Writing & Love Paper
First day of classes and I got an assignment for a 6,000 word paper. We had to write any 6,000 words, they didn't even have to be in English, and he's not collecting it. About half of it ended up being a huge journal entry, so I figured I might as well post it in the journal. So here's the first 3,500 words, written last night and today.


In my infinite ability to procrastinate, I have left this 6,000 word assignment go until less than 48 hours before it is due. Frankly, I’m surprised I’m starting it this early. To be fair, I am writing while watching Cruel Intentions. Who names a kid Sebastian anyway?

Classes have started, and they seem to be going well enough. Writing and Love, well, we’ve only had one class, yet I have more homework for that class than any of the others put together. It’s not the kind of homework that I mind though. I kind of enjoy an excuse to write every day, even if it’s about matters as trivial as I know this paper is going to include. I’m really not much of a writer at all, but maybe I will be at the end of the semester. Even as I write that sentence I doubt it. I think my mind is more geared towards science and math than towards more creative things like writing, art, etc. I have just kind of been using writing as a means by which to vent frustrations and organize thoughts. The more I write in my journal (my “nonline” journal, which isn’t published for most of my friends to see), the more depressed and angry I think it is. I don’t consider myself a very angry person at all, but I keep bitching about stuff in my journal. I think these past two weeks have just included more small frustrations than usual. I haven’t been writing about crises like last year, rather more minor conflicts that aren’t important enough to bring to the person’s/people’s attention(s). As far as other classes go, Social Problems is exceedingly boring. The teacher is very young and has a thick accent; he spends most of his time reading verbatim from his notes, which I assume come straight from the book. I assume because I haven’t cracked open the book yet. Actually, I haven’t cracked open any books yet. I think that may catch up to me in the form of a chem quiz Tuesday and a bio test February 3rd. However, Rohald, the Social Problems professor, has admitted that chapter one is boring, and he has promised that the class gets much more interesting after most of the definitions are out of the way. I haven’t decided yet if I believe him or not. Bonus points for the class because Joakim Noah is in it. Though I try to avoid it, I too fall victim to the celebrity syndrome. I don’t know that his presence will make me go to the class though. It seems pretty easy, and it is at 8:30 in the morning, three times a week. That’s probably just not worth going to. I think it’s going to turn out a lot like wildlife issues last semester, which turned out to be one of the best classes I’ve taken, if only because I ended up with a 102% without showing up. Hopefully Social Problems goes the same way.

Chem is pretty much what I expected. My professor is like a cartoon character. He sounds a lot like Wallace Shawn (the voice of Rex from Toy Story), and he constantly makes over-the-top bad jokes. For example, when we were learning about ICE tables, he said, “This subject’s cool, man. …Get it, cool?” Crickets. A cartoon character is the only way that I can think to describe him. He’s just so exaggerated and over the top with everything he does. As far as Bio goes, I wish my bio teacher were as entertaining as my chem teacher. He gives us all the notes in advance, so as to lower motivation to go to class, not to mention actually listening as he drones on. In addition, he uses PowerPoint, so he keeps the lights down. It’s one of the hardest classes to stay awake in. There are little to no consequences for not paying attention, and my lack of motivation is really coming through. That’s bad, though, because I need good grades in sciences. This is the first professor that I’ve had that is remotely like the professors I had envisioned before taking any college courses. He seems moderately uninterested in actually teaching, I think he just took the job for the research opportunities. He was going on the other day about this theory he and his wife have about mutations in mitochondria causing aging. I don’t know, I wasn’t really listening. Bio lab doesn’t start until next week, so I haven’t gotten a taste of that yet, but I got a full dose of chem lab. The actual lab was alright, it wasn’t too bad. The bad part came in the fact that I had to work with Navela. I don’t really mind her all that much, but we weren’t exactly friends in high school, and we haven’t spoken since May, so it was a little awkward. To make it worse, she didn’t bring her lab manual, because she didn’t read the syllabus, so she spent the entire time just copying out of mine. I don’t usually mind all that much when people copy my stuff, or at least that’s what I tell other people, I guess, because this certainly rubbed me the wrong way. I think it was just the fact that she did it constantly for three straight hours.

Well, I’ve just written almost a thousand words, and have yet to say anything interesting.

I haven’t felt very interesting lately, just kind of there. I haven’t been doing much but going to classes and reading. I can’t get my nose out of those damn Harry Potter books, so I spent about three hours today writing a fan fiction. I don’t even write fan fiction. But I guess I have now, as it’s currently about 4,000 words. But it should help me with this assignment, as I plan on tacking on the end of 2,000 words of rambling. I wish I could write more creative stuff. I enjoy fiction writing; I just get frustrated at the fact that I have so much trouble coming up with interesting stories. I have no problem writing things that I think are masterpieces, until I have trouble staying awake to reread them. Tonight Liz was very interested in my fanfic, but I think maybe that gives me false hope. It’s not even like I want to become a published author or anything, I just want to come up with a story that I really enjoy writing. Not a fanfic, something that I have come up with. Maybe if I think about it more actively, now that I know it’s something I want to do, something that I enjoy doing. The problem that I keep running into though is that I just suck at creative writing. I’m decent at writing essays, but anything that’s not guided to some extent just becomes incredibly dull and boring. Then I wonder if it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. I think if I can just come up with one character and his/her situation, I’ll be able to go from there.

My biggest stressor the past few weeks has been my lack of roommate for the fall. I had a great plan, until Kim got rejected from UF. It’s getting very difficult to find someone that I want to live with, who wants to live with me, and likes large, hyper dogs. I’ve gotten plenty of offers to live with people, but all of them on campus. Hopefully I’ll be able to put an ad up on the prevet club web page or something. Otherwise I’m not really sure where to go from here. I definitely do not want to live on campus again, because I need to bring Sasha with me. Every time I go to the prevet club meetings, I am a little jealous of the people who bring their dogs with them. I want to bring Sasha with me. I love going places with her, and she loves getting out. If I can find a roommate for next year I know I’ll have so much fun with her in Gainesville. Sometimes I think of how I lived for 14 years before I got a dog, since I’m having such difficulty doing it now. Then I remember the countless conversations I had with my parents over those years. I don’t know that you could call them conversations, actually. I was desperate. I just have to have a dog. That’s it. Fish are nice, but GusGus doesn’t hold a candle to Sasha, obviously. I’ve thought about getting something with fur, but Hilary is allergic to pretty much everything, and most furry things that I could keep in the dorm are nocturnal. It wouldn’t be fair.

I’m quickly running out of things to write about. I am just that boring.

In March I am hopefully traveling to Michigan State to go to the prevet symposium. It sounds really amazing. It’s pretty much a convention of about 600 prevet students from around the country. “Attendees will experience dynamic laboratories and lectures, interactions with other pre-vet students, and a chance to further their understanding of the role of veterinarians across the globe.” Saturday is filled with two labs and four lectures, and I’ve looked through the programs and chosen some I’d like to check out. Here’s the short list:
Dealing with Parvovirus in Dogs - Overview of the diagnosis, treatment and prevention of parvovirus.
Intestinal Foreign Bodies in Cats and Dogs - Intestinal obstruction due to the ingestion of various objects can cause life-threatening issues in dogs and cats. The diagnosis, and surgical cure will be presented.
Zoo and Wildlife Medicine and Management - The veterinarian's role in zoo and wildlife related careers, with focus on required training, responsibilities, and job opportunities.
Ethics and Veterinary Medicine - Ethical issues you will face as a student, a practicing clinician, and a member of an important public profession. Issues range from docking tails to cloning racehorses.
Animal Welfare Assessment - Discussion of different animal welfare indicators, and the impact to animals.
The Business of Being a Veterinarian - Exploration of what you need to know about business to be successful in a veterinary practice.
Out of those lectures I’d have to choose four, assuming that it will line up right in the schedule. I’ll have to check on that. The labs I have figured out, and I hope that I can do both of them.
Zoo Tour and Darting - A tour of a local zoo and the opportunity to practice darting.
Basics of Suture Tying - Come learn the basic suture patterns and act like a doctor.
I’m really excited about these programs, so I’m really hoping I can go. I brought it up to the parents this weekend, and they seem to be in favor of my attendance. The problem is going to be in the fact that it costs about $450 to go because of the plane fare. I think I can cover most of it with my earnings from winter break substituting, and maybe the rest can come from my National Merit stipend. Hopefully my parents will pay for at least some, but I can’t realistically expect them to do that. I’m just glad that I worked a bit during winter break, rather than sitting at home doing nothing.

