"Above all else guard your heart, for it is a wellspring of life." - Proverbs 4:23

 

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Figuring Stuff Out

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Aaron

:: 2003 30 October :: 7.16pm

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you
I'll tell you that
But if I didn't say it
Well, I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess
And destruction to come back again
And I caused but nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of 'It's over'
Then I'm sure that that makes sense

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
As I'm sure we will
All that was then
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

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Aaron

:: 2003 30 October :: 7.12pm
:: Mood: guilty

I was thinking about that friday when i did it. i wish i could live that day at morgan's house over and over again. i wish i had that moment back. there's so much i would do if i could relive after your birthday party. i'd probably kiss you........... but i can't now. i don't even know that i can touch you. you must be so mad........ i don't blame you. i diserve to be force fed shit for the rest of my life....

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Aaron

:: 2003 30 October :: 7.08pm
:: Mood: suicidal
:: Music: White flag (it's playing on the radio)

I'm sorry i did it. I don't blame you if you can't forgive me... i know you told me not to, but i promise, i'll never do it again. i'll be on aim later i hope, so i'll talk to you then. if i can work up the nerve, i'll probably call. i woke up this morning with this feeling that something wasn't right... i know i can't stop the rain from coming down on you again, but i'll hold you till it goes away.........

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Aaron

:: 2003 30 October :: 11.46am
:: Mood: irritated
:: Music: Tears in heaven

Cycles
I can't feel. i hate brian right now... but i will. i will break these cycles... i won't be like them... I WON'T, GODDAMNIT! I WON'T!!! *shudders* why do i heave to feel this way? i don't know why, but i'll i know is that these won't last for very long at all. the cycles will break, and when they do, life will be worth living...

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Aaron

:: 2003 30 October :: 12.33am

G'night people. i'll see you tomorow............you are all very dear to me......i'm sorry for whatever else i protray...

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Aaron

:: 2003 30 October :: 12.31am
:: Music: Tears in heaven, eric clapton

I modified Genisis again, here's what i put in there...by the way, it's 9:31 now
How Depressed are You?" - Results:


You're depressed. Really you are. And you definitely have a reason. You often space out and stare at things blankly, even if you're normally hyper and energetic. This is because nothing really seems important anymore. You might just be sad right now, or you might be manic depressive. Don't worry. Have some cocoa and stuff'll be ok.
Paste this code into your web page to show off your result to others:




you can send this author a message if you want to.

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9:27 P.M. music is my dad playing tears in heaven in the background. I think that is my favorite song. In fact I know it is. That’s how I feel about Tori. “Would you know my name, if I saw you heaven? Would it be the same, if I saw in heaven? I must be strong, and carry on, so there’ll be no more…tears in heaven…”

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Aaron

:: 2003 30 October :: 12.22am
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: Disarm, smashing pumpkins

So this is it, i go into my room, i sit down, and i fight another battle with myself, and this is how every evening goes. i'll win, i'll still be paul douglas mahugh tomorow mornign, but i'll be that much more blood stained,a nd that blood rubs of on everyont i touch, so ask yourself, are you willing to stain your body with this blood just for me?

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Aaron

:: 2003 30 October :: 12.07am
:: Mood: depressed, obviously.

How Depressed are You?" - Results:

You're depressed. Really you are. And you definitely have a reason. You often space out and stare at things blankly, even if you're normally hyper and energetic. This is because nothing really seems important anymore. You might just be sad right now, or you might be manic depressive. Don't worry. Have some cocoa and stuff'll be ok.
Paste this code into your web page to show off your result to others:

Depressed..
You're depressed. Really you are. And you
definitely have a reason. You often space out
and stare at things blankly, even if you're
normally hyper and energetic. This is because
nothing really seems important anymore. You
might just be sad right now, or you might be
manic depressive. Don't worry. Have some cocoa
and stuff'll be ok.


How Depressed are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

yeah, so there i am, depressed as hell. why? what's not to be depressed about? think about, no equilibrium, i'm constantly mocked about things i'd rather not talk about, i had a girl tell me she loved me for seven months only to find i was her "cute" trophy and she never loved me at all, and then most people would say "be happy, you have a wonderful girlfriend that actually does love you" but what they don't see is love hurts worst of all. it truely is the slowest form of suicide, but i'd die for her, so it's worth it...

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Aaron

:: 2003 29 October :: 11.23pm
:: Mood: amused

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?" - Results:

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're the kind of chick that can hang out with your boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't care about presents or about going to fancy placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy being around your boyfriend.
Paste this code into your web page to show off your result to others:

You're Perfect ^^
-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

oh this is funny as hell... i am the perfact girlfriend..........

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Aaron

:: 2003 29 October :: 9.22pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: disarm, smashing pumpkins (i know how to play that song!)

Poor tori......POOR MUTY!!!!MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
well shit. tori was so pissed today. i should kill that bitch (not tori) for what she did. i think i might. hang on.....nope, didn't do it. well yeah, i did my seven page science packet today. it took me three and a halph hours. it was total shit.......

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Aaron

:: 2003 29 October :: 11.18am

Tori,
I know you won't get this until after school but i really need to tell you that i'm sorry for the way i was acting about Devon. i know it's not really any of my buisness but i worry. i worry about you even though i know you can handle it, and i'm sorry. i'll stop asking about him. i know how he works though and so if you ever need advice or help just know that i am here. so yeah, i'm sorry but if you need help i am here. hugs. cya at school.

