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jaganshi

:: 2005 2 June :: 12.49pm

hothellsingpic
you are a..MODERN vampire. you are pretty much in
the middle of good and evil. you dont mind
humans, but you like going along with your
insticts as well. you show your opposite sides
at very different times. you can be kind and
merciful, but suddenly harsh and cold. you
sometimes make a game of it. are you kidding?
are you serious? one wrong step and who knows!
you love tranquill water, going with the flow.
you are pretty nutral


what kind of vampire are you?(hellsing pics)
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jaganshi

:: 2005 1 June :: 9.35pm

I'll be back in Plymouth in a little over a week.
I'm wondering who I'll see. If I'll get to introduce Brian to my arch-nemesis who really isn't as much of a threat as a nemesis ought to be. She certainly shouldn't be my nemesis anymore, but hey. Love fades. The hatred you felt for love's crack dealer will never die.

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jaganshi

:: 2005 29 May :: 1.05pm

I break my temporary silence to announce one thing to the world:

It has been one year since I've seen Caleb, or even heard his voice.
First of many, I hope.

Here we go! Go! Hashiri tzuzukeru...
dare ni mo tomerare wa shinai
mirai no jibun e to give a reason for life todoketai...

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jaganshi

:: 2005 27 May :: 7.09pm

Enough! The lot of you!

Why must I constantly be expected to divulge personal information on command to make someone else feel better? I will not be made to feel guilty for the way I choose to live. If I lie, it's because I have a damn good reason. I can't trust you people!

To the bloggers: When you read my posts just to give yourself a grain of hope that maybe you're not the most fucked up person alive, I hope I can offer you that. When you read my posts because you're looking for someone to pity, I hope you die. When you read my posts because you want me to read yours, fuck you. Everyone. Everyone who reads and says nothing, everyone who replies to entries that mean something with silly juvenile bullshit. Everyone who thinks that the worst thing that could happen to a person is people might not like you. People might not accept you. People might think you're a whiny little bitch who has nothing to say except mindless appeals for pity.

To the anonymous lurkers: If you have something to say, say it. Don't pussyfoot around because you want me to spend that much more time thinking over just what you have to tell me.

To my friends: There aren't many of you. But you know who you are. You are important. Fuck the people who don't know me and are comfortable with that. You listen to me bitch, and I try to make sure I'm listening when you need the same.

To the people I know over the internet and actually communicate with(namely RPGWWers): Without you I'd probably have no one to talk to. I can talk about politics or the worship of pastagami or my budding interest in video games. Any number of things. You are also important.

I'll be back with the blogging foolishness. When I have something more to say to any of you. It won't be as long as I think it'll be because I'm just pissed right now. I'll get over it.
Meanwhile, I'm going to restrict communication to people who actually talk back.

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jaganshi

:: 2005 26 May :: 8.55pm

You may ask me one question. But I always lie.
There's nothing inherently wrong with lying. On the other hand, it could be considered the only real evil in existence.

Chibikeriana and I are having a conversation about sincerity in terms of being accepted at school. Here's my unabridged rant in all its glory:
I never thought of it as fear of negative reprisals, but rather in terms of the potential rewards of manipulation. A little prevarication here, a few windows washed there, and teachers don't question anything else they see. All they want is to believe that kids are okay. If you can help them do that, they'll get you anywhere you want to go.
I figure it's better to live a lie than sit at home for the rest of my life contemplating a sincere suicide because I'm sincerely dissatisfied with the way things have gone for me.
A lie is often better than nothing. As much as I value the truth, in my experience the only ones who know what it is are the ones who are forced to contrast it with something. As much as you can apply the laws of economics to abstract concepts, the more scarce truth is, the more people realize how important it is.
I tell the absolute truth to one person. Everything else is a lie. And I like it that way. The way I live is the way I live. I lie. The sooner people accept that, the sooner we can all live in happy bunny peace and harmony.

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