It's incredibly horrifying to become acquainted with the person you were so many years ago. Moreover, it is a marvelous experience that I recommend everyone doing. If you can overcome the embarrassment of your own adolescence then the noted milestones and allotted progress you've made really feeds into your personal development. It's a thrill.

April Fools
I tried making an entry earlier this week, but my computer crashed and I got fed up and didn't try for another good couple of days. Then I realized I better try again, only to remember this journal means nothing to me now. And then I thought, after all the previous thinking beforehand, I'm really bored. So here's your entry. Enjoy.

In seven days it'll be Aleks and I's 4th month. "Yay!" Spring break is drawing a sad conclusion and I'm delaying this god-awful Tech. Ed. article I have to type up. "...boo." plus this Joseph Cornell thing I haven't even begun to do for Art Class. I'm not in the mood for Joseph Cornell. This guy could put his entire life in a shoe box. How am I suppose to do that when mine's not even halfway over? (...Hopefully)


It's over!

How time's changed.
I can't even recall the last time I updated this thing. This site has changed drastically. I think I liked it better the old way...
Well, where to start?
My holidays were great. My family had a miracal and everyone behaved wonderfully. No fighting or storming out of the house. Even my mom stopped by to say merry christmas. School wise I can say I'm going beyond expectations. The only class I struggle in is Tech. Ed, darn those mouse trap cars. My life is great right now and I can't restrain from saying I found the most perfect person I've ever met. But the last thing I want to do is ramble on about how great this 6'2"-adult swim watching-sweedish fish loving-beatles adoring-long haired Latvian is to me, because other things must be addressed first. Me online is a rare thing and I apologize to everyone I haven't talked to recently. I wish I did get online more, but I just can't spare the time. Hopefully this entry will satisfy my absence.

Oh! I'm proud to say I finally kick started my scanner up and have a picture of myself to send to everyone. I've already sent it to Ashmo, but I wanted to wait until I talked to someone else before I did anymore sending.

I can't say much more without referring to things no one else would find relatively interesting, so I'll end this overdue entry with I miss everyone from my online 24/7 days, and right now I couldn't be any happier with my life.

Just thought I'd cut the red tape.
I thought I'd never update this thing again. Surprise, surprise.

Hm...
I went homecoming-dress shoping this weekend with Corinne and Molly. I ended up buying a purple-strapless thing with a flower on it. It's rather modest compared to how I just described it. I like it a lot, anyway, and that's all that really matters. Last night I went to the pool hall with Brian, Kevin, Brent, and two other people I didn't know until last night. I learned how to play pool correctly and saw Audra. Audra is such a cool kid. Now I get to go to Brian's football game and somehow between that and tonight finish doing GT English reading record cards, art homework and "the week that was..." for History.

Oh! And I think my dad got a job he's actually going to keep for longer than 2 weeks this time! What a shocker.

My basement walls smell like wet cat litter.
Tomorrow is the first day back to school. There isn't any unsettled nerves this year, which I found surprising. I know a lot of people in my classes and I have Mrs. Anderson for Fine Arts again. So, hurrah.

There is unrest in the forest. There is trouble with the trees. For the maples want more sunlight and the oaks ignore their pleas...

I've been listening to a lot of Rush lately. Not now, obviously. But recently I've been wearing out "The Spirit of Radio." Geddy Lee's voice is an instrument of it's own.

My dad got another job. Impressive, isn't it?... Three different jobs in the past month and a half. What an overachiever, I tell you.

Sarcasm can only go so far before it tips the glass over and hits the thirsty floor.

Fishcakes
The ground seems to be rotating quicker than I'm walking lately. I'm tripping over memories and ordeals of no concern. I can't focus on the smell of the air or the sound of the wind; the heavy oxygen riding down my lungs stir my insides and promote idle thoughts not needed in my system.

