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2004 28 March :: 9.46 pm
Grunge! You're all about the music and would even
turn your back on fame just to stay true to
your roots... You reached your high in the
early '90s, but you're still making some good
stuff! Keep rocking!
What genre of rock are you?
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You are Sylvia Plath! She committed suicide by
shoving her head in a gas oven.
Congratulations! She was mentally troubled
throughout her life, and toyed with the idea of
suicide many times. She wrote brilliant and
insightful poetry, although it was all
autobiographical; poor sylvia had a hard time
getting outside herself, and her connections
with members of the opposite sex were troubled
at best. She has been picked up since her
death in the early sixties as a champion of the
feminist cause.
Which famous poet are you? (pictures and many outcomes)
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Your Heart is Grey
What Color is Your Heart?
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Endlessly, she said... |
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2004 28 March :: 9.38 pm
:: Mood: very depressed
I'm in an even worse mood now. And it's not directly about the 'friends' either. Different stuff, but it's all linked up in the end.
I've been thinking about my phobia of human contact a lot. I hate it so much; it makes me feel so left out all the time. My friends all hug each other all the time, and I can't even brush past someone without fucking shuddering or cringing. And to top it all, people like to play the 'poke Selidor' game; which involves either poking me, then seeing if they can avoid being hit, or seeing how extreme a reaction they can provoke. It's not fair; they don't understand how difficult it is for me, they can't see how it affects me on the inside.
I can't help my phobia, it's horrible; every time someone touches me I just want to run away. I feel unclean, impure, violated. It makes me want to scratch all the skin off where the contact was, but it doesn't make the feelings go away. They just echo in my head for hours, and sometimes days afterwards. It's not fair.
Endlessly, she said... |
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2004 28 March :: 8.23 pm
:: Mood: depressed
Friends? Yeah, Right!
Sometimes my friends really piss me off. Several of them have this little secret-keeping routine, where they ask me if I know about something, and they won't tell me what the something is, then go on about how great it is that I don't know. It's out of order, because all it does is remind me of the way people treated me in middle school. That whole 'tell everyone except me, but let me know the others know' routine.
If they're not going to tell me their stupid little secrets, then they shouldn't mention anything to do with them in the first place. I'd rather be happy (to an extent) and ignorant, than left to wonder about what they don't want me to know, while being driven deeper into depression and being royally pissed off.
They were lucky this was over a messenger conversation, else I would have flipped.
I don't get it. I'm very trustworthy with people who I regard as friends, I've never done anything to deserve this lack of trust. And then for them to go and rub my face in it. I'm just sick and tired of this.
Endlessly, she said... |
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2004 28 March :: 12.38 pm
:: Mood: frustrated
Arguing
My family are irritating me again. My stupid sister just had some big argument over homework (laying out text boxes on a page, to be precise) with my mother, which involved them arguing up the stairs, then my mother coming into my room and yelling at my sister from there. I told them to turn the volume down because I was doing my art homework, and all I got was this nasty, scathing look from the mother. It's bloody annoying. It's hard enough trying to copy some high-detail piece by Hokusai (Japanese artist I have to study) as it is, and it's even worse with yelling as a backdrop.
Endlessly, she said... |
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2004 27 March :: 6.57 pm
:: Music: Sevendust ~ Rain
Just a quick update because I have to stay the night at my granparents without internet access. My parents are going to some party until late at night and my sister and I aren't trusted home alone.
I went into town and bought Seasons, which is Sevendust's album, and it was very worthwhile. I took a bit of a risk with it, as usual, but again as usual, it was worth it and I ended up with a great album. Not bad after hearing only one song.
Endlessly, she said... |
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2004 25 March :: 8.50 pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: Lostprophets ~ Last Train Home
Web Journals
It seems I've started something of a trend, with regards to web journals. It started when I gave someone the link to my website (RIP) without realising it linked to my journal, so then she got one, and then all the rest followed. I don't mind at all, it's just odd being a bit of a 'trend-setter.' Not something I'm used to.
Well, journals are great anyway, a vent for your emotions and an account of your day. Still, everyone else seems so free with the URLs. I don't mind giving it out if someone asks, if I haven't written anything that might cause trouble, but I never use names or even nicknames in my writing, which other people aren't so careful about.
Endlessly, she said... |
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2004 25 March :: 7.40 pm
:: Mood: gloomy
:: Music: AFI ~ He who Laughs Last
I had a bizarre yet funny lunchtime today. Normally my friends and I spend all lunch in the school library because there's nowhere else to go (last time we tried to find a new place some townies started throwing water at us,) but this lunch it was closed because of visitors, so we had to find somewhere else to go. We tried all the obvious spots - out in the rain, in the corridor, ect - but that didn't work, so in the end we resorted to the form room of some of my friends. That wasn't great because only they were allowed inside the classroom, the rest of us had to stand outside. Unfortunately, more townies were sat outside, and they thought it would be a great sport to throw food at us, and then quiz my pagan friend about being a witch.
We got our revenge, though. One of us put on 'Sweet Transvestite' from the Rocky Horror Show and danced to it. Towards the townies. You'd have had to have been there to see why it was so funny, the townies ran screaming, and keep their distance now.
All in all, it was highly amusing. Meh, probably back to the library again tomorrow. Not so bad, but not as funny.
Endlessly, she said... |
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2004 24 March :: 9.26 pm
You're Element is Night. You're a loner who is very
creative but never show your work to anyone.
You may smile a little but sadness or
loneliness surround you and other can feel it
when they're near you. You have a dark or
unusual beauty that makes you mysterious and
you probably have a lot of secrets that you've
never told anyone. You're beauty is intriging
and unorthidox but the real thing that makes
you special is your eyes. Something in them
makes them like "Diamonds in the
Rough".
What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)
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Endlessly, she said... |
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