:: 2003 17 December :: 10.37 pm
:: Mood: its so close!

2 more days!!
ok, just thursday and friday, and thats it...

just got home from the choir concert...after i got over the initial shock of instruments not being present i had a great time, very cheerful, i had fun :) great job to everyone

well tomorrow shall be dedicated to school...three tests to study for, and a term paper, gah! im such a horrible procrastinator...oh well

not a whole lot else has happened really...one more solo for band, but its at the beginning of wizard of oz and its really simple and im quote "the most important part" and its just me...its crazy really, but a lot of fun, i enjoy it

hmm...i need to start working on Christmas cards...

mentioning metcalf....

thats all :)

1 heartless bastard | crush me

:: 2003 15 December :: 7.38 pm

4 more days...thats it!
today was interesting...i should get more sleep because today i was out of it...mr dill called the calculator a tool because it doesnt give the answers he wants and i just about lost it...and spanish was just crazy, hilty brought up girls and if they swallow after doing *certain actions* it reduces the chance of breast cancer...that made craig go crazy, and it turn i couldnt stop laughing, study hall was fine, chem was fun - frustrating...too many elements coming at me at once ahh! then american studies...work period which is exactly what i wanted even though i didnt get a lot done because somebody was being distracting! *cough*doug*cough* haha, i luv ya doug, but we accomplished nothing today, oh well, we have another work period tomorrow during 6th

today i took abby and amy home, tons of fun, abby and i have decided to start training for track because we want to do well this year, should be fun!

hmm...busy day wednesday, shopping, visiting doug, and then concert, craziness

thats all

ps - mentioning metcalf...there (ive missed a few days)

crush me

:: 2003 14 December :: 5.10 pm

sick

i'm never gonna be what you wanna see
always gotta gotta be me and free
right or wrong
here we are

well i've heard it all before and im tired of the lies
i tried
i wont compromise
your a thousand miles away
draining under the flooded veins
take away the strain

i don't think that you know
i'm about to let you go
before i put you away
one more thing i've got to say

i'm not sorry
and i don't wanna worry
i'm sick of you again
i'm thinkin' no oh
i'm not sorry
and i don't wanna worry
i've fallin' behind
dont wanna go under admind again
and i just wanna say
so go on

i have thrown it all away
reachen over the cloud today
and im on the way
cast my shadows on the side
creepin over into the sky
shining brighter
i feel alive

i don't think you know
i'm about to let you go
before i put you away
one more thing i've got to say

i'm not sorry
and i don't wanna worry
i'm sick of you again
i'm thinkin no oh
i'm not sorry
and i dont wanna worry
i've fallin behind
don't wanna go under admind again
and i just wanna say

i'm never gonna be what you wanna see
always gonna gon be me and free
carry on
run along
i scream by you to record what you do
i'm tired and through with you
livin' on
with you gone

i don't think you know
i'm about to let you go
before i put you away
one more thing i've got to say

i'm not sorry
and i don't wanna worry
i'm sick of you again
i'm thinkin' no oh
i'm not sorry
and i don't wanna worry
i've fallin' behind
don't wanna go under admind again
and i just wanna say

i'm not sorry
and i don't wanna worry
i'm sick of you again
i'm thinkin' no oh
i'm not sorry
and i don't wanna worry
i've fallin' behind
don't wanna go under admind again
and i just wanna say

stop
go on [x2]

crush me

:: 2003 14 December :: 5.08 pm

tomorrow

tomorrow just another day
another way
to spend my day
all by my self
starin at the tv screen
flipping through my magazine
everything is unclear
i need you hear do

and i wake up
put on my make up
pick up the phone
nobodys home
i need to break out
give me some take out
standing side the crowd
i wanna scream out loud
i'll be ok
i'll be ok

walking down this whining road
raining days are all unknown
i have hit the ground
staring up into the sky
countin all the reasons why
my mind is spinning around
i need to breath dooo

so,i wake up
put on my make up
pick up the phone
nobodys home
and i need to break out
give me some take out
standing side the crowd
i wanna scream out loud
i'll be ok

get off from the floor
i just can't take anymore
leave that all behind
just get along

nah nah nah nah
nah nah nah nah
nah nah nah oohhh

oh,i wake up
put on my make up
pick up the phone
nobodys home
and i need to break out
give me some take out
standing side the crowd
i wanna scream out loud
i'll be ok
i'll be ok

oh,i wake up
put on my make up
pick up the phone
nobodys home
and i need to break out
give me some take out
standing side the crowd
i wanna scream out loud

i need to break out!!
were ok were alright
were ok we'll be alright

tomorrow just another day
another way
to spend my day

crush me

:: 2003 14 December :: 3.12 pm
:: Mood: i dont really know

well this weekend has been interesting, its had its major ups and its major downs...i dont really feel like discussing the downs, everyone probably knows already anyway, i still stand behind what i said, but we could have gone about it another way, and im not angry, just slightly frustrated and confused...i hope you understand where im coming from and i dont want to fight, i hate fighting with you when its actually fighting, the small bickering i can handle, what happened saturday...i cant..

