Figuring Stuff Out

:: 2014 31 March :: 8.41pm

Great talk with the boy tonight. So happy there <33

:: 2014 29 March :: 8.54pm

And when the sun shines it will shine the clearer.

:: 2014 27 March :: 8.27pm

Our bodies fit perfectly intertwined.

Our days spent together are like little special secrets, cupped in my palms, safe and warm and beautiful. When I see you, it feels like looking at the open night skies riddled with stars, lit by the moon reflecting off the treetops, crisp air biting your skin.

There's little I can do to control the heart floating in my chest.

:: 2014 14 March :: 5.34pm

Qualms.

:: 2014 13 March :: 3.41pm

Never ever trust anyone.

:: 2014 16 February :: 11.10pm

dissimulation

:: 2014 5 February :: 8.44pm

I've never been this speechless. I've never had to hold in so much.

:: 2014 30 January :: 5.04pm

Oh fuck.

:: 2014 30 January :: 7.25am

I can't be something to you now, I'm just gone.

:: 2013 1 December :: 10.23pm

Back home. I gotta get a jorb.

:: 2013 23 November :: 9.26pm

Don't you wish you had enough courage to tell all those assholes you're friends with on Facebook that they're all cunts and you hate everything about them and all the bullshit they post? And you get so close to it when you're drunk and still find that you're a goddamn chickenshit who everyone would be better off not knowing? And that you actually hate everything. Except for your family and true friends? I just want to punch the living shit out of a stranger tonight. I want the purge to be real and I want to be the one to experience someone else's sacrafice. I fucking hate them.

:: 2013 8 November :: 4.13pm

CHOCOLATE.

:: 2013 5 November :: 8.56am

Wake up, stumble to the bathroom, wonder why it's so bright, take my eye mask off, suddenly SNOW.

:: 2013 28 October :: 12.07pm

"Sometimes you need to step outside, clear your head, and remind yourself of who you are and where you want to be."

:: 2013 13 October :: 7.13pm

If he was in the same situation, he wouldn't listen to me either.

Sometimes I wish there would just be support from his end and not judgment. I live in constant fear of saying the wrong thing... that it will lead to a disagreement... that I will feel worse by telling him something.

Instead...

:: 2013 2 October :: 8.08pm

Until Friday, I wouldn't say I've ever really "made love". I can't describe it in a way that you can understand... it's something you must experience for yourself. It was as if no one else existed in that moment but us. The whole world disappeared... it just melted away... there were only our bodies, our breaths, our love.

It felt like... an explosion of stars.

:: 2013 16 September :: 9.57pm

Seriously? Fuck them.

:: 2013 10 September :: 11.56am

Ahh, I love schooling idiots on the internet. Feels soooo gooood.

:: 2013 7 September :: 11.52pm

All I want right now are his arms around me as I fall asleep. Is that really too much to ask for? Why can't I just fall asleep on his chest like I used to? Why can't I just get kisses on my nose? Why can't I just be snuggled and loved and adored?

Long distance relationships blow. I feel so lonely. It's overwhelming.

:: 2013 4 September :: 10.50pm

Phillip J. Fry, though you may be stupid and gross, you are perhaps the best partner ever conceived. I wish you weren't a figment of some amazing cartoonist's imagination

:: 2013 3 September :: 8.55pm

We are long overdue for a revolution.

:: 2013 28 August :: 8.32am
:: Mood: <3

The sky looks like a painting this morning. It fills my heart with hope and wonder.

:: 2013 19 May :: 2.24pm

Shame murders progress.

shalee

:: 2012 15 November :: 9.55pm

No feeling is final.

:: 2012 7 May :: 1.33pm

I am addicted to that certainty in whose absence my selfishness is

naked.

In the first moments I was action. I moved, even though my certainty and knowledge had been shattered. From here, I can't see precisely what moved me. Some inexplicable sense that the next step, despite not mattering, was worth making.

But I've coasted to a halt. I sit motionless and restless. That is my selfishness. Though I have no certainty to speak of, it should be obvious what the next step is. [I]It's all out there[/I].

But then I stop. There are people, connections, responsibilities. Am I allowing myself to be especially possessed? Have I surrendered myself to be objectified? Does covenant imply objectification?

I am living in a paralyzing tension- on the one hand, the potential for absolute freedom. On the other, knowing how alone that freedom makes me.

Can I bind myself that way? Is there anything else to do?

_|_ If it looks something like that, then I have some writing to do.

It's funny that tripping over the answer gets me to ask the right question. My life would move along more quickly if I could do things the other way around.

:: 2012 6 May :: 6.05pm
:: Music: The dog days are over

Sometimes I feel like the world is talking to me.

:: 2012 1 April :: 10.12pm

I don't know anything.

What if I had it and I threw it away?

:: 2012 20 February :: 2.28pm

Is it like this in everyone's head? Not writing this sentence might have been the first step in differntiating between what's in here and everything- everyone- else out there.

Am I an angry person?