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2005 7 January :: 4.56 pm
livinginaworldofpeopleisstilllonely
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2004 31 December :: 9.14 pm
:: Mood: depressed
changes
I was hoping a change in the journal's outlook might prompt me more to update.
It's about time I changed the emotion anyway, don't you agree?
Still testing the colors, hopefully they go.
I hate the holidays.
No festive spirit.
No happiness.
I don't eat.
I don't really sleep.
I'm stuck with the family.
I don't see friends.
I feel un-good.
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2004 26 December :: 11.10 pm
:: Mood: curious
Aloha Hello, Aloha Goodbye.
I'm going up to visit relatives for the next few days.
This trip will be fun. Painful, painful fun.
With Love.......
~*~
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2004 24 December :: 9.48 pm
:: Mood: pissed
geez - when is there ever a break?
Let me take this opportunity to state that I hate breaks.
Or in other words, the only thing good about breaks is not having the stress of school.
Holidays suck.
Alright I'm done.
Oh, and Merry 'Eve everyone.
With love...
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2004 21 December :: 10.39 pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: "Meant to Live" ~Switchfoot
tsk tsk tsk
I find it insanely difficult to find time and will to update.
Not cool.
How do you do it Amanda?
With love..
~*~
2 wave goodbye. |
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2004 20 December :: 8.18 pm
:: Mood: unknown
:: Music: the static in my head
?
Something's wrong when I drive 60 down that road with the bridge in my neighborhood.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I feel rather weighed down with a question.
Not sure. Not sure.
....are we friends?
true friends, actual real friends, friend friends
~*~
2 wave goodbye. |
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2004 16 December :: 7.34 pm
:: Mood: lost
lost
We are all afraid to love because we are afraid that what we love may leave someday.
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2004 16 December :: 1.28 am
:: Mood: lost
...
I'm suddenly intensely sad.
I feel like I've drifted again. Of course I have, isn't that what I always do? But no, this time it's like....I've drifted from friends, but it's accepted and I'm not entirely wanted back.
It's like...I'm gone from that group....and it doesn't really matter. Not like I figured it would matter since in my head it doesn't....but feeling it like this is different. In my head being...before. Now in my head it does matter. It's down to the last few months. This isn't how I want it to be. I want to be in with the group. I want to know what's up. I want to be friends like we were once.
But yet again, I don't know what to do. I've told myself it's all about IMing them. Maybe if I IMed them once every day we'd get back into the swing. But...I have nothing to talk about. Such fear.
I feel like it's the wrong me they see now. They should know better, some of them have seen deeper sides of me than most. But what can I do?
Drifting.
Drifting.
Drifted.
Gone.
Shall I just call it fine as it is now and let them all go?
It will be the end, I am sure.
But even if I tried, the end would still be inevitable.
Easier to give up.
More painful to give up.
Easy. Pain.
When have I ever cared how much I'm hurt?
With Love.
~*~
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2004 14 December :: 10.57 pm
:: Mood: anxious
boulevard of broken dreams
I'm not doing too well lately.
I really want to write in my journals...I have everything planned out as to what I want to type.....and then it gets down to me sitting here and I can't get myself to type. It's fun.
Courtney: but one good thing happend to me
Courtney: i gave up all my christmas presents to help out these 4 people (we have an angel tree in school and i picked 4 angels off of the tree and in order to help them i had to give up my christmas presents) and to me knowing that i put a smile on someone's face is much more precious to me than getting christmas gifts
How amazing is that?
Andrei IMed her and told her how godly amazing he felt that was. Scared her, but when I explained he was just a crazy friend whom I had shared that clip with, she said it made her day better and was quite happy afterwards.
Andy hasn't been online for a long while. Neither has Denver. Both came on twice this week and I've we've at least exchanged greetings.
Sometimes I wonder about Glenn. He's promised several times that he would be returning within the next few months. I think they keep him detained in Iraq. He has a son, a family. Many of them over there do.
This war is pointless now.
School keeps screwing me over. It's rather entertaining to take a step back and examine all it's done.
Second to last time I officially march with my bass drum. :'(
Lots of people have been accepted into colleges. Congrats!
Here's that survey I stole from Amanda who stole from someone else.
It's quite interesting and surprising, the things I've done and the things I haven't. Least I enjoyed this survey.
Read more..
