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2005 26 November :: 12.09pm
:: Mood: depressed
i thought everything was going good, until last night.. and then everything got blown back up in my face.
nothings good enough for anyone, so leave me the fuck alone. everyones a fucking asshole to me anymore. i don't do anything right, and when i do do something right someone has to say something to me and make me feel like fucking shit about it.
i might as well just not have any friends or anything, it all comes back at me in my fucking face.. no matter what i do with who. it's always a problem.
STOP TXTING MY PHONE STUPID ASSHOLES. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ANYMORE.. LET HIM DO WHATEVER HE WANTS WHENEVER HE WANTS WITH WHO EVER THE FUCK HE WANTS. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ANYMORE, I REALLY DON'T SO STOP TELLING ME THINGS THAT JUST UPSET ME.
you don't even fucking know what goes on in my head anymore.
so fuck off, i'm so serious. don't call/text my phone anymore. i'm tired of this bullshit.. i'm not even going to talk or hang out with any of my friends anymore. maybe that'll make things better.
this is my last entry that's public.. this is MY journal. I CAN WRITE WHAT I WANT ABOUT WHO I WANT. have a problem? don't read.
the rest of my journal entries will now be "Friends Only"
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2005 23 November :: 5.28pm
:: Mood: disappointed
You're all I keep thinking of and I can't get you out of my head. No matter how hard I try it's just never gonna happen. And you know what's amazing to me, that I would do anything to be with you, and you don't see it at all. You just throw me away like I'm some freakin piece of garbage and I just keep running back to you.
Tell me what's wrong with this picture.
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2005 23 November :: 10.01am
:: Mood: okay
it's a really good day today.
i'm in a great mood.
ben and i went to rochelles last night
[awwweee love you rochelle!!]
tonight hopefully ben rochelle and i are going to hang out.
depending on if i'm still 'fighting' with my aunt loraine.
and it depends on if it snows.
awwwe.. love you two!!
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2005 17 November :: 9.05pm
:: Mood: depressed
So now that I wrote about my drama with Jim today.. I figured I'd write about my days.
Yesterday.. [Wed.] Becky Amy and I got in trouble for the whole "Jumping into the trunk" thing. Becky and I got 1 day after school, and Amy got 20 days without her driving pass.. Mr. Telerico laughed about it, said it was funny blah blah blah. The funny thing is, is that the teacher wouldn't have even known if some LOUD MOUTH would have kept her f-ing mouth shut.
Today [Thursday] I presented my graduation project. I went in there, I was prepared.. then I went to put my video in and it wouldn't work. I cried in front of 7 teachers.. But I guess something was wrong with the VCR they used because someone elses didn't work either.. so I went back up like an hour later and showed them my video. I brought Gabby with me, and they were all like "awwww she's beautiful." Yeah, she is. I know. :)
I was just messing around and I took this quiz..
what a co-ink-i-dink::Read more..
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2005 15 November :: 8.09pm
:: Mood: depressed
So Doctor Beck, Mono is the sickness that I have?
Damn.
School is dumb, I want it to be Christmas break..
I am depressed.. still.
Although we've come to the end of the road
Still I can't let go,
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you
Here, here I am again
And I'm starin at these same four walls
Alone again
And now, all the colors blend
And I'm growing numb
And I've become this empty page
Hold on, its tragic
Stumbling through all this static
I just wanna talk to you
And my broken heart just has no use
And I guess promises are better left unsaid, yeah
Everytime you try to tell me
You say the words that I'm the only
But I'm the one who's crawling on the ground
When you say love makes the world go 'round
Oh, the things lovers do when it's over
Oh, the things lovers do when it's done
Find a cool bottle or a warm shoulder
Wake up older
And try to move on
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2005 15 November :: 9.47am
:: Mood: depressed
Now everytime I see you
I pretend I'm fine
When I wanna reach out to you
But I turn and I walk and I let it ride
Baby I must confess
We were bigger than anything
Remember us at our best
And don't forget about
Late nights, Late nights, playing in the dark
and waking up inside my arms
And wakin' up inside my arms
Boy, you'll always be in my heart and
I can see it in your eyes
You still want it
So don't forget about us
I'm just speaking from experience
Nothing can compare to your first true love
So I hope this will remind you
When it's for real, it's forever
So don't forget about us
Oh they say
That you're in a new relationship
But we both know
Nothing comes close to
What we had, it perseveres
That we both can't forget it
How good we used to get it
There's only one me and you
And how we used to shine
No matter what you go through
We are one, that's a fact
That you can't deny
So baby we just can't let
The fire pass us by
Forever we'd both regret
So don't forget about
I hate the way I feel.. I hate what I do to myself..
