Dance 'til ya drop

:: 2008 6 March :: 5.38am

Patrick Swayze has pancreatic cancer.

lsdkfjslkdjfowejfalskdfjoaw efiawoirqowi4rowejf

nobody puts baby in a corner...

:: 2008 28 February :: 4.23am

i have an interview at laser quest today
and i am so stoked.

omg

plus,
its christina's
joy's
and emily's
BIRTHDAYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

WOOOOO!
yay for being legal haha

:: 2008 22 February :: 5.40am

I don't get why some people have to be such bitches.
It's time to grow up and learn how to be civil to other people.

:: 2008 21 February :: 6.22am

anyone have any ideas of subjects i can use for a photography portfolio?

:D

:: 2008 12 February :: 10.26pm

:: 2008 11 February :: 8.32pm

"Broken Heart"

I'll start this broken heart
I'll fix it up so it will work again
Better than before
Then I'll star in a mystery
A tragic tale of all that's yet to come
Fingers crossed there will be love

But I get carried away with every day
And every fantasy
the deeper the wound,
the harder I swoon and wish that that was me

So much to say
But no words to convey
The loneliness building with each passing day
But I'm getting used to it, you have to get used to it

I'll devise the best disguise
A brand new look and take them by surprise
They'll never guess what's not inside

I'll express myself with ease,
With confidence and character complete
With fingers crossed they'll talk to me

But I get carried away with every page
In every magazine
The cheaper the thrill
the deeper I fill my head with blasphemy

So much to say
But no words to convey
The loneliness building with each passing day
But I'm getting used to it, you have to get used to it

I'll destroy this useless heart
I'll fuck it up so it'll never beat again
Not just for me but for anyone

But I get carried away
with every phrase and made up malady
The longer I hide behind these lies,
The more I disintegrate

So much to say
But no words to convey
The loneliness building with each passing day
You never get used to it, you just have to live with it

2 were foolish.. | You wanna play?

:: 2008 5 February :: 6.10pm

i feel like i dont have a best friend anymore
i know i'll always have nicole, but its hard because she lives across the state.

i just want someone to talk face to face to
someone who will actually listen
and not try to kiss my ass or sound all nice by giving me false sympathy
i dont fucking want your sympathy
i just want someone to listen
and realize how retarded i feel lately

i feel so alone
and i keep trying to tell that to people
but no one is there to listen

i wish nicole were here
or that someone was here for me
because i dont know what to do
i feel so pathetic
and lost
and worthless

and i dont want to anymore...

:: 2008 5 February :: 6.28am

i just want to leave this town already.

2 were foolish.. | You wanna play?

:: 2008 28 January :: 7.33pm

Well fuck you too bitch.

2 were foolish.. | You wanna play?

:: 2008 27 January :: 12.06am

Dealing with other people is too painful sometimes...I think I'm gonna be reclusive for a while...bye.

:: 2008 26 January :: 2.03pm

it's not worth it.
i'm not worth it.
so fuck it.
nothing is ever going to go right for me.
no one is ever going to be there for me.

this is pathetic
and i'm pathetic

and i hope she's fucking happy.
i hope you're all so fucking happy.

when the hell is it going to be my turn?

i'm sick of feeling like shit and hating myself. sick of freaking out over nothing and crying like a baby. i'm sick of people thinking that it's okay to be an asshole and make someone feel like nothing. sick of not having any answers. sick of not being able to accept things and of not being able to say what i think or how i feel.

none of this came out right.

:: 2008 23 January :: 10.29pm

I think I'm a bad friend.

Every time I talk to somebody from LC since dropping out, they're always saying they miss me, everyone's talking about how they miss me, and everyone else misses me, it's like a giant "we miss nathan"-fest in the japanese room during lunch these days apparently.

And deep down I really don't care, to be honest the only person I've even noticed the absence of in my life is chen chen, I feel sad I don't get to see her every morning, she always brightened my day, but everyone else just doesn't really matter I guess.

Maybe I'm just finally becoming detached like I've always wanted to be.

:: 2008 15 January :: 5.34am

its always nice when your friends ditch you, ignore you, then replace you.

:: 2008 10 January :: 6.08pm

I'll be the grapes fermented,
Bottled and served with the table set in my finest suit
Like a perfect gentlemen
I'll be the fire escape that's bolted to the ancient brick
Where you will sit and contemplate your day

I'll be the waterwings that save you if you start drowning
In an open tab when your judgment's on the brink
I'll be the phonograph that plays your favorite
Albums back as you're lying there drifting off to sleep...
I'll be the platform shoes and undo what heredity's done to you...
You won't have to strain to look into my eyes
I'll be your winter coat buttoned and zipped straight to the throat
With the collar up so you won't catch a cold

I want to take you far from the cynics in this town
And kiss you on the mouth
We'll cut our bodies free from the tethers of this scene,
Start a brand new colony
Where everything will change,
We'll give ourselves new names (identities erased)
The sun will heat the grounds
Under our bare feet in this brand new colony
Everything will change...

:: 2007 20 December :: 12.49am

Sometimes I wish I could fastforward my life.

Skip past all the bullshit of the rest of high school and college, skip right to the part where I leave this town behind forever.