::
2005 12 April :: 5.55 pm
Fuck this.
I'm so absolutely fed up with my asshole of a father and his bullshit. He has the rudest comments of anyone I know. My mom? She just laughs. From the very minute he got home until whenever he passes out tonight he won't stop. Hell is guarunteed tonight. I knew he would make up for last night. I just wish I could... -I can't start thinking that again. Forget it.
...just forget it all...
1 Blank |
Shoot Me |
::
2005 10 April :: 9.15 pm
Prom
Ellen
Jess
Me
The Table
Ellen and Wes
Josh
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That is all I have worth updating over.
2 Blank's |
Shoot Me |
::
2005 7 April :: 9.45 am
.Don't let me die before I go to sleep.
.and I can't keep going.
.but I cannot start again.
.-.
.This road I walk is paved with broken promises I've made.
.at least a million times I've fallen.
.but never will I break.
.-.
.These walls I make.
.they could hold me in and hold me back today.
.but tomorrow's new and I'll walk right out .
.and walk right over you.
.if you hear me screaming.
.please don't let me fall again.
Shoot Me |
::
2005 5 April :: 10.00 pm
I'm sick of his shit. I wish I had a place to hide right now. I'd leave but, I know, if I ever leave.. I'll never be allowed back. I don't know if.. nevermind, I don't know anything.
English today made me just absolutely furious yet extremely sad at the same time. It's a horrible combination, atleast with me. Yvette started it -well, she brought up how "bad" I used to "claim" my life was. Justin replied with "yeah, you've had it rough".. that was followed by me saying "maybe you don't know anything about me, Justin." his clever self popped off "well, maybe you don't know anything about me" and I said "I never claimed to."
It just sometimes pisses me off that hardly no one knows anything about my life. I know, that is my fault. I just wonder if it would've been easier had they known. And if so, easier for them or me? Maybe I wouldn't be where I am today if someone would've known. Maybe it'd be worse.
For some reason I am absolutely scared to death tonight. I'm shaking with fear right now.. it's strange. It's like I know something is going to happen, I even have that horrid worried feeling in my stomach though that hardly goes away. Hopefully, it's just bad instincts. We shall see, eh?
...and you would say...
...something has gone wrong...
Shoot Me |
::
2005 5 April :: 4.05 pm
[Spineshank-Smothered]
.The black and cold reminds me.
.of all the distance we have crossed.
.and if your darkness blinds me.
.I could never be more lost.
.-.
.but I'm not the one who seeks your protection.
.I'm not the one to share the disguise.
.and I'm not the one who reeks of rejection.
.I'm not the one to tear the same way twice.
.-.
.You push from the inside.
.smothered.
.You push from the inside -out-.
.smothered.
.-.
.Have all your walls surround me.
.-they're- closing in they block my sight.
.the violence around me.
.found me when I could not fight.
.-.
.but I'm not the one to take your direction.
.I'm not the one who wears the disguise.
.and I'm not the one to share your reflection.
.I'm not the one you break the same way twice.
.-.
.I will never win.
.I will never win with you.
.I read you.
.I fear you round up no more than you know.
.I hate you.
.I still do everytime you let me go.
Shoot Me |