a really good book... written here::
After long and thoughtful consideration, I have come to a rather interesting conclusion. Even though the global population is soaring into the billions, with thousands of regions, languages, philosophies, and cultures represented, ultimately there are two kinds of people. There are those who are certain the world is going to be hell in a hand basket, and those who believe the best is yet to come. (Actually there is a third kind of person who thinks traditional Irish dance is the highest form of creative expression, but I really don’t want to talk about them.) Now it hardly takes a genius to point out that we already live in dangerous, and uncertain times. Why, all you have to do is turn on the TV, grab a copy of the newspaper, or just take a look out your window. It ain’t a pretty sight. Best friends and former allies are suddenly tearing at each other’s throats, while unshakable economic powerhouses are crashing to their knees on a daily basis. You and I both know that good people get attacked in broad daylight all the time, but somehow the bad guys never get caught. It seems that everywhere you turn there are psychotic egomaniacs secretly trying to spoil your fun, drive you crazy, and generally make your life miserable. Just for starters, there are shop clerks with way too much attitude, doughnuts with too much icing sugar, unbearably long tap-dance routines in the middle of your favorite old musicals, and the dramatic aftereffects of a dangerously authentic chili con carne that are made ten times worst because public rest room doors never lock properly anymore! Of course, heartburn is nothing compared to heartache. Even though we are frequently told there are plenty of fish in the sea, the truth is that most of us spend a great deal of our lives physically and emotionally isolated, feeling utterly alone. And if you do finally snuggle up to someone who seems perfect for you, you find out they snore so loudly that your dreams need subtitles. You just can’t win! If you listen to the professional doomsayers, they will tell you that’s barely the half of it. They say these are our darkest days, and the future looks bleaker than ever. They tell us again and again that evil looks everywhere- in the streets, in the trees, in the media, in the air, in the water, in the corridors of power, even in your sock drawer- waiting impatiently to rise up when we least expect it and sink its venomous teeth into our most tender regions. And finally, they point out that at every office Christmas party there is always someone who feels compelled to shove their tongue up their nose! “It’s the end of the world,” they shout. “It’s all over!” Now what I find so confusing is that if these stone-faced folk truly believe all the scary stuff they preach, why do they choose to keep on living? Okay, I feely admit that choking yourself to death is not nearly as easy as it sounds, and I was surprised to learn that you can’t actually kill yourself simply by overdosing on bran fiber, although you certainly will become embarrassingly regular. Luckily, thanks to modern technology, putting yourself out of your misery has never been more convenient or affordable. (Cigarettes.) Of course, if life really appears that unpleasant and meaningless to you, go see an eye specialist and then take a closer look. You will find that there is always beauty and hope in even the most awful circumstances. There is always someone who is prepared to help those who ask. There is always someone you can count on, and there are a million special moments that can chase the shadows from your face in an instant and will cost you nothing but a few spare minutes. Furthermore, romance is not dead. In fact, there are actually more qualified tango instructors working today than at any other time in history. The odds of an unexpectedly intimate Jacuzzi encounter have also never been better. Although it may not be on your mind right now, the wisdom you glean from your joys and hardships can always be shared with someone else and, by doing so you will leave the world a little better than when you found it. Even though life is infinitely more preferable to the alternative, I’m not pretending it’s always easy or enjoyable. The truth is sometimes life is so damned hard it gives you a cramp in your brain just thinking about what you have to do to make it through the next twenty-four hours. So it’s no surprise that when they think about the future a lot of people feel anxious, somewhat depressed, and generally confused and alarmed. Even in the best of times there will never be a shortage of moaners and grumblers, but it’s always fascinating to see how different people react during times of genuine uncertainty. There are those who completely flip out at the very first rumor of trouble and start screaming, “The sky is falling, the sky is falling!” But when you press them for hard evidence to explain their panic, they admit hey have nothing better to back up their position than what “a little bird told them.” Somehow, it never occurs to them to wonder how credible the little bird’s source was in the first place. Then there are the people who put on a big show about how they are not concerned in the least and know exactly what to do about everything, but when they are alone at night and the lights go out, they may as well be the most frightened of all. There are also plenty of folk who are absolutely certain that the future is an extremely hostile place, no matter what you show or tell them. They stand ready to defend themselves from a million dangers every day, until eventually they became as hard, ugly, and cruel as the world they have imagined. And finally, there are people who just want to