Aye, not the most interesting life either. A bit extreme things in there (not like that, geez, traveling mainly). Lots still I should try.
With love.....
~*~
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2004 30 November :: 7.17 pm
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: type...type...type
ladidadida
I am so Mrs. Schilit's 2nd period student aid!!
^________^
(props to Krystle for prompting me to get her)
Mrs. Timberlake will also be out of school Wed and Thurs for the same meeting stuff Kelly is in. (insider info, I'm just cool like that ^.~) I was talking to her after school (I have a missing grade! So pissed... it's a big huge F and it's bringing my grade down!) and she was like, How do you know this?! It was really funny. She says we'll be doing yucky stuff in class while she's gone. Well, actually she said we'd be writing commentary stuff on two passages from Hamlet. I'm the one that referred to it as yucky. I love Hamlet and Shakespeare, but I so don't want to write commentary stuff on it. Oh wait... group work! Yay!
Yeah, I'm a dork and am sitting in the FAU library typing this. I feel just like Kyu... >.<
Don't tell her I said that.
There are so many people here..
So tired...
Don't want to fix my EE...
Can't..
make me....
-.-
zzzZzZZzZZZz
Shelly's here with me! Yay! I found her when I walked in. She was telling me this really funny story about how she had trouble parking (was crazy enough to try and park in the lots instead of the garage like me (aka a smart person)) and how she finally found this really tiny parking spot with the curb but couldn't come in right so she backed up and pulled in for like 10 minutes and finally this foreign kid who was watching her came up and waved his arms and tried to direct in the right way to pull into that spot (insert foreign accent here). She was all stressed and exasperated when she told me (well, I laughed at her..).
Yes, I'm procrastinating. Bleh.. don't want to write.... ehhhhhh. Grr.
I went to Jamba Juice before I came here! Yay! (Yes, that's another yay :P) Got a big strawberry-lemonade-ish thing with an energy boost in an attempt to stay awake. Don't think it's working too well.
Oh, I talked to Kelly again today. Vented some more about band. She said I could always go to her and vent. I told her I was tired of venting, I wanted something done about it. Something.
We do have a senior concert right? My idea now is....since we can't have Sleigh Ride for this concert, why don't we add it to that one? It'd make me happy. I'm sick of giving up things without a fight. I'm sick of being made feel inferior, less than ants, an idiot, and all the rest because I ask for consideration or explanation. Bleh. [/end rant]
Until my next bout of boredom...
With love...
~*~
4 wave goodbye. |
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2004 23 November :: 9.54 pm
:: Mood: indescribable
:: Music: whatever the compy plays me
stretched until my soul rips
*segways into posting again*
I know.. I know.. it's been like... a month and a half since a post. I don't know what's wrong with me. I haven't been updating in any of my journals. I'll put emailed stories into the xanga one, but that's it.
I'm hoping it just has to do with my lack of time..
So! Yes! Umm.. Hmm.
Not too much has been going on...
My computer outright died on me. So pissed off. It's got to have some open portal somewhere because all this crappy spyware and ad stuff keeps getting onto it. Adaware is my new bestest friend in the whole wide world though. I run it like.... every other hour.. computer keeps slowing down. Argh.
All this work we're getting is pleasant. I really pray I can pull my EE together this weekend... that's one piece of crappy work. And the World Lit.. And the TOK oral (gimme ideas! GRRRARGH).. and and and.
I feel the need to curse up a storm. I hate cursing. Grrrr
Ho hum. Everyone's been sick lately. :(
Seems my family is planning a rather elaborate Thanksgiving. That would be, of course, my mom. Given we've had a beautiful dining room my whole life, I've never once sat down in those chairs at that table for any other purpose then to feel what that chair feels like every now and then. But apparently this Thursday, we are not only going to sit in those chairs at that table... we are going to EAT at the the table. Scariness. Nice food too, not like mom's cooked any Thanksgiving food in the past oh... 5, 6 years, but this is no Boston Market.
With love as always...
~*~
1 wave goodbye. |
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2004 30 September :: 10.23 pm
:: Mood: pained
:: Music: Dashboard Confessional
both candidates are stupid.. why can't we just get stuff done and done well?
I went to the allergist today to get tested. They told me they would be using patches. Now they tell me they don't use patches. They didn't use patches. They used needles. I hate needles. Once again I nearly passed out. Last time they took my blood. No warning for that either.
