XxManifested.TearzxX

:: 2005 15 January :: 11.13pm

i try...
or mayb i dont.

lets ask the magic 8 ball.
it knows all the answers
to the riddles.

:: 2005 15 January :: 5.46am
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: whisky lullaby x brad paisly and allison krauss

havnt updated in a while
well.. i havnt really been home to update.. so let me see.. this past week i went to 2 wresiling meets, and the basket ball game last night. i had fun.. last night we beat framingham!! FUCK YES! and it was hiliarious becasue Jess and Dawn had me start some little chant things! "ITS ALL OVER" and "WARM UP THE BUS" haha it was hilarious.. the framingham fans were fucked up tho because they were being really loud and annoying.. but it was really funny!

ohh the other night i went to the wreseling meet with dawn britt and jacgui! we went to georges and it was so foggy.. Jacqui was like flashing the liughts on and off... hilarious..

well im really upset that i couldnt go to dariens.. but hopefully she is coming down here.. i really really hope! i fucking hate mid-terms.. and i know im not going to end up studying so i dont even see thew point but whatever..

x x x
She put him out like the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette
She broke his heart he spent his whole life tryin' to forget
We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time
But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind
Until the night

1st Chorus
He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away her memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees
We found him with his face down in the pillow
With a note that said I'll love her till I die
And when we buried him beneath the willow
The angels sang a whiskey lullaby

(Sing lullaby)

The rumors flew but nobody knew how much she blamed herself
For years and years she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath
She finally drank her pain away a little at a time
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind
Until the night

2nd Chorus
She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away his memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees
We found her with her face down in the pillow
Clinging to his picture for dear life
We laid her next to him beneath the willow
While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby

(Sing lullaby)

comment please

-Nik

:: 2005 14 January :: 7.39pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: give it up: jennfier lopez.

yay
yay nikkie is coming tomorrow til monday, i havent seen her since october. lol so im excited. yes well thats all i had to say...ill update later...

:: 2005 12 January :: 9.21pm

i want to be pure. hallow. silent. perfect. thin. i want to be glass. slender. silent. perfect. mysterious. i want to be alone. the girl with the mysterious smile upon her face. thin and pretty. pretty and perfect.

2 Xx.Will.Be.My.xXxX | xX.Inspiration.Xx

Cocopuff

:: 2005 12 January :: 8.42pm

No sleep last night,
too busy thinkin of you.
I was tryin to figure out how I could fix things,
but I can't.
You wouldn't want me to anyway,
so I guess I'll just have to stop loving you somehow.
And only love the memory of me actually thinking you cared.
It hurt bad.
I shouldn't waste my tears, I know.
It's kind of too late to say that.
I've already unleashed thousands,
cuz every thought I ever had
was about you.
And every dream I ever wished
came true -
when you entered my life.
And now you're slowly disappearing,
so I didn't sleep last night....

yea thats how i feel right about now.. seems like once again everything is changing.. and i dont know why, mayb its for the better this time...but w/e idk... i dont know nethign nemore... and im gettign to the point where i really dont care about nethign nemore....

:: 2005 9 January :: 12.28pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: holy water x big and rich

my favorite song!
i have had this song on repeat for like 2 days

BIG AND RICH x HOLY WATER

Somewhere there's a stolen halo
I use to watch her wear it well
Everything would shine
wherever she would go
But looking at her
now you'd never tell

Someone ran away with her innocence
A memory she can't get out of her head
I can only imagine what she's feeling
When she's praying
Kneeling at the edge of her bed

And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water
Holy water

She wants someone to call her angel
Someone to put the light back in her eyes
She's looking through the faces
The unfamiliar places
She needs someone to hear her when she crys

And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water
Holy water

She just needs a little help
To wash away the pain she's felt
She wants to feel the healing hands
Of someone who understands

And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me
And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water
Holy water

such a sad song but so good

(its about a girl who was raped)

download it if you didnt already

-Nik

:: 2005 7 January :: 8.12pm

people say so many things... and i know i am adopting the phillosphy of not caring what the hell people say, but i cant help but ask, am i doing something wrong?

i mean, people call me a skank... they must have a logical reason. and when i say people i dont mean a specific group of people and their friends, i mean a few random people.

is it cause i flirt too much? ---- i like flirting too much

is it the clothes i wear? ---- i like my clothes

is it my body? ---- i cant help my boob size

is it my actions? ---- i am still a virgin and i have never given head and i dont do things with random guys...

