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2005 30 March :: 3.45 pm
Well.. one more family member gone. I don't have many to go. All of the ones that mean the most to me I'm losing. I can't believe he's gone.. he was such a strong guy. I'll miss him a lot.
I'm not sure when the family night and funeral will be, I may have to miss school Friday.
I miss last week. I want it back. I'm aware that dreading school doesn't help make it any better but it's hard not to dread going.
I feel like I could sleep for days, I'm exhausted. My brain isn't processing anything correctly. I need to go find something that'll give me energy.
1 Blank |
Shoot Me |
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2005 29 March :: 10.30 pm
So tell me.. what should I do? If I'm wrong I'd like to know so I can change the way I'm looking at things. I'll be the first to admit I'm wrong if it comes to the knowledge of that fact. But right now, I think I'm right. Shouldn't you be happy because I have someone to help me out? Probably not, well.. I'm extremely thankful I do. Without her support I'd be dead in a ditch from an overdose. I have a life to look foward to now, shouldn't that make you happy? I just don't understand. Maybe you don't understand what's changed in my life lately either. Maybe I have reasons for things, not that you should need them for anything but, I've proof.
Maybe I should just stop talking, eh? It's not like it's a battle anyone will win.. no one should have this battle to struggle through to begin with. Whatever.
I've made enough bad decisions tonight.. I should let everything rest before I make another.
Shoot Me |
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2005 28 March :: 10.00 pm
Right now I don't think it's possible for me to care any less.. about things in general. I don't know why. Just a big slump I'm stuck in for a while I suppose. Sad that one person put's me there everytime, eh? I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how I've landed so low. It seems as if I've suffered from a great loss.. though I know there's been nothing but things I've gained lately. Maybe I'm just losing my self-worth. I feel like I'm in another world.. and I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere with nothing. I know I have things in my life though. I have you, and Evie, and... Irv as the newest edition to the list. Speaking of Irvin.. I was thinking, he's the second best thing that has ever happened to me. You want to know what the first thing was? You. You have changed everything about my life into another reason to reach out for more than the nothing that was handed to me.
I've decided I have no more to say... again.
11 Blank's |
Shoot Me |
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2005 28 March :: 7.20 pm
...when the world falls apart...
Guess what? I get to spend another night with -only- my father. Yes, my mother is staying with my Great Grandfather again. So.. hoo-ray for a, shall we say, eventful night. I'm starting to feel very sick to my stomach.
How can someone such as myself hate where they are so much yet remain too incredibly stubborn to leave? I don't even make sense to myself anymore... actually, I dont believe I ever have. Making sense is not what I'm good at otherwise I'd be somewhere entirely different.
I just wonder.. how is it, in a world outside of my life? I've hardly taken the time to notice anything about the things I should've. I feel as if my time is wasted. I feel bad my entire life I've only been able to have time for my own life, I've not had the opportunities to help other like I would have liked. I wish I would've had the chance to take advantage of the ability to help others. Maybe I did and didn't even realize it.
..maybe this is just a dream..
I dont have anything -of value- to say.
Shoot Me |
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2005 27 March :: 10.10 pm
Tomorrow will be a really bad day. There's no way around it. It's basically impossible for any day the rest of this entire year to be good... the school day anyway. I just thought I'd share with all of you how much I am dreading tomorrow. So.. there it is.. make of it what you will. I'm too angry to care.. or to say anything else.
Shoot Me |
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