last night however was a high, went shopping with megan and stevie...those girls really helped me get my mind off of things which im truly greatful for, plus we acted like big nerds in the toy aisle, which is always a good time. then we had food and off the stevies, that was a lot of fun, just hanging out and talking...it was me james daniel the nicks jackie megan stevie and amanda...it was just fun, nothing exciting happened, it was very mellow and idk just fun, it made me feel tons better :)

today ive been meaning to work on my paper, not actually getting a rough draft but finishing my e/w and letting dever check it over tomorrow so i at least know im going in the right direction (which i probably am not, but it'll be ok)

mike and heather came out today...my brothers a big goof, but ya gotta luv him

hmm...didnt talk to douggie at all this weekend except a tad of friday night...not good douggie, but i bought your Christmas present!! im excited about it and i think everyone else really likes what i got you also :)

thats it

2 heartless bastards | crush me

:: 2003 12 December :: 6.10 pm
:: Mood: yes!

ok, so the psat few days i have been racking my brain for what to get doug for Christmas, and im sitting in school today and it hits me like a damn shot put to the ankle, im so completely dumb, i cannot believe i didnt think about it earlier, but i feel bad because its nothing truly extravagent or anything, but its got meaning behind it so hopefully he still likes it, and the girls i almost have done, and as far as im concerned thats it...so yes

crush me

:: 2003 11 December :: 7.27 pm
:: Mood: gah!!!

life is so dumb
today was alright, nothing too spectacular to talk about, played danceries in band...luckily it was the movement where i dont have a solo :) then we played stupid clowns and stupid steam boat...stupid songs were stuck in my head all day long...

math was dumb, took a quiz, failed number 9 haha, im dumb...

spanish...eh, study hall...boring...chem: i found out that diamonds may be a girls best friend but chicken parmechian (cant spell) is a guys best friend hmm...then AS was fun actually, got my thesis statement ok'd and then we talk about college, i cant wait for college, no more living here...now if only someone was going to the same college i was

had a meeting after school that lasted 2.2 minutes, then megs and i went to go get our fruit, yummy tangelos :), and i walk by jackie and she tells me that metcalf is in my trunk, now im thinking yea right, the girls on drugs, but then again i though why would she think something like that up, so i go out to my car, and sid is in it, now the kid was supposed to find another way home, and hes honking the horn, im watching megan struggle with a fruit basket, im carrying a case of tangelos and trying to talk to my mom on the phone all while wondering if someone really is in my trunk...so i put the case in the back, and i see the my game that was in my trunk is now in the back seat, so i go open the trunk and guess who falls out...he wanted a ride home, it's like duh, you could have just asked, but no, he had to be a dumb fuck and go in the trunk, i still dont get itm so i had to take those two home which in turn prevented me from visiting doug at work, which i feel really badly about because i told him i was going to go visit him, but now...as doug puts it "what dumb fucks" - i have to say, i whole heartidy agree...gah!!

then i got home and i got to chat with dani, i miss that girl, and she tells me that she cant wait to see me this weekend, im thinking this weekend? im not going to lancaster...turns out my family was going down, but then couldnt because my dad has to work on saturday, so i was really excited and then it all got taken away from me, so i was thinking they could come up here...and that plan fell through, then my mom and i were going to go meet them at polaris but i have no money so that would just depress me, so we shall visit after Christmas sometime...shall be a good time...i just wish it was now...

gah, people are stupid

1 heartless bastard | crush me

:: 2003 11 December :: 7.27 pm
:: Mood: gah!!!

life is so dumb
today was alright, nothing too spectacular to talk about, played danceries in band...luckily it was the movement where i dont have a solo :) then we played stupid clowns and stupid steam boat...stupid songs were stuck in my head all day long...

math was dumb, took a quiz, failed number 9 haha, im dumb...