dig an emotional bunker and jump inside. They think if they put up enough walls, they’ll always be safe. The irony is that instead of locking others out, they are actually locking themselves in. They may avoid a few things that make life difficult, but in the end, they also miss out on all the wonderful things that make life worth living, and that makes about as much sense as practicing high fives on your own. A far more reasonable approach is simply to put on the bravest smile you’ve got and admit that you’re not the center of the known universe. Therefore, there will always be things you don’t know and can’t control. So when it’s simply not your day and things get a little out of hand, as they invariably do from time to time, it’s much more productive and far healthier to just sit back and enjoy the absurdity of the moment. This is not rocket science. It’s just common sense that you should enjoy the bizarre fact that you live on a planet with at least six hundred unique flavors of ice cream, instead of getting all worked up about the truly disgusting taste of “atomic lemon sherbet with licorice ripple.” Likewise, it’s definitely not worth obsessing about the intentions of all the sinister individuals who stalk the earth. When it comes to ne’er-do-wells who betray and hurt others for their own personal gain, their wicked ways eventually catch up with them. They pretty much always get what they deserve in the end. So in other words, a good support network is always valuable, but hiring personal bodyguards is probably going too far! Another reason why you shouldn’t fear tomorrow is that you probably aren’t what you eat, you certainly are what you love. This means that who you really are is always accurately reflected in everything around you that is dear to your heart - your close friends being one obvious example. In this sense, it is fair to say that the world around you is a mirror. Therefore, you have a lot more control over the future than you might think, because you can shape your world just by being true to what you really care about. Perhaps this will make sense to you, and then again, perhaps it won’t. You might say, “Aha! But how do you explain all the terrible things in my world that I don’t want?” That is certainly a valid question, and my answer is, irritatingly enough, yet another question: “What is it that you truly want?” You see, it’s what we truly want and love that influences the world around us, whether we admit it or not. For example, we often say that we just want to be happy, when what we mean is that we want money- lots of it. We say we want spiritual enlightenment and a higher sense of understanding, but what we really want are easy answer. We say that we want love, affection, and companionship, when what we really want is wild, passionate sex. We say we just want to be accepted for who we really are, when we really wish we were a little more glamorous, and had slimmer, firmer thighs. As a rather wise person once said, “You can’t fool Mother Nature.” There are certain immutable truths in this world that you just can’t talk your way out of. Gravity will always get you down, Belgian chocolates will go straight to your hips, and sticking your finger in the toaster while your Pop-Tarts are ablaze is always something you’ll regret. Likewise, you must be very careful what you wish for, because you simply cannot lie to yourself and get away with it. When you are not honest about what you want in life, you hurt those closest to you and yourself most of all. Think very clearly about what you care about most. What is that gets you excited about being alive? What do you really want to do with the limited time you have? What will your personal legacy be? But don’t spend all your time dreaming about the future, because the key to tomorrow is today. No matter what brilliant answers you have for life’s important questions, ultimately what counts if that you break through the fears and doubts that hold you back and take action. Be your own cheerleader. Do something you never though you’d ever do- live in the moment. Keep in mind, though, that someone else’s greatest adventure could turn out to be your greatest nightmare. So follow only your own road, wherever it leads you, one step at a time. Your life journey is not a race or a competition, nor is it a boring highway without exits that you must trudge along for eternity. Embrace the unpredictable and go exploring for things that inspire you. Take time out to enjoy the view. The fact is that one day, instead of waking up for breakfast, you will find yourself drawn down a long, dark tunnel toward a bright and beautiful light, and your journey will have come to an end. In that moment, when your entire life passes by before your eyes, I really don’t think you will care to much about the amount of money you made, the frequent-flyer miles you accrued, the awards you won, the car you owned, the value of your stock, or the number of times you got your picture in the newspaper. Instead, I believe the most important things in your life will probably be the smooches you shared, the nights you spent gazing in wonder at the stars, all the funny snow angels you made, the first drops of summer rain you caught on your tongue, and the time that someone special whispered, “I love you.” Don’t waste the present worrying about the future. It will come soon enough - I promise. In the meantime, I suggest you keep your chin up, put your walking shoes on, and follow your heart to the end of the earth. As you make this journey, always remember that each day is a precious gift. If you can enjoy it for what is and make the most of it, then believe it or not, there is another extraordinary gift waiting for you. Tomorrow.

