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2003 3 October :: 9.39am
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: silver chair - do you feel the same
i wish i knew the ending
yeah, whatever.. "life sucks; then you die." ahh. i love saying that. it just kinda- lightens up your day. =)
what day is it again? oh yeah.. friday. sucky old friday. i actually used to like fridays, well then again i actually used to like life. errr- okay, maybe i lied. but oh well. at least i used to like FRIDAYS. but i just don't like anything anymore. -sighs.
jim went to work yesterday at 4.. and he said he'd call me when he got home. but i guess he forgot.. i waited til like 1:00 in the morning. but no call. i'm worried though cause i still can't get ahold of him, so wtf. he should know i'd get worried.. god, i'm so mad!
everythings so blurry
and everyones so fake
and everybodys empty..
and everything is so messed up
be occupied without you
i cannot live at all
my whole world surrounds you
and i stumbled and i crawl
you can be my someone..
you can be my scene
you know that i'll protect you
from all of the obscene..
sorry- listening to puddle of mudd now. -sigh. [i don't put down every song that i listen to, just the first one when i start writing my entry.] so don't get confused.. oh wait- i just read over that and confused myself.
disreguard that last paragraph.
i got a new bed for my room. and a new computer desk. well- really they aren't new. the computer desk was my moms and she got a different one, and the bed was my brothers, and he doesn't need it anymore.. it's kinda funny really; because i'm not worth getting anything new for.
lol.. i'm not worth it.
god, i wish there was fuckin school today. i hate being home alone. [yeah, my family is here. but like i said, i'm alone.] i can't believe i'm actually wishing for school.. god i miss jim.
i have to go over amys tonight- which sucks. only because she's not even gonna be home tonight, she has to go to an away football game [she's in the band]. so i'm stuck at her house for hours probably with her sister.. [i don't know if her sister will be there though] but oh well. i'll fuckin get over it. like i get over everything else.
sometimes i wish i could go back in time. like when i was about 5, and i was always up my aunts. and i didn't know about boys, heartbreaking, depression, being poor or just anything like that. it's so much easier being a little kid. yeah i wanted to grow up so much back then and be like my older brother. but i'm sayin fuck it now.. i want to go back when i was little. i don't like knowing all the shit that i know. it's sorta just like to much shit to handle anymore. to much for my brain to process. it's just to much anymore.. to many responsiblities.. to many things to do. so many things. to many.
i hate looking at pictures.
they bring back to many memories.
god damn them.
thats all. i'm done complaining.
xx. jena
Try and make me happy..
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2003 1 October :: 11.25pm
:: Mood: indescribable
:: Music: silence
just another survey
YOUR NAME
(1) The singular boring question, your name: JENA
(2) If you had been born a member of the opposite sex, what would you name have been: I don’t even know
(3) Would you name a child of yours after you? no
(4) If you had to switch first names with a friend of yours, who would you switch with: umm.. probably- no one, I like my name.
(5) What's the way people most often mispronounce any part of your name? they don’t really- they just misspell it.
(6) If you were to become famous, would you drop your last name (like Madonna, Cher, Roseanne)? no
DEEP THEOLOGICAL QUESTIONS
(7) Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell? no
(8) Do you think God has a gender? I don’t know..
(9) Do you think science counteracts religion? sorta.
(10) Do you believe in organized religion? no
(11) Where do you think we go when we die? probably no where.
(12) Do you feel a little funny thinking about the questions in this section? no.
HUMOR
13) How easy is it to make you laugh? very easy
(14) What person you know makes you laugh the most? it’s really a tie between amy, rochelle, jim, and just all my friends..
(15) Do you laugh at jokes you know you shouldn't? all the time.
(16) Why? i don't know
(17) What words instantly make you laugh or at least smile? depends on the moment
(18) What do you think is the funniest thing you've ever said or written? haha, rochelle and Is song about people singing on the bus.. I’ll have to post it sometime.
MUSIC
(19) Do you ever dance to music when nobody's watching? depends on if I’m really happy or not.. but most of the time, no.
