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2003 29 July :: 1.19am
:: Mood: drained
jim
8 months today baby.. i love you so much. i hope know we'll be together for the rest of our lives, and i mean that with all my heart.
you're my whole life baby.. you're the light in my darkness.. and if you weren't here, all i'd have is mr. bang.. and he just doesn't fill that spot in my heart like you do.
jim+jena
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2003 26 July :: 10.18pm
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: some rap SHIT
i woke up at like 10, and amy, her mom, sister and i went down the to the firehall to start doin shit for amys grams *suprise* birthday party.. but first we went to a couple different stores to get some other things that we needed (like balloons, and table covering and some other things) so we got those things and we went back to the firehall.. amy and i worked on covering the tables with the table covering stuff.. and we had to get all the same kinda chairs.. which doesn't seem like a big job, but it fuckin is god damnnit!! after a while we got tired of doin that, soo we started cuttin up the fruit for the fruit salad.. there is so much food for tomorrow. lol amy allison and i had a grape fight. it was fun.. lmao, i got hit right between the eyes!! (god damn you amy!! hahaha!!) later when we finally finished covering the tables, there was a little bit left over, and i was messin around, and made a cape for myself outta it.. oh man, it was great shit. haha.. we finally got finished with everything around 4:00.
we came home and helped amys gram wrap some baby shower presents.. lmao, SHE HIT ME IN THE FACE WITH THE SCISSORS ACCIDENTLY.. haha anyways, later we went to wal*mart and giant eagle.. (giant bird.. haha amy) and we got the rest of the things that we needed for tomorrow.. so we came home, and made pretzel salad, and jim came down for a while.. then amy and i ordered a stromboli from kuzins, and then here we are..
jim's outside waiting for me to get done writing in here..
i'm exhausted.. ahh jesus.
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2003 25 July :: 11.40pm
:: Mood: mad
fuck this.
i'm at amys.. i'm stayin til monday sometime, then jim and i are probably going to go back to my house if he wants to.. whatever, i don't really know yet.. today we woke up around 10, and then we went to washington to get amys moms check cashed.. and then we came back to bentlyville, and stopped at burger king.. -sighs- so i got a double cheese burger with fries and a coke. i only ate half of the burger, and only about 10 fries, and some coke.. when we got home, i got a shower and then we called randi, and walked around until about 5.. then randi went home, and amy and i waited for her mom to get home so we could go to wal*mart, and go out to eat.. we went to dennys, and i got a piece of french toast a dippy egg, and some of those home-fry things? i forget what they're called.. i tried to eat it all.. but i didn't.
i've been really annoyed lately with just everyone.. i don't know why anymore. i just can't take peoples shit as much as i could anymore. it just fuckin pisses me off.. i swear i'm gonna fuckin blow soon.
7 days to the beach.
xx.jena
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2003 24 July :: 1.01am
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: staind - so far away
life.. who cares anymore?
Personality Disorder Test
xx.jena
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2003 23 July :: 2.28am
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: die trying - oxgyens gone
just a survey
Part One: Personal Information
1. NAME: jena
2. SEX: female
3. BIRTHDAY: 2-22-87
4. WHERE DO YOU LIVE: pennsylvania
5. HEIGHT: 5'9 i think.
6. SHOE SIZE : 10 1/2
7. FIRST CRUSH: i don't even remember
8. PARENTS: darlene and jim
9. RIGHTY OR LEFTY: righty
10. WHATS YOUR SIGN: aquarius
11. WHATS THE FIRST IMPRESSION OF YOU: quite, nice, easy to make smile.. lol
12. EVER BEEN IN LOVE: yeah.. i am right now.. jim<3
13. PUPPY LOVE: yeah, i guess.
14. HAVE A TATTOO: no, but i want one.
Part Two: How do you like your men?