During my phone conversation yesterday, my mom also mentioned that Gayle contacted her about my plans for the summer; “recruiting” I believe were her words. I had to tell her to let them know I’m not really sure about the summer. I feel like I should, but, I mean, honestly, it’s January. It’s not even the end of January, it’s the middle of January. I still haven’t made a decision about taking Organic Chemistry over the summer. I know it’s probably in my best interest to take it then, but I frankly just don’t want to stay in Gainesville all summer. The grass is always greener, I suppose. For some reason, there are more stresses living alone that replace the stress of parents. Plus, a lot of my friends will be home this summer, and I didn’t get to spend a lot of time with them over winter break. I really would like to work camp again this summer, not to mention the fact that I’d be making $2/hour more than I did last summer. I do, however, need to get a job with a vet, preferably Boca Greens. I’m going to go over spring break and see if they’ll hire me for May. I was thinking perhaps I can work part time at camp, and then can fill in the time with Boca Greens. It will all depend on what they’re willing to hire me for. I don’t necessarily like the idea of working two jobs over the summer, but I’d enjoy both jobs, and I wouldn’t complain about having the extra cash, especially since it’s not cheap to get an apartment. The rent shouldn’t be too bad, but I’d also have to furnish it, and take care of Sasha.

I was thinking yesterday about when I was substituting during winter break, and the kids seemed to be so confused as to whether I was a kid or an adult. They must have asked me twenty times if I was married or if I had children. I think in kid-world there are kids and there are parents. I was their teacher, so I couldn’t be a kid, but I had told them I wasn’t a parent. It took me a while to understand why they had such a hard time grasping the fact that I was 19, it was as if they had never heard of college. Now that I realize where they were coming from, though, it makes me see more clearly the position that we’re all in. It’s kind of this transition state, sometimes I feel in limbo. I’ve spent my whole life preparing for something, but I feel like I’ve never actually gotten anywhere. You spend the years before school preparing for life, you spend elementary school preparing for middle school, middle school preparing for high school, high school preparing for college, now I’m preparing for vet school. In eight months I’ll be twenty. I never thought I’d be twenty. Even though that feels really old to me, I still have another seven years of preparation ahead of me. Schooling, I should say. Seven years ago, I was in sixth grade. And after I’m finished with school, I’m still not sure I’ll be done preparing. Will I always be preparing for my next patient? For a better job? For my own practice? Is the point of life to constantly prepare for whatever is just out of your reach? Even if you do reach the place you’re shooting for, that’s usually about the time you start a family. Then you spend all your time preparing your children for the life you just had. On the other hand, maybe it’s not preparation; maybe it’s just constantly bettering yourself and trying to reach that next level, never growing complacent. I keep thinking of the Dave Matthews song, “Gravedigger.” I think the online journal community has conditioned me to think of songs for all of my moods and thoughts, not that this is necessarily a bad thing. “Sirus Jones, 1810 to 1913, made his great grandchildren believe you could live to a hundred and three. A hundred and three is forever when you’re just a little kid, so Sirus Jones lived forever.” I think this line goes back to the little kid aspect I mentioned before. I mean, obviously Sirus Jones didn’t live forever, because he died in 1913. His great grandchildren know he didn’t live forever, because they were there when he died in 1913. Still, Sirus Jones lived forever.