cheerio girl. haha.
i was thinking that this year went so fast, that i remembered how im never going to see 1/3 of you guys until eighth grade, and then you might be tall, or have a perm, or went from prep to gothic... or vice versa. i was thinking how so much can change in one week at school, and i cant even imagine how so much can change in 3 months WITHOUT school... then i remembered how much fun i had last summer....

we went school shopping in orlando, and stayed at the portofino bay hotel. it was such a nice hotel... for universal studios. we did all our school shopping at the malls up there... so incredibly beautiful. we decided to ride over to the hard rock hotel... because their pool had some reputation for underwater music, and great fun right? so aside from all the volleyball courts, and tiki bars, i strolled over to the water basketball area. i saw some cute kid and asked him if he wanted to play. he sure did. so me, him, and his cousins i forget all their names, oh and his name was doug. doug! and we were playing around, and then you know... the defense kind of changed to a more "nicer" defense wink wink and we just had so much fun. i met his uncle that day too... really cool guy who loved waterguns. my sister met her hot tub fling, and we just had so much fun that day. doug was 15...

it was so easy for me to find doug amist the crowd of 100s in that pool area...

yet i cant find a single doug in all of cape coral.

=(

bzoink.com

Opening credits:	I Don't Wanna Be - Gavin Degrraw
Waking up:	Blueside - Rooney
Average day:	How Good It Can Be - The 88
First date:	Jason Mraz - You And I Both
Falling in love:	White Flag - Dido
Love scene:	Addicted - Enrique Iglesias
Fight scene:	Don't Tell Me - Avril Lavigne
Breaking up:	Evanescence - My Immortal
Getting back together:	Barenaked Ladies - Break Your Heart
Secret love:	Liz Phair - Why Can't I Be
Life's okay:	Spoon - The Way We Get By
Mental breakdown:	Jem - Just A Ride
Driving:	Alexi Murdoch - Orange Sky
Learning a lesson:	Jet - Move On
Deep daydream:	Phantom Planets - Caliofornia
Flashback:	Doves - Caught By The River
Partying:	Jimmy Eat World - The Middle
Happy dance:	Soul Kid #1 - More Bounce (In California)
Regreting:	Maroon 5 - Sweetest Goodbye/ Sunday Morning
Long night alone:	Incubus - I Wish You Were Here
Death scene:	Dream Street - I Miss You
Closing credits:	Goodbye To You - Michelle Branch

Your Life: The Soundtrack brought to you by BZOINK!