1. BOXERS OR BREIFS: both are sexy. o_0
2. LONG OR SHORT: what the hells that supposed to mean!? lol
3. DARK OR BLONDE: both are cute
4. TALL OR SHORT: tallllll
5. 6 PAC OR MUSCLAR ARMS: -shrugs-
6. MR. SENSITVE OR MR. FUNNY: a bit of both (just like jim. he's perfect)
7. GOOD GUY OR BAD GUY: bad guy
8. DARK OR LIGHT EYES: light eyes
9. HAT OR NO HAT: hat
10. EARS PEIRCED OR NOT: doesnt matter
11. FRECKLES OR NONE: none, but a couple are definitly cute
12. STUBBLE OR NEATLY SHAVED: neatly shaved!!!! ahh!! lol
13. RUGGED OR SPORTY: rugged
14. ACCENT OR AMERICAN: american
Part Three: Foods
1. CHOCOLATE MILK OR HOT CHOCOLTE: hot chocolate
2. MCDONALDS OR BURGER KING: burger king
3. COKE OR PEPSI: pepsi
4. ROOT BEER OR DR. PEPPER: dr. pepper
5. TEA OR COFFEE: tea
6. MILK/DARK/WHITE CHOCALATE: milk chocolate
7. VANILLA OR CHOCALATE: vanilla
8. CAKE OR PIE: depends on what kind.
Part Four: Pick one
1. MARRY PERFECT FRIEND OR PERFECT LOVER: perfect lover.. friendship is part of love
2. CATS OR DOGS: dogs
3. 1 PILLOW OR 2 : two
4. W/ OR W/O ICE CUBES: water with ice, but nothing else.
5. TOP OR BOTTOM : top!!
6. WINTER/SPRING/SUMMER/FALL: fall/winter
7. SKIING OR BOARDING: i've never done either
8. BIKING OR BLADING: um, i don't like outdoor things.. lol
9. ROCK/RAP/R&B/PUNK/ALT/SKA/TECHNO/SWING/COUNTRY: rock, punk
10. NIGHT OR DAY: night
11. GLOVES OR MITTENS: gloves
12. DRESSED OR UNDRESSED: dressed
13. BUNK OR WATER BED: water bed. ^-^
14. MAKE PLANS OR GO ALONG: go along
15. TRUTH OR DARE: truth
16. MTV OR VH1: mtv
17. OCEAN OR POOL: neither, i don't like to swim.
18. SHOWERS OR BATHS: mmm shower
19. LOVE OR LUST: love
20. SILVER OR GOLD: silver
21. DIAMONDS OR PEARLS: diamonds
22. PENCIL OR PEN: pen
23. SUNRISE OR SUNSETS: sunrise
24. BLIND OR DEAF: blind, i gotta have music!
Part Five: Favorites
1. COLOR: green, black
2. NUMBER: 18
3. SUBJECT: ..nothing
4. CLOTHING BRAND: black stuff. lol
5. SHOE BRAND: doesn't really matter.
6. SPORT TO PLAY: nothing are you kidding me?! hahaha.. me.. play a sport?! lmao
7. DRINK: alcoholic-- mikes hard lemonade and smirnoff.. and non-alcoholic-- orange juice, water
8. ANIMAL: dogs
9. HOLIDAY: valentines day, and halloween
10. FAVORITE LINE FROM A MOVIE: "i'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her." - notting hill
11. BAND: have more than just one--- incubus, staind, fingereleven, our lady peace, eve 6, the used, nothingface, smile empty soul, linkin park, mxpx, kittie
12. MOVIE: moulin rouge - shakespear in love - girl, interrupted
13. PLACE 2 CHILL: don't really matter.
14. FLOWER: hmm.. white roses
15. PERFUME: i don't really know..?
Part Six: Future
1. HOW MANY KIDS: 2 or 3
2. COLLEGE: no
3. JOB: dunno yet.
4a. WHAT DOES YOUR IDEAL B/F OR G/F LOOK LIKE: jim.
4b. HOW DO THEY ACT: just like jim does. he's my baby forever and ever.
Part Seven: Would you could you? if so; who, what, where, why, how?
1. Move anywhere: maine with my baby jim
2. Dye your hair: i do it all the time.. different colors.. whatever i feel like.
3. Meet one famous person: don't care.
4. Live with one person the rest of your life: jim
5. Name one thing you love: jim.. he's my everything.
6. Name one thing that embarrasaes you: myself.
7. Do you like school? fuck no.
8. Do you like to talk on the telephone? only with certain people.
9a. Do you have your own line? no
9b. Can we have your number? no
10. Do you like to dance? lol sorta.
11. Are you scared to ask some one out? i have jim, i don't need to ask anyone out.
12. Have you ever gone skinny dipping? lol, yes! plenty of times!
13. Have you ever thought you were gonna die? yeah, but mostly i just wish i would.
14. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? just one.. his name is mr. bang, oh, lol and jim.
