**School**
Lets see today was kinda blah today i got like touched all over and ahh grrr nastyness.. allen got me on the floor and humped me and like ahh i felt molested and then after class i saw him he grabed my leg and opened my legs and like humped me again ahhh i was like wtf anywho im listening to my spanish music and dancing yay fun fun i love to dance ive been danceing since i was lil am very very very hyper right now so please excuse my stupidity ....JEN THANKS FOR THE DRUGS!!!! they were yummy to the tummy....Jen you know you wanna get into my pants oh yes you know you do ohhhh im so hyper jen you need to come over and play with me hehe cant wait till military ball were going to have so much fucking fun we should get really drunk and run down your street naked oh yes you know your neighbors would love that...anywho i done for now bye bye my peoples

_crystal

***Everything***
Hmm lets see how can my life get any worse...well lets see mikes leaving and im really sad about that but im really happy for him b/c he can finally get over aurora and he deserves to be happy and he will be once he gets out of this hell hole lol...It will be okay in a while..also im not talking to my parents once again they just make me so angry..and it always ends up my fault anywho..im thinking about like running away or something i really cant take this pain anymore its to much to bear..but i dont know where to go but i can find somewhere to go for the time being..anywho imma go im at school and the bell is about to ring so adios my amigos and ill write some more next pd if i can come down to the liabary bye bye

-love crystal

"Love is giving him the power to destroy you but trusting him not to"(my new icon)

Wondering lyrics:(read them they are good)

If you want me to wait, I would wait for you
If you tell me to stay, I would stay right thru
If you don't wanna say anything at all
I'm happy wondering

Go!

Since I was a young man I never was a fun man
I never had a plan and no security then
Ever since I met you I never could forget you
I only get you right here next to me

'Cause everybody (a-whoa-oh-oh) needs someone that they can trust in...
And you're somebody (a-whoa-oh-oh) that I found just in time

If you want me to wait, I would wait for you
If you tell me to stay, I would stay right thru
If you don't wanna say anything at all
I'm happy wondering

Now my life is changing, it's always rearranging
Always getting stranger than I thought it ever could
Ever since I found you, I wanna be around you
I wanna get down to the point that I need you

'Cause everybody (a-whoa-oh-oh) needs someone that they can trust in...
And you're somebody (a-whoa-oh-oh) that I found just in time

If you want me to wait, I would wait for you
If you tell me to stay, I would stay right thru
If you don't wanna say anything at all
I'm happy wondering

Go!

Don't tell me
The bad news
Don't tell me anything at all
Just tell me
That you need me
And stay right here with me

If you want me to wait, I would wait for you
If you tell me to stay, I would stay right thru
If you don't wanna say anything at all
I'm happy wondering

If you want me to wait, I would wait for you
If you want me to stay, I would stay right thru
If you don't wanna say anything at all
I'm happy wondering

---------------------------------------------------------

Okay so yah thats a really good song...So lets see what have i been up to nothing really been in iss lots of fun..trying to find a new bf...i got a couple in mind...but i think i may have to just be single for a while b/c i need to like figure out some other stuff family shit and i dont want to have a bf while im going through this i dont want them involved im not sure cuz i want a bf so i can have someone to hold me and stuff through this i dunno im just weird...anywho im finally leaning hold on by good charlotte in sign lang, yay for me hehe well lets see last night we went to the mall omg it was so crappy like i ended up really pissed off and we just mostly sat on the parking lot roof which was cool except it was really really really really cold and like i didnt have a jacket so i was like trimbling but its okay cuz after a while i couldnt feel anything lol we were singing songs being stupid which is cool...hmmm lets see im so lonly right now but like i unno i think im getting over it and moving on..but its about time..I saw a couple of my old guy friends from last year which was fun seeing them i havent seen them for a while..we got yelled at by police cops peoples cuz like we were getting into the dog houses and running around crazy and like they told us to leave if we kept going and we like turned the corner and ran it was fun...this weekend im suppose to go get a skateboard so i can start learning i wanna learn so bad.. ANYWHO la di da im so bored and i have to baby sit today which i found out about like 15 min ago i hate the lil bitch grrrr and i wanted to do something today but i cant now and my mom and dad are making me take care of her b/c its my dads friends daughter but like shes 12 and anoying as hell i like lil lil kids but shes grrr.. hehe anywho imma go now ill write some more laters bye bye adios amigos!

-crystal

Stuff
Hmmmm...i unno idont know what i want anymore the thing is i want mike but he dosent want me and i dont think that i wanna put my self out there by telling him.. i just want to work things out...but i dont if the will i dont know where i stand anymore in anyones life...a wise person told me that if it was ment to be that the wrong person would have enough balls to admit they were wrong and ask for forgiveniess and admit that they still want it to work...idont know if thats true but w.e i got told that by a very smart friend of mines...but w.e happends it will work out i guess..atleast i hope i dont want anyone to hurt anymore i just wish that there was some way i could show mike how i feel but its to late..i always fuck up..anywho im going back to bed before i say something stupid..bbl

last night
well im so stupid...i should have known...i mean how stupid can i be..he told me to trust him and i did and look what happend...i didnt sleep at all last night...my heart hurts so much its like it feels like someone put so much weight on it but yet i like him so much still ...how could have i been so stupid...everything is just so wrong and i hate it well imma go me ...jen and i are going to start a barn fire and burn some stuff later so that will be fun...bye bye for you people who care

-crystal

10.57 am...
Well im back ..the barn fire hasnt started but we will do it laters...jen might be spending the night again so we can go out tonight i really need to get out ....Back to the mike thing...lets see well i dont know what to say to him i dont know if i even want to talk to him i dont know anymore...im going to just let things go... my friends were trying to hook me up with some guy so i unno hes kinda cute..but like everyone is trying to find me a good bf..i want mike i dont want anyone else but i dont think he wants me anymore but w.e i wish we could just work things out ...i dont know what i want anymore i guess i just stay single till i find someone who catches my eye...well imma go im hungry bye bye

-crystal

3:17 pm...

I dont feel like going out today..i unno its up to donna..i kinda wanna just stay home and sleep..im feeling better tho...im still sick but hey imma live...im so happy i have iss next week i dont have to face anyone for a while which is good.. i gotta find a book to read for iss..OH yah i one thing that happend this weekend i finally got the cd i really wanted "good charlotte..the young and the hopeless" the cd is great i love it my fav song is on there...oh yah i and i got some new neighbors one teenage boy and like 2 lil boys and a lil girl there so cute they like ran into my yard to get there ball.. my leg hurts alot right now grr its like all bloody even tho how it happend was funny as hell...anywho imma stop writing my hand hurts...and alex is coming soon to start teaching me to skateboard..

Today....and now
hmm well lets see....i spent B lunch with mike and talked to him for a while and im still confused with him...i dont know what to do anymore....alex just showed up and nessa is here jen is on her way...hmm lets see i guess tomorrow were going to the mall or something cuz nothing better to do...im going to be so lonely but hey w.e ill be okay i guess.....i still feel like shit im still sick and the meds arnt working i hope im dieing that would just end everything so greatly....everyone is outside and im in here cuz i feel like being alone b/c i dont feel like talking to people...in the past 2 hours ive become very depressed i unno why...oh wellz i guess ill be happy laters...today my teacher let us sleep in class and put clasical music on and lights off hehe it was great nap time....And i was talking to a very wise friend today and she told me some valuable information and im going to use it once i get a chance to....hmm lets see i wrote michael a letter today but when i was going to give it to him he wasnt there well it dosent matter im kinda happy i didnt give it to him b/c i kinda just like put all my feelings out and im not the type of person to do that so i felt awkward so thank god i didnt give it to him....my friends are trying to hook me up with this kid alex that goes to our school i dont want to go out with anyone right now im just trying to figure things out right now i guess still confused about everything...well better go cuz like nessa is bitching for me to come outside and play with her and alex and donna bbl bye bye everyone