spanish...eh, study hall...boring...chem: i found out that diamonds may be a girls best friend but chicken parmechian (cant spell) is a guys best friend hmm...then AS was fun actually, got my thesis statement ok'd and then we talk about college, i cant wait for college, no more living here...now if only someone was going to the same college i was

had a meeting after school that lasted 2.2 minutes, then megs and i went to go get our fruit, yummy tangelos :), and i walk by jackie and she tells me that metcalf is in my trunk, now im thinking yea right, the girls on drugs, but then again i though why would she think something like that up, so i go out to my car, and sid is in it, now the kid was supposed to find another way home, and hes honking the horn, im watching megan struggle with a fruit basket, im carrying a case of tangelos and trying to talk to my mom on the phone all while wondering if someone really is in my trunk...so i put the case in the back, and i see the my game that was in my trunk is now in the back seat, so i go open the trunk and guess who falls out...he wanted a ride home, it's like duh, you could have just asked, but no, he had to be a dumb fuck and go in the trunk, i still dont get itm so i had to take those two home which in turn prevented me from visiting doug at work, which i feel really badly about because i told him i was going to go visit him, but now...as doug puts it "what dumb fucks" - i have to say, i whole heartidy agree...gah!!

then i got home and i got to chat with dani, i miss that girl, and she tells me that she cant wait to see me this weekend, im thinking this weekend? im not going to lancaster...turns out my family was going down, but then couldnt because my dad has to work on saturday, so i was really excited and then it all got taken away from me, so i was thinking they could come up here...and that plan fell through, then my mom and i were going to go meet them at polaris but i have no money so that would just depress me, so we shall visit after Christmas sometime...shall be a good time...i just wish it was now...

gah, people are stupid

crush me

:: 2003 10 December :: 6.35 pm
:: Mood: *yawn*

i cannot wait for break
well American Studies went to the art museum today, that was fun, we got to look at some abstract art which is what ive been wanting to do since we first went there and the got to look at Architect's Dream...ahh, i want the painting for myself, its so awesome, grr...then on the way home i had a lovely note passing conversation with dever, and partially ian and doug because they would read as i wrote, but it was about certain people across the aisle from us and about how one should really keep his hands to hisself...can you guess?

hmm...tonight is going to be deicated to making my evidence warrant sheet even though i dont have my thesis statement, oh well it should prove to be interesting

hmm...mentioning metcalf...there

thats all

2 heartless bastards | crush me

:: 2003 9 December :: 9.53 pm
:: Mood: tired

got up today at 520, had to be at school by 7 for an sab meeting, the meeting was pretty much unproductive, i already knew everything that was bring said but oh well

school was the same as always, nothing big happened, everything is starting to become habit in there which im sure isnt a good thing

got home from school, felt like crap, so i slept for...ever, i woke up around 7 when my parents got home, and the night's been pretty unproductive since...chatted with ian and megan and metcalf (there...you're mentioned - i havent missed a day yet)

thats all

crush me

:: 2003 8 December :: 3.42 pm
:: Mood: haha

DISCLAIMER!!! the last journal entry wasn't real! i mean sure metcalf sucks and whatnot but it doesn't make me want to vomit! haha, it's just a joke, and he knew about it the entire time so nothing happened - everything is fine.

Does that count as mentioning you in an entry? i hope so haha

1 heartless bastard | crush me

:: 2003 7 December :: 6.28 pm

wow, Metcalf sucks, a lot. It is hard to put into words how much he sucks. I can hardly stand to be around him or talk to him because the massive amount of suckiness that is him. He makes me want to vomit. The End.

4 heartless bastards | crush me

:: 2003 6 December :: 12.07 pm
:: Mood: mm..sleep

yes...day of nothingness in front of me! i plan on sitting home all afternoon, practice the solo of doom, and do nothing, then later i'll head to the dever household and then off to ian and nelson's hockey game probably.

last night i went shopping with stevie for a bit, good time, and then to the basketball game where we killed fremont which is always nice, plus i got recruited for pep band for next saturday...i might do it for the mere fact i can get into the game for free, but they dont get really good seats so idk, kramer was pretty set on it though so we'll see i guess. Then it was off to the mershman household for some good quality hanging out, that was cool, but i wasnt really into it because i hadnt slept yet since giving blood and i was so drained (haha, i so didnt mean that pun) so i headed home, chatted with hess on the phone for a bit, and then herringshaw called so i chatted with him and then i finally got home and went to bed and slept for 9 hours, it was glorious really.

well i woke up and did nothing this morning, chatted with metcalf for a small while online and thats pretty much it, so nothingness, devers, and hockey...what a day, right?

