Fill In The Blanks

I ____ Bridget.
Bridget is ____.
if I were alone in a room with Bridget, I would ____.
I think Bridget should _____
Bridget needs ____.
Bridget will never ____.
I want to _____ Bridget.
Bridget can ____ my _____.
when I think about Bridget, I ____.
Someday Bridget will _____.
Bridget reminds me of _____.
Without Bridget ____.
Memories of Bridget are ____.
Bridget can be ____.
____ is how I describe meeting Bridget.
Worst thing about Bridget is ____.
Best thing about Bridget is _____.
Bridget _____.
If Bridget was a flavor of ice cream she would be _____.
Bridget is my _____.
I wish Bridget would _____.


lol...it's funnyyyy

Homicidal?
ok...i definately wish misery on a number of people currently. i just want summer to start...i'm tired of school. it's not the people in school who bother me...it's mostly just the people i regret ever being friends with. but anyway...when rian turns 21, it's gonna be great cause i'll drink till i pass out...that's the type of mood i'm in right now i just don't care anymore? everyone i care about can do whatever they want, i've given up completely. no one listens to me or takes me seriously...why? i have no clue...maybe i look like an average stupid little fucking teenage whore..but i'm definately far from it. i just firgure it's their life..let them do what they want..& the consequences they will suffer from in the end. i just don't give a fuck anymore. i'll just worry about my self & be fine. i think the sooner i grow up & get outta high school the less bullshit i have to listen to & deal with. i really need my license...this driving around with my dad or rian has got to end...it's fucking gay...i wanna be able to do whatever i want, & go where ever i want with no restrictions. damn why does NJ have to be so gay?...oh wait thats right...the entire universe is against me. i'm trying to do something that i think is cool...but it hasn't been working out like i wanted it to. i have a dream book that i use to record all of my dreams...but i always wake up & don't have time to write it down or never get around to it. i remember some, & i'll have to write it down. one was...i had a stalker...& me rian mom & deedi were trying to get away from him so we put him in a cake & baked him in the oven & we saw him coming out of it all burnt...it was crazy...then there was this one where i wasn't in but it was like i was watching this family that i made up in my head. the son moved out & got married but wanted the big house they all lived in & he & his wife moved in but no one wanted to let them have it & they started like killing people lol. then i was a pigeon sitting on an electrical wire? whats that shit about...? i think it would be cool to like go to a dream psychiatrist & get my dreams analyzed or something like that. well...i better go since i have nothing else to do?

quizzzes

completely fucked!


what fucked version of hello kittie are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Die?
Yeah, so...i feel a lot better about things between me & rian because i talked to rians mom for like an hour yesterday & she explained the plan for going to the hypnotist to quit smoking..& the situation with rians job & Al trying to run his life. so I have a lot less stress, which makes me feel better...i should definately call her more often to talk to her, she told me a lot of things. Anyway i'm just glad i feel like everything has been lifted off my shoulders. Yesterday was St. Patricks Day :) I had a shot of Jack Daniels for the occasion. i can't wait till school is over & summer comes...i'm sick of the cold...& its snowing in march..this saturday is the first day of spring & it's snowing! i hate it!....but yeah that's all for now....off to better things....be back later. <3

hrm...
Yeah...well I did nothing useful
at all today...& I didn't talk to
Rian all day until he called at like
8:30 & well with lack of nicer
terms he was an asshole, but
I don't feel like getting in to it..
I didn't do anything to him & I
hate when he takes his attitude
out on me...the person he loves?

But yeah...nothing new or interesting
I did just find out today that like next
week I don't have school except on
Monday, yeah they're making us go to
school for one day, what is the point?
Anyway, I decided I'm speding all my
time off with my friends, because I
haven't hung out with any of my friends
at all this year & not even a lot over the
summer..I miss hanging out with Sam &
Jeanna & Chris & Mike & Alex & then
occassionally there would be Jul or Jessie
or Justin or someone...But I need to hang
out with my guys again I miss em' they
are too great to just not hang out with.
Well it's late & I have to get up at 5:30
soooo write again l8r like always <3

Today I was actually Happy :)
Yupp, today was a pretty good
day & the goodness is still goin
In school it was good, except
the working part but it's school
nothin you can do about that but
when my daddy gets home I'm
going to get my hair cut I'm keepin
my length but I'm gettin it kinda
angled but in the chopped style I
think it will look good, I have a pic
of it so yeah...plus I trust my aunt
shes been cutting my hair since I
was little. Anyways since I'm in a
good mood I'm gonna go promote
it so ttyl <3