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Aaron

:: 2003 29 October :: 9.54am

MUST HAVE SCREEN NAMES!!! so, yeah, if you're on AIM, give me your screen name, and tori, i need morgans please.

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Aaron

:: 2003 29 October :: 9.42am
:: Mood: I can't feel much right now actually.

it doesn't feel right. i know exactly how this will end, but how do i do that without riping her apart? but yes, it needs to be done, that is certain.

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Aaron

:: 2003 28 October :: 12.40am
:: Mood: pessimistic
:: Music: in the middle, i don't know who it was by, it wasn't jimmy eat world though.

Love and webster don't compute
ok, i have my om's twenty year old version of Webster's new twentieth century dictionary unabridged second edition-delux coclor. my purpose to look up the word love.


love (luv), n.
1. a strong affection for or attatchment or devotion to a person or persons
2. a strong liking or interest in something; as, her love of acting
3. a strong, usually pasionate, affection for a person of the opposite sex.
4. the person who is the object of such an affection; a sweetheart; a lover
5. sexual passion or it's gratification.
6. cupid, or Eros, god of love.
7.in tennis, a score of zeo (WTF???i guess they really ment unabridged!)
8.ok, this one is really long and full of theoligical horse shit, so i aint goin' there.
love
1. to feel for love
3. to delight in; to take pleasure in; as, she loves good music.
2. to show love for by embrassing , fondling, kissing.

ok then, so the tennis coment made no sence, but it was in there.love is so obviously often tried to be defined and it is so much in vain. you can't define the none specific. no one knows just how much someone loves another person. i wish i knew just how much tori loved me. so yeah, i don't know. i feel like something isn't quite right. i know it's pessimism again but still i ache and ache. but i promise i'll break these cycles if you let me. i saw a symbolic action of toris today i doubt even she was aware of. but it makes sence, all too much sence... i love you, and i wish i could prove it to you.... i'm sorry. i'm going to bed now. g'night.
XO

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Aaron

:: 2003 28 October :: 12.36am

ok, yeah, this color looks alot better than the other one. it matches the picture better. but i still need ot perfect it but nobaody is on so i think that i'll stop typing now and go to bed though i'll probably update several times throughout the night. *hugs*

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Aaron

:: 2003 28 October :: 12.22am
:: Mood: confused

ok, i'm sort of lost, though i have AIM, i have no buddys, and tori aint on, though this doesn't exclude you from my next request. ok, i need screen names so i can add you to my buddy list. and devons would be most apprietiated. i'm sorry but there are just somehtings guys have to say to each other that are best not heard by girls, and i'm sure there are somethings girls say to each other that are best not heard by guys, so yeah, this whole passing notes through you thing jsut doesn'y cut it.... i need his screen name. this is not just a request, it is an order young lady *attempts to imitate voice of crazy lobby dwelling psycho bitch at morgan's physical therapy place*

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Aaron

:: 2003 27 October :: 9.05pm

he who touches this computer will die a sudden and violent death.

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Aaron

:: 2003 27 October :: 8.29pm
:: Mood: accomplished
:: Music: hmm..... the used, any of the used at the moment actually.

I feel like i have so much to get out, but i don't know how to word it. well, i'll try this. right now i'm sitting at the kitchen counter, and for those of you who know the lay out of my house, which is almost none, that doesn't work. well, my dad bought another computer and it's really flippin awesome. right now he is reading over my shoulder, my dad is. so yeah, i'll wait for him to go away. ok, he left. so yeah, he stuck the tower on the wine cooler that during the days when it gets to be over one hundred degrees sounds kinda like darth vader and the moniter on the counter. so here i am, banished from my mom's office completely without any form of instant messanger...*sighs*...OH YES!!!(no, i'm not having an orgasm) this may mean that with my parents permition, i might be able to have yahoo instant messanger!!!!! yay!!!!! rejoice, my children, rejoice for this is a day filled with much glory and watching of sean conery movies (he's my favorite actor, and pathetically enough, about the only one i can name right off the top of my head except for adam sandler, robin williams, and jim carry. so yeah.... well anywho i really wish i could have a messenger right now but i don't so i think i'll call tori.....(so much for having alot to say, well, i still do, but calling tori sounds much more appealing)....oh yeah, buy the buy, tori, tell your sister i'm sorry but i really did think she stole the phone because i still have it in my head that that's what sisters do because, well, my sister does it all the time. i actually think sculpting is really cool, and well, anything to do with a welder is pretty cool, or any form of fire for that matter...*snickers manevolently*...i should stop, i'm giving my self "bad ideas".....he....he...he.........

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Aaron

:: 2003 26 October :: 11.51pm

tori says i don't update enough...

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Aaron

:: 2003 26 October :: 11.51pm

tori says i don't update enough...

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Aaron

:: 2003 26 October :: 11.51pm

tori says i don't update enough...

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Aaron

:: 2003 26 October :: 11.51pm

tori says i don't update enough...

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Aaron

:: 2003 26 October :: 11.50pm

tori says i don't update enough...

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Aaron

:: 2003 26 October :: 11.50pm

tori says i don't update enough...

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Aaron

:: 2003 26 October :: 11.50pm

tori says i don't update enough...

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Aaron

:: 2003 26 October :: 11.49pm

tori says i don't update enough...

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Aaron

:: 2003 26 October :: 11.49pm

tori says i don't update enough...

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Aaron

:: 2003 26 October :: 11.49pm

tori says i don't update enough...

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Aaron

:: 2003 26 October :: 11.49pm

tori says i don't update enough...

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Aaron

:: 2003 26 October :: 11.48pm

tori says i don't update enough...

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