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2003 5 November :: 7.55 pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: Linkin Park - Crawling
*yawning*
Thanks for your new journal Ellen. I'm sorry for being so mean to you all the time. I didnt realize I was mean....my bad. Lemme know if I ever say anything to hurt you, I would never intend to do it on purpose.
I am becoming more emotionless and mean. I was just sarcastic but now I often catch myself saying things I really shouldnt have. I dont know why, but I am taking everything out on everyone around me, well alot of shit anyway........sorry everybody.
I scared Kim yesterday when I told her I didnt believe in God.
In Mr. Cook's class something brought up Babylon and I started laughing...
Kim: "What is Babylon"
Me: "A Place In The Bible"
Kim: "Then what is wrong with it"
Me: *turns around*
Kim whispering to Angie..."Whats wrong with the bible"
Me: *turns back around* "I dont believe in God"
Kim: *jaw drops* looks at Angie "She Doesnt?"
Angie: "No"
Kim: *turning slowly* looks back at me in complete shock and still not knowing what Babylon is...........
lol.....It was one of those things you had to be there to catch the amusement......it was pretty funny.
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2003 4 November :: 7.08 pm
:: Mood: enthralled
Ellens Journal is Gone.........:(
Linkin Park
Part Of Me
Part of me won’t go away
Everyday reminded how much I hate it
Weighted against the consequences
Can’t live without it so it’s senseless
Wanna cut it out of my soul
And just live with a gaping hole
Take control of my life
And wash out all the burnt taste
I made the problems in the first place
Hang my head low ‘cause it’s part of me
Ya hardly see right next to the heart of me
Heard of me the routine scar
New cuts cover where the old ones are
And now I’m sick of this
I can’t stand the sandpaper thoughts that grade away on my sanity
I rather not even be then the man that’s staring in the mirror through me
Cut myself free willingly
Stop just what’s killing me
Cut myself free willingly
Stop just what’s killing me
Cut myself free willingly
Stop just what’s killing me
Cut myself free willingly
Stop just what’s killing me
I feel it everyday
I feel I made my way
I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside
Swallowing me
It can’t be frightening if you’ve never felt it
Once it’s been dealt with you feel like you’ve been touched by something angelic
And then melted down into a pool of peace
Cease to be the animal you used to be
Remove the broken parts you know were wrong
And feel the karma when the problem’s all gone
And then you start to see another piece of yourself that you can’t let be
And that reason’ll last fight to free yourself
Take it to the depths of the bottom of the well
And now you know you can choose to lose the part in your heart
Where your insides bruise
You can live if you’re willing to
Put a stop to just what’s killing you
Cut myself free willingly
Stop just what’s killing me
Cut myself free willingly
Stop just what’s killing me
Cut myself free willingly
Stop just what’s killing me
Cut myself free willingly
Stop just what’s killing me
I feel it everyday
I feel I made my way
I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside
Swallowing me
(Alive in me, inside of me, a part of me screams away silently
This part of me won’t go away, part of me won’t go away
Everywhere I look around I see how everyone ought to be
Every time I see myself there’s always something wrong with me
Everywhere I look around I see how everyone ought to be
Every time I see myself there’s always something wrong with me)
I feel it everyday
I feel I made my way
I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside
Swallowing me
I feel it everyday
I feel I made my way
I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside
Swallowing me
I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside, swallowing me
I feel it swell up inside, swell up inside, swallowing me
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2003 3 November :: 4.57 pm
:: Mood: enraged
:: Music: Ozzy Osbourne - I Dont Wanna Change The World
hmm....
Damn....I am glad today is over. I hated today.
When people are happy in the morning is pisses me off....alot.
I dont wanna change the world, I dont want the world to change me.......
I.......hmm.....isnt it weird when you get stuck staring at one thing for like 30 fucking seconds....its strange as hell...its like a sleeping mode with your eyes open.
I am rambling.....
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2003 30 October :: 11.31 am
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: Trapt - Echo
Whats up ang....too my right.....kim....to my left.
You guys reading my journal thing here......
I hate this computer typing shit....grr....it makes me really mad because its really really dumb.
So I guess I should go finish it so I dont have to complain any longer.....peace out ya'll.....have a good day.
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2003 29 October :: 7.33 pm
:: Mood: indescribable
:: Music: Dashboard Confessional - Hands Down
Today was a bad day. Everything is just......wrong. I am pretty much speachless about how this week has gone...I dont really know what to think about or do.
I need something to do on Halloween. I've not done anything since I was like 10, which of course was Trick or Treating. I think Im a little old for that, just an assumption.
I...........dont know.
I like this song......blah blah blah......I trust the way they fill their minds......Thats the only line I can understand.
*sigh*
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