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2005 14 November :: 5.15pm
:: Mood: depressed
So yesterday, [Sunday] Rochelle and I went to the mall/movies.
We saw SAW2.
Real good.
I went over Jims.
Jeff made me laugh.
"chilly willy" teehee
Stayed. [yayyyyyyyyyyy. I love being with him!]
Went to school.
And here I am.
What a glorious evening.
P.S.
Yes, Jim, I am jealous.
And you hold it over my head.
I hate it.
And I hate the way you talk to her on the phone.
I love you. I'll wait.
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2005 11 November :: 8.09pm
:: Mood: sick
So Wednesday night I went to sleep pretty early because I was more tired than usual.. at about 11:00, my cell rang. It was Jim. We talked for about 2 hours. It was one of the best conversations we've had in a long time. We talked about us, what's going on.. and everything is okay between us. Yes, I do still have feelings for him, and he says he feels the same.. but we're just going to stay friends for a while to see how things go.
Thursday was okay, school was long and boring. I woke up late, and didn't get a shower.. LOTS OF DRAMA WITH THE BUMPER HITTING INCIDENT in the morning!! Haha, [[I was backing up and Rocco or w/e his name is pulled right out in back of me and I hit the left side of his bumper. His mom was in the car with him and everything.. no damage. But I just don't understand how he couldn't see that I was backing up.. I was almost in my spot.. so then I locked my keys in the truck.]] We had an activity period, so I was looking for my keys to put something on it, and I couldn't find them.. so I called Uncle Don and he said he couldn't find anyone to bring the spare key out.. so he told me just to ride the bus.. but no. I couldn't ride the bus home. Becky and I had to jump in the back of Amys TRUNK to get rides home. Hahhaha. So we rode down the drive way and Amy stopped at the stop sign, and popped the trunk. Becky and I got out quickly, and jumped in the car. HAHAHA. Good times!!
I went home and slept until 5:00 [I was starting to feel sick.] then I got a shower, and got ready for our 2006 Senior Party. Becky and I dressed up as The Flinstones. Real cute. I'll post pictures later.. I definitly had a lot of fun.. After I drove Becky home, parked at Amys, and Amy drove me down Jims to stay. I stayed had a good time, I love him a lot. What am I going to do?? Ahhh.. anyways, I left about 11:30, Amy came to pick me up I stayed at her house for a while, went to Becks to drop off my costume then I went home. I got home and felt like F-ing SHIT. I slept until about 3:00, then My Aunt Di and Don R came over to take Gram out to dinner.. I went to the doctors at 4:00.. I have strep and an ear infection in my left ear. I'm on Penicillin now for 7 days. Blahhhhh.. I have being sick.
I was supposed to go to the movies with Rochelle.. but I called her house 2 times today and once no one answered, and the second some lady answered and was rude.. uhhh, okay, sorry Rochelle. I tried to call..
k,love.
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2005 8 November :: 8.51pm
:: Mood: gloomy
So Monday, (yesterday) Jim Gabby and I went to the mall. I had a good time, I hope Jim did too.. I bought a new purse.
Today Becky and I went to Kings.
Tomorrow we're going to get our costumes for Senior Night Thursday.
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2005 6 November :: 11.23am
:: Mood: depressed
So it has been an all around bad weekend. It started off at work Friday, though I really don't want to talk about it.. [friends only entry!]
So I tried to call Jim to see what he was doing, Jeff answered to phone. Our convo:
Jeff Hello?
me Hey, is Jim there?
Jeff Uhh, no he got kicked outta the house last night.
me What? Where did he go?
Jeff I don't know.
then we said bye or whatever.. and I haven't heard from Jim since. What a nice guy, huh? I'm sitting here worrying about him all weekend, and he probably doesn't even care. His mom keeps calling me to see if he called me to tell me where he is.. but I have to keep telling her no, because he really hasn't even called me.
Later that night Becky and I went to the football game at Ringgold. I ate like everything. The food looked soo good. We lost 7-48. We actually left early, so we didn't get to see us score a touch down.
Saturday I went to Gabrielle Brothers. I got some toys for Christmas for Gabrielle, and some shirts for myself. I spent $90.12.. good job on my part. I thought I was going to spend more. <3333
Saturday night Becky and I went to the mall.. for like 3 minutes. LMMFAO. Good times though.. we'll go again, maybe for longer this time.. and maybe I'll actually buy my purse!! We went to Burger King to see TUBBY!! [[Kristen.. love you!!]] Then I took her home, and I came home and went online for a while.
Today I'm just lounging around the house.. I'm gonna post some pictures of gabby today. Later Bridg and I are supposed to go to the movies.
kbye!
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