Today, I cried.
Yeah, I definately cried today
ask everyone in my Bio class
Max was talking about the
haunted woods & that the
kids w/Lukemia are going
tonight, & if you go your
money goes towards them
as a donation. Well Max said
something to CJ about saying
something to the kids, & CJ was
like no I can't do that that's rude
& I just felt so bad for them b/c
they are so young, & they are
gonna die b/c there's no cure
4 what they have, & I mean my
mom died of cancer, so I just know
what it's like. I mean those kids are
bald, from chemo. So I just was like
omg that's horrible I feel so bad, &
Celia was like yeah I know & like my
eyes were watering I was like I'm
gonna cry guys, & they were like
omg, & I started crying & Max & AJ
saw a tear & they were like omg
shes really crying. & then Kevin
Shroeder came in my class to bring
back Mrs. Weichmanns son, & I was
like kevin I was crying he was like
don't cry Bridg it's ok lol, I was all
emotional. Anyway, nothing else
has happened really....uh....nope.
Ok, I'll write again soon, Later. <3

My Weekend Story
Ok, this weekend didn't exactly
go as planned, but it turned out
pretty good, Friday night like I
said I went to see Texas Chainsaw
& then slept over my cousins, didn't
end up getting home till like 7 which
really pissed me off because I was
supposed to sleep over Rian's & I
wanted to be there somewhat early
Well I got to Rian's at like 830 & we
went out with Billy thinking he still
had his license with his ID to say that
he's 21, but he lost it & Rian forgot &
by the time we got home it was like
1030 & his mom was already asleep
& his gay lazy ass brother didn't wanna
go to the bar to get it. So we ended up
not drinking. But next weekend, will be
the shit, for this reason...NO ONE
absolutely no one will be at Rian's.
& we're definately drinking b/c he's
gonna tell him mom to get the alcohol
before she goes away. So it will be hot.


Rian has this fantasy of my in a school
girl out-fit. Yeah, the short skirt, with
the white shirt & the little tie, & the
heels, with the knee high socks, wearing
pig-tails. Sound hot? Because picturing
myself in that even turns me on lmao.
Anyway he's going to buy it for me
from Hot Topic, yeah but the thing is
I can't wear it for anyone else so
he's gonna keep it at his house, he
said I can only wear it for him &
he don't want anyone else looking
at me unless I'm with him. He's sucha
geek, but I love him. Ok, well I'm
gonna do homework b/c Rian's coming
over later, so write again later. <3

Yet another weekend...
Yeah so, this weekend I'm
gonna be pretty busy so I
decided to update now so
I don't forget. But yeah 2
night I'm going 2 see Texas
Chainsaw Massacre with my
cousins & then I'm sleeping
there, & I love it they have
like 10 snakes I <3 snakes
I'm currently trying to convince
my dad 2 get me one. But yeah
& then I'm gonna sleep over
Rian's & we're drinking b/c I
miss my Smirnoff, we've just
been apart too long :'(.
Ok, well not much else
2 say right now sooo byee<3

I have so many thing's I would like to explain to you...
I don't even know where to start
I have so many feelings & emotions
I can't even explain them all
I feel so confused about everything
& scared that I might make a stupid
decision, that I'll regret in the end
I'm gettin pissed easy & that happens
when I miss her. & Rian doesn't realize
that & takes everything to heart & gets
mad at me, & we end up fighting, which
we've been doing a lot. & I hate fighting
with him, because I love him too much.

I talked to Kevin, the only one who
would understand me & try to help
& he did, & I felt better after wards
I'm gonna do what he told me to
I miss my mom a lot, & I asked him
what he does when he misses his
dad, because I just get depressed
& miserable. & I don't talk to anyone
But he told me to cry whenever I
needed to, so from now on I won't
keep the tears inside.

I forgave Jeanna for what she did
Even though I'm still very angry
especially when I saw the mark
all the anger just came back
& I wasn't exactly the nicest
person to her in English. But oh
well I don't hold back when I'm
in those annoyed, pissed off moods

& the smuts in gym didn't help
my attitude any at all, they all
think they are the shit, when
they aren't, all they do is talk
about people, & act like nothing
is wrong with them, I hate people
like that. They should do us all a
favor & go kill themselves. No one
really likes them, they're snobby
& slutty, & frankly, not even pretty.
They are really ugly when you think
about it, their personalities & looks
are shit lol. They think they are so
tough, what cunt's. Wow, I hate them.
If there was a way to kill them, & not
get caught, & have them know why
they would are being murdered, then
I'd do it in a heartbeat...but I still have
to think of a way to make that become
reality.

