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2004 9 January :: 5.18 pm
:: Music: Blind Guardian ~ Under the Ice
A Short, Depressing Entry
The first week of a new term past...and a whole five left until the next holiday (which is only a one-week break.) School was very much bad this week. I've had a whole five days of being almost invisible most of the time. I don't get it. Do I look content all the time? Or do I always look so depressed that people have got used to it and don't notice any more. I doubt anyone cares if I'm depressed or not, though. It's just the usual.
Strangely enough, I haven't cut my arm a single time this week. Maybe that's because people are always in the same room as me when I want to hack my arm apart, maybe it's because I only feel depressed enough to cut myself when people are nearby. I'm betting on the former, to be honest.
Endlessly, she said... |
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2004 7 January :: 3.10 pm
:: Mood: indifferent
New Language
I'm kind of bored, but not as depressed as I have been over the last couple of days. to be honest, I'm more depressed at school than at home (even though it's at home where the depressed rants and wrist-cutting tend to occur.)
I've been printing out a Sindarin dictionary (that's one of Tolkien's elven languages for those confused,) but it's nearly 100 pages long, so my parents are going to murder me when they find out I've used that much paper and ink. Even though I've skipped the first 20 pages, which are more of an introduction than actual dictionary, there's still over 70 pages. I've only printed 20... I'm rationing myself to 10 pages a day now, so that it doesn't look suspicious to the family, but I doubt I'll get away with it.
Oh well, at least I do constructive things with my time (like learn new languages,) unlike certain sisters who enjoy drooling over Orlando Bloom *grabs sick bucket* and talking in chatspeak *cringe!*
I hate chatspeak. It annoys the hell out of me. My grammar and spelling ect. has to be perfect or it annoys me. That could be beinficial if i ever make it as an author, but I have a spellchecker to do that for me anyway.
Endlessly, she said... |
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2004 5 January :: 3.44 pm
:: Mood: thirsty
:: Music: AFI ~ The Leaving Song Pt.II
Today was pretty much as crappy as I expected. And now I have a whole six weeks until half term... life is so depressing.
I'm starting a new topic in art, and this time we get a bit more choice and we focus on the final piece a lot more. I've chosen the 'human emotions' topic, and guess which emotion I've picked... depression! Now I can release some of what's inside me into a piece of art, and I get to use lots of dark, dreary colours like black and grey. I think I'll do a black-and-white pice, maybe in charcoal or graphite because I'm terrible at painting.
I don't have a lot of inspiration with that at the moment, though, I'm more interested in my new webcomic idea. It's about a girl called December, but that's all I'm saying for now...
Endlessly, she said... |
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2004 4 January :: 3.47 pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: AFI ~ God Called in Sick Today
Back to school tomorrow...not good...depressed... And I have all the joy of an RS lesson, amongst other fun.
The only consolations are that I'm on vaguely good terms with someone at school. So one friend perhaps... Oh, and I got my hands on AFI's Black Sails in the Sunset in Kingston the other day, and it's a very good album, and that I've also picked up Blind Guardian's A Night at the Opera.
But still, school is depressing, perhaps to the point of suicidal, though I'm not that bad right now. I don't feel like writing more, I'm too tired and generally depressed.
Endlessly, she said... |
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2004 3 January :: 8.15 pm
:: Mood: thirsty
Isn't life such fun... Back to school on Monday, with my wonderful collection of zero friends and my noisy, stupid form. The only thing to keep me going will be my music, and maybe my art and writing.
I'm back working on my original story idea again, which I wrote the first book of ages ago, then put it down to take a break. Now I'm looking over it again, I can see all my mistakes and the problems with the plot (and there are a lot!) I'm rewriting the prologue and first chapter completely, changing a lot of it, which will affect the whole story. Also, this should help me develop Raven's (the main character) personality a lot more.
Since I plan on spending my lunchtimes as far as possible away from everyone else, I should have plenty of time to work on the book. That is if I'm in a fit state of mind to do anything other than rant and rave by lunch, which is doubtful.
"Please don't ask me what I think, trust me, you don't want to know.
Please don't ask me to open up, trust me. Trust me, 'cause I can't"
~AFI, The Last Kiss
I can relate to some of these lyrics, actually. People either ask my opinion too much, or don't want to know when I offer it. I'm not sure which is better. But I've given up on opinions on anything other than this journal.
I don't want to give my opnions anymore. They're strong, and tend to upset people, from what I've seen, so I suppose they're not worth the bother. And I've found that lately I can't open up properly. I just avoid answering by giving vague, meaningless comments that don't explain anything. I don't want people to know what I think any more.
Endlessly, she said... |
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2003 31 December :: 3.21 pm
:: Mood: aggravated
In Anticipation
I'm bored and irritable right now. Bored because Zetapets ~ a new pet site ~ doesn't open for another eight or nine hours. Irritable because I won't be at my computer then. There's a whole bunch of us just hanging out on the forums there waiting for it to open and counting down the time in minutes and seconds. Strange, it feels so odd talking as 'us.' There's usually just 'me,' but the guys over at Zeta are all nice people, and it's quite cool to have some online sort-of friends.
If I want to be around when the site opens, I'll have to go downstairs, switch all the internet stuff on, then switch my computer on really quietly at 5am, so I don't think I'll be able to pull that off.
Oh well, I have my Golden Sun game and the forums to keep me busy until I get onto the computer tomorrow.
Endlessly, she said... |
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2003 25 December :: 4.22 pm
:: Mood: indifferent
Christmas
Well Christmas hasn't been to bad so far. I got two CDs; which are The Fake Sound of Progress by Lostprophets and The Art of Drownig by AFI. Both CDs are great, especially the AFI one.
I got Golden Sun for my GBA, but the idiot on the till in Game put Golden Sun: The Lost Age in the box, which is the game sequel, so it has to be taken back and changed. I also got lots of books, like every Christmas becuase I can never think of much else, and I got Pirates of the Carribean on video.
Unfortunately, tonight I have to go to my granparents and be forced to play stupid games organised by my uncle, which I normally refuse to do, and then get a lecture about being anti-social.
I have to stop writing now, because my sister is going to demand to go back onto The Sims any moment now. -_-
Endlessly, she said... |
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2003 24 December :: 5.00 pm
I put a pretty image as the header! Look! Ok, it was very unlike me to say something like that. But anyway, I like my little header. I made it on Adobe Photoshop this just now. It has lyrics from my favourite Sing the Sorrow track: Death of Seasons written on it, as well as my journal title and the AFI logo from their website.
I am starting to feel a little guilty about the journal entry below... but I won't get rid of it. I have to finish making Christmas cards now.
Ok, so I want to lay off posting the quiz results, but this one was just funny:
Congratulations! You're Faramir!
Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Endlessly, she said... |
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