(20) What is/are the worst song(s) you have ever heard? “skater ‘boi’ ” by avril lavigne. God, the list goes on.. haha.
(21) What song(s) do you wish you could understand a little better? there’s a few actually..
(22) What song(s) are constantly in your head? “so far away” by staind, “think twice” by eve 6
(23) What song(s) do you think describe your personality best? “hurt” by NIN, “broken” by seether, and “epiphany” by staind
(24) If you were to serenade the object of your affections, which song(s) would you use? “i’ll be” by edwin mccaine
(25) If the object of your affections were to serenade you, what song(s) would you hope he or she used? “come what may” from the moulin rouge.. omg, I would melt in his arms.
MOVIES
(26) What movie(s) do you love that nobody else seems to? MOULIN ROUGE!!
(27) Do you agree with the idea that sequels are always worse than the original? not always.
(28) Who's your favorite Star Wars character? yeah right, I hate that movie/s
(29) What kind of movie do you think there should be more of? musicals.
(30) What movie(s) do you simply not understand the appeal of? ahh to many..
FOOD
(31) When eating, are you more concerned with taste or healthiness? taste
(32) What's your favorite kind of cheese? provolone
(33) What do you think your answer to the previous question reveals about your personality? um.. it’s just cheese?
(34) If you knew exactly what went into Chinese food, hamburger meat, etc., would you still eat it? not.
(35) Do you ever feel guilty eating meat? yeah, but then I get over it.
COMPUTERS
(36) Mac or PC? PC
(37) How much do you actually care about the inner workings of your computer? not really.
(38) Do you ever begin preferring IMs to other forms of conversation? yeah
(39) Do you find you're different talking through IMs than face-to-face or on the telephone? yeah..
(40) Have you ever ended bid on something on eBay and regretted it later? no.
(41) Have you ever wished you could experience being the other gender? yeah, lol.
(42) What do you love most about the other gender? everything.
(43) What do you dislike most about the other gender? everything.
(44) What do you understand least about the other gender? why they have to be so immature??
CELEBRITIES
(45) Do you sometimes see a movie or watch a show just because a good-looking celebrity is in it? no
(46) What celebrity's autograph do you want most? everyone from moulin rouge.
(47) Have people ever said you looked like a celebrity, and if so, who? hahahahahaha yeah right.
(48) If there was to be a movie about you, who do you think should play you (in personality, looks or both)? Wynonia ryder or however you spell her name. I like her.
(49) Does it ever annoy you when you know someone is a celebrity but you can't remember why? yes.
(50) If you could enter any celebrity's mind like in "Being John Malkovich", whose would you enter? not sure.
(51) Do you want to be John Malkovich? no
NUMBERS
(52) Do you laugh when you hear or read the number 69? no, I don’t see what the big deal is. Jesus.
(53) Were you lying about your answer to the previous question? no.
(54) Do you actually know your Social Security Number? nope.
(55) Do you actually know your IP address? no
(56) Do you know what an IP address is? yep
(57) Do you know the four-character extension on your ZIP code? what’s that??
(58) Ever thought there were too many numbers floating around in our lives? most definitely.
(59) Does your head begin to hurt when you think of infinity, imaginary numbers, irrational numbers, etc.? haha.
(60) What do you think of pi? 3.14
LOVE, SEX AND ALL THAT
(61) Did you get a little frightened or uncomfortable seeing this as a section title? Not really
(62) If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel? scared I guess..?
(63) Do you prefer getting to know someone first before dating them or going in "blind"? getting to know them.
(64) Could you carry on a relationship with someone with the same first name as a family member> I am right now..
(65) Have you ever wished it was more "socially acceptable" for a girl to ask a guy out? I asked my boyfriend out.. I don’t see the big deal.
(66) What's your opinion on sex without emotional commitment? yeah I don’t think it’s cool..
(67) Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive? no not really.
(68) Do you think the opposite sex finds you good-looking? hahahaha. yeah right!
