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2004 9 December :: 10.16 am
im sick of this whole-IF I CRY, IF I DIE, FEEL SORRY FOR ME- crap. most people don't realize we truly dont care. you could hang yourself in your basement and danggle and i would still give a rats behind. the true only person (besides myself) i care about is tj and sometimes he's a butthead so it's ify. but dont cry to me with your problems. im self absorbed little brat and i like it that way. i dont feel sorry for those of you who have a hard life, or who say they are nothing in this world. thats your prob. you deal with it. dont come to me looking for answers. and the thing i notice is most of the world is like that. we live in a world of rude unsypethetic careless monsters and well its ok with me as long as i get what i want ( which at the moment is Tj...shhhh) i am happy.
another topic.......
school is going ok i guess, im failing american history, due to the face that i hate the class. i have to miss pep band tomorrow n im pretty bumbed cause it'll be the first one i missed in 3 yrs.:(. finally got a new book to read, i hardly ever read but im gonna try. i just hope it's good. it's called Appearence of EVIL well i must be out
-Erin
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2004 8 December :: 10.11 am
people whom i am angered with
i seriously wish people would quit being stupid. STOP COMPLAINING THAT YOU LIFE SUCKS. some people ( and i won't name names) it seems to me all they do is talk bout how they are useless and nothing goes right. well as far as i am concerned your right. you are worthless to society if you choose to be. your life is what you make it and i know i have gone on and on about this before but your life sucks because you refuse to make it good. and dont be coming to me looking for pity because i pity no one. if you dwell in all the bad that happens to you and dont fight to try to be happy you have no right to complain because you aren't trying and therefore have none of my respect. i can't respect you if you do nothing about it.
another thing that makes me angry is someone, no names again, wants to know our opinions but hinders us if they are not that of their own. "feel what you want to feel as long as it is the same as mine" i guess must be the rules for that. like gay marrige. i personally am agianst it... the marrige itself... a civil union to me is ok.let them have all the rights they want. they love each other and thats all there is too it. but a marrige, to me, is sacred and i believe should be charished. