:: 2005 24 July :: 12.55 am

Tonight wasn't a complete waste...
I've discovered a hobby!! -That's the good news.

The bad news seems to be as follows:
- you're leaving
- my father is an asshole and he...
-------------- re-broke my ribs
-------------- yelled more than any human should at another tonight
- I'm the most confused person alive
- it's going to be another long night
-------------...and...as a bonus
- I get to spend all of next week with my family
[.keep in mind 2 thru 5 are nothing.]

So, make of it what you will.. maybe none of those things would bother you but, I'm bothered by them all. As fortunate as I am to no longer see the future as a complete disaster -credit goes to Tiff on that one-... I'm here to inform you all that I'm trying to see the best out of all of those seemingly insurmountable objects crossing my path to deal with in one way or another.
Patience, persistance, and adjustment at its finest. *points finger at self*

7 Blank's | Shoot Me

:: 2005 20 July :: 10.35 pm

My family just... it's hopeless. That's all, hopeless.

There was a pretty bad argument this evening. I left at about 7:30 because I was tired of listening to them scream at each other and of him screaming at me. I don't think I'm going to have a black eye like I had thought earlier.. it just hurts. Thank you for trying to help me out with that though.

Ellen, I'm sorry about tonight. I never imagined everything would unfold like it did. I'm really sorry.. hope you found something to do.

Other than that.. the rest of the story isn't important - it's nothing. Well, it's enough to lose sleep over.. but that's about all.

It's only history...my history
- my past
- my present
- my future

2 Blank's | Shoot Me

:: 2005 19 July :: 10.50 pm

Aww! I want one!
One of what? you might ask... well, that my friends is to be left untold. Someday.. someday.

Ahh.. the life and times with Tiff and Irv. The best time I could ever spend I would say. Without a doubt. Too bad the best things never last forever... but maybe they do, in other ways - unspoken ways.

Anyway, work-work-work.. that's what I do. I think about random things when I'm working.. some good..some not. Point is that I'm remaining random. That's just for all ya'll who enjoy my crap.

I really do think about a little of everything when I'm at work. Today I even had a brief thought of Christina Sutton. I saw a truck like her mother used to drive and off my head went. I'm sure thinking about Nina So led to another random thing and that to another. The process never ever ends.

As you can tell I'm in a good mood.. I'm sure it's 'cuz I'm here. Quite sure.

My head.. it's off in another direction before I finished that last sentence. I just couldn't wait for the period to come before I started going off on nothing.. what an insane person I am, eh?

Yeah.. anyway, enough of me for tonight. Now you can't say I never update anymore because I did. *thumbs up* Hoo-ray!! <--[yeah..its best we keep that excitement on the Down Low]

...and -Ellen & Evan- hope you two had fun doing whatever you found to do.. I miss you both.

2 Blank's | Shoot Me

:: 2005 17 July :: 12.50 am

Waving good-bye to Weaubleau...
I'm tired of this town. I don't want to come back here anymore. Weekend after weekend stupid stuff just keeps happening and I spend way more money than I need to be spending. I'm done with it. I'm tired of drinking and being around here. I've had my fill.

I just want to move to Bolivar and never come back. Too bad that isn't so easy.

Apparently Mr. Jack-off has a child and just likes to have sex a lot. I'm glad I'm good at picking the best out of a croud to take up with. Ohh well, I'm hopeful that I will find someone worth while in college or sometime in my life.

I'm really just hating a lot about life right now. I should just go throw up and go to bed so I don't harm myself any more.

5 Blank's | Shoot Me

:: 2005 10 July :: 10.10 pm

Okay... so, last night!

It was just fun. I find the most fun in times where you can just sit around and talk to a few people you really enjoy being around and leave your worries for a while. If you're not a person like that then you wouldn't have enjoyed last night like I did.

I bought $60 worth of alcohol. 32 bottles. 4 people... and Jack bought two. I think Angie and I put down the most. I was pretty messed up. Four joints were passed and passed again. When I got in to go home my car wouldn't start. Had to send Kenny to get jumper cables so I could go home. My father called me at 2:45 and was pissed because I wasn't home. Apparently my mother believed I was in an accident because she heard sirens. I don't like when people worry about me.

...then there is Jack. He's really cute. I'd say he's a good 6 feet tall and ripped as hell. Not the type I'd normally think about dating because of my severe lack of self-confidence.. I need someone a little more not so perfect. He's called me twice today though. I should've had my camera. The first half of the night I was calling him "the hot guy".. Angie of course knew who that was in reference to. But yeah, awesome guy. He lives in Bolivar too! He picked me up for no reason and I about threw up. Then I fell when Kenny threw an ice cube at me and he helped me up. Before I left he gave me a hug. Like it!

Anyway.. next time I'm supposed to go to Springfield for the par-tay. Vaughan and Mike are supposed to throw me "one hell of a party" because I support their drinking every weekend. So... can't wait for that! Maybe Jack will come?!

I don't know whats wrong with me, I don't fall for guys I just have sex with them. I'd say it'd be a good thing if that were to change though. That'd be a really good thing. Not getting my hopes up though.

3 Blank's | Shoot Me