crush me

:: 2003 5 December :: 3.47 pm
:: Mood: woo..

man, i am soo tired, i gave blood today, i got a little sticker that said 1st time blood donor..its cute, and i did nicely, no bad feelings, so im a natural i guess, so i guess i'll see them again in may...didnt hurt i got free juice boxes also;)

its snowing!!! yay!! i wish i had weight in the back of my truck though, it was kinda scary driving today, so i think im going to take my car into town tonight for the game (im gonna go see all those sweet people in pep band and watch megs and jess dance woo!)

hess called me on my way home, hes not coming becuase of the weather, he was suppoesd to come home this weekend, its a bummer but we'll live, he'll for home for Christmas so thats awesome :)

hmm...clarinet solo...very scary, and im afraid mr headley will eat me when i dont get it...ahh!

well im out for now...

crush me

:: 2003 4 December :: 6.20 pm
:: Mood: yay

yay for going to stevies house and watching the game tonight...hope BG wins, or at least better than the last time they played miami! haha

this week has gone by soo slowly, but this weekend should be fun, hess is coming home and we're going to the game friday night, and the devers on saturday night to play board games...mainly battle of the sexes - the game that determines who is the superior sex haha, that should be great, especially if we get like metcalf to play, we've had discussions about who is the superior sex so it should be very interesting, i cat wait, and then sunday will be my day of rest where i dont see anybody - i live for those days hah

well off to stevies! woo! go BG!

crush me

:: 2003 3 December :: 7.18 pm
:: Mood: ugh...

well as im sitting here...there is a catalog in front of me full of engagement rings...yes ladies and gentlemen, its true, my brother is going to get "engaged". its not a full engagement its more of a 'hey i love you and im going to marry you...someday' kinda thing, so i guess you could call it a promise ring? idk, im still deciding if im excited or not...

yea...and i think im starting to get sick..damn damn damn..i hate being sick, but i have a headache, stomach ache and i cant get warm...oh the woe

hmm...i think im going to go to bed very soon...

1 heartless bastard | crush me

:: 2003 30 November :: 5.48 pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: charlotte's web

4 heartless bastards | crush me

:: 2003 28 November :: 3.22 pm
:: Mood: i feel loved haha

Wel Thanksgiving was fun....food was good, company was great, and even though Bernard wasnt there...he still was kinda, i mean we still did everything the same way we always did, but no one really brought him up, but like i said, he was still there

then when i got home doug called and we had a nice long conversation, i dont think ive stayed on the phone for that long of a time with anyone...well maybe megan, but thats different, but i really enjoyed the conversation, i just hope it helped, even though i wasnt the one needing help..i felt better afterwards...

then today mom and i went shopping, and i started my christmas shopping for the girls, hopefully they like it...haha

then douggie called me on his way to work and we chatted for about 10 minutes...i get to go visit him at work today, thats always interesting, and i think after that im gonna go catch a movie with stevie...yay movie!

then about 20 minutes after i hung up with doug, megan call me on her way to work...im serious, i just feel loved, but we had a nice chat...shared out gossip since we lost a day lol it was interesting, i love that girl lol

i guess thats it, dads home now so i can get my truck back and visit douggie...i'll update later!

crush me

:: 2003 26 November :: 9.50 pm

Perhaps Perhaps Perhaps

You won't admit you love me
And so
How am I ever
To know
You only tell me
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

A million times I ask you
And then
I ask you over
Again
You only answer
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

If you can't make your mind up
We'll never get started
And I don't wanna' wind up
Being parted, broken hearted

So if you really love me
Say yes
But if you don't, dear,
Confess
And please don't tell me
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

If you can't make your mind up
We'll never get started
And I don't wanna' wind up
Being parted, broken hearted

So if you really love me
Say yes
But if you don't, dear,
Confess
And please don't tell me
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

crush me

:: 2003 26 November :: 9.44 pm
:: Mood: i must be in a song mood....

Friend is a Four Letter Word
To me,
Coming from you,
Friend is a four letter word

End is the only part of the word
That I heard,
Call me morbid or absurd,
But

To me,
Coming from you,
Friend is a four letter word

To me,
Coming from you,
Friend is a four letter word

End is the only part of the word
That I heard,
Call me morbid or absurd,
But

To me,
Coming from you,
Friend is a four letter word

When I go fishing
for the words
I am wishing you would say to me,
I am really only praying that
The words you'll soon be saying
Might betray
The way you feel about me

But to me,
Coming from you,
Friend is a four letter word

crush me