::
2005 25 April :: 4.10 pm
I'm exhausted. It's probably from doing nothing.. well, except all of those things I do that I shouldn't, I'm good at making people proud.
I also plan on getting absolutely wasted the last few chances I have. Friday night to start things off right in the wrong direction.
Whatever... screw it all...
-chances
-change
-a new beginning
-trying
-succeeding
-being safe
.or simply just.
-...life.
-update-
People who don't care enough to let people know that plans change just really piss me off. I should've known it would be this way. One more reason to not be assistant coach.. not that I don't want to be. I wonder if she asked me just for the hilarity. Whatever, at least I'm attempting to be dedicated.
.can I break away?.
. push me away .
. make me fall .
. just to see another side of me .
. push me away .
. you can see what I see .
. the other side of me .
Shoot Me |
::
2005 23 April :: 7.10 pm
Friday was awesome. I had more fun on Senior Skip Day than I've ever had any other time with my class. It was loads of fun. Everyone there I could stand. No one was stupid and everyone was fairly mellow. It was just simple and fun. Too bad it was so windy and cold. It was alright though. After being a Capalinger [sp?] Mills the entire morning the party migrated to Angie's place of residence. I went to Bolivar because I wasn't feeling so great. So, I hung out at Tiff's house until I lost most of my spaciness. Then, back to Angie's where I drank and did a few other things. My father actually gave me permission to stay out until 1 a.m. since I wasn't "running around". I stopped drinking around 12 so I had an hour to get a little aware of the surroundings before driving home. It was just so unbelievable fun, the entire day. Hopefully grad. party will be just as fun. I'm not driving home from it though, there's no way I'll be able to.
Anyway, the weekend started off great. Today had a bit of a turn to it though. My family went to Springfield. It wasn't too bad on the way there. My mother, grandmother and I always go in while my father and grandfather stay in the vehicle. One of us three always call one of them to come and pick us up from a certain exit door. Today, my father just takes off before my mother could get in and he just starts driving away with her holding onto the car, basically dragging. So she yells "Danny! Danny!" and he slams on his brakes and she slams into the door. Not one word was spoken after that. It was just... strange. So, he's pissed at the world because she can't jump in the moving vehicle and she's pissed at him for being such an ass.
I don't know if anything is going on tonight, I'm in the mood to migrate for a while. I should call Angie and see what's up.
Tomorrow, Bolivar for sure.. to where, not sure. Either your place or just with the family. I'll see which when I find out from you what your plans are.
Back to shit Monday. Softball practice Monday night at 8.. or 8:30, don't remember. I have to change my weekly Bolivar plans now because of it.. unless I say I can't do it. I'm not good at changing things around successfully. Unless I go Sunday nights and stay and stay Wednesday nights or something. I just don't know. I really need someone to schedule and change everything for me. Don't we all?
-since then-
I love when people you thought didn't even exist anymore call you up and want a favor. Then they just hang up when you tell them you can't leave. Like it was my fault!?
better than that...
Happy 1 month Birthday Irvin!!
What a crazy thought, I can't believe it's already been a month, before anyone knows it, he'll be 18. Unbelievable. It's kinda cool lil' Irv and I have something celebrate on the same day. Well, his day shall be celebrated mine just remembered.
Shoot Me |
::
2005 20 April :: 7.00 pm
I'm not sure how to describe today. I wasn't any different. You know me, I don't ever change externally. But.. Ellen was happy, I noticed that made some other people glow as well. I didn't even see Evan enough to talk to him. Everyone else was about the same I think, I don't really pay attention. I don't care enough to.
Happy Birthday to Adolf Hitler -and- Carmen Electra. Also, hoo-ray for all of you pot smokers, hope you had fun.
Quote of the day:
"The latest definition of an optimist is one who fills up his crossword puzzle in ink."
- Clement King Shorter
My great-grandfathers auction is May 2nd, my mother gave me a bill of sale today. Made me kinda sad. "Due to the recent death of Perry Johnson, we will sell the following described merchandise at the home located at 224 N. Flint in Bolivar, MO."...there goes the rest of his life.
I'm so cynical it sometimes sickens even me. It's just who I am. Looking at life as "everything happens for a reason" is alright but when you're happy because of it.. if that gives you peace of mind, you're the one that needs help, not me.
...even those who never frown will eventually break down...
2 Blank's |
Shoot Me |
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2005 19 April :: 4.45 pm
I hate people. Today especially.
Damn it...
Imagine that.
Whatever you say.
-on a positive note-
Thank you for coming today. It was nice to see you, not that I don't normally. I guess it was just nice to have you there to keep me sane. Mr. Jeffrey call me out while you were gone to "talk". He said Mr. Retard Ford was going to "monitor" the class. Whatever
Welcome back Ellen and Evan. Hope your trip was okay.
. I hear you talk about your family life .
. I wish I knew just what that means .
..
. My mothers always tried to change herself .
. She never learned to let things be .
. She doesn't know how bad she messed me up .
. 'Cause now she seems so fake to me but I love her .
..
. If you push me then I won't fall .
. I've been programmed to take it all .
. And shove it way down inside .
..
. I've never needed anyone to help me .
. I'm begging you to please come save me from myself .
Shoot Me |
::
2005 17 April :: 10.01 pm
What-the hell-ever
That's what I get. This is what I get.
I am losing one day at a time.
. I'd like to run away .
. I'd like to say a few things .
-to you-
. about the way I feel inside .
Shoot Me |
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