:: 2005 6 January :: 4.23pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: holy water x big and rich

SNOW DAY!!

YAY today was a snow day

ya so today during the SNOW DAY i sat at home and watched spice world and laws of attraction.. then i went to Gini's.. then we went to amanda's..

then Me Gin Mada Kevin Luke Jonathan and Danny all went to ben hem and played on the slides for like an hour! i got soaked! it was sooooooooooooooo much fun.. i tackeled danny and so did Gini.. lol sorry danny.. ya so i fell on my ass atleat a million times..

then i came home and tried to do my spanish homework.. but it didnt happen so now im talking to kimmi and writing in this!

comment!

-Nik

:: 2005 5 January :: 7.37pm

[light one small candle rather than curse the darkness]
i close my eyes...
wash away all the tears
i sit still
listening to every sound
then blocking it all out
i will clear my mind
think of nothing
want no desires
i will reach,
my perfect
...nirvana

:: 2005 5 January :: 4.02pm

stole this from meg :)

x all the things that apply..

Have you ever...
[x] been drunk.
[x]smoked pot.
[x] kissed a member of the opposite sex
[x] rode in a taxi.
[x] been dumped.
[x] shoplifted.
[ ] been fired.
[ ] been in a fist fight.
[x] had a threesome - kissing or otherwise
[x] snuck out of your parent's house.
[ ] been arrested.
[x] made out with a stranger.
[x] stole something from your job.
[ ] celebrated new years in times square.
[ ] went on a blind date.
[x] lied to a friend.
[x] had a crush on a teacher.
[ ] celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans.
[ ] been to europe.
[x] skipped school.
[ ] thrown up from drinking.
[ ] lost your sibling.
[x] played 'clue'.
[x] had a sleepover party.
[x] went ice skating.
[x] cheated on a bf/gf.
[x] been cheated on.
[x] had a sweet sixteen.
[ ] had a quinceanera.
[x] had a car.
[x] drove

Do you...
[ ] have a boyfriend.
[ ] have a girlfriend.
[x] have a crush.
[x] feel loved.
[x] feel lonely.
[x] feel happy.
[ ] hate yourself.
[ ] think your attractive
[x] have a dog.
[x] have your own room.
[] listen to rap.
[x] listen to rock.
[ ] listen to jazz
[ ] listen to classical and/or opera
[ ] listen to showtunes
[ ] listen to soul.
[ ] listen to techno
[ ] listen to reggae.
[x] paint your nails.
[x] have more than one best friend.
[] get good grades
[ ] play an instrument.
[x] have slippers.
[ ] wear boxers.
[x] wear black eyeliner.
[x] like the color blue.
[x] like the color yellow.
[x] like the color purple.
[x] like the color pink.
[ ] cyber.
[ ] claim.
[x] like to read.
[x] like to write.
[x] have long hair.
[ ] have short hair.
[x] have a cell phone.
[ ] have a laptop.
[ ] have a pager.

Are you...
[ ] ugly.
[ ] pretty.
[x] ok.
[x] bored.
[ ] happy.
[ ] bilingual.
[x] white.
[ ] black.
[ ] mexican.
[ ] asian.
[ ] short.
[x] tall.
[ ] medium height.
[ ] grounded.
[ ] sick.
[x] lazy.
[x] single.
[ ] taken.
[x] looking.
[ ] not looking.
[ ] don't care.
[x] talking to someone.
[ ] IMing someone.
[x] scared to die.
[x] tired.
[ ] sleepy.
[ ] annoyed.
[x] hungry.
[ ] thirsty.
[x] on the phone.
[ ] in your room.
[ ] drinking something.
[ ] eating something.
[x] in your pjs.
[x] ticklish.
[ ] listening to music.
[ ] homophobic
[x] depressed

hahahah i love those thingers.. but i dont understand the point of them lol

comment!