(69) Would you be willing to give up sex in exchange for an emotional commitment you knew would last? in a heartbeat.
(70) Do you think the number of the last question was a coincidence? who cares.
POSSESSIONS
(71) What is your favorite possession? my baby jim
(72) What physical, tangible possession do you want most? ahh.. autographs from the moulin rouge!!!!
(73) How badly do you want it? sooo soo bad!
(74) Have you ever seen 'The Exorcist'? yeah, who hasn’t?
(75) How long did it take you to understand why the last question is in this section? I still don’t understand..
HOLIDAYS
(76) Does Christmas music too far away from Christmas annoy you? no
(77) How old do you think you will be before you stop liking getting older? 21, when jim and I get married. =)
(78) What was the best Halloween costume you ever had? when I was little, I was a little princess.. aww I was so cute. I miss those days..
(79) What was the worst Halloween costume you ever had? my old grandma costume.. haha
(80) What holiday do you think has still managed to retain its original meaning? MAYBE thanksgiving.. but anymore- I don’t even know.
(81) There are currently no federal holidays during August- what should be put there? nothing, we have enough holidays. Jesus.
MEMORIES
(82) How good is your short-term memory no to good.
(83) How good is your long-term memory? hahahaha.
(84) What is your earliest memory? I can’t even think..
(85) What is your happiest memory ? being with jim..
(86) What is your strangest memory? everything is strange anymore.
(87) What song, movie, etc. do you wish you could memorize? moulin rouge.
TEARS
(88) What movie makes/made you cry? moulin rouge
danielle steel books..
(90) What song makes/made you cry? nothing really..
(91) What makes/made you laugh so hard you cried? jim.
THREE TRULY RANDOM QUESTIONS
(92) Would you like to be cloned? no.
(93) Do you wish you could be alive when the world was ending, just to experience it? Yeah. as long as I had jim.
(94) Scaramouche, scaramouche, will you do the fandango? isn’t that song on waynes world??
THIS SURVEY
(95) Do you think that one hundred and one questions is too long? yeah, but I’m bored.. so.. yeah..
(96) Do you think the one hundred interesting questions actually were interesting? I guess so.. like I said, I was bored..
(97) Are you sorry you began filling it out? I was bored.. like I said.
(98) What question do you wish it had asked? "If you had to kill yourself how would you choose to go abouti it?"
99) How would you have answered it? I don’t even know.
THE TWO MOST IMPORTANT QUESTIONS
(100) When was the last time you let the people you love know you love them? today, when jim left for work I told him. =)
(101) What do you want the people who are reading this survey to know? I love you Jim.
3 fake smiles |
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2003 30 September :: 9.27pm
:: Mood: upset
:: Music: seether - fade away
not really in the mood to write
jim and i went to the movies yesterday. we saw freaky friday. aww. disney movies are the best.
we had fun, it was 10 months for us yesterday. =) such a long time. yes. a long time together.
i l o v e h i m v e r y m u c h
i didn't go to school today. i am hella sick. and it sucks. a lot.
i hope i don't have a lot of things to make up. -growls. i hate homework and such.
i don't really feel like writing.
<3 jena.
Try and make me happy..
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2003 27 September :: 3.30pm
:: Mood: sick, sad
:: Music: incubus
personality test.
The Big Five Personality Test
Extroverted |||||||||| 32%
Introverted |||||||||||||||| 68%
Friendly |||||||||| 32%
Aggressive |||||||||||||||| 68%
Orderly |||||||||||| 42%
Disorderly |||||||||||||| 58%
Relaxed |||| 12%
Emotional |||||||||||||||||||| 88%
Intellectual |||||||||||||| 54%
Practical |||||||||||| 46%
Take Free Big 5 Personality Test
The Big Five is currently the most accepted personality model in the scientific community. The Big Five emerged from the work of multiple independent scientists/researchers starting in the 1950s who using different techniques obtained similar results. Those results were that there are five distinct personality traits/dimensions. Here are your results on each dimension:
Extroversion results were low which suggests you are quiet, unassertive, and aloof.
Friendliness results were low which suggests you tend to be rude, uncooperative, and irritable.
Orderliness results were medium which suggests you are moderately organized, reliable, neat, and ambitious.
Emotional Stability results were low which suggests you are very worrying, insecure, emotional, and nervous.
Intellectualness results were medium which suggests you are moderately creative, original, curious, and imaginative.
Overall, you scored highest on Intellectualness and lowest on Emotional Stability
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2003 24 September :: 10.22am
:: Music: my teacher talking to us
.:just in school:.
i'm in school, not really doing anything, omg, do i want to go home. i am so sick. i think it's a combination of being out in the cold all yesterday [i'll write about that later.] and kelly [she's sick, and she was over my house for a long time last night -growls.]
mrs skilles is telling us about her experince about her Student Teacher Of the Year thing. [she was one of the finialists for Pennsylvania] which is really hard to do. only 12 teachers actually make it. so it's really cool to just have a teacher that was a finialist. =) i'm so proud! (i really actually am.)
so yesterday rochelle stayed over again and we [some aunts, some uncles, and some cousins and jim came over!] it was an okay night really. we roasted some hot dogs on a big bon fire- and some marshmellows. it started at klike 7:00 and i think everyone started to leave at around 9 or so. jim rochelle [kelly was on my computer...........] i think she got us sick! oh well. but anyways, jim left around 11:30- [way to early.. i wanted him to stay all night.] but oh well- he's getting his lisence soon enough. i want him to get it soo bad. god i'm tired of his mom bitching about driving him over my house, and i'm tired of my mom bitching about going to get him and so on.. it just kinda drains me because i hear it from both sides.. -growls.
i guess jim talked to the principle about going to homecoming- he's allowed to go. we got into this big fight because i didn't want to go anymore. yeah, i wanted to go.. but i didn't want to be rushed around looking for a dress and shoes and all that stupid shit. but i don't know, he said he would take some other girl, and i hung up on him. ha. stupid ass. i hung up on him like 6 times in the matter of not even 5 minutes. the next day we were okay though..
so things have been getting to me lately- okay everything has been getting to me lately. just everything. i don't even know what to do anymore. i just got off the handle. if someone talks to me in the wrong way, i'll be mad at them or freakin yell at them for stupid little shit. it's dumb. i'm dumb. but i don't even know anymore. i just don't know.. i just don't know.
becky and i are just sitting here, online because we have a free period in advanced word processing. yay! i'm glad cause i freakin need some time off.
man, i want to go home.
history test today- DAMN IT. fuck history. i hate it. and i'm probably going to fail it. it's not that i don't like history, because i think it's amazing all the things that happened, but i just don't like having to memorize everything. i'm not a memorization kind of person. i'm more of a math person. i'm better at math at most subjects. i don't know anymore. whatever.
george is so fuckin stupid. rochelle and i went up with him to get some ice cream yesterday, and our friend tom came out [he works there.] and he gave roach the middle finger, [they always play around like that.] and george was like "i don't think that was very respectable, if you ever ever do anything like that again, i'll have you thrown off this property." what an asshole? i was so pissed. if he fuckin talks to me, see if i fuckin talk back. fuck him. i don't tell my mom and his friends what to do, they do shit around my little sisters that isn't appropriate, but i don't fuckin tell them that it isn't appropriate. fuck him. and if he does anything like that again, just fuckin see what i do.
sorry for saing 'fuck' so many times. when i get mad, i swear. and omg was i so pissed when he did that.
god, i feel like shit.
<3 jena.