The Generic Teenager Stereotype
Do you drink [alcohol]?:	nope.
Do you party a lot? How often?:	um... whenever i get invited
Do you use drugs for recreational purposes?:	no
How often do you use the word like in an average hour?:	actually i've been breaking that
Do you skip classes? How often?:	never =(
Do you have casual sex? Protected?:	um... no sex.
Do you steal?:	haha once or twice
Do you wear inappropriate clothing?:	just AE
Do you drool over celebrities?:	haha... only 2
Do you watch a lot of TV?:	just these 3/4 shows
Do you ever watch the News?:	haha... the today show
Do you even care about world issues?:	yeah
Do you read books often?:	im a little bookworm
Are you failing a lot of your classes?:	nope
Do you spend most of your time with your friends?:	sort of
Do you smoke cigarettes?:	eew
Do you hang out a lot in malls, or at Seven Elevens?:	malls...
Do you often find yourself with a crush on someone?:	not anybody you guys know
Do you cuss a lot?:	i've been breaking that too
Are you desperate to fit in?:	no
Are you intelligent?:	yes i think haha
The Goth Stereotype
Black lipstick?:	no
Black eyeliner?:	occasionally
Black eyeshadow?:	dusty gray
Black trenchcoat?:	no
Black boots?:	dont own
Black fishnets?:	halloween
Black nail polish?:	eew
Cigarettes?:	no!
Heavy metal music?:	low rock
Marilyn Manson?:	gross
Kittie?:	who?
Cradle of Filth?:	no
Constant frown and perpetual angst?:	nope
Do you like to be seen as:	pretty
Are you an intellectual?:	didnt you already ask that
An atheist?:	nope
Horrible home life?:	nah
Hopelessly depressed?:	somewhat
Suffering with suicidal idealations?:	no...
Self-mutilation?:	god no
The Punk Stereotype
Plaid?:	haha no
Big black boots?:	nope
Mohawk?:	not anymore.. jk!
Excessive piercings? [Especially facial]:	nah
Loud, confident and opinionated?:	yes
Wild hair colors?:	halloween
NOFX?:	awesome
Rancid?:	cool
Well versed on political scandals and outrages?:	haha
A:	a?
The Jock Sterotype
What's your IQ?:	i dont know...
Do you watch a lot of sports?:	somewhat
Play a lot of sports?:	just running/basketball
Talk a lot about sports?:	just my basketball stuff
Do you do anything, really, but think about sports?:	lately hoops' is my life
Are you arrogant?:	nah
Are you a male or female whore?:	of course
Are you homophobic?:	not at all
Do you tease other people a lot because you want to seem confident?:	no
But really you're a quivering mass of insecurity?:	NO
Boobs = yes?:	yes
Parties = yes?:	yes
Dropping out of high school and flipping burgers = yes?:	noooo
The Girl Stereotype
Do you spend a lot of time on your appearence?:	yes
Have you ever been on a diet?:	"healthy way of living"
How much did you lose?:	13
Was it not so much a diet as it was an eating disorder?:	"healthy way of livin"
Make yourself throw up?:	eew
Make-up?:	yes
Low-cut tops?:	nah
How big are your boobies? [Cup size]:	haha... thats none of your business! take a guess...
Do you flip your hair when you talk, even if you don't realize it?:	i think i might
Giggle a lot?:	yes
What's the deal with boys?:	they're jackasses
Thongs?:	yep
Pretty bras?:	surrre
YM, Teen, Cosmo, et al?:	cosmo, ellle, teen people...nothing trashy
Who's the weaker sex?:	guys... totally. i'm so strong now emotionally
Are you a feminist?:	haha... girls rock their rights
Do you think Brad Pitt is hot?:	sort of
How often do you shave your legs?:	daily... or every other day
How about your armpits?:	whenever i need to
Are you emotional?:	in privacy
Especially when on your period?:	dont mess with me
This Or That [Oh, that old coconut.]
Originality or Acceptance?:	originality
Independence or Companionship?:	companionship
Stability or Freedom?:	stability
Personal or Interpersonal?:	personal
Introvert or Extrovert?:	extrovert
Popularity or Isolation?:	popularity
Unique or Loved?:	loved
Understood or Individual?:	understood
You or Them?:	me all the way

How Stereotypical You Are... brought to you by BZOINK!

in case you've been living under a rock.

i have a crush on the oc.

more like an infatution with the show.

my cabmb hmph?

bet you dont know.

haha.

anyway...

the oc season finale is wednesday.

shall i cry now?

nah...

ill save the tears for later.

friends on thursday.

cry for the last week straight.

i bid you farewell.

joey and matt. chandler and mathew...

rachel and jennifer. monica and courtney.

phoebe and lisa. ross and david.

i love you all.

like madd...

oh well.

i'll stick with one tree hill.

and the season 1 of the OC i'm buying.

i did say i was addicted?

my sweet little pill with hott people

and palm trees, with big beach waves...

oh my little oc addicting pill...

today.

a rather boring day.

dark clouds, no sun.

no visible one anyhow...

dreampt of my little cabmb...

i will marry it one day.

and you will point and laugh.

you foolish freaks.

anyhow.

oh, i wont marry it.

my cabmb doesn't have doors that swing that way.

haha.

anyway, science was fun.

e.x.h.i.l.e.r.a.t.i.n.g.

not.

gym was hilarious. got negative vibe.

no loving from lauren.

sucker.

went to social studies, gained a buck, lost my talent.

mr. bissel DID NOT match. i swear. i swear. i swear. i swear.

math was great.

honestly.

i <3 mrs. bradley.

jean irene the string bean bradley.

off to basketball where i slam-dunk off alley-oops and do the spider incessantly.

ok... i can do the second one.

the slam-dunking alley-oops?

only off of playskool hoops...

oh how i prefer fisher-price.

<3

the sun has settled over the internet.

no more stars to wish upon.

no more planets to think there's someone out there.

woohu.com no longer my steroid

livejournal can't compete

it's too hard.

not qualified for addiction.

anyhow.

tonight basketball.

tomorrow school.

next day basketball.

next day school.

next day movies.

saturday venice on tournament.

sunday sleep.

meet "chino"/"chiko"

and play with his meatball lumps.

haha lilia.

im going to go venture off.

seeing nobody reads these anymore.

it's like they have better lives.

drugs, drinking, and sex

is so much better.

isn't it?

bye woohu.

i bid you farewell.

i'll be back to update every minute now.

im taking advantage of woohu soon being all pay...
sleep in silence.

the rapping on your window.

thats just the incessant knocking

from someone...

who needs you.

cries for you in the middle of the night.

the prophecy in your dream

will become a reality.

because one day..

one day...

you will traipse after me..

as i hold the hand of another guy.

and you'll want me

and you'll pound my window

with your now-bloody fist

and i'll sleep silently

through your dreams

through your hopes

through everything you were too late

for grasping...

i suppose i try too hard
to satsify all your pretty lies
and when i cry
i cry behind my eyes
my soul is ripped
and you won't take me
you shape, and make me
i wish this world was more accepting
to the time of people who walk the earth
the people like me who give love
a whole new meaning and birth
and i try to explain to those two who know
everything i do, everywhere i go
yet my best friends don't even know what i share
and i tell people who probably don't care
but they help me the most, they can't judge my past
i'm hoping this is a phase that'll end real fast
i heard of living life in the fast lane
is this phase worth all of it's pain
i can't do what i want to do
with who i want to be with
yet i have to seal my lips, and give THEM their kiss
yet i want to give someone else their kiss
god this world get's me so pissed
i suppose i should run away
to the depths of new york, they'll acept me there
they all fly the flag, and they don't care
oh well.

