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2004 16 June :: 1.41am
:: Mood: sad
Cut the skin to the bone
Fall asleep all alone
Hear your voice in the dark
Lose myself in your eyes
Choke my voice
Say goodnight as the world falls apart
Fuck I can't let this kill me
Let go
I need some more time to fix this
Here's a letter for you
But the words get confused
And the conversation dies
Apologize for the past
Talk some shit take it back
Are we cursed to this life
Fuck I can't let this kill me
Let go
I need some more time to fix this problem
I need some more time to fix this problem
I need some more time to fix this
I'm talking to the ceiling
My life just lost all meaning
Do one thing for me tonight
I'm dying in this silence
The last star left in heaven
Is falling down to earth and
Do you still feel the same way
Do you still feel the same way
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2004 15 June :: 3.28pm
guys aren't worth fuckin' shit.
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2004 13 June :: 1.00pm
so i can't think of anymore names for the baby.. so far i've come up with:
trinity
amaya
baily
morgan
ella
blah.. it's such a hard decision!
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2004 12 June :: 12.56am
:: Mood: sad
i'm just sitting here, drinking some ice water.
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2004 10 June :: 11.51pm
:: Mood: funny
didn't go get my permit today.. "something came up" so i guess we're getting it tomorrow.
we'll see.
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2004 9 June :: 11.20am
:: Mood: cranky
i hurt my foot.
i've watched moulin rouge 5 times in the past 2 days. lol, i still love that movie.
going to get my permit tomorrow.
july 1 is my next doctors apt. for the baby.
i don't know what i'm doing today.. chelsea is coming at 2.. and she'll be here to watch the girls til around 9.. so i have all that free time of doing nothing. hmmm.. i'll see what jim is doing.
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2004 6 June :: 1.07pm
:: Mood: lazy
first off: WE FOUND ZEUS! we put an add in the newspaper under lost & found and someone called about him. i guess the night of the storm [when he ran away] he was up the mingo twist n shake and all scared and everything, so some guy opened his car door and let him in. they took him home. i'm so happy! we get to go get him around 4:30-5:00.
i went to the doctors on thursday. i have some sorta infection. but it'll cause me to go into early [way early] labor; so i had to get on more antibiotics. there is always so many things wrong with me.
ahhhh. yesterday in the morning my aunt loraine, gram and i went to waynesburg for a yard sale, for my grams therapist (SP?) [yes, thats like 45 minutes away from where i live.] my aunt and i didn't want to go, but my gram put the guilt trip on; and we ended up going.. but in the end it was a good thing because we got a crib for up my aunts house, a walker, and a whole bunch of little rattles/infant toys. melanie [i think that was her name.. thats joes wife] and joe [my grams therapist] have 3 little girls, so they have about a million infant clothes. so she said she would save the clothes until i knew for sure that i was having a girl. and that was really nice.
yesterday around 5:00 i went into tha bar, for the fundraiser thing. we did really good. we were packed. i was really tired by the end of the night though.
todays berts welcome home picnic! he got back from over-seas thursday. but he can only stay home for 7 weeks.. but i bet tammy and the girls are so happy he's home.
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2004 2 June :: 8.48pm
:: Mood: upset
we can't find zeus..
he's been gone for a few hours, and he's never ran away before.
i hope he's okay.
:(
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2004 2 June :: 12.25pm
:: Mood: blank
my feet are cold.
well yesterday i went with my mom to the school got all my stuff, returned my books blah blah blah. i'm taking finials sometime at the end of the month i guess.
after that we went to k-mart and got a couple things. then we went to the bar, got something to eat and left. we came home only to leave again to go to annas play at the highschool. that was only about an hour or so. after that we all went home.
my mom, george and the girls left to go to the parrothead meeting in pittsburgh. i went up my aunt loraines and we put her pool deck together and hung some things up for my gram. after that my aunt loraine and i ordered pizza for us. then kelly came up and we gave her some pizza. doug ate his, uncle only ate a little bit, and jeff ate the rest. i went home around 11:30. watched some tv; and went to sleep.
i woke up around 11:30 this morning, ate a bowl of coco puffs. mmmmm, they were good. talked to my mom. called my gram and told her that i'd be up when the guys up there were done paving my aunts drive way to help her plant some flowers and finish up her little deck she has.
haven't talked to jim in a few days. nothing new though.
i have a doctors apointment tomorrow. blah blah blah. nothing exciting anyways.. i'll update more about this tomorrow :-D
oh.. june 5 [this saturday] at the bar [the Sand Bar in Washington] is having a fundraiser for Cannonsburg Hospitals Emergency Room. I'll be selling raffles, and cookies or something like that. so everyone that reads this [my friends that live around me!] better tell their moms/dads ect. to come. :)
well i better go, i think i'm gonna go paint my aunts things i told her i'd paint.
kiss me
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2004 31 May :: 12.16am
:: Mood: tired
the 29th was a year 1/2 for jim and i.
happy memorial day. :-P
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2004 27 May :: 10.06pm
:: Mood: bored
Advanced Big 30 Personality Test Results
Sociability | ||||||||| | 30% | Aggressiveness | ||||||||| | 30% | Assertiveness | ||||||||| | 26% | Activity Level | |||||| | 18% | Excitement-Seeking | ||||||||||||||| | 50% | Enthusiasm | ||||||||| | 22% | Extroversion | ||||||||| | 29% | Trust | ||||||||| | 26% | Morality | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 66% | Altruism | ||||||||| | 30% | Cooperation | ||||||||||||||| | 50% | Modesty | ||||||||||||||| | 42% | Sympathy | ||||||||| | 30% | Friendliness | |||||||||||| | 40% | Confidence | |||||||||||| | 34% | Neatness | ||||||||||||||| | 46% | Dutifulness | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 62% | Achievement | ||||||||| | 22% | Self-Discipline | |||||| | 18% | Cautiousness | ||||||||||||||| | 42% | Orderliness | |||||||||||| | 37% | Anxiety | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 70% | Volatility | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 78% | Depression | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 74% | Self-Consciousness | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 66% | Impulsiveness | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 70% | Vulnerability | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 70% | Emotional Stability | ||||||||| | 29% | Imagination | |||||||||||||||||| | 54% | Artistic Interests | ||||||||||||||| | 42% | Introspection | ||||||||| | 30% | Adventurousness | ||||||||||||||| | 46% | Intellect | |||||| | 18% | Liberalism | |||||||||||||||||| | 58% | Openmindedness | ||||||||||||||| | 41% | | Take Free Advanced Big 30 Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com
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2004 26 May :: 8.42pm
:: Mood: crappy
didn't go to school today. i woke up at like 6:00, took pain meds and musta fell back asleep.. i woke up around 11.
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2004 24 May :: 10.29am
:: Mood: listless
blah- stupid me being sick. stupid kidney infection ect..
george had gotten 2 blink 182 tickets for saturday. [the 22nd] and had asked if i wanted them. to bad i was in the hospital and could barely move.
i'm feeling a lot better now. especially this morning. i woke up, and can actually stand up straight without having a massive amout of pain.
..back to school tomorrow!
8 days left.
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2004 23 May :: 10.58pm
:: Mood: sick, tired, in pain.. ect.
sorry i haven't updated much lately. a lot of things have been going on.
thursday i called my mom and told her that i had a bladder infection.
friday, i went to school.. but only to be sent home an hour later & 1/2 later because there wasn't any power. so my mom took me to the doctors, and they gave me meds for my bladder infection. and told me that if the pain in my right side was getting any worse to go to the ER. so about 7:30 that night i called my mom and told her that i couldn't even stand up.
i went to the hospital, they took tests/blood and everything. only to tell me about 70 thousand hours later that i was pregnant. okay. 21 weeks pregnant. from the ultrasound they did the lady said she thinks its a girl.. but cannonsburg hospital doesn't do OBGYN, so i had to be transfered to washington hospital. i rode in an ambulance to get there because i had an iv in my arm and its the law that i had to ride in an ambulance. the guy was really nice that rode with me. he told me to keep my head up, because i didn't have anything to be ashamed of.
when i got there it was already about mindnight. i was so tired. but i had to stay awake.. they asked me questions and everything. put a new iv in, and checked blood pressure/babys heart rate. the nurse that was in there for the night her name was Pat. she was so nice. i didn't get a full nights sleep the whole 2 days i stayed over, because they always came in to change my iv or check up on me.. blah, i slept during most of the day. i ended up having a kidney infection, but they said it was good i came in because it can cause a miscarrage.
i'm not allowed to go to school tomorrow. and i still have to get 3 perscriptions filled.. the place wasn't open on sundays.. which means no pain meds.. which means i'll be in pain.
everyones handling it well. even i am. i just can't wait until everyone reads this. it'll be around the school by tuesday.
i'm telling everyone now: just leave me alone and don't ask any questions.
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2004 20 May :: 7.20pm
:: Mood: blah
9 days of school left.
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