"and she threw them down screaming,
'Man don't leave me with nothing left behind but these cold paintings these cold portraits to remind me' "

Corbin
ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Omg that is so pointless to even do that. Its not even close to saying how i feel right now..... oahdfjasdfjkasdfjas;dfjkdddd nope nope nope... Ok.. ppl on this earth you need to leave for a second so i can scream really really REALLY loud. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhasdfjklasdfjkl asdfjkl sdfajklasdjkdjkldjklsdfjkla
I hate this so much! I am just so mad but I don't even know who I'm mad at! Its just like its sooooo unfair he had to leave! Why him! I can't blame anyone. But I'm having so many stupid reasons to be mad at myself and i feel like i can never tell anyone because they'll think i just want pity or something. Cuz thats the way my life just WORKS! and i couldn't tell anybody anyway cuz it's just so hard to talk about and i know its not my fault but i just feel so awful. I wish i could just talk to him and joke with him. I want to know he's listening but he never responds. I need somebudy to laugh at my stupid jokes i need him to listen to me when everyone decides to ignore me I want a time in the day to say, yay ok next class i get to talk to Corbin and he'll listen to me! Hes such a great guy. I love Corbin. Instead he's following me around but i never get to see him. but i guess he's listening right? I wish he was here with me to say something about this snow falling on the ground. and what about next year on Sept 11th? who'll be with me to put my flag in the ground? We should have let you in the C.O.P. so much sooner because you were so much better at it than the rest of us and we didn't even realize it!
And i feel so awful! like this jelousy is too much and its so stupid. I mean at first when i found out I was crying and felt like no one cared at all and i felt like i was all alone without anymore friends. But then the next day when they all knew he was actully killed, THEN they cared. I know they care about him though. I just feel like.... ahhhh. and my pictures of him... I want to show everyone. Give everyone a memory because i know how it will make them feel to see him in a different picture than his school picture, smiling like he is really happy. But it's MY memory! It happened to me! I know how he actully felt when we took those pictures! I remember our exact conversations! I remember the certain pictures where other ppl took the pic and who took them! But at the same time I feel so awful for wanting to keep it all to myself. Like i want to show everyone how much he meant to me or something. Its so stupid.
I just want to do something so special for you. Better than anyone but I can't find a way to show how much i love you! You have no idea how much i miss you.


Alicia Keys - Troubles

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Dear Lord can you take it away? (Oooh)
This pain in my heart that just follows me by day
And at night it stalks me like the shadows on my wall (Mmmmm)
Oh my goodness

It feels like the world is closin' on me
It feels like my dreams will never come to be
I keep on slippin' deeper into myself
And I'm scared, so scared

If your troubled, you just gotta let it go
If your worried baby, you just gotta let it go
All your hustlin' ain't for nothing, you just gotta take it slow
When you need me baby, all you do is let me know

Why does it feel that my mind is constantly trying to pull me down
I can't seem to get away
Continuous mistakes I know I've made before
How long will I feel so out of place

If your troubled, you just gotta let it go
If your worried baby, you just gotta let it go
All your hustlin' ain't for nothing, you just gotta take it slow
When you need me baby, all you do is let me know

If your troubled, you just gotta let it go
If your worried baby, you just gotta let it go
All your hustlin' ain't for nothing, you just gotta take it slow
When you need me baby, all you do is let me know

If your troubled, you just gotta let it go
If your worried baby, you just gotta let it go
All your hustlin' ain't for nothing, you just gotta take it slow
When you need me baby, all you do is let me know

If your troubled, you just gotta let it go
If your worried baby, you just gotta let it go
All your hustlin' ain't for nothing, you just gotta take it slow
When you need me baby, all you do is let me know

And when I look at it snowing outside, I realize someone's whole world has changed in less than an hour. Corbin, it will never be the same again.

For Corbin

I'm listening to all my sister's music.... hmmmmm bored.......I have to go to school tomorrow. My mom hasn't replied to my email yet. She's off in Hawaii. Hm.. I'm going to go to bed soon..... its almost 10.. and I get up at 5.. Im gonna be tired... today I slept in until 11. Ok.. right now all I have for my journal is stupid thoughts like.. Hmm I wonder when the choir tryouts are.. and gees I look like a scrub right now... I haven't really done anything today... i woke up, took a shower and that was it... no make up, no drying of the hair, curling of the hair, straighting of the hair..... Yeah.. this is the most boring journal entry ever.... I have a lot of other problems that woohu just can't know about... er.. wouldn't care about... sooo..... ahh which reminds me of something else! ok getting off the computer.......

wilting flower? or SMOLDERING temptress? lol
Haha. look at this....

