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2005 8 May :: 11.15 pm
Friends are so full of value these days. A special thanks goes out to the genius who felt it was necessary to change my password and attempt to get me off of Woohu. Big thumbs up to you.
Anyway.. to all of you mothers out there, Happy Mothers Day. I successfully made both my mother and grandmother cry today. My mom opened her card when she and I were alone and she started crying, looked up at me, and said "I'm so sorry." Then she went on to say "I don't know how you can be so considerate and forgiving of me, actually, I don't know how you can be a person at all." For a moment, I was confused but she explained that she never expected me to make it as far as I have and now she feels "bad" that she treated me the way she did. Great timing to start caring.
I just need to breathe for... about 6 more days, then I can say I successfully completed more than I had ever dreamed possible.
[update]
It makes me sad when I hear a song once dedicated to me.
<3 Bryan...
[Our Lady Peace - Clumsy]
. Throw away the radio suitcase .
. That keeps you awake .
. Hide the telephone, the telephone, telephone, in case .
..
. You realize that sometimes you're not okay .
. You level off, you level off, you level off .
..
. and its not all right now .
..
. You need to understand .
. There's nothing strange about this .
. You need to know your friends .
..
. You need to know that .
. I'll be waving my hand watching you drown .
. Watching you scream .
. Quiet or loud .
..
. And maybe you should sleep .
. And maybe you just need, a friend .
. As clumsy as you've been .
. There's no one laughing .
. You will be safe in here .
. You will be safe in here .
..
. Throw away this very old shoelace .
. That tripped you again .
. Try to shrug it off, shrug it off, shrug it off .
. It's only skin now .
. You need to understand .
. There's nothing fake about this .
. You need to let me in .
. I'm watching you .
..
. And I'll be waving my hand watching you drown .
. Watching you scream .
. No ones around .
1 Blank |
Shoot Me |
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2005 5 May :: 7.05 pm
What an asshole. I don't think I'll ever get along with my father. I don't know that I want to. He's impossible. I do everything a normal parent would want their child to do and sometimes more.. is it good enough? Of course not. What do I have to freaking do? I'm coming to the point where I should just tell them that I'm on drugs, I drink non-stop, and that I am crazy and have been known to try and kill myself.. maybe they'll slap me in an institution. You know why I wouldn't mind that? Because I wouldn't be here at my "home".
...no one can blow down a brick wall...
3 Blank's |
Shoot Me |
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2005 3 May :: 9.45 pm
So.. never thought the last month of school would be so busy. I also never thought half of the things that came up would, and they shouldn't have. Everyone seems to be so light and happy these days.. it makes me feel... obligated. I'm sure you probably don't understand why or how it would make me feel obligated but thats why I don't care if you understand or not.
I just have too much going on right now. You know, most people say they wouldn't want to be someone else, I'd love to try it. What would I have to lose?
...and you...? [delete original post] I suppose the e-mail I sent will determine how you want to handle the entire thing.. hopefully, I'll get an e-mail back.
I should probably just drop everything before I lose any more friends, eh?
Maybe I can defy all scientific proof and disappear.
Have a nice, happy, jolly, fun-filled day everyone.
1 Blank |
Shoot Me |
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2005 30 April :: 5.30 pm
. Excuse the mess, I didn't see you from behind .
. I caught a glimpse, but the reflection's only mine .
. It's .almost. like I'm paralyzed and locked outside myself .
. What I don't need is to concede because I won't be someone else .
. I am not perfect and I don't claim to be .
. And if that's what you wanted .
. Well then I'm so sorry .
..
. How about a better version of, the way that I am .
. How about a better version that, makes me understand .
. How about a better version of, the way that I am .
. The way I look, The way I speak .
. How about a better version of me .
. As I go, remember all the simple things you know about me .
. and I still hope, that you will miss me when I'm gone .
.. I'm gone ..
.. everyone has their day to die ..
3 Blank's |
Shoot Me |
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2005 26 April :: 10.15 pm
Oprah probably wasn't the best choice of things for me to watch today.
I wonder why it is I always relate myself to things.. and also why I take things so personally. I take almost everything personal I just don't let it bother me too much. Okay, that's a lie. I let everything bother me. Just a quite practical flaw.
...and yes, I know.. the world must revolve around you.
Two people in the senior class are starting to really sicken me. Ellen, you know who one of them happens to be. The other one always seems to fall behind like my shadow. She's always there.
I think I may have made a bad turn when I became so sarcastic. It's made people believe I'm a person that I try hard not to be. Atleast as I learned today. A few comments from here and there shot me down damn fast. Thats okay.. everyone is misunderstood to a certain level.
Tomorrow night.. Bolivar, finally. I have to stop and take care of my parking ticket and then drop by Russell Cellular and buy something then to Wal*Mart for my grandmother. Fun times, eh?
Since I'm not too capable of functioning properly, I'll talk to all of you who matter tomorrow at one time or another.
Shoot Me |
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