:: 2005 18 June :: 5.00 pm

Some people have wicked mood changes. I happen to be one of those people... I've practically come to the conclusion it came from my father. He goes from decent to bastard in about two seconds. It's so hard to read too.

It's funny when my father is trying to convince my mother that they should buy this expensive ass grill to replace their nearly-new one. He's going on and on "it withstands temperatures from below 0 to 1800 degrees!".. who cares?

Now the conversation has turned to me.. "Amber, I think I owe you some money..." "don't worry about it.." *my mother talking to my father* "she wont take ones.." *dad yelling* "what in the hell is wrong with a one?"

...ugh, what in the hell is wrong with YOU? From nothing to something to bitch about in 5 seconds.

Maybe I'm just to observant of people and their actions. I notice everything. Maybe I pick out too many flaws in people. I love a lot of you for who you are though, why cant I find something like that in my parents? It's not that I want to find that it's just that there should automatically be a respect and love for them.

I don't know.. I'm just wasting time because there isn't a thing to do.

Shoot Me

:: 2005 17 June :: 6.00 pm

I'm at home. I didn't come sober for fear of not being able to handle any sort of situation that may happen. I'm completely on edge... I'm just freaking out. I'm becoming me again, the old me. I can feel how deep and secretive I'm trying to make myself and everything about me seem. It's pointless to know things like all of the activity in my life it only adds crap to other lives and that's just not needed. I may just be feeling like this because I've hardly spoken to the people I actually talk to in forever, or so it seems.

Things have just changed. Everything has changed. I guess I'm having a hard time dealing with that. Once I get a source of stable ground everything changes and I lose it again. I just hope I will someday have something stable to help me stand strong. Some say God is the best source for that.. others seem to think differently. Personally, I plan on going where I lead myself with what feels right.. hopefully that is in the right direction.

I don't even know why I just said all of that.. it means nothing.

Shoot Me

:: 2005 17 June :: 6.15 am

My father is being nice again.

I'm sitting here thinking of all of these things that have happened. I could update with that but.. none of it really matters. Nothing of substance has happened lately.

I guess I'm just letting you guys know I'm still alive.. though sometimes even that is deemed questionable.

Shoot Me

:: 2005 13 June :: 5.25 pm

"It takes two people to have an argument" ...? That's bullshit.

Oprah kinda got to me today. Quite sad, eh?

Someone is already driving my car around in Bolivar. Don't be like one of my other friends and flip the guy off thinking it is me. I doubt it's appreciated.

I went to lunch with Scott today only to find out he does still have a girlfriend. So much for trying again. Damn my luck.

Anyway.. no good news. Just news with a mild disappointment issue.

-and- I also forgot to tell you guys that one of my jaw bones is fractured along with my broken rib. It's a nice combination.

5 Blank's | Shoot Me

:: 2005 11 June :: 12.10 am

Why didn't you guys warn me how much broken ribs hurt? Not that knowing would've helped the situation. Hoo-ray for my first broken bone... ever. You can feel the love I get in my right side.

Ahh... the advantages of self-destruction.

I guess negative attention is better than none.

I also don't need another person to tell me I'm a bad person... so, If you're lining up for that -I don't want to know- hold your tounge. Please.

While I'm saying some valuable things.. I broke two of my promises to you tonight. I'm sorry... I told you it would happen. Those peachy occurances of boxing with my father have made it a little rough on me this evening.

Shoot Me