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2003 16 December :: 11.00 pm
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: --------
blah..
I am so fucking tired... the sad thing is, when I go to bed, I still will be tired the following morning... It fucking sucks.. no rest for Amber's body... none.
Ha.. Ellen, I still have not ate.. Only M.D. and Mellow Yellow are keeping me alive.. Im going to pass out and go into a fucking coma or something... ohh well.. maybe they will diognose me with a massively life threatening disease and I will DIE.!.!.
-hmph- Its only Tuesday..... FUCK.
3 Blank's |
Shoot Me |
::
2003 15 December :: 9.45 pm
:: Mood: cranky
Agh... Now what???
Well...the last thing I had left... my car... has just given up on me...
-sigh-...
The one thing I had left... DIED.. -hmph-... What do I do?
I kinda feel bad for my dad.. he has been up all day, and now he has to work all night.. he has to be up all day tomorrow while the guy works on my car...
I am suprised I wasnt yelled at, and threatened with my life... but I wasnt. I wish they would have just killed me... That is the fucking happy thought of the day...
-sigh- Atleast Ellen was with me... She kept me sane.. but, perhaps, I drove her insane, or the rest of the way there...
Agh.. If there is anything else that could fall apart in the next few days... be sure to let me know if you find out before me.. so I can prepare myself...
And -sigh- my dads truck... Fucking tailgate is screwed the fuck up... all of this shit happening because of my car that I once thought was so special, and once were proud of owning...
Shit... EVERYTHING is now SHIT... Everything..
-hmph-
My nerves are fucked up... Perhaps I should go to bed...
4 Blank's |
Shoot Me |
::
2003 14 December :: 9.00 pm
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: Dashboard Confessional - Screaming Infidelities
hmph...
I dont know... I just dont know a damn thing anymore. I am also unable to say what I feel currently.
I will just sit here and wonder, what might have been, for the rest of my days.
5 Blank's |
Shoot Me |
::
2003 14 December :: 8.20 pm
:: Mood: gloomy
:: Music: Disturbed
Open up your hate, and let it flow into me
Why can't you just fuck off and die
Agh... Fuck..
Yes...FUCK...Everything. Its much easier then.
I am so fucking tired of every fucking thing. Everything is fucked up... because I made it fucked up... I will be the first to admit, I fucked up my own life... Its all my fucking fault. I blame me.... I am so fucking confused....
Im sorry you have to be around my fucking pathetic shit.
Fuck .M.E.
Fuck .R.E.L.I.G.I.O.N.
Fuck .L.I.F.E.
Fuck .H.A.P.P.I.N.E.S.S.
Fuck .L.I.G.H.T.S.
Fuck....Y...O...U...
I think that went really well... Dont you think?
3 Blank's |
Shoot Me |
::
2003 14 December :: 1.12 pm
Evanescence - Going Under
Now I will tell you what I've done for you
50 thousand tears I've cried
Screaming Deceiving and Bleeding for you
And you still won't hear me
Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself
Maybe I'll wake up for once
Not tormented daily defeated by you
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom
I'm dying again
I'm going under
Drowning in you
I'm falling forever
I've got to break through
I'm going under
Blurring and Stirring the truth and the lies
So I don't know what's real and what's not
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I can't trust myself anymore
I'm dying again
I'm going under
Drowing in you
I'm falling forever
I've got to break through
So go on and scream
Scream at me I'm so far away
I won't be broken again
I've got to breathe I can't keep going under
Shoot Me |
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