:: 2005 7 June :: 9.15 pm

Nothing too good to believe can last forever.

That's the only conclusion I've really ended at in a week. What brought it on? The rain.. that's all it took.

3 Blank's | Shoot Me

:: 2005 3 June :: 3.50 pm

I believe doing something we shouldn't be doing makes us think. Right now it's making me think of making something of my life. I don't think I can. I wish someone could take my life and make something of it. I mean, I'd like to think I've learned something from the life I've led, I'm afraid I really haven't.

I still think it would be so much easier to not be here. Not just "home" here.. alive here.

I hate those moments where you're getting along perfectly fine and all of a sudden when you've actually forgotten everything is really wrong... then something goes wrong and everything falls right back apart.. time after time. It's hard to gain anything when one little thing, pointless thing, ruins everything. I suppose all of that is only considering the fact that we could get along without the little things messing everything up anyway.

For example:

Conversations about how the day has been turns into a complete contraversy. Hostility plays I part too I suppose. It's just such a change after you don't get along with someone any day of one week and all of a sudden that same person asks you how your day went.. of course it's going to be an issue. How can the situation be taken seriously? Conversations that start like that at my house end up like this...

"At least you could be civil."
"Okay."
"Can't you just let it go and get on with your life?"

What are you supposed to say to that remark, those of you who know my situation?

Of course, who couldn't let go of everything in their damn life and move on? What kind of a damn question is that anyway? What the hell ever. I've just never learned how to stay away from things going back to how they started.

How do conversations get turned around so easily you ask? Well.. watch the movie The War at Home and you should understand. Mainly that is how my mother is... atleast during the breakfast scene and shortly after in the movie. It is so identical to how my mother acts. Actually, the entire thing is exactly like my family when we set down and attempt to be a family. Effort never counts. It nearly sickens me.

Speaking of little things, it's strange those little things that certain people bring to your mind.

On a whole other side of life, It bothers me to know someone is upset but they wont talk about their problems. I hate to see disappointment. Then again, I hate interrogation. I hate several things. Like stories, I hate stories... where do they come from? They seem so random most of the time, the smallest thing triggers a reflex to tell a story, to share your life. Stories are okay until statistics come into them.

Shoot Me

:: 2005 2 June :: 6.30 pm

Shoot Me

:: 2005 29 May :: 1.15 am

What a night...

My stomach feels like a 300 pound man punched it really hard.. ohh wait, one did. So, that's how my night started.

Twenty three phone calls and thirty miles later I was in Bolivar, the place where I could spend forever. Thank you so much for being there and being so voluntary to help me out of this mess I'm supposed to call "home."

Anyway.. still no long entry but, I promise.. it's coming soon.

Until then...

Shoot Me

:: 2005 27 May :: 5.00 pm

Shoot Me