:: 2005 28 February :: 8.15 pm

That's it.. it's over.

Everyone has a time to lose, our time just never ended.

My senior year is failing fast.. there's nothing left to do.

..and No, I'm not depressed about the fact that we lost.. I'm depressed about the fact that there are no more times to lose, and on a lighter note.. no more times to win. The fun times are over, there's nothing left to keep me on the move, on my toes... away from my house.

I don't mean to bore you with my crap but alot of you would never understand how much this year has truly changed my life. Starting with Mrs. Heggemann and the softball team.. I'd never felt more alive. The friendships, the confidence, and the experience I gained could never be replaced by anything that would stand a chance at equaling in value. I'd never really picked up friendships so fast.. the bond was just different.. the cause from us all having a common light inside caused by softball and every single thing that came with it. The love and respect for the players and of course Mrs. H never left.. everyone of them have caused a positive change in my life this year.. especially Mrs. H.. without her I'd never have even thought about softball.. or a future for that matter. After the softball season ended I basically thought my adventure for my senior year was over.. then, basketball came into mind. What did I have to lose? I'd already thrown myself into the center circle of athletes. Basketball went just about like softball.. all of us quickly gained the respect for each other on and off the quart. None of us were measured by the amount of talent we had to give but more by everyone bringing what they had to offer to the team. Honestly, I couldn't have spent any day of practice better.. not a single one. I now have an immense amount of respect for Coach D and all of the girls.. every-last-one. I wish I could thank them all and let them know how much it meant to me for them to allow my presence on their court and on their field.

Play Hard. Play Smart. Play Together.

4 Blank's | Shoot Me

:: 2005 28 February :: 3.25 pm

Right.

1 Blank | Shoot Me

:: 2005 26 February :: 5.45 pm

If I could EVER do anything right... it'd be a miracle.

Whatever I did say or didn't say or didn't... do... I'm sorry.

There are a few things that seem to just be a part of me...
-difficulty
-deception
-a lack of feelings
-broken promises
-useless arguments
..and..
-avoidance
[just to name a few]

I never said I was perfect. I'm not like that.

What if people can't change?

I know I'm a little "rough around the edges" but I'm trying -so hard- to make you notice that's not all I'm about... if it bothers you that I'm not perfect then I've no reason to stick around... no reason at all. I wont change who I am for anyone.

I know I can't expect the whole world to stop and listen but it'd be nice if someone would.

If this is just the way things were meant to be I'm sorry I ever even tried.
No, I'm not turning this around... I'm not confused... I'm tired...
I'm done.

Shoot Me

:: 2005 24 February :: 10.15 pm

What a day..
It's been a challenge. I'm sick as hell too. I forgot my password to my FAFSA. I can't believe I forgot it.. it was 3/4th's of the way finished. Damn It! *sigh*

Hoo-ray for life.. and planning, I guess.

My last home game was Tuesday.. I started, it scared me. I did well though. Thank goodness.. I had to guard the fastest player on the opposing team. It was also "Senior Night" also known as "Family Night" which means I had to actually accept I had parental figures in my life and had to pretend I cared about them coming to my games.

Anyway..
Mrs. H is due in 32 days!!!

1 Blank | Shoot Me

:: 2005 21 February :: 7.50 pm

What a long as hell weekend..
I visited SBU this weekend and stayed the night last night, it was.. interesting I guess you could say. I got a t-shirt! I stayed with two roomates one was a Sophomore the other a Senior.. both pretty bearable to be around. The classes I attended today were boring as hell, 50 minutes, not too bad. I just about fell asleep in chapel but there was an older man setting by me and he kept elbowing me and talking about god. But over-all, I hope college isn't really that boring.

I've somehow contracted a mild virus. I doubt the mild will stay for long it'll be getting worse the more I try to ignore the fact that it is there.

My cell phone died.. I've the worst of luck with cell phones. So, right now I have an old, totally outdated, dirty looking loner phone that women with abusive husbands carry just in case they need to dial 911.

Speaking of 911.. Ellen, I saw a car exactly like yours wreck this weekend. It was absolutely crazy. I'm pretty sure it was fairly demolished, I'm glad it wasn't you. I doubt the person driving/riding doesn't feel to pleasant at the moment.

Well, that's really about all I know..
-Mrs. Heggemann is due in 44 35 days!! [how exciting is that?]
-I have my last two games out side of disticts this week. [Tues. & Fri.]
-I'm tired and want to go to bed demand sleep.. now.

Shoot Me