Anyway, I've been listening to
From Autumn To Ashes new CD
The Fiction We Live, like non stop
since I got it, it's just so good & I
can just understand & know where
they're coming from in every song.
I really think if you don't have the
CD you should seriously think of
investing in one.

Today in Bio, I was so happy
J.R was our sub, my ex JV soccer
coach. I miss soccer a lot, sometimes
I wish I hadn't quit, but thinking of
how much time it takes up, I'm glad.
Well this is long, that's because I
always write a lot, I can't help it.
Well I'll end this now <3

I HATE STUPID PEOPLE!
Yeah, ok well today WAS good until the end of the day, when Jess told me that she saw what Jeanna did to her arm, which is she burned a big thick X right on her arm using a paper clip and a lighter. How kool is that everyone? Nothing even meaningful like initials or something...a fucking X. How ugly and stupid is that shit? Not to mention it's going to be there the rest of her life, and she'll have to wear short sleeves sometime, and people are only gonna judge her more than they do now, and call her suicidal. She didn't think about anything when she did it, which was over Sam's with Kristen, she saw Kristen's arm thought it was kool and did it to her arm....how fucking idiotic is that, first of all where the fuck is your creativity copying off of someone, second there's no reason to do that to yourself that's ridiculous. And Kristen says well its her body and I can't stop her and I dont wanna see her hurt herself, uhh...you sat and watched her do it. And Steve opens his big mouth and the most stupidest thing I ever heard someone say is "It shows her strength and that she can deal with the pain." UM HELLO YOUR NOT STRONG IF YOUR VULNERABLE AND UNSTABLE AND UNCONFIDENT ENOUGH TO INFLICT PAIN ON YOURSELF AND LEAVE A LASTING MARK SO I GUESS THAT IM NOT STRONG BECAUSE I DON'T FEEL THE NEED TO HURT MYSELF, I DIDN'T EVEN HURT MYSELF WHEN MY OWN MOTHER DIED AND THAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD EVER HAPPEN! SO FUCKING WHAT..ARE YOU CALLING ME WEAK?! Ok, I should copy paste this in here.....

xPSYCHOTICxWAYSx: Bridget look, i don't care if you're mad at me for it,c uz it's not like i tied her down & made her do it, or i wasn't gonna snatch the shit outta her hand & be like DONT DO THIS, b/c i can't...i have scars all over my wrists...HOW THE FUCK can i tell her not to do something when i do it?!? and....i'm not even saying it's right either...ik it's not, but it's my way of escaping emotional pain, and it's also jeanna's...you have your own way of getting out of emotional pain....this is ours, jeanna's not happy with herself...hurting herself makes it better....right or wrong, but flipping out on her DOESNT make it better, it made her worse now.... you got to be there for her, NOT judge her...but i'm done lecturing now, go on thinking what you want

Heart0fYourSins: I will go on thinking what I want Kristen cause you said you didnt wanna see her hurt herself when you sat and watched her im not mad at you at all, i do think it's a ridiculous way to eacape emotional pain in the end where does it leave you with scars disgusting scars all over your body that doesnt help anyone i dont care what you people say, its a disorder and she needs to get help for it, and she knew that i wouldn't like it and she tells me that im the only reason shes living and she never wants to lose me but she goes and COPIES off of you knowing i wouldnt like it she deserves for me not to talk to her i dont give a fuck she doesnt care about me if she did that i dont care what anyone says she had no reason to do that kristen she never did it b4 our friend manda tried slitting her wrists when her mom died and she said that she would never do that now shes a hipocrit she never did that to escape anything how many excuses does she need kristen she already told me thats why she smokes why would she do all this shit, shes hurting me too, she knows everything little thing about me and about my life i dont need to be explaing this to anyone, and im sorry if you think im yelling at you...you can send this to her if you want i know you prolly will anyway.

xPSYCHOTICxWAYSx: i'm not sending this to her, i'm talking to you as me, b/c ik she's hurting you, i've been in jeanna's postition..and i've been in urs too, i didn't wanna see her do it but i CANT control it like i said...and neither can you, i konw it hurts, but jeanna's upset now....she's trying to find any way out of her unhappiness that she can, she feels trapped....she does need help i won't deny that...but yelling at her and not talking to her is like deserting her.....even if she did is wrong, you ARE her other half, she loves you so much...and i know you don't want to see her in pain, but leaving her deserted and not talking to her is causing her more pain....without you flipping out on her for doing it, she has no reason NOT to do it! she can do it as much as she wants....do what she wants hurt herself WHENEVER....do you want that?!?