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2003 21 September :: 4.54pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: moulin rouge
love makes us act like we are fools; throw our lives away, for one happy day.
i guess this weekend was okay. =) i got to see jim. i watched moulin rouge a bunch of times. so i am 'happy'
friday jim came over; at 12 midnight. -growls. i was so mad at him because it took him so long to get over here. but at least he came over. i was happy about that.
satine
i follow the night
can't stand the night
when will i begin
to live again?
one day i'll fly away..
leave all this to yesterday..
what more could your love do for me?
when will love be through with me?
why live life from dream to dream?
and dread the day, when dreaming ends..
christan
how wonderful life is.. now your in the world.
satine
one day i'll fly away
leave all this to yesterday
why live life from dream to dream
and dread the day, when dreaming.. ends.
one day i'll fly away..
whoa, sorry i had to type that out.. they were singing it, and i love that part.. ahh. the whole movie rocks.. i'll probably just bust out typing some of the lyrics again later in the entry..
but anyways, saturday- we took jim to work, and then i went homecoming dress shopping with amy. aww. her dress is so cute. i love it very much. it's black with sparkles in the front. and she's going with a nice guy to, so i'm happy for her. [i love you amy!] then we came home to her house and jim drove us to subway. and amy and i got a SUB. =) it was good. [thank you jim, i love you.] then we came back, and amys mom left. matt and jim came up. we chilled and shit. matt went home and then amy jim and i watched moulin rouge. [amy never saw it before- but jim watches it with me all the time.. he probably hates it by now.] he actually fell asleep on the floor next to the couch. but i'm so glad he was there. i miss him since he works anymore.. i don't get to see him as much.
today i didn't really do anything, went to the covered bridge festival with my mom and stuff. i didn't get anything though. but oh well. my mom told me that she was going to paint a smile on my face. haha. yeah.
now i'm just watching moulin rouge again. [yes, the title of this entry is from one of the songs is from the movie.]
all you need is love
a girl has got to eat
all you need is love
she'll end up on the street
all you need is love
love is just a game
i was made for lovin' you baby,
you were made for lovin' me
the only way of lovin me baby, is to pay a lovely fee
just one night, just one night
there's no way, cause you can't pay.
in the name of love, one night in the name of love..
you crazy fool; i won't give into you.
jesus christ, i love that movie- i don't know how anyone can't. ahh. what's wrong with me? haha. i'm obsessed. i love the songs.
"we could steal time.. just for one day, we could be hero's forever and ever. we could be heros forever and ever.. we can be heros- just because i will always love you--"
how wonderful life is, now you're in the world
i love you jim.
<3<3jena.
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2003 20 September :: 12.35pm
:: Mood: i don't know
:: Music: seether
[haha] this is funny
You're depressed. Really you are. And you
definitely have a reason. You often space out
and stare at things blankly, even if you're
normally hyper and energetic. This is because
nothing really seems important anymore. You
might just be sad right now, or you might be
manic depressive. Don't worry. Have some cocoa
and stuff'll be ok.
How Depressed are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
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2003 17 September :: 7.34pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: incubus (mourning view cd)
good day?!
"so are you gettin kress straightened up jena?" -my science teacher asked me after class today.
[kress = jim]
haha, that made my day a considerably good one.
=)
p.s. i love you rochelle!!
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2003 16 September :: 8.03pm
:: Mood: i don't even know anymore.. =(
:: Music: commercials on the radio..
nothing anymore.
so yeah.. the moday and tuesday of this week was.. okay if you consider being miserable okay.. but whatever.
last night i stayed at rochelles. i did have fun. =) but i guess her step dad is bein an ass today, so rochelle, i hope you're okay.. i love you! -hugs-
jim and i are okay.. we just fight a lot.. i um, need him. because he helps me through everything. =( i wish i wasn't so dependent on him. i need him for absolutly everything. i feel so stupid. but i l o v e h i m w i t h a l l m y h e a r t and i don't ever wanna lose him.. it came to close once, never again do i want it to become that close again.. never again.
in algebra i feel dumb. i guess we're doing "Problem Solving" now- man, i try so hard, and i just don't understand it. =( i don't know what to do.. ugh. we're having a test.. umm.. [hold on, let me look in my planner..] um, yeah thursday. -sighs- i am going to fail it. whatever; if i fail, i'll most likely just fail the whole year. but i don't even know if i care anymore.
i re-did my journal.
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