15. Have you ever broken/fractured a bone? yeah, a couple actually.
16. Do you have any piercings? yeah, bellybutton, and ears
17. Do you wear braces? no, used to though
18. Do you consider yourself a good listener? yeah.. 98% of the time.
19. Can you swim? uh-huh. don't really like to though.
20. Do you sing in the shower? not anymore.
21. Do you think cheerleading is a sport? fuck no. fuck cheerleaders.
22. Have you ever stolen anything? yeah all the time.
23. What's on your ceiling? my lights..
24. What's you worst injury ever? i have a couple.. once when i was skating on ice with kelly and i fell and had to get stiches on my chin, and secondly when i spraned my neck!! lol
25. What's the hardest thing about growing up? being jealous, getting hurt by the people that you love -or used to love.
26. Do you believe in love at first sight? yeah, i do.
27. Have you ever been in love? yeah.. i am right now.
28. What are you wearing right now? my tank top that says "i have issues" and my joe boxers.
29. Favorite place to be? anywhere with my baby jim.
xx.jena
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2003 22 July :: 10.16pm
:: Mood: spunky
:: Music: less than jake - shes gonna break soon
o0o0o
-sings- "with so many problems in her life, it really comes as no suprise.. she's gonna break soon, she's gonna break soon, she's gonna break.. "
xx.jena
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2003 20 July :: 6.16pm
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: godsmack - serenity
i took a couple 'tests'.. here are the results.
Mood Analysis Test
Results for Test Taken Sunday, July 20, 2003
"You are trying desperately to prove yourself. You are going at it hammer and tongs in order to get your own way. You oppose any sort of restriction or opposition to your own point of view in the belief that this could prove you how self determined you are.
Always anxious to accept the role of the leader, as indeed you often work well with people - but try to stay out of the limelight. You'd like a life of ease with no one to rock the boat and someone who understands you is so important in your life.
Loneliness is soul destroying and at this time you feel lost and lonely, perhaps it is because you feel so frustrated that you are prepared to go out of your way to become emotionally involved with someone who could accept you for what you are. You are egocentric, antagonistic and quick to take offense, although it must be said, you can control your pent-up up emotion and thus avoid open conflict.
You are pretending that the situation around you doesn't matter, but the effort of trying to conceal your emotions and anxieties is resulting in untold stress. The existing situation is disagreeable. You feel unwanted and lonely and you would really like to associate with someone whose ideals are as high as your own. You want to be above the standard of mediocrity and this need to be needed and that need to need has almost become an obsession. You are trying to magnify the need into a compelling urge. You would really like to tell the world how great you are but no, you are holding back because you feel that your peers may treat you with contempt. This is a great pity because you have in fact a unique quality of character, but the continual restraint that you impose on yourself makes you suppress this need for others and you pretend you don't really care. You treat those who criticise you with contempt. However, to be honest, beneath this assumption of indifference you really long for the approval and esteem of others.
The need for admiration and to be regarded as 'someone special' is perhaps one of the foremost aims in your life at this time. You would like to perhaps do something outrageous or anything that will give you the chance to be recognized as someone special. This desire has now almost become an obsession and in your own way you are trying to fulfill this 'complex' by ensuring you are the center of attention, both at work or play, or in the home. Stop trying so hard and you will find that people will like you for who you are - not for who you are pretending to be."
Are You Happy?
