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2004 18 March :: 6.09 pm
:: Mood: bored
Quiz Results ~ For the First Time in Ages!
I think maybe I went a bit too far with 'cutting down on quiz results' and cut them out altogether. But today I will post some:
Nihilist Bear
Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
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You are a black dragon! Master of the shadows and nightmares. People claim you to be evil but you're just misunderstood. You just want to be alone.
Which Dragon resides in your soul? (cool pictures!)
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Geeky Mystery Man: A recluse, an outcast, a pariah, the Geeky Mystery Man can be any or all of these things. Forever underestimated and ridiculed, you are truly one of the most dangerous villains out there, a misunderstood genius who resents his allies as well as his enemiesafter all, your friends are likely as not just using yousame as everyone else always has. Dangerous and bitter, you and the things you create present a real and immediate danger to all around you, unfortunately, more likely than not, you lack the social graces and physical prowess that make so many of your
compatriots so successful. Rarely a leader, you often find yourself relying on the protection or support of thers, at least until you can get your revenge, then you move on, seeking yet another unscrupulous patron.
What Type of Evil Super Villain Would you be? (images)
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And finally this:
(10% Sociability! Go me!)
Advanced Big 30 Personality Test Results
| Take Free Advanced Big 30 Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com
Endlessly, she said... |
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2004 17 March :: 8.56 pm
:: Mood: gloomy
Making An Effort?
Ah, I'm busy doing nothing as usual. I'm signed into MSN Messenger and I'm not even talking to anyone... what a waste of time. I shouldn't say anything about that, though. I just get told 'Well you have to make an effort to talk to people' or something. I don't see the point of making an effort, though, I'm tired of getting no response. It feels like every day I drift further and further from everyone. I still talk, but less and less all the time. What is there to talk about anyway? What do I have in common with my friends at the moment? I'm too quiet and introverted and it's ruining my life at times.
Endlessly, she said... |
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2004 17 March :: 4.55 pm
:: Mood: bored
It's Been a While
A whole six days, in fact. And I missed so much on woohu! Like the site nearly closing down! It makes me feel guilty having this journal while the Andy pays so much to keep the site running, but I guess it's his choice, and I'm very grateful that the site's still going. I'm considering a plus account, or a donation, if my parents will let me. But that would mean telling them I have a web journal and braving the lectures about how they think it's a 'waste of money.' Bloody ridiculous, if you ask me, but my parents don't like me sending money over the internet.
It was my birthday on Friday, and I got a new game for my GBA (Golden Sun: The Lost Age) which distracted me away from the internet for a while. It's an excellent game, except I messed up part of it which I don't think I can salvage, so I have to start again. Not that it matters, really, I sometimes start over for the hell of it, so this isn't that different.
I got four (!!!) CDs for my birthday, which was great, and I now have A Fire Inside EP by AFI, the new Lostprophets album, Valley of the Damned by Dragonforce and a Guns 'n' Roses album, all of which I am very pleased with. They provided even more distraction from the internet, as did the numerous books I got.
I really can't be bothered to write any more just yet, but I'll update later if I remember.
Endlessly, she said... |
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2004 11 March :: 8.47 pm
:: Mood: gloomy
Arsonists, I Salute You!
My school got set on fire today. Someone started it in the English block toilets, and we all stood on the field in the cold for most of lunchtime. My sister told me that all the music practice rooms, and part of the drama and main music rooms were completely wrecked. Unfortunately, they didn't send us all home (maybe they should have - three fire engines were called, along with the police. There were loads of room changes, though, and no one is allowed in the front of the English block. It's a crime scene now.
The only bad part about that, I have to say, is that the arsonists didn't make a better job of it and raze the place to the ground. Now that would have been worthwhile. Next time, they should set the library alight.
The strange thing is, another nearby school had a fire in a bin at exactly the same time, but theirs didn't cause nearly as much damage because it was put out quickly.
Endlessly, she said... |
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2004 9 March :: 8.18 pm
:: Mood: tired
It is amazing. Unbeleivable, almost. I'm doing my maths homework! Hmm... well perhaps that was a little overdramatic, but I haven't done a single piece since...oh, September, October, maybe. And the teacher just figured it out. Well, she didn't really, she just wrote one 'where's the homework' comment in the whole book, regarding one piece of homework. And apparently a lot of people had work missing, and she just assumes it was done on paper then not stuck into my exercise book. Heh, well, I'm doing that homework now, sort-of. I don't think I'll finish it, though. Oh well.
Another strange thing, my sister's upset and she doesn't know why. Oddly enough, I had exactly the same thing, except I've had that since year seven, and I've gone steadily downhill. I don't think she'll sink that far. She'll have to start hiding her behaviour, for a start. Well, it's probably just a fall-out with a friend or she's tired or something, I'm not sure.
Endlessly, she said... |
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2004 9 March :: 4.52 pm
:: Mood: bored
Be Careful With Razor Blades
Almost had a slip-up today, with regards to the self-harm. I was in the library and I was very bored, so I rummaged around in my bag and found a razor blade. I wasn't going to use it, but then as I put it back, I accidentally cut into my right index finger. It went deeper than I though, and it wouldn't stop bleeding (it still oozes a little now, if I move it too much.) Of course, that didn't matter, except than I then noticed a friend of my sister giving me a really funny look. I then explained very clearly, and quite loudly to my friends that it was accidental. Which it was.
Endlessly, she said... |
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2004 8 March :: 9.42 pm
:: Mood: bored
It seems my little suicidal phase is over, temporarily at least. Perhaps that's because I have a non-uniform day tomorrow, or perhaps it's because my mind is in denial with the fact that I have double maths tomorrow. Ah, well... doesn't matter.
Endlessly, she said... |
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2004 7 March :: 7.47 pm
:: Mood: depressed
Suicidal Again
I feel very down at the moment... I don't really know what to say... I was alright for most of today, but it seems my evening depression is setting in again. Right on time, as usual.
I've had even less social interaction than normal this weekend. Even when I go on Messenger no one seems to want to talk to me. I know people always tell me "Well you should start talking to them, then," but I just can't. Every time that though crosses my mind I just go paranoid all of a sudden, and think that if I talk to them they'll just tell me to go away or ignore me. My friends know I can't start a conversation with people as well, which just makes me even more paranoid. I feel as if everyone hates me, but then I remind myself that I'm not worth hating. There's not enough of a soul left in my shell of a body for that.
I'm already dying inside; all I need to finish it is to kill my physical form so then I'll feel nothing at all, and even though I won't be able to benefit from that emptiness, I know I'll be so much better off. But the time isn't right. I'm going to jump, but I haven't found the place yet. When I do find it, I will be calm, because my death will be truly planned.
Endlessly, she said... |
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