I don't know what else to do really. I try and it gets no where. So, I give up. I have to be done. You're not happy and I don't know what else to do. I miss the way you were. You're not the same anymore. I cry all the time thinking about you. What's going to happen to you. I just want to give you a hug and tell you that every thing will be ok. Because, they will. I just don't know how else to help. I'm sorry.
I should be happy about the way things are going right now, and I am. But, how can I stay happy when you are not happy? I'm doing the best I can for you right now and I hope, you can see that. Things are going to get better.
Death, once again, has been gracious enough to grace me with his presence twice in a month. I feel like shit. Benadryl, you can eff off. You did nothing for me but make me tired. Cold, you can eff off also.
This weekend was interesting. Between an all-night film shoot sound recording and easter with the fam, many an adventure were had.
and suddenly handyman has an interest in my unique skills again. which invariably means carting tools around for bruce all day tomorrow on virtually no sleep, and then cleaning out some gutters in the rain on thursday. hot damn.
had some nice talks with chuck tonight about theoretical physics as relating to music instruction, and hippie philosophy pertaining to government. Verdict: M-Theory and Anarchy, respectively.
and i made friends this weekend. i had a good time, and i think the shoot went well. it was an interesting set to be on, for any one of multiple reasons. regardless of why, i'm glad that i took the opportunity to contribute and take part in the experience. definitely worthwhile, despite the hardships it presented.
i need to quit smoking and start lifting again. and riding my bike more. optimism regarding anything resembling a "beach bod" is scarce, but at the very least, i know i would feel better about life in general if i made the extra effort to take care of myself at least a little. which, unfortunately, includes sleeping. this weekend was fun, but i'd like to feel a little more human again, and be on something closer to a normal sleep schedule. well, here goes nothing... 'night y'all.
I hate feelings. I hate the way I feel right now. You never cared about me and yet I loved you unconditionally. I know what I did to you and I will never forgive myself. I thought I was over you, I'm not. You will always have a place in my heart. You were my first true love and I was so sure you were the one. I don't know why I'm even trying anymore. Probably because I still feel the same. Hence why I hate feelings.