This is an excerpt from one of my favorite stories ever. I guess it’s fan fiction in a way, based loosely off of The Phantom of the Opera.
“But Angel,” she said, “how can there be beauty in something so horrible?”
“Was it the horror that created the music?”
“The swans were in pain. They were dying. And so they sang.”
“Everything you say is true, and yet you’ve missed the point,” he said. “The good, as they die sometimes catch a glimpse of the paradise to come. The swans who are mute all their lives, find their voice only at that final moment, for the greater glory of God.”
That passage really speaks to me, I love it. The fact that something can make a noise so beautiful as it literally faces its peril is a very powerful image. I really want to get my hands on The Phantom of the Opera novel. It’s not like it’s difficult to find, I just haven’t bought it. Sometimes I put off reading new things, and I have recently discovered (yesterday) that I just don’t want to finish them. For example, I have this new book called Marley & Me that just looks outstanding. It was an impulse buy at Barnes and Noble. I haven’t even picked it up yet though; I’ve been rereading Harry Potter books. I think the fact that I’ve already finished all those books is why I’ve been gravitating towards them. I’m not afraid of being disappointed with the book, I just don’t want to be finished with it. Rereading something is just not the same. I have glorified the novels to the point that I don’t want to even start them, they will be over in a single afternoon. This totally defeats the purpose though, because I end up not reading. I have to just find more books when I’m done. When I bought Marley & Me, I realized that I could not even remember the last time I had found something in a bookstore and bought it when it was not the exact item I had gone in to purchase. I’ve stopped buying books on impulse. I think this lost a lot of the fun of reading for me. Part of the enjoyment that comes from reading is the discovery of a really good book. That has been lost for some time now. I need to make sure that I remember it. I often blame IB for having crushed my love of reading, but I think I’m slowly regaining it. Call me a nerd, but I enjoy spending an entire afternoon reading in bed. I put as my away message the other day “Never underestimate the power of a cup of hot chocolate and a good book.” That was a great day too. I just read forever, until I fell asleep. Sometimes I find that I am happier with less social situations. It makes me think that maybe I should give up the search for a roommate and live alone with Sasha and Kitty. It would be more expensive, but I think I might like that idea. Maybe I’ll run it past the parents and see what they think. I’m just a very independent person; I like my space. Also, that would ease a bit of stress about me worrying whether my roommate was annoyed with Sasha, and would just leave me in complete control of where I lived. The more I think about it, the more I like the idea. I remain undecided, however; I will see how my options play out.

So, in a crazy twist of events, I started reading Marley & Me while I was cooking dinner. It is amazing, and I’m only 20 pages in. I don’t think it’s a book that I can read over and over again, but I’ll enjoy it while I’m reading it. Reading the preface, I came as close as I’ve ever come to crying in a book. Seriously, dogs are a soft spot. It just reminded me so much of Sasha since I’ve had her since I was 14. Hopefully I can get 14 years with Sasha like Grogan got 14 years with his Shaun. Here’s the part I’m referring to though, purely for posterity:
The love affair lasted fourteen years, and by the time he died I was no longer the little boy who had brought him home on that summer day. I was a man, out of college and working across the state in my first real job. Saint Shaun had stayed behind when I moved on. It was where he belonged. My parents, by then retired, called to break the news to me. My mother would later tell me, “In fifty years of marriage, I’ve only seen your father cry twice. The first time was when we lost Mary Ann” – my sister, who was stillborn. “The second time was the day Shaun died.”
That part really made me miss Sasha, and with Trixie and Hershey both having their health problems, I really get concerned for her. I was so relieved and excited when the vet went on and on about what great shape she is in. I take such pride in the condition and health of my dog, it’s like she’s my child. Whenever anyone pays her a compliment, it’s like I’ve received three.

Alright, well, I seem to have reached the word count minus the fanfic, so I’ll stop for now, and will maybe write more later. We’ll see how it goes. So, without further ado, I present my meager attempt at fanfic writing.



Um, yeah, I'm not going to post the fanfic here. *hides*

Pull the lever.