:: 2005 27 March :: 5.30 pm

Today isn't good. But, I'm getting better at hiding it, at not letting everyone know the beating I was forced to endure the night or morning before. It's good. I'm losing sight of myself again... I don't know what to do. I'm just absolutely covered in things I can't seem to rid myself of. I'm losing touch.. but, I'm waiting to get it back. I need a drastic turn of events... something to turn my life back in the right direction. I've used all of my sources, It's my turn now. So, that means.. don't count on anything, I'm quite known for letting myself and everyone else down. Atleast I'm good at something, eh?

Thank's to you last night was free of violence and hatred. It was great, a quiet night. I can't put into words how good it was to feel like I was more than just "bad news". Something more than "an accident waiting to happen". I couldn't gather enough strength to tell you how much I enjoyed and appreciated last night this morning, I appologize.

1 Blank | Shoot Me

:: 2005 25 March :: 10.45 pm

Shoot Me

:: 2005 24 March :: 6.25 pm

:: 2005 22 March :: 6.00 pm

What a day. Hours of sitting in a hospital are long and hard to endure but, since it's who it is.. I've no problem with the endurance. I'm just so happy I get to be a part of everything that is going on.

Now.. the questions is.. will Irvin be born -today- or -tomorrow-...? I just hope everything goes well.

It was a different experience, being in a hospital for that reason. I guess I should get used to it though, eh? Almost one down, four more to go.

Is -that- not the best thing you've ever heard?

Nothing sounds better -to me-.

-update-
*grr..* Damn it.

Second try at updating.

As I tried to inform you guys the first time.. my father is a very pissed person right now. I've not seen him this angry in a long time. Tonight will be absolute hell and a half.

He punched the door going into my parent's bedroom and left a nice hole to fix. I don't know what in the hell his problem is. He's such an asshole to everyone.

What a lovely last-half-of-the-day. Not that it's a freaking suprize.

I don't care - whatever. I'll be gone soon enough, let them deal with that for a while.

Also... because of the above I will be hard to reach anytime soon... maybe never again. Who knows?

-update-
If you feel like there is something you need to do, do it. You'll never hate yourself more for anything else than delaying and losing something you once held close to you because of it.

[3/23]

Shoot Me

:: 2005 21 March :: 9.45 pm

just.. wow..
I had some kind of weird emotional breakdown type of thing after I left your place. I just started crying and I couldn't even see to drive.. I had to pull over and gather myself. I was sitting there and I questioned myself I actually said "this is something to be happy about" and then I smiled and said "this is great!!".. so, I guess it was just a happy cry.. I'm not really sure. It was happy until I got closer to home then the part of me that doubts how things will turn out and I got worried about everything. I'm going to drive myself nuts over this for no reason!

But.. I was also thinking about if I'm closer to being your child or your sister. You're like the mother I never had and you're also like the sister I never had. Maybe you're just an awesome mixture of both? But, you know.. Irvin and I are going to be tight no matter what.

This is going to be great!

Shoot Me