-Nik

2 Xx.Will.Be.My.xXxX | xX.Inspiration.Xx

:: 2005 4 January :: 6.11pm
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: country music silly.. this is nikkie

im feeling quite chipper!
yes so this is nikkie and ass shit nut didnt comment anymore and im being quite chipper! well me and Gin and Juice are going to dariens house on the 15th!!! im maddd excited dudeeeeeee.. ya so lalallallalalala im so freaking hyper.. darien doesnt comment in my journal anymore! shes a loserfaceshit nut!!

... in honor of juice.. NUTSAC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

shit on toast i like to eat it for BREAKFAST!!! lol ohhh good good times!

hello.. whats your name (in a weird accent)

i have gum in my hair.. no.. MY HAIR!

hahah i love you girl! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahhaha this is fucking awesome.. were brining an 8th so your gunna get HIGH HIGH HIGH!!! heheheh im so excited yo!

i love you girlie!

-Nik

:: 2005 4 January :: 5.57pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: mockingbird.

hmmmm
well i havent updated in a bit. but i guess i just boring cuz i have nothing really to say. nothing interesting ever happens to me, especially here. sorry. :-/

darien.

4 Xx.Will.Be.My.xXxX | xX.Inspiration.Xx

:: 2005 3 January :: 1.40pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: none

in ms navarros!
Survey..
Best _____ of the year:
- party: new years eve baby
- show: one tree hill
- new show: summerland
- Comeback show: ?!?!?!?
- Reality Show: highschool reunion.. i guess.. mabye
- TV moment: who knows..
- cd: Eminem: ENCORE
- song: when the sun gos down~ kenny chesney
- remix: dunno
- movie:cinderella story.. its so cute
- videogame: wouldnt know
- experience: hmmmmm..
- concert: kiss concert 04' with janet and erika!
- book: uggg :/ lol
- month: october
- day: i dunno

Worst ____ of the year:
- party:Kimmi's cuz me and christina had to go home
- show: im not sure
- new show: i dunno.. hard questions
- Comeback show: ?
- Reality Show: BMOC
- TV moment: ????
- cd: hillary duff
- song: i dont listen to bad songs
- remix: ?!?!??!
- month: january
- day: august 1, 2004 RIP Gene i love you :(

Hopes for 2005:
- predict something that you think will happen in 2005?: not sure
- what do you hope changes about your country?: prices of things lol
- what do you hope for yourself?: to loose weight.. i dunno
- what do you hope for your family?: maybe to fucking get along

During 2004:
1. where were you when it began?: Christina's house
2. did you stay up?: obviously
3. what was your new year wish?:dont remember
4. how many boy/girlfriends?: ohh god im not sure..
5. broke up?: ummm?
6. have any crushes?: hehhe yes
7. care to mention names?: no thank you
8. new friends?:Virginia.. me and brittany got close again baNg 4 life baby
9. had to say goodbye?: dont make me cry.. yea i had to say goodbye
10. missed anyone?: Gene
11. win anything?: dont think so
12. best place you went to?: bahamas
13. worst place you went to?: a wake
14. happiest moment?: all the baNg sleepovers hahhhahhahhaha
15. how was your birthday?: good i had a sweet 16 that was awesome! got lotsa present!!

i felt like donig this becasue i found it somewhere.. lol ya so im in ms navarros and im bored sooo...

well thats all for now

-Nik

:: 2005 2 January :: 11.55am
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: big star x kenny chesney

vacation
vacation is sadly coming to and end..

vacation was amazing... even though i didnt have a very good christmas, and there were alot of fights between me and my family.. this has been the best winter break by far! wow it has been about baNg! i love you girls.. lol and partying with the boys! im happy that everything is slowly coming together again ! M5B!!!!!!! yay! im so excited.

we're going back to school tomorrow and i have decided that im going to start over.. im actually going to try in my classes.. i have detention on the 4th but w/e.. im even going to try to get on honor roll.. this is my new years resolution.. to do good in school and to actually try!

i dont want to go to schhol tomorrow becasue this vacation was amazing but theres nothing i can really do about that.. i cant wait till summer.. even though i have a job and im fully commited to that this summer is going to be amazing.. im gunna make it the best!