<3

just so you know...
jsut because you have the loudest voice doesnt mean your the only that should be heard

two plain waffles, and a glass of water.
if your best friend is supposed to know
the exact way things go
than why did she spill milk on your shirt
lend another person your skirt
kiss the love of your life
just put another knife
in the spine of your very back
where you can't even look back
and yet we all tend to forgive
just because we know we can't live
without them
but think about it

you have so many other friends
who'll share their lipstick, and their shoes
to gossip with about news
to go to the mall, or walk down the hall
who'll be there when you need them on call
people like me, you don't really see
but you look at all the time
oh your just a good friend, your such a good friend
but when you bake a cake your best friend
just know where the knife goes in the end

you come to my house, and talk so much crap
and she does the game, just like a big rap
and it's funny how either of you know
exactly what you tend to say
and the very way
you roll your eyes at eachother
and then say how you love one another
that's what sisters do
best friends should not
and what would happen if you got caught
you fight all the time, and never satisfied
this one bitched, this one lied
and here i am, stuck in the middle
best friends with both, loving one more a little
and here i stand, with an extended hand
looking for you to understand
you should find a great good friend
and make your none's the best
because if you lose that one
what happens with the rest
that were "just" good friends
"such" good friends

this long weekend.
thursday got out of school
and went to kayla's game
saw bailey porter
and things were just the same
kayla slept over
we stayed up till three
i had so much fun with her
just her and me
we watched swimfan
that was scary too
mrs. kayla boyd
i love you!
saturday chris came by
and we chased the ice cream truck
thank god we got him cuz if we didnt
that would really suck
then we decided
we'd go to the mall
we went shopping
and chris got hit on after all
the punk girl was really weird
and we didn't have a ride back
thank god mrs. boyd was there
cuz we woulda been in serious jack
then chris went home
and kayla slept over again
we went to bed earlier
so the next day would be begin
then she went home at eleven
and we said our good-byes
i wasn't in a people mood
i just wanted to die
than the family was all twisted
so many, too many issues
time to break out the bad talk
and all of the tissues
than i skipped robert's party
believe me i didn't want to
but i just wasn't up for doing
anything i normally i would do
so i went to bed around one
after watching mad tv
that was really funny
just myself, and me
than i woke up this morning
and started the day with a run
out for one complete hour
in the brutalizing sun
than i came home to
drinking a gallon of water
i saw a turtle in the road
luckily i caught her
and here i am online
happy easter to all
happy passover to you
give me a telephone call

kayla*

making sara cry...
he stood among his friends from school,
he joined their childhood games
laughing as they played kickball
and when they called poor sarah names.
sarah was unlike the rest;
she was slow and not as smart,
and it would seem to all his friends
she was born without a heart.
and so he glady joined their fun
of making sarah cry.
but somewhere deep within his heart,
he never knew just why.
for he could hear his mother's voice,
her lessons of right and wrong
playing over and over inside his head
just like a favorite song.
"treat others with respect, son,
the way you'd wantt hem treating you.
and remember, when you hurt others
someday, someone might hurt you."
he knew his mother wouldn't understand
the purpose of their game
of teasing sarah, who made them laugh
as her own tears fell like rain.
the funny faces that she made
and the way she'd stomp her feet
whenever they mocked the way she walked
or the stutter when she'd speak.
to him she must deserve it
because she never tried to hide.
and if she truly wanted to be left alone,
then she should stay inside.
but everyday she'd do that same:
she'd come outside to play,
and stand there, tears upon her face,
too upset to run away.
the game would soon be over
as tears dropped from her eyes,
for the purpose of their fun
was making sarah cry.
it was nearly two whole months
he hadn't seen his friends.
he was certain they all must wonder,
what happened, and where he'd been
so he felt a little nervous
as he limped his way back to class
he hoped no one would notice
he prayed no one would ask
about that awful day:
the day his bike met with a car
leaving him with a dreadful limp,
and a jagged-looking scar.
so he held his breath a little,
as he hopped into the room,
where inside he saw a welcome back banner
and lots of red balloons.
he felt a smile cross his face
as his friends all smiled, too
and he couldn't wait to play outside -
his favorite thing to do.
so the second that he stepped otudoors
and saw his friends all waiting there,
he expected a few pats on the back -
instead, they all stood back and stared.
he felt his face grow hotter
as he limped to join their side
to play a game of kickball
and making sarah cry.
an awkward smile crossed his face
when he heard somebody laugh
and heard the words, "hey freak,
where'd you get the ugly mask?"
he turned, expecting sarah,
but sarah could not be seen.
it was the scar upon his own face
that caused such words so mean.
he joined in their growing laughter,
trying hard not to give in
to the awful urge inside to cry
or the quivering of his chin.
they are only teasing
he made himself believe
they are still my friends ;
they'd never think of hurting me
but the cruel remarks continued
about the scar and then his limp.
and he'd knew if he shed a single tear
they'd label him a wimp.
and so the hurtful words went on
and in his heart he wondered why,
but knew without a doubt,
the game would never end, until they made him cry.
and just when a tear had formed
he heard a voice speak out from behind.
"leave him alone you bullies,"
because he's a friend of mine."
he turned to see poor sarah
determination on her face,
sticking up for one of her own tormentors
and willing to take his place.
and when his friends, did just that
trying their best to make poor sarah cry,
this time he didn't join in,
and at last understood exactly why.
"treat others with respect son,
the way you'd want them treating you.
and remember, when you hurt others,
someday, someone might hurt you."
it took a lot of courage
but he knew he must be strong
for at last he saw the difference
between what's right, and wrong.
and sarah didn't seem so weird
through his understanding eyes.
now he knew he'd never play again
the game of making sarah cry.
it took several days of teasing
and razzing from his friends
but when they saw his strength,
they chose to be like him.
and now out on the playground,
a group of kids meets every day
for a game of kickball and laughter
and teaching their new friend, sarah, how to play.