"Seems as though you're feeling down and out lately - but don't despair! Maybe it's time for a change... you, and only you, hold the key to your happiness. Try adopting a positive outlook on life and you'll be smiling in no time!"
xx.jena
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2003 19 July :: 4.29pm
:: Mood: upset and pissed
:: Music: our lady peace - story about a girl
stupid assholes
i can't fuckin take this shit anymore. i'm so fuckin serious. i haven't ever been this pissed off in my whole god forsaken life. (well, maybe i have.. but i am really pissed the fuck off right now!) just everyone pisses me off anymore. i swear, i am going to shoot someone, if not myself first. fuck this anymore. why the fuck should i care?
i woke up this morning, and kelly went home, rochelle went on the computer.. so i went out in the living room to watch TV. i called my dog zeus up on the couch with me and then Dustin (my brother) all came in and started yelling and shit at me for letting zeus up on the couch.. FIRST OF ALL. HE IS ALLOWED ON THE COUCH. so i fuckin told him that, and he was like "maybe when you get your own place, you'll respect your things, but until then, you listen to me." so i was like "you don't freakin own THIS couch, so why do you care?" then he said somethin else about how i was gettin to sassy or something, i was like "yeah, well your not my dad, so stop acting like you are!" then he came up in my face like he was going to hit me and shit, (i'm really not good at confronting anyone, i get nervous, and.. i most of the time almost start to cry.. so i was starting to shake and stuff..) and he kept sayin things, so i said things back.. and i told him to go home where he belongs.. and he said something else, and just left.. so i was like at the breaking point, and i tried not to cry, and i just sat there, staring at the tv.. a little bit later my mom came over and asked me what happened, and didn't say anything (i was still trying not to answer) and she whispered to me, "dustins moving back in with us for two months." and that was it, i just got up real fast without saying anything and just went in the bathroom for like 5 minutes, trying not to cry.
I CANNOT STAND HIM. LET ALONE LIVE WITH HIM ANYMORE. i swear to god i'd rather freakin kill myself than live with him for one more day.. you just don't even understand.. it's that bad.
xx.jena
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2003 17 July :: 6.13pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: no doubt - don't speak
things are different..?
i'm just sitting here.. jim and i were supposed to go to a Pirates game with my mom, but i didn't feel good.. so we stayed home, which i feel really seriously so bad about because my mom had already bought us our tickets and everything.. god, i'm so stupid..
jim's getting ready to go home for the day.. he said he's going to come back either tomorrow or the next day, so i'll be sitting here waiting for him to come back and stay with me.. -sigh-
i guess maybe rochelle is comin over tomorrow.. i have to call her when i wake up. thats cool though, i haven't seen her in a long time and it'll be a good thing. see some of my friends.. yeah.. something like that..
things have been different lately.. i haven't been myself i guess? i don't know.. maybe, i just feel different, i don't feel as 'lively' as i usually do.. and no, it's not "that time of the month" but i don't know, i've been doin some stupid things lately.. but who cares, right?
i have recently been told by someone [[not giving out anyones name, wouldn't want anyone to get mad..]] "you don't have hardly any problems, and a lot more people have been through a lot more things, and been a lot more places than you, so when you say that you want to kill yourself, you think it's the only way out.. and look at me, i've lived my whole life in hell." or around the lines of something like that.. there was more, but i don't feel like writing it. that persons right, i don't know what my problem is. what was i thinking?
xx.jena
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2003 13 July :: 2.59pm
:: Mood: bitchy
:: Music: the all-american rejects - swing swing
bad night last night..
this weekend, has been pretty much shitty. >.< well lets see.. i pretty much forget what happened all weekend, but lets see what i can remember.. lol
friday (i'd say that this was the best day of the weekend.) let's see.. i think this was the day of davids birthday party, but i couldn't go because my brother was having his party at the cokeburg moose. so kelly jim and i all walked up to the moose, and we stayed for a while and what-not.. we left walked around, went down jims house.. hung out there ;) then went up to amys, got her and went back up to the moose.. we ate and everything played some cards (LOL yesssssss.. we were bored.) jim got mad at me and left.. lol as always. but kelly amy and i walked out and i found him, and we made up.. sooo we left again, and just basicly walked around the rest of the night.. then amy went home, and kelly jim and i went back down jims house and just chilled for a while, til my mom came and got kelly and i. (jim stayed him.)