oh yah whats up to my homies(lol) abby n jen hah wow my ghettoniss

Everything
well lets see today was okay i guess...still very confussed on things...today i ran a mile and we were running up and down the concreate stairs and i got to close to the side and it like scraped the side of my leg and it hurt like hell and it bled alot hehe and the coach told me i was stubbern cuz i wouldnt go to the nurse for a bandaid..i ended up going but thats b/c he made me...hehe and nessa skiped lunch to spend some time with me and that was really cool..anywho am really confussed with mike right now...i dont know whats going on...oh wellz i got iss monday tuesday and wensday so yay im going to be able to think about things and also i have some friends that are going to be in there...im talking to my ex ryan he just moved to az i feel kinda bad we ended things really bad and i never said bye to him..which sucks but hey its alot easier on me that hes gone..i had a hard time getting over him.anywho yah...okay well back to mike...see the thing is i really like him and i just want him to come back to me and just want me back yet i unno its so confusing but ill be alright i guess im fine being single.. grr i just dont know what to do anymore...well i just got done eating dinner..yah my dad sat there and watched me eat to make sure i ate enough b/c now he thinks i dont eat...screw him arg...i dont wanna go to school tomorrow i feel sick still i just like blah...but i gotta get a book 2morrow for iss so i have something to do...this weekend i wanna go to my old friends house cuz shes going to have some party with all my old spanish friends so i hope i can go i wanna go dance i feel like dancing..but anywho so yah saturday were suppose to go out to the mall to hang out we should just like go hang out on the parking lot roof thats always fun...right now i feel so alone i hate being alone like everyday my routein is come home sleep get up shower lock my self in my room turn up music and get on the comp. i dont hardly even talk to my parents cuz it just ends up in a fight and im the one always hurt ...grr my parents are fighting again as always..i just wish god would just make my life a bit easier but i guess thats not the way its suppose to go..suffer and die an old person alone..hey dosent sound to be i guess its okay ill be one of those old ladies with like 100 cats hehe ...anywhoi want to write a really long entry cuz i havent in a while...so lets see what have i been up to?? hmm wellz i havent really been up to anything just either just sitting around confussed or sleeping or eating...I get my baby next week..for parenting skills i have to take it everywhere for the weekend..haha thats going to be fun fun fun...its going to cry so much im going to get mad throw it down the stairs or something of the sort...well im the captain of my team for rotc so i have meetings i have to go to like during lunch or w.e goody well its not like i have anyone to see..i dont even know what to do anymore im just like here...grr my leg hurts the blood is sliding down my leg actually its pretty cool...but it hurts really bad.. i got this quote from my fav show Everwood:

Ephram: Look, Amy, I know this sucks for you because of Colin and I want to be there for you, I do, but I can't do this anymore. I can't keep being your second choice, not when you're my first.

Another one from one tree hill:
Nathan Scott: ...When I fell to the floor tonight, I was so scared, I was so terrified. Then I saw you, and I promised myself that if I could just get up, I'd walk over to you... I'd tell you how much I need you and how much I want you... and how nothing else matters.

hehe aww i love those quotes....blah blah blah im so bored right now everyone in my house is fighting...ahh i hate this i really wanna get out i wish there was somway to get out ....i mean i dont know who i am or what im doing here there isnt anything really to be here for and the only good thing i had i lost so ..what the hell is the point...be here and suffer i wish i could just one day beable to go to sleep and wake up knowing everything is okay and not be scared to get up...grrrr i just wanna go to sleep and never wake up..ahh who am i kiding im going to keep suffering anywho imma go im tired of writing about my wonderful life bye bye all

-crystal

Today at school
Today was alot better than yesterday....i fell asleep this morning cuz i just took my meds. for my synus and i was knocked out asleep...then i woke up when someone kicked me to wake up that we had to go to 1st..haha fun fun...*starts to sing* *im not a perfect person...i didnt mean to do that to you....i found a reason for me..to change who i used to be....a reason to start over new...and the reason is youuuu...i found a reason to show....a side of me your didnt know...a reason for all that i do...and the reason is youuuu..* haha i love that song
anywho i saw mike today a couple of times ahh im so confused *looks down* i tought i was okay with everything but when i talked to him i just like ahhh this really hurts and then like it was awkward but oh wellz..and then he kissed me on the cheak and i melted i was like noooo not fair...anywho it dosent matter i gotta be strong and get over it...well bbl donna is yelling for me to get off cuz its her turn bye bye for now

today
Grrr today sucked big time....im feeling like shit i dont even know if i can go to school tomrrow...anywho dosent really matter....i got iss and they said if im late to one more class im out of school for 10 days yay! a vacation..yah i got home and my dad bitched at me once again....and today i got some info but im not going to say anything b/c there isnt a purpose to saying it it wont get me anywhere....im so sad everything is going to wrong today hopefully tomorrow my day will be better...hehe aww im watching full house...its such a great show...Anywho...blah blah blah...im so bored.. grrr im so sick and tired...and i didnt talk to mike all day i feel bad but i unno i dont think he cares anywho...well gtg im so tired bye bye

-Crystal