ok thats my wisdom for the day

-Nik

:: 2005 1 January :: 6.40am
:: Mood: cranky
:: Music: too early for music

2005

happy 2005 baby! this years gunna be the best

wow new years was pretty fun.. well the begining was.. so let me see.. it was me amanda gini kevin dj cam bill anthony and chris.

i smoked 2 bowls with my fucking brother!

ya so it was suprising and pretty fucking interesting! ya so then they drank but wouldnt let us girls drink so that was kinda gay!(even though we drank a little anyways) lol then we all came upstairs and watched the ball drop on the fuzzy tv that barley works lol.. that was fun.. then my mom made all the boys go downstairs and the girls stay upstairs .. so then we all went to bed and now we're here in the morning feeling quite lovely lol

ok so now amanda just left.. and me and gini are trying to convince the boys to bring us to bickfords! yay!

-Nik

:: 2004 31 December :: 8.21am
:: Mood: bored

homewrecker x gretchen wilson
well i had a doctors appointment yesterday and got put onto prozac instead of zoloft :/ whatever as long as im happy i dont care what medicine im on.. anyways.. i was thinking.. anyone who is depressed just put on cmt or 99.5 or vh1 country.. guarenteed to put a smile on your face.. i think thats bang are like the only people at NHS who listen to country music .. with the exception of Katie and Dj! lol

ya so its new years eve and hopefully baNg is coming here.. but i hope my brother is having a party so that alcohol will maybe be involved lol! hahahahhahah im so funny.. hahaha i wish that i had kodak on here but w/e if ya'all wanna see my pictures go to..

picturessss!!! click!!

ok thats all for today..

Remember when___________________?
(fill it in)

comment now bitches ! lol

-Nik

:: 2004 29 December :: 7.38pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: dont be rediculous x shania twain

do it!!
well i was reading peoples journals i came across a cute little thing..

so..

in honor of emme...

remember when_______________________?
(fill in the blanks)

ya so amanda and gini are sleeping over right now so im gunna go but i just thoght that that was wicked cute and i wanted everyone to comment to it and stuff!

-Nik

1 Xx.Will.Be.My.xX | xX.Inspiration.Xx

:: 2004 27 December :: 6.16pm
:: Mood: gloomy
:: Music: its 5 oclock somewhere x alan jackson and jimmy buffet

blah ass day
well last night i slept over Gini's house w/ julie.. lol we had a ton of fun.. we pansed julie and she just stood there for like 10 mins.. hilarious let me tell you! lol.. then we went ot practice and good thing i went becasue coach needed my help!

ya so then me and Gini went to the mall and met britt and amanda there!! BAnGin' at the mall lol! ya so then gini's mom wouldnt let her sleep over.. she never lets her do anything here.. its always at her house or nowhere.. its kinda gay.. and she always lectures virginia about gay ass shit that is irrelevent to her life.. honestly she needs to let virginia live her fucking life.. that girl gets leff freedom than fucking people in lockup and shit.. its really fucked up..

ya so now im sitting at home by myself.. and my parents are gay so im petty lonely! ya thats all.. not like anyones gunna read it..

comment please!

-Nik

1 Xx.Will.Be.My.xX | xX.Inspiration.Xx

:: 2004 27 December :: 5.31pm

the notes are old, they bend they fold
dont read old notes from your exes.
surprisingly, after 2 years... i still cry for what i lost.

:: 2004 27 December :: 12.32pm
:: Music: ...

...
well christmas is over already. its liek you wait for it for a month anbd then it passes by like nothing. idk lol. i got lots of presents and money...it was an awesome christams but it made me miss natick alot too. it feels so different from what i imagined back 5 months ago...its sad thinking about it, so i dont. ill never have what i had there, and what remain are only memories. i guess im better than i was when i first started out, and im glad for that. ive lost so many more friends and people than ive gained...and i dont know how to deal with that.

the few friendships i have held on to have faded so much with the distance. and the feelings i once had have been lost forever. but it was all inevitable, i knew it but i refused to accept it.

please comment.

-darien