saturday well.. i don't really remember what happened that day.. OH YEAH.. i went to wal*mart with kelly.. and bought ELMERS GLUE FOR 20 CENTS!!!!!!! omg! i was having such an awsome day!! ELMERS GLUE FOR 20 CENTS!! HELL YES!! hahahaha. elmers glue is the shit. omg i love it. and i bought a pack of 3 glue sticks for 88 cents!!! i was like 'hell yes!' w00t. it's greatness.. i bought hair dye to.. finally. then i got home and kelly left to go babysit.. and it just all went downhill from there on.. i just don't even want to talk about it.. (i love you jim. thanks for being there.. i'm sorry baby.. i really didn't mean to..)
today i dunno.. i just woke up around 2.. i was on the fone with rochelle, then i called jim.. and here i am.. jim should be coming back over sometime later today, he's going fishing with ronnie. lol. he's so cute.
p.s. thanks for being there for me last night kelly- cool beans. lol 8-)
xx.jena
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2003 10 July :: 5.06pm
:: Mood: uncomfortable
:: Music: the used - say days ago
i'm very bored
ahhh.. i'm in so much pain. grr to cramps! ouuuuuch.
i think davids party's tomorrow, but i don't think i can go. dustins party is tomorrow at the moose in cokeburg, so jim and i are goin to that.. then later on we'll probably walk down the park and probably down his house.. i dunno yet, whatever we feel like doing i guess.
-yawns- mannnnn i am so freakin tired.. jim and i woke up around 12:30, well we both woke up, but jim went back to sleep.. lol. and we just did nothing all day.. bummed around the house and what-not. but it's all good.. jim's in the shower right now, and i'm just sittin here, bein bored on my computer.. looking for some lyrics.. listening to the used.. -sings- "i still remember a year ago the times we spent.. i think that i'm happier now up from the down by all means it's strange cause i feel the same way"
o0o.. jim and i were supposed to go to his dads allllllll this week, but things have come up.. and we couldn't get a ride out there or anything.. and jim hasn't called his dad.. err- i feel bad because his dads probably all wondering where we are and everything.. lol. -sighs-
im leaving.. probably going to lay down, or just look for some more lyrics.
IM me on AIM- she ran away x
xx.jena
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2003 7 July :: 2.46am
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: none
my weekend what what-not
hellloooooooo everyone. yes yes yes i had a wonderful weekend. lets see..
friday the 4th- for most of the day jim kelly and i were here for our family picnic, until around 4 i think, (which was pretty boring, because well.. it just was. lol) then jim's mom and her boyfriend ronnie came and got us around 4 or so, and we went to ronnies families 4th of july picnic, and i didn't think that i'd have that much fun, only cause i didn't really know them and stuff.. but i had a really good time. later on that night we all went up ronnies house and watched fireworks that he bought (he bought like 1,500 dollars worth!) jim was setting them off, and i was like jumping out of my seat because i was worried that he'd get hit or something.. lol. but he didn't which was a good thing. definitly.. umm- we got home around 12:30, 1:00 AM. we stayed up til 5:30 in the morning talking. about everything.. sometimes you just need to do that, it was so great.. i love him so much.
saturday the 5th- lets see. jim and i woke up around 12:30 in the afternoon. i called kelly and woke her up too. we all got showers and what not, and left around 2:00 for cokeburg.. we got there and stayed at jims house for about 30 minutes, then we walked down the park where all the festivities were happening. LOL. we saw amy, and were walkin around with her. we didn't really do anything until around 3:30 when casey went by in his car, honked waved and drove right by us.. LMFAO. it was so funny. we freakin were like 'wtf? where'd he go to?!' LOL. about 15-20 minutes later, he came walkin down with jay, and shit. we all were sittin in the one table under the pavilion, talkin and what not, then casey left with ben and jay to go up and drink somewhere. he came back about 15 minutes later he came back to the 'festival'
LOL we got bored as shit and went down jims house. when we got there, i made jim give me some shorts and a big shirt to bum around in. we were all gettin so god damn hungry so we all ordered a 'king kong' from kusins. o00. it was good. we watched the movie rat race and then i changed back into my clothes, and we left to go back up the park. we were walkin around and what not when we ran into debbie and kevin and talked to them a bit.. then this girl came up and jumped on casey? i was like okay??? kelly was pisssssed. but hmmm.. jim was lightin off little fireworks with his friends and shit, while kelly amy casey and i were walkin around lookin for people. we saw some little hoe bags, (well, really just one.) hahaha. so we waited for the fireworks, and they were pretty. but, nothing really special..
