*my crapy life*
I dont know wheter im relieved or just so depressed i cant feel the pain anymore....ryans probably leaving ....and im not sure if hes going to even say bye to me witch hurts really bad cuz all that weve been through together...today we went out for lunch to mcdonalds and we walk in with all of our friends n guess whos sitting there with his friends yes ryan..i just wanted to run and hide and cry...ahh...i dont know wether its better that hes leaving...or is it bad cuz were never going to be able to have a chance to get back together and that thought scares me...i love him so much..but i gotta let go...well imma go adios

Ahhh...ryan is going to die soon..he told me last night that i was a whore....Ahh he needs to die...cnat wait untill he leaves ...woohoo 2more days...today mike came up to me and was like i like u alot crystal ..i was like score!...And today in Rotc was so much fun!! i gave like 10 lapdances one 2 my like best friend jeni. lol o well fun
well imma be going now...adios

Blah
Ahh today started off funny....ryan came over in the morning it was so akward....i didnt know what to say..lunch was fun today robert keep me warm cuz i wore a skirt to school and the wind went right up and omg my crotch was so frozen hehe.....anyways im kinda hopeing for the time to go by fast so i dont have to see ryan anymore...cuz he just makes me so sad for soem reason him ignoring me feels like hes stabing me in the back like im not even good enough to say hi to how hard is that???...not very o well anyways im outa here

happy and sad lol
ahhh....today was good/bad i had to babysit this lil bitch i hate shes so anoying..i took her to the park but she like wouldnt leave me the hell alone.. ryans leaving to az in mid jan. to move there so im kinda happy becuz its going to be easyer for me to get over him cuz i dont have to see him but also its going to hurt alot becuz imma miss him so...ahh this sucks..friday night we went to the mall omg it was so much fun i saw guys from school and i saw this guy that i like i was like yay for me.....ive been crying alot becuz i dunno its going to be really hard to say goodbye to ryan knowing i still love him so much...i want him to know...ahh my thounge hurts i burnt it hehe..(off topic) omg i tried this dress on friday night and i fell in love with it and imma buy it with my chrismas money cuz imma wear it to military ball..yay even though i still dont know who im going with....well gtg start my hw..adios muchos besos

A SONG FOR RYAN:
A hundred days had made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lights had made me colder
And I don’t think I can look at this the same
But all the miles had separate
They disappeared now when I’m dreaming of your face

I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight it’s only you and me

The miles just keep rolling as the people either way to say hello
I hear this life is overrated but I hope it gets better as we go

I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight Boy it’s only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won’t take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it’s all said and done
it get hard but it won’t take away my love

I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight boy it’s only you and me

I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
But tonight boy it’s only you and me


I LOVE YOU RYAN!!!