bunch of shit
Ms. Kelly is trying to get me to join the Econ class. I don't want any more work and stress so..... I'll sit in it for a day and... if there is any sight of work or tests and ANYTHING (of course they'll be...but still) then I vote for teacher's aid.


Denver IMed me last night and we actually talked. It's been months since we've talked. We actually established the desire to return to the old relationship of communication. Made me happy.


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Oh, if you I didn't say to someone stalking this journal.... I'm going to Emory.


My grandparents are really ill. Grandpa has been in the memory ward for a while... and Grandma would visit him all the time and do his laundry and dress him and yell at the nurses and all that.. probably out of fear of the new situation. It must've all been too much for her and she developed high blood pressure and such. She had a stroke right in front of Grandpa on her way to visit him again. They carted her off across the hall for help. Grandpa thought she died.

She is paralyzed on her right side and can't speak. By now they've pretty much given up on redeveloping her speech. I can no longer hear that familiar voice.... I remember her voice... She's done some walking. Tried at least. But her mental understanding seems to have taken a decline when we went to visit. She looked like she had trouble understanding what was said to her. Her eyes... God. They would lock onto mine and just be so.... empty. She'd be screaming in desperation... but with such resignation. The look would freeze you and she wouldn't look away, it had to be you that broke the gaze. It's hard to see her bed-ridden. The small frail woman who dominated the house and family. Always took command. There she was, unable to move or do anything herself.

We visited Grandpa next. He didn't recognize me the first time, thought I was a nurse. Kinda hard but... yeah. Later he remembered me. There were times when he just babbled on at nothing...then would lose interest and roll away from us. (He's in a wheel chair now because he can't walk without falling.) Other times he had his old sense of humor and used those phrases he always used to use. His mind is wandering. Slowly I watched it slip away. The old man strapped to the wheel chair was a far cry from the grandfather I grew up always knowing.
Oh, and he's been figuring out how to undo the straps and get out of his chairs which would be dangerous. So it's possible they'll sedate him soon. It won't be good.

There were a number of other upsetting fun things that went on during the trip up to see them. Yeah, crappy break.

Just some of the issues I'm trying to deal with right now.


Yesterday was my first day of the looooong battle with allergies. First day of the battle now including shots that is. Everything I am allergic to summed up into the hell-spawn. My head so cannot take shots twice a week for months and months. I won't become accustomed to them, despite what they say. And I especially love how the senile old doctor told me there would be two shots, one in each arm, and then I get there and he's like, 'What? Nono, I never said that! There's three!' One in one arm, two in the other.

I went and typed stuff up for five hours after it. But I got my mommy to come with me to the first time in case I passed out again.



Hm... what else is going on....

I'll add more another day. Gotta cry myself through much confusion in chem. grrrrargh

just breathe