Oh, and I changed my screen name. For all who knew it, it is now: Ephemeral Relics@aol.com

I guess that whole "We're getting DSL!" bit from my dad has been either forgotten or not happening. That's okay. The sky is dripping apple syder and the ketchup trees are running high this season.

That monkey-thing on the top left hand corner needs to be shot in the face.
Hello, Jim Morrison. I changed my icon. "Yey!"

Today I worked. Thrilling, is it not? My highlight was sitting in the dark under my desk eating soup crackers during my 30-minute break.

But then Moses came with Abraham and let all the animals cross the sea of time... And it was finally 5:00. When I got home Corinne and I went running for a good while. She's a lot quicker than me and her pace never dies-unlike mine. But that's okay. We walked to the pool afterwards and only Ben and Alex where there, whom were leaving anyway.

So then Jesus built a time machine and sucked up all the starlight.

Ouch. My throat is burning like liquid fire.
-I've become addicted to Swedish Metal. I started listening to it thanks to John and Corinne, and I love it.

-I'm not even half way done my summer reading.

-I'm getting rid of AOL

-And that's it.

Yey!

Why not?
Your guess is as good as mine as to why I'm listening to Macy Gray. Her voice is so relaxing...

I broke it off with Ryan. We're remaining friends and whatnot- I just wasn't ready for him. He was a senior, afterall, so it's not like I didn't see this coming. I'm glad he respected my choice, and I'm glad I understood that I can't be what he wanted.

All-in-all, life is good. The olympic trials are on again tonight. I've grown an interest in watching track & field and swimming.

He liked to keep his fire engine clean. It's a clean machine...
Today was an off day. I completely missed the target. Not like there was any initial target, anyway. My days have no goals nor limits. I've got all this uncertainty and no where to put it.

Lady Madonna, children at your feet- Wonder how you manage to make end's meat?


Oh, John Lennon. Why'd you have to go and die on me? Ringo and George, too. Music connects directly with mood. Yesterday my mood was Black Sabbath and Iron Maiden. Today it's The Beatles and Mozart.
Go figure.

Hypodermic Media?

In nomine patri et filii et spiriti sanctum
I'm not exactly sure how I talked myself into it, but I ended up going to to movies tonight with some people who I really dislike. Though, of course, I couldn't remember that important fact until it was all too late. We saw Shrek 2, which was a complete waste of six dollars. Why did I go? I told myself I didn't like these people, I wouldn't like the movie, and that I'd probably end up sitting four rows away from them by the end of it all. Two of which actually came true due to me having to pee so bad that I didn't want to get up. Anyway, when we were out of the theatre they then decided to go over whats-his-face's house, where I was definately not going. So, what do they do? They leave me waiting for Jimmy of all people to come pick me up at 10:45 at the very heart of Towson. I think next time I'd rather just walk home. Alas, I was left six dollars down, a pounding headache thanks to Jimmy's blasting Modest Mouse, and a bruise on my elbow from when I fought for the arm rest against Anthony. And lost.

I'm afraid I can't help it; I'm afraid I can-
This is such a great song...

This weekend I spent most my time up at the pool. It's so convenient being only three streets away. I ran a little, too.

Wow. Such detail.
I'm leaving now.

If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice.
Okay. I was abducted by my mom. That's my excuse, and that's what I'm sticking with because the truth is just way too long to explain. Plus, I really don't feel like talking about it. So I won't. The end.

On the trail of finding myself, this is what I found:

Layer.one
Name:	Renee
Birthdate:	April 26th, 1989
Birthplace:	Baltimore
Current location:	Baltimore...
Eyes:	Blue
Hair:	Blonde
Height:	4'11"
Righty or Lefty:	Average Righty
Zodiac Sign:	Taurus
Layer.two
Your heritage:	French, Russian, and a little dutch
Your weakness:	Guilabilty because I want to trust people, so I do, and sometimes it gets thrown back at me
Your shoes you wore today:	Brown flip-flops with some shells I glued on them
Your fears:	For my life to be some sick illusion
Your perfect pizza:	Cookies and cream ice-cream smeared high enough to mistake it for a cake, and be fat-free
Goal you'd like to achieve:	To build a bullet-proof hut in the Amazon and live there for the rest of my days
Layer.three
Your thoughts first waking up:	What time it is
Your best physical feature:	I like my eyes
Your bedtime:	When I fall asleep?
Your most missed memory:	Kindergarden
Layer.four
Pepsi or Coke:	Neither
McDonald's or Burger King:	Neither
Single or group dates:	Depends with who
Adidas or Nike:	Either
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Nestea
Chocolate or vanilla:	Vanilla
Cappuccino or coffee:	Cappuccino
Layer.five
Smoke:	Unwanted second-hand
Cuss:	No need to
Sing:	To myself
Take showers daily:	Yes
Have a crush:	No
Think you've been in love:	If what I've got is love, I sure hope not
Want to go college:	Eventually
Want to get married:	Yes
Believe in yourself:	At times
Get motion sickness:	Yes
Think you're attractive:	It's all in perspective, everyone as some beauty and some ugly
Think you're a health freak:	I'd call it nutritionally disciplined
Get along with your parents:	On occasion
Like thunderstorms:	Yes
Play an instrument:	Not anymore
Layer.six - in the past months
Gone to the mall:	Two weeks ago with Alex and Corinne
Eaten an entire box of Oreos:	Never
Eaten sushi:	Never
Been on stage:	If you consider putting your hands on stage at The Recher while 10 Mile Drift were playing, then yes
Gone skating:	Not lately
Made homemade cookies:	No
Gone skinny dipping:	Never
Dyed your hair:	Once; just the tips
Stolen anything:	Nothing from a store
Label.seven - ever..
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated:	Tipsy is the word
Been called a tease:	Yes, actually
Got beaten up:	Not seriously, or even mildly
Layer.eight
Age you hoped to be married:	Middle Twenties would be nice
Number and name of children:	One or two, and I really like the name Atticus
Dream wedding:	One of those ten-minute stands at Los Vegas or somewhere like that. Nothing big
How do you want to die:	Either from age or being stabbed. I want to feel my death because it symbolises the last phase in life, and without death you've never really lived
Where do you want to attend college:	Maryland University would be ideal, but I think it's out of my reach
Dream job:	Write two books, earn millions, and never work another day in my life
Country you want to visit:	Africa. Not sure why, just Africa.
Layer.nine - In a guy/girl...
Best eye color:	Light brown or green. Something I can stare into and never get tired of
Best hair color:	Either brown or black
Short or long hair:	If the guy can work long hair, I think that looks best
Height:	Would never matter
Best weight:	Thin- but not too thin
Best clothing:	Anything
Best first date location:	I went to a carnival for mine, and after three rides I puked right on the guy. So, with that said, anywhere but a carnival
Best first kiss location:	Mine was at the bottom of my stairwell. If I think I had to re-do it, it would be there again
Layer.ten
Number of drugs taken illegally:	Directly into me, zero. Second-hand, no idea.
Number of people I could trust with my life:	Three
Number of CDs that I own:	Sixty-Four
Number of piercings:	Four
Number of tattoos:	Zero
Number of times my name's been in the news:	Once
Number of scars on my body:	One
Number of things in my past that I regret.:	Too many to track

Layers brought to you by BZOINK!

Disatisfaction of my concocted flame.
Scott's disappointing me, and he knows it. What disappoints me the most is I think he doesn't care that he's disappointing me. He says he doesn't know anymore, but I do. I do, and I don't think I'm going to tell anyone. Alex has been giving me odd looks, and I think he knows, too. I pray to anything up there not. I don't want to end up like my mother. I don't want to be another brick in the wall, either. Right now, though, I'm not even that. Hiccup my hibiscus hotel from its roots of metal and stain the walls white until they're a bloody taste of steel. Potential revolution made itself comfy on my couch.