You are the red temptress outfit!


Which Moulin Rouge Satine costume are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hmmmmmmmmmmm
Lately I've been making pretty much of my entries private. Which, when you think about it, is pretty stupid since no one looks at my journal but hey....
I think I've finally found a couple good qualities about this teacher thats been making me really mad lately. I know I sound like a real goodie goodie saying this but Ive been trying to find ways that I should just like that teacher instead because it makes things easier for the both of us.... and I dunno. Everybody has some quality that others dislike. Ive just have to accept my teacher's quality or maybe see that its me and not my teacher that is making things difficult... But I'm still too stubborn to say that. So I won't because I still think that he could try to listen. But whatever...
Tomorrow is Friday and its the weeeeeekeeeennnndd............. Everybody was talking about what they're doing this weekend and I join in and excitedly say, "I"M GONNA SLEEP! YAAY!" Which literally is exciting when i usually get up at 5. But hey. Id be pretty excited if I could just go somewhere this weekend. Maybe I'll..... Study..... PFFFTTT. Aww man boring weekend.
I actully got out of my bed at 5 this morning. I was so impressed with myself because I usually am unable to get myself out of bed untill I yell at myself 20 mins later. Ok maybe not 20 but still. And i still was a little late getting to the bus--since the driveway is incredibly long I walked down later.
That would be cool if I got an IM or something right now. Ive been on for a while and just now got on Woohu.
Some new guy had better move to our school soon because seriously I need some cute guy around or something. Guys here we know waaay too well.
do re mi re mi fa mi fa sol fa sol la sol la ti do ti do re do
do re mi re mi fa mi fa sol fa sol la sol la ti do ti do re do
do ti la ti la sol
arrggg I can't get the stupid thing right. I don't get it so n/m....
Quiz..

What time do you get up?:	5
How do you get to school?:	bus
If you knew you were dying tomorrow, who would you say your goodbyes to 1st:	hmmmm my Mommy
Easiest class?:	Language Arts
What month is your birthday?:	February
How old were you when you got your first kiss?:	it depends what you mean
How old were you when you started high school?:	haven't
Are you hooked on the internet?:	yes
Do you like going to school?:	nooooo
Are you a morning person?:	noooooooooo
When's the last time you had a b/f or g/f?:	begining of this year
Do you play any instruments?:	im gonna learn how to play the guitar and drums hopefully
If so, what?:	^
What's your favorite season?:	Summer
What's the name of your best friend?:	BreAnn
Rather be too hot or too cold?:	too cold
Cats or dogs?:	cats
How many blankets do you sleep with?:	3
What are your parents' names?:	Michael and Stacey
Do you have a crush?:	mmmm.. not really.... but kinda... i dunno
How long have you had a crush on this person?:	ummm if there is a person it would be the guy from beggining of this year
Do you practice a religion?:	yes
If you saw Brittney Spears somewhere, what would you do?:	I probably wouldn't believe it was her. Lookalike or something
If you saw Pres. Bush somewhere, what would you do?:	i.. don't... know....
Do you have a secret you've never told anyone?:	many
Do you have a secret you've only told one or two people?:	yes
Who do you trust to keep your most important secrets?:	ummm not really anyone
Do you tell your parents everything?:	umm.. I tell my mom more than most kids would
Do you think your parents are nice people at heart?:	yeah
Do you have a relative that you really do not get along with?:	um nope

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Feng Shui
That was kinda weird.... The sound on my computer was all screwed up. I went to homestarrunner and Strong Bad sounded like a girl. hehehe. So then I went and clicked on the song by Monica and she sounded like a chipmunk... Grr.. it made me mad. yeah. So I restarted my comp and now its better.... so im gonna run that computer de bugger thing that andy showed everyone. I'm trying to look up Feng Shui online right now. I want to re arrange my room but i don't know how. I always rearrange stuff in my room every month almost but I found a way i liked it so i haven't changed it in a while so I'm looking for something to make my room *peaceful*

hmmmm this is weird.. I found a site about it and its like all about a religion. ppffft. I thought it was just about rearranging my stupid funiture. You can go to a feng shui school........ thats messed up..

k found it. I think. and it includes cool colors to use for your room. ok *UPDATE*