XxManifested.TearzxX

4 Xx.Will.Be.My.xXxX | xX.Inspiration.Xx

:: 2005 18 March :: 12.55pm
:: Mood: sad

thinking about love..
i was thinking about ~~love~~, and no matter what i do, i can never seem to find it.. and im beginig to think i never will..

"Without love there are no ~~dreams.~~"

"You know you love someone when you want them to be happy even if their happiness means that you're not part of it."

"Every time you smile at someone, it is an ~~action~~ of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing."

"Soft words hold more power than strong hands."

comment if you feel the same way that i do..

-Nik

:: 2005 18 March :: 9.52am
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: since you've been gone x kelly clarkson

:\

well.. yesterday i went to school.. and it was a half day..woohuu lol.. and then i wanted to go to framinham with TRACI but noone could drive us.. so i just went home and took a nap.. then.. at drivers ed the hot kidd who always talks to me wasnt there so i had a boring night.. except the fact that i talked to T-Dawg on my break, and in ther middle of class lol! ya so it guess it wasnt that bad..

well yesterday was sait patricks day.. and depressingly i didnt get ~~drunk~~

ya so today im not in school again becasue i have a doctors appointment to see whats going on ..
im a bit nervous .. but i guess i'll be fine so thats all that matters.. i just hope i dont have to switch medicines.. becase this noe works so well..

[I even fell for that stupid ~~love~~ song]

http://profiles.myspace.com/users/23706031

:: 2005 16 March :: 7.00am
:: Mood: blank

hospitals suck..
well last night i went to the hospital.. till like 2 am, becasue i was having a reaction to my prozac.. well not really a reaction.. it just wouldnt let part of my brain fully function.. ya it was kinda scary becasue it was causing my right eye to go blury.. i gott maddd dizzy.. and i felt like there was fire flowing through my veins and it really sucked.. so now since i CANT go off my prozac i have to go to the neurologist to get onto ~~ANOTHER~~ medicine :/ .. thats fucking 3 medications.. this is rediiculous! i hate this shit.. now since we were there so late i cant go to school.. but im not tired because i guess im Over tired!

ya well thats all..

Comment please if you care..

krazykelc1

:: 2005 14 March :: 8.15am
:: Mood: geometry sucks
:: Music: Jimmy's ipod

er duh do doh
welcome back journal! woooooooh

:: 2005 13 March :: 6.55pm

~~"When we started baby we were friends, but that's not how this fairy tale is gonna end, see I was thinking and it clicked one day, that no one else has ever made me feel this way." -Nsync~~

"I dream of you when I'm asleep, you even appear when I'm awake daydreaming. There is no escaping you. I just wish it was true."

its sad how its never ever going ot happen :(

i guess i just have ot get over it..

X x X x X x X x X x X x X

well i had a fun weekend.. i stayed at TRACI ANNE's the entire weekend! i had fun with her bacasue shes the only one i know i cna trust and for that i truly owe my life..

comment if you wish

-Nik

:: 2005 13 March :: 1.00pm

I'm coming out of my cage
And I�ve been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now I�m falling asleep
And she�s calling a cab
While he�s having a smoke
And she�s taking a drag
Now they�re going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it�s all in my head
But she�s touching his�chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, let me go

I just can�t look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it�s just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
�Cause I�m Mr Brightside

I�m coming out of my cage
And I�ve been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now I�m falling asleep
And she�s calling a cab
While he�s having a smoke
And she�s taking a drag
Now they�re going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it�s all in my head
But she�s touching his�chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, let me go

Cause I just can�t look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it�s just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
�Cause I�m Mr Brightside

I never...
I never...
I never...

random found this shong and i fell in love with it....

2 Xx.Will.Be.My.xXxX | xX.Inspiration.Xx

xoxchubbyxox

:: 2005 13 March :: 10.42am
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: amerie: its this one thing

yesterday
well... yesterday i went to the mall with michelle... it was fun lol. we basically just ate, and bought a few shirts and stuff. and a weird salesperson asked me what was in my bag when we were walking thry the mall and asked if he could have it...? lol weird people.

well idk thats about it...school is still no fun...

i cant wai6t til it gets warmer. :)

:: 2005 11 March :: 10.42pm
:: Mood: ecstatic
:: Music: la lal la la la nikkie tryin to sing =)

TRACIIIIII !!!
alright so this is the one and only TRACI !!! hellz yea well today me and nikkie went to school and then i went to drivers ed and then at 5 we went to the mall with Christy and Ashley =) it was MMMMazing. Jimmy went to the movies with us but then he left =/ so we're gunan go call him and see if he wants to come to my house (traci's) right now ..

I LOVE NICOLE JULIE ALLEN MORE THEN ANYONE IN THE WORLD AND I WILL FUCK U UP IF YOU DARE TO THINK OTHERWISE =)

love xoxoxo Traci

p.s
FUCK ALL THE HATERZZZZZZZZZ =)

:: 2005 10 March :: 5.59pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: grrr

angry
ya so today i talked with ms navarro and she asked me what was up with virginia and me.. well for everyone who aperenly likes to make shit up and thalk alot heres whats happening..

so a few weeks ago virginias mom sed she couldnt hang out with me anymore.. so she stopped.. and when that happened she stopped talking to me as much and all that fun stuff.. ok so even now when i see her, if shes the only one around she'll talk to me.. but if other poeple are around she'll ignore me.. and i dont think i deserve to be treated like that.. also when she comes to "visit" me with amanda and brttany.. that hurts me bacasue it shows me that she can have other friends.. just not me.. so whatever.. obviously she never really wanted to be my friend, and im definatly done losing sleep over it becasue through all o this i realized how lost i was without my one TRUE best friend.. there was so much that i even kept from virginia when we were at our tightiest, that i just couldnt bring myself to tell her.. but they were things that traci already knew..

so this journal entry i about how me and virginia arent friends.. but its mostly about how Traci is such a good friend.. honestly i think i would have killed my self by now if i dint have her here to talk to..

ohh ya .. so.. to whoever is spreading shit and goes and says "ohh ya nikkie took virginia out of her profile" and all that shit.. well fuck you cuz heres why!!

wow i had a WICKED bad day today :( it sucked.. this didnt make it much better besides the fact that i know im gunna talk to traci in a little while.. then i KNOW she'll make me laugh!

comment if your care

-Nik

2 Xx.Will.Be.My.xXxX | xX.Inspiration.Xx

:: 2005 9 March :: 6.07pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: none..

blah
well right now im reading tuesdays with murrie.. its really good.. katie and a bunch of other people told me to read it.. so i bought it today, and im like almost done! its really sad though..

"love is the only rational act"

<3 Nik <3

3 Xx.Will.Be.My.xXxX | xX.Inspiration.Xx

:: 2005 8 March :: 8.49pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: american idol

im bored
well right now im watching american idol and praying for a snow day tomorrow! i want to go tanning with my tracii babyy! :) lol i went to the mall with her today but we didnt find jobs like we had planned! whatever we still had fun! i love that girl! lol ya so now im watching american idol

COMMENT PLEASE!

tell me you love me.. tell me im yours..<\3

-Nik

:: 2005 8 March :: 8.13pm

oops

:: 2005 8 March :: 8.12pm
:: Mood: sick

this makes me so happy!!

:: 2005 7 March :: 8.52pm
:: Mood: sad

"why does the lonely bird follow? and why does the happy bird lead? why does the sky reflect beauty and freedom why do these oceans reflect hate. why does the sun set each day farther away making for a pain we'll regret. why does life keep on going, without regards to me, or people i havent met. why am i destined to feel, like im destined for nothing at all? and why does god let us climb up so high if hes going to let us fall? why does this earth continue turning, and why wont my heart cease to beat? why does the wind keep howling why do we sweat when in heat? why do my eyes slowly follow, your shadow as you enter a room? why am i forced to be different? why am i forced to be doomed. why is this fate all around me? its in me its in you its in hate.. why does it move like a sun beam, with no need to hesiatate. why does my heart reak of depression? and why doesnt the world overflow with tears? after all of this sadness, id figure itd happen over the years. too many people feel sadness, too many children know pain. too much has gone left unspoken.. too much is lost along the way. weve lost so much in translation. theres no hope in ever turning back.. weve stopped at this time lost here in space.. evolution is now what we lack.. why have we begun to regress, and fall further behind in lifes plan? why do the trees grow, the moon shine, the child wish? and why arent you with me today? why do we bleed when were broken? why am i kicked when im down. why can we be sad when we smile? but never happy when we frown? why does the world strive to be fake? why cant we just show whats real? in a world where bigger is better, why is it that we all must conceal? why do my words hit your earlobes so lightly, but your heart and head so strong? because these questions burn in your brain, in this time, in this world, and they have for so long.. your conscience will follow, but why will it never speak? never tell you what to do, what to say what to think, but make you feel bad at the choices you make, and the risks that you take. why does the heart know only one beat, and blue bird sing only one song? the people around you protect you.. and keep walking beside you on this web of life..until finally youve turned wrong.." by Amanda Maltz... my hero and the love of my life

xoxchubbyxox

:: 2005 7 March :: 7.47pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: sixteen candles. (on tv)

blahh
im actually updating twice in one day. idk why...im just really bored.

i hate school.

i miss my old life.

thats all i guess...

:-/

:: 2005 7 March :: 6.19pm
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: none

madd bored so...

Your Porn Star Name is: Sindee Slickbooty

Get your own Porn Star Name

Your Stripper Name is: Mocha

Get your own Stripper Name

hahah im a loser right? i konw lmao

-Nik

xoxchubbyxox

:: 2005 7 March :: 2.54pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: lovers and friends

fun vacation
well i spent the first part of my vacation in vermont and then NH skiing nd the like... then i went to NATICK woohoo! lol it was very fun! i stayed with nikkie from wednesday night to saturday morning. i went to school on thursday which was awesome and then ate at georges and hung around julies! then we came home and ate georges pizza again.

then on friday we went out to ac moore and sears and i painted tinkerbell on nikkies wall and a karate person on melissas. we went shopping at the natick mall wihich i missed verymuch and ate haagen daz. lol

then on friday nite i saw cursed which sucked but whatever and then we went back to julies and hung around. me and nikkie stayed up til 2 talking while julie fell asleep like she ususally does lol.

anyway it was the most fun ive had in a LONG time. i cant wait to see u guys again!

-darien

:: 2005 6 March :: 12.16am
:: Mood: scared
:: Music: none

fuck!!

tonight was horrable!!! so me and Manda, Derek, and Tim went to burgerking and smart us hey lets go to Memorial or however u spell it and let Lizzy drive.... bad idea.. makeign a logn story short the cops showed up and i got booked... and a nice safe ride home fromt he cops...can't want to find out if im goin to court... :-/ no good:-(