I seem to be rather allergic to carrots. Slightly allergic to chocolate and milk. I have to go back 2 more times for more shots to see what else.
I was in so much low aggravating pain that I couldn't go out tonight and hang with Amalia and Amanda and Lauren and them. Most upset.
I have more to say... Been a while since I've said anything.... But what can I say? People... people don't like.. people..
I keep losing.
Haven't done much work with all this break. Especially behind on college stuff. I just don't want to mess up.
With love..
~*~
3 wave goodbye. |
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2004 20 September :: 9.20 pm
:: Mood: despondent
:: Music: Erik's Emo-Indie Mix
popcorn vs. donut
I may be back.. I don't know why I was away.. Must've been that hurricane and time off of school.
Well let's see.. what's new..
I've a new laptop which all of you has seen now has AOL 9.0! Out of beta! Yeah baby! However right this instant it doesn't connect to the internet and I've kicked it and everything. So I'm back on my old computer which feels impossibly slow now.
I also have a new tv which is a rather nice plasma with tivo. I have no idea why we got these things.. I think they're birthday/christmas gifts..
I found my new haven. It's a used/old bookstore that is absolutely brilliant. I love it there. Amanda you would die. ^.~
Did you say you liked the old editions of the Anne McCaffrey because of their cover art? Say around 1977..?
I bought this awesome booko by Reader's Digest: How to do Just About Anything. It literally tells you how to do just about everything!! Maybe I should bring it in.. Amanda, I think you said before how to clean books? What was it you recommended for the Syo manga?
Also, I found this book which was in poor condition there, so my next thought was instantly eBay!
The Dictionary of Imaginary Places
With love..
~*~
1 wave goodbye. |
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2004 21 August :: 11.33 pm
My Serendipity List
This is my new project. I want these books.
Must. Have.
Meep.
Bangalee
Buttermilk
Buttermilk Bear
Butterwings
Cap'n Smudge
Catundra*
Crabby Gabby
Creole
Crickle Crack
Dragolin
Fanny-
Feather Fin
Flutterby
Flutterby Fly
Frazzle
Gabby*
Gigglesnitcher
Glitterby Baby
Grampa Lop
Hucklebug
In Search of the Saveopotomus*
Jake O'Shawnasey
Jalopy
Jingle Bear
Kartusch
Kiyomi
Lady Rose
Leo the Lop
Leo the Lop Tail Two
Leo the Lop Tail Three
Little Mouse on the Prairie
Maui Maui
Maynard's Mermaid
Memily
Ming Ling
Minikin
Misty Morgan
Morgan and Me
Morgan and Yew
Morgan Mine
Morgan Morning
Mumkin
Napoleon's Rainbow
Nitter Pitter
Persnickety
Pish Posh
Poppyseed
Raz-Ma-Taz
Rhubarb
Sadie
Sassafrass
Serendipity
Shimmeree
Snaffles-
Sniffles
Squabbles
Squeakers
Tail of Three Tales
Tee Tee
The Dream Tree
The Gnome from Nome
The Grumpling
The Muffin Muncher
The Wheedle on the Needle*
Tickle's Tale
Trafalgar True
Trapper
Zippity Zoom
Sooty Foot+
The Puddle Pine+
Gigglesnitcher+
* Think I have but can't find...
- Not found on Amazon.com
+ Serendipity but not listed on knowledgable sites
2 wave goodbye. |
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2004 21 August :: 4.08 pm
:: Mood: busy
under the law - silence is consent
Well this week sped by! My classes are pretty okay.. I enjoy organic chemistry like I expected. Dalsass teaches better than Swanson which I knew. I answered a few things right in history and I was so happy! Hehe The rest are all right.. Timberlake's fun. Zippolo's doing better. Lerner's gonna die along with Crocco. Yeah.
I have this issue of Newsweek International from China and it's got a section on what it's the best to be in certain countries. So I decided that every day of TOK I'll go through one of them. MUAHAHAHA It's kinda fun. Yesterday was Technocrat - China.
I'ma eating popcorn now! So yummy. :)
Olympics! We're winning! We're winning! I need to watch more of this..
Not too much else to say... my mind's bouncing around on all these things I should get done.
Productivity. It's a weird thing.
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