happy passover!
i have this destination set somewhere that does not exist
i endlessly and incessantly walk the sidewalk the rain has kissed
the rain a symbol of anger, impatience, and desire to be free
i desire to be anything, anyone but me

the drama surrounding, encircling the world
just the wet face of this anguish-filled girl
the tears run down, as fast as the rain
the floods, and floods of pain

i'm lost in the woods accosted by the trees
then sent away because they've been displeased
i run the path, that leads to the sky
and the entire way, like rain i cry
the booming thunder, shattered the ground
i'm looking for a familiar face, somewhere around

i haven't a clue as to where i should go
i haven't seen a face that i know
but here within me, i find no relief
my heart has taken me like a theif

so i turn the rain
i turn to the pain
self-destruction seem so insane
but if the blood trips like precipitation
then self-destruction is my new infatuation

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
motto: dont f*** it up just suck it up. dont blow it, don't show it, just know it up there.

sick of it all.

everything/anything...
seems lately there are so many razor whores around first catherine goes to a mental instituation for suicidal reasons and shit and cutting mia gets therapy for "carving" a "c" on her foot and telling somebody, and suicidal intentions or whatever, girls have at least ten slits up and down their arms, depression keeps reoccuring, and it's like razor whores are everywhere, and anywhere. first pot and bud weiser was the thing, taking quaffs of shit. the world is unstable enough, and now it seems as if the planet is like a woman in heels after 3 glasses of white zinfandel. AND THATS NOT GOOD. well... just sharing my thoughts. meagan's back on the team :) t's not :( but thats kind of a CROOKED smile cuz i dont really care. lol. i got to hang out with lauren, i like her a lot she's cool well hey i've got to go eat some salmon!!

muaz

megan!!
last night i was online and megan told me that her mom and dad were making her quit the team because of a couple of arguments she had w/ T and Jules. she made up w/ jules and i personally think megan should be on the team!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! besides that girl is awesome. saturday night meg might sleepover my house and we'll crash roberto's party lol... other than that im pretty bored. feeling crappy. sick, and lazy and lousy. tonight THE OC is coming on. therefore... dont fucking call me before 9-10:05 (( the extra five minutes to see a preview on next week!! )) and hey... in this eppy they're doin some shit on passover! listen good... cuz ill be doin that in a couple weeks!

xoxoxoxo
kayla