:: 2005 21 March :: 12.35 am

So.. a little update before I'm off to try to sleep for a bit.

Tonight was pretty much hell. I also don't know why it's so hard for me to hear someone telling me how much they care. I know that's all you and everyone else involved was trying to prove.

There's not too much I could say to explain to anyone what went wrong tonight. Close to everything to make it simple. There's only so much a person can do when things start to happen like they were tonight.. I did what I thought was best. Who knows where I would have been if I wouldn't have left when I did.

Thank you for giving me a call. For some reason your voice calms me down a lot. I guess because I know you're only there to help me out.

Evan, I appreciate everything you and your mother did for me tonight as well. Thanks for the talk about pretty much everything. It was good to get my mind off of things if only for a moment.

You all get a H U G E thanks from the bottom of my heart and a great big love-filled hug too. I appreciate you all so very much.

Shoot Me

:: 2005 20 March :: 8.35 pm

If I didn't have bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all.

But, it keeps things interesting.. I guess.

Shoot Me

:: 2005 20 March :: 10.30 am

Why does it still take a deep breath to say something short yet important... maybe because it's so hard to let it out? Perhaps it's just because it's an attempt to let out our doubt over the situation.. or the result. I think that may be how I look at it during those experiences. But, the more sighing and delaying I tend to do the more I make it my fault that anything they say really is true.. and that my status -as a productive person- is, in fact, not even measurable.

I've planned my life around failure because usually failure made it easier.. it fit right in with their plan. Perfection on their part was established. I guess atleast I'm good at taking a fall.. I've become quite used to them. So.. it's not a big deal anymore.

And to those of you who think you're going to let me down, don't worry about it.. it's nothing. Sadly enough I'm so used to not being able to count on people I don't hardly have hope anyone will come through with what they say. Slowly though.. that's changing. I'm trying to become a better person.. I'm doing all I can, taking careful steps.

I'm not even sure why I started going on and on about that stuff but, I'm done now. I was thinking of appoligizing but I guess you didn't have to read it, did you?

Anyway, the day must continue...

Shoot Me

:: 2005 19 March :: 8.10 pm

*sigh*
It's hard to prepare for what might happen when you have no clue what could come next. I guess you get what was given to you, eh?

Thank you for letting me hang out at your place all day. I actually had fun... a lot of fun. I really needed that brief break from reality.

Shoot Me

:: 2005 17 March :: 10.55 pm

What I wouldn't give to be a different person sometimes.

I can't say what I want... and I can't get away from what I don't want.

Shoot Me