:: 2007 15 December :: 2.20 am

useless.
pointless.

i can't do anything.

all i can do is sit and watch the spectacle.

can't offer words of advice.

can't offer a few soothing phrases.

useless.

completely and utterly useless.

cmnt

:: 2007 23 November :: 2.06 am

would that i had half the past you've had.
only not. each small piece of information that i receive just tears everything apart. me apart. still, it's heartbreaking to know about those days of yours, how ever many years ago they may or may not have been.

i won't ask. i don't want to know. at least, i don't want to know enough that i would ask or would even be able to read about it, i don't think.

my eyes are closed; my ears are covered to your past.

if only i could restrict the part of me that cares.

wandering back into that happily apathetic state of mind would be the most wonderful thing. 'come and stay a while; escape, escape - rest well and don't bother with a moment of worry or fear.'

i wonder if i've lost that place.

cmnt

:: 2007 22 November :: 3.38 pm

what is a holiday without the one you love?

loneliness.

1 cmnts | cmnt

:: 2007 22 November :: 4.44 am

where is your mind when i wish to find solace in it?

cmnt

:: 2007 22 November :: 4.34 am

"had they but courage equal to desire."
you said you loved me forever. somehow we managed to arrive at this checkpoint and are waiting still. together, but waiting nonetheless.

then how could you ever even whisper the word 'love' to another? could you kiss her? i know you did. she touched your skin, and i have yet to even graze it with a breath.

it's all fair. love was not a word i was willing to use so you left it in the air as soon as i was ready to reach across that distance. not that you knew. how could you? i didn't even know.

still, i was there. standing at the edge and ready to at least start some admirable ripples when i was shoved away from it.

so it was over. heart-broken, i tried to move on. but i didn't. you wouldn't let me. perseverance.

how long did it take you after that last time you said 'i love you' to me to say it to her? i still wonder that today.

even though today we are making plans and moving toward moving forward. and using those words, 'love' and 'us.'

i still wonder.

cmnt