now.
Maybe something interesting will happen tomorrow and I can write about that.
Endlessly, she said... |
::
2004 28 June :: 9.48 pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: Guns N' Roses ~ Paradise City
Today was supposed to be a fairly good day, but as too often seems to happen, something had to come along and ruin it. I was at my friend Katie's house, and we were just sitting around watching videos and stuff, and so I lost track of time and forgot to phone my parents to tell them what time I was coming home. So when I do phone them I get a lecture over the phone, and ended up having a mini-argument over the phone in front of Katie and her parents, which I wasn't pleased about.
When I do get home, which was about 8.50pm, I get another lecture and am told that I was home 'far too late.' What the fuck? They're acting like I was there until 10.30 or something. You know what would be nice? If they stopped caring for a week or two, just to see what it's like without overprotective parents.
Endlessly, she said... |
::
2004 18 June :: 9.22 pm
:: Mood: tired
Shitty Day
Guess what happened today? I got to see the school councillor. Great. All I need. I was confused at first, because the welfare officer at the school took me out of maths and left me in the councilling room while she went off somewhere. It was at that point I remembered she was also the school councillor.
When she came back, she made me write down the 'top five problems in my life.' So I cooperated, deciding she was less likely to contact my parents or anything that way. And so she goes through my problems in a futile attempt to work out causes, then decided to tell me 'she knows I self-harm.' Just great, that. Well I'm not going to self-harm any more, especially not with the councillor breathing down my back from now on.
What I really want to know is who told her. I know it wasn't any of my close friends, or they would have told me. I made it very clear to them that I wouldn't flip if it had been any of them. So who else does that leave? As far as I know, none of the teachers know, and they tend to go for the 'keep behind for a chat' approach, before contacting the parents and year leader. It could have been Aileen (the ex-friend who annoys the hell out of me.) If it was her, I swear I'm going to flip.
Endlessly, she said... |
::
2004 14 June :: 12.43 pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: Spineshank ~ Fallback
Survey
A survey that was on Xanga. People at the AFI messageboard thought it would be cool to fill it out relating to AFI, so I thought I's join in (I swear this was made for AFI fans or something.)
Pick a favorite band/artist: AFI
Fill out the rest of the quiz using ONLY song titles and lyrics from the above band/artist:
Are you female or male::Teenage Death Girl [Days of the Phoenix]
Describe yourself:: I remain in shadows growing wings [The Nephilim]
How do some people feel about you:: I'm giving unease to everyone I meet [Advances in Modern Technology]
How do you feel about yourself:: I've got no use [File 13]
Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend:: You'll never find a soul inside, no life, but nothing's died [Paper Airplanes (Makeshift Wings]
Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend:: I remain alone [...but home is nowhere]
Describe where you want to be:: Along the path where the stream is talking [The Despair Factor]
Describe what you want to be:: Your anything [Morningstar]
Describe how you live:: Every night I walk the streets, awake while everyone else sleeps [Advances in Modern Technology]
Describe how you love:: In the glitter, in the dark, sunk into velvet praying this will never end [This Celluloid Dream]
Share a few words of wisdom:: We are all now in dying days [Reiver's Music]
Endlessly, she said... |
::
2004 13 June :: 7.54 pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: Children of Bodom ~ Needled 24/7
Here We Go Again...
I'm really starting to go downhill again, emotionally, that is. Stupid arguments with my family are really not helping. My dad showed that stupid video to my whole family and then wondered why I got upset. He can't see how much I dislike it. I think I'm slipping back towards self-harm. It's not the big problems that bother me, it's all the little insignificant things building up and throwing me into that frustrated/depressed frame of mind that leads to cutting.
Endlessly, she said... |
::
2004 13 June :: 9.39 am
:: Music: Spineshank ~ Fallback
I had to go on a stupid video production workshop yesterday. I don't know why my English teacher put me in for it, and I was annoyed she also put in someone I don't actually like. Of course, my parents decided to share that car journey with her parents because it was in Horsham, so I had to put upo with her for longer than I would have wanted. Thankfully, the other people there were friendly enough, although speaking in front of a camera and a bunch of strangers was pretty embarassing.
I am dreading giving my parents the copy of it; they'll show it to all the family. I don't want them to give me compliments or comments, I just want to be left alone. Maybe if I keep the video hidden long enough they'll forget about it.
Endlessly, she said... |
::
2004 11 June :: 10.13 pm
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: Shadows Fall ~ The First Noble Truth
I had the field trip today, and it was great that I missed out on maths and all, but it was a lot of walking and I managed to get the back of my neck sunburnt. I spend far too long in direct sunlight, so I managed to get myself the killer headache that occurs when you mix me and daylight. So yeah, I feel somewhat bad now.
Doesn't help that I managed to have a bit of a debate with my parents because I want a new phone. I mean, my current one I've had for nearly two and a half years, and it was an old model then. It's crappy, slow, and likes to stop working at inconvenient times. Of course, that means to my parents that it's perfectly fine and there's no chance I'll get a decent contribution towards a new one. They expect me to save up the £150 for the model I want on £4 a week? No, they don't. They don't want me to get a new phone.
Om other news, I got the results of my RS exam back and was pleasantly suprised to get 53%, which is a mid-C. My parents, on the other hand, were not impressed. Why do they even care that I got a bad grade in one subject? Almost as bad as when my grandad asked me why I only got a B in English. Why can't they just be happy I got all pass grades? I'm still in year 10, still time to improve! Stupid expectations.
Endlessly, she said... |
|