Heart0fYourSins: There's better ways then hurting yourself, she loves me so much me and steve and her family, then she should of came to us we're here for her that's what we're for, she doesn't need me if shes going to do something like that. It's not the end of the world I don;t know why she thinks it is she does have problems i'll give her that but shes not the worst off person and she's not dying, shes making everything 10 times worse then it needs to be shes blowing everything up.

xPSYCHOTICxWAYSx: she did, but talking isn't making it better...it's not even that she's blowing it out of proportion, it's how she feels, she can't help if it makes her feel so much pain, it's just her hurting!!! all the pain from everything is getting to her, maybe some people can handle it but she can't! she talked to me about it, she talked to steve & her mom, but it's not going away...the pain is still there & she can't handle it....or she doesn't know how besides hurting herself

Heart0fYourSins: She think's her problems are so big, and everyone else's are shit.
Heart0fYourSins: She wants attention.

xPSYCHOTICxWAYSx: idk...i just know that she's hurting...and maybe she does want attention, maybe it's her way of reaching out, i'm not sure, i don't know it all, but ik she's hurting, and i remember her saying she wishes she could be happy like u were cuz u have rian & ur happy....she just wants happiness and doesn't know how to find it besides a boyfriend

Heart0fYourSins: A boyfriend does not always equal happiness im still not happy and i have rian, I'll never be completely happy I may seem like I am but I'm really not, and she doesnt know that becasue I dont talk to people like she does
Heart0fYourSins: i do feel bad for her
Heart0fYourSins: But there's nothing I can do
Heart0fYourSins: I feel helpless
Heart0fYourSins: and I never know what to say

Heart0fYourSins: im not good at those things

xPSYCHOTICxWAYSx: ik....ik the boyfriend doesn't solve everything...but she thinks it does, she thinks i should be happy too cuz i have paul and your happy cuz of rian....but she'll realize it's not true...and it's gonna be rough on her...but in a way, boys are her escape & happiness....

xPSYCHOTICxWAYSx: ik, it's hard to be, cuz it's hard to understand why anyone would hurt themself to make themself feel better...i only understand cuz i've been there, i am there...but you just gotta try to be there, i mean don't lecture....tell her you don't approve of doing it...and tell her how much you care about her & how much it hurts you seeing it, even if you say it 238479832432 times....she doesn't want to lose you

Heart0fYourSins: Yeah, ik

xPSYCHOTICxWAYSx: she doesn't do it bridget...it just happened cuz of her sister and everything coming down on her at once, but she stopped because of you....


The Fact Of The Matter Is, If You Refuse To Listen To The People That Try To Help, You Become Helpless..Open Up & Let The People Help You, Not Everything Is The End Of The World, And No Boyfriend Is Going To Make All Your Problems Go Away, I Know This For A Fact..I'm Never Going To Be Completely Happy, That's Impossible When I Lost Something That I Loved & Was A Part Of Me. Stop Thinking Your Helpless, & Hurting Yourself...Have Some Fucking Confidence, & Show Some Strength & Be Thankful You Have What You Do...You'd Be Surprised At How Many People Are So Much Worse Than You Are. We Aren't 12 Anymore We're Being Faced With Things That We Sometimes Aren't Ready For But That's Life, No One Said It Was Easy.

I'm not happy, but I pretend to be. I'm never going to be happy, there's always going to be something missing in my heart, I'll always be incomplete, nothing can change that, nothing can bring back my mom. I don't talk to anyone about how I feel, no one understand's and I really don't think anyone wants to hear it, they feel to bad to listen to me, and they don't know what to say, so why bother? This is why I don't talk to anyone. I dunno what to do anymore, I'm tired of acting like I'm alright.

Weekend
Hey, I'm pretty happy right now me and Jeanna had a lot of fun last night. We went to the football game to meet up wit Bob, and then after a while if it got boring we were gonna go hang out at his house cause his mom was away until Monday. Well we get there and the 3 of us hung out with Ryan Habibulah, Jess Sukiel, Justine, Robby, Charlie, and who ever else we saw there. Then like Nick, Joe, Brian (who pretends to have turret's), and some other guys I don't remember showed up walkin in like they were the shit, so being me and really giddy and hyper at the time I say "Hey it's the tight pant's crew." as they walked by and they heard me but I was just kiddin and they thought it was funny, but I think I offended them at the same time lol. We also saw Steve and Joe from ASOB comin in, but we were leavin. We got back at Bob's and Jeanna had his snake Monte all over her the whole night lol. I have never laughed so much in a really really long time, it was a lot of fun, I'm glad we hung out with Bob, he's so funny..."I don't remember that plant being so green" LMAO Bob it's a plant, it's green naturally. Omg there was so many things I laughed so much I couldn't stop. We have to hang out with him again. I missed him and I know Jeanna did too. But right now, I'm waitin for Rian to come over and pick me up cause I'm sleepin over his house tonight. We got a 3 day weekend, Holla. It should be fun, I feel like getting drunk too hmm...Ok well, I'm gonna end this now, I'll write later. <3