after the fireworks, kelly casey jim and i were walkin around, amy went home and kelly and i went up her house a little later. it was like 1:30-1:45 AM kelly and i went out to find jim, cause he was not answering his fone!! LOL. we met this guy named, CHUCK. hes a cool bean. LOL. he helped us find jim. sooo we found jim and rusty, and were walkin around til we got to this one guys house or chuck called it "the freakshow" LOL. we sat there for like a good 20 minutes, listening to this guy talk to his girlfriend on the fone.. lmfao.. it was so funny, omg. we had the best time. until amy called and told us her mom got up and found out we werent home.. grrr.. we had to go back to amys, then we just went to sleep.. -sigh- WHAT A DAY. o yes.
saturday the 6th- we got up around 12:30 got showers and then walked down jims house.. we got hungry so we "feasted on a chicken in candle light" (LOL KELLY AND JIM!!!) and we didn't really do anything, just watched movies all day, until around 8:30 when kellys mom came to pick us up and take us home. on our way home, we made a little detour to MCDONALDS. yes o yes. kelly got a double cheeseburger with a strawberry sundae, with EXTRA strawberries. jim and i shared a strawberry milkshake. woooo it was really good. LOL. then we got home, jim went swimming in my pool, then he called his dad (were going over there either tomorrow or the next day) and we talked for a while then we went to sleep. i called kelly and went over there for a while, then we both came back over my house and now here we are.
later.
xx.jena
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2003 3 July :: 7.16pm
:: Mood: lazy
:: Music: none
..i'm stupid..
hmm.. i'm just sitting here, doing nothing.. jim's mad at me again.. :( because i'm stupid and i always do everything wrong. and i don't know why he doesn't just hate me. err.
i was on a diet, but now.. i'm just freakin to lazy anymore. grrr.. i dunno, i don't have any thing to make me do it. it sucks, because i'm fat and i want to loose weight, but i'm just to lazy to do anything about it.. godddd. i need to get jim after me.. i need him to keep me goin, and to help me out. -good idea jena.. lol
i got a new screen name for AIM.. its she ran away x :) woo. i love it. i haven't told anyone about it, cept jim so far.. but i don't really think that i am goin to let anyone know about it. it's a secret.. hahaha. not really, i just don't think that i'm gonna tell anyone.
ohh.. i got a new e-mail to, it's sheranawayx@hotmail.com LOL sound familiar?? haha. i'm so original.. oh wait, i mean lame. :)
xx.jena
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2003 2 July :: 11.45am
:: Mood: dorky
:: Music: none
pictures!
hmm.. i'm just sittin here with my baby jim, and amys sleepin on the floor. my sisters are asleep, and my mom and everyone (her friends) are up the bar.. hmm.. anyways. i got a photo album at yahoo.. and i just wanted to post the address in here so a.-i wouldn't forget, and b.-anyone who looks at this, can look at my pics! woo! yes im smart. lol
here it is:
http://photos.yahoo.com/fallingagainx
i'll be puttin more and more on there.. so be sure to look at it all the time 8-)
xx.jena
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2003 1 July :: 1.02am
:: Mood: cranky
:: Music: Eve 6
i haven't written in a long time..
whoa, i haven't written in a long time! it's summer, thats probably why.. even though i really don't have a life.. jims pretty much just stays here, except for the ocasional "i have to go home to mow the grass" lol.. but it's okay, i love him over here!!
well, schools out, (for almost a month now! haha) which is good. and i can't wait until august 1st!! YESSSSSSS vacation with my family and jims goin with us. i can't waiiiiiiiit! (well, i really don't like the beach, but as long as jims goin.. i'll be okay!)
woo- it was 7 months for jim and i on the 29th. he makes me so happy :-D we didn't really do anything special.. just hung around the house and watched TV and what-not. but it was a great day anyhow :)
over the weekend, i went to my some-what of a cousins wedding. it was pretty fun, i got some good pictures with my moms camera. w00. yes! i can't wait to get them developed! :-D
well, i'm off. i will be writing more often!
xx.jena
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