FATA Owns.
Wow, well today was a good day overall. Everything went well, in school, and the rest of the day. In lunch Kenny shocked me and sat next to me at my table, I was like Oh Hey...But anyway I got home did my homework and the dishes, and waited for Rian to come over so that we could go to the mall. My dad gave me a blank check...so you know I went crazy in Pac Sun <3 But uh yeah I got 3 hoodie's and a long sleeve shirt, for $167.50 lol. Yeah, the girl wasn't gonna let me do the check because I didn't have the license ID, I was like "Um. I didn't need the Photo ID before I just had the license number written on the check." And she went and got some dude, and he was like do you have a school ID? And I was like yeah. Showed him and he left me buy it I was like what now biatch! Tryin to say I couldn't get my shit, go fuck yourself whore. Sorry lol, yeah anyway...I also got From Autumn to Ashes new CD "The Fiction We Live" it's incredible, so good I can't find word's good enough to describe it. The music is awesome, and the lyrics are beutiful. Especially number 7, the girl sings it and it's so pretty it's the music I picked for the entry :) So anyway, I'm exhausted so I'm gonna make this one somewhat short lol, I'll try to write tomorrow...<3

hurrrrray!
Fucken awesome news! Yeah I'm gettin tickets to Thrice, Thursday, and Coheed at the Electric Factory. It will be the shit, but I need to go with someone, Chris said I could possibly come with him and Christine so we'll see, but if not then I could always take Rian, even though he's not really into that music, but I'm slowly but surely getting him to like it, he told me he was starting to, and he downloaded some songs. But yeah, it's on a school night so it might be hard for Jeanna to convince her mom, but hopefully she can do it, I have faith in her. Ryan Habibulah, my buddy might come too. That would be so much fun. Wow, now I can't wait, I hope everything turns out ok. By the way, still haven't done my homework hehe. <3

funny day...
hmm. So I just got home from school, I didn't wanna wake up like every morning...but it was pretty weird after 2nd period. I guess I'll go back to last year so your not too confused...before I went out with Joe, I liked this kid Kenny Ceneli (i think thats how you spell it) anyway, he liked me but then I got with Joe and all that drama but, after that I seen him in the mall with some girl and he had his arm around her, and I knew he was going out with this girl Ashley, and it seemed wierd. So a while later I told Ashley what I saw, and I guess she said something to Kenny. Because then like at the end of last year I was sitting in the VP's office for dress code violation, and Kenny got sent in too. And we started talkin and he asked if I was the one who told Ashley about seeing him at the mall with his ex, cause he saw me there. Well we talked more and I guess became friends but not to the extent of hangin out and all that. Well today in Geometry because he's in my class, I was walking by his desk and he was like "I need to talk to you after class." I was like ok? and I didn't know why, he didn't talk to me all this year. So after class he's like, "Are you still friends with Ashley?" and I'm like No, I don't really talk to her but shes in my French class. And he's like, "Did you hear about what happened?" I was like No. He was like "Well we kinda broke up, and we were supposed to go to the Semi and get back together in like 2 months, but now shes going with some kid Alex, and I don't think we're getting back together." And I was like oh..do you want me to talk to her? And he was like "No, her parents were way too strict I just wanna like let you know that if you know anyone who wants a boyfriend, tell me." I'm like ok I'll let you know...like what else do I say to that? He doesn't know that I have a boyfriend, who I'm very happy with. And after thinking about it I came to the conclusion that if I were to get him with one of my friends, they would only be a rebound from Ashley, and a way to get her back because it's obvious he's jealous that she's talking to someone else. I guess I can read guys pretty good. I mean I would after all the assholes I've been through. But now I feel obligated to tell him that, I really don't have a lot of friends who are girls because they're bitches and back stabbers, and that I'm not single. So then from there my day was pretty boring, and normal. Sigh, I have a lot of homework which means that I'm probably not going to see Rian today, which isn't that bad cause he came over last night, we had some fun ;) The only thing is I hate riding the bus...it's not that bad but still I dislike it. But Jess hasn't been in school, and I havent talked to her because she called me last night while I was doing homework and she knew I was doing homework because she was online and I told her, and so I didn't answer when she called. So I dunno whats up with her anymore, if shes dropping out AGAIN or not. That pisses me off but whatever nothing anyone says to her is going to do anything it never does. Anyway I guess I'm gonna stop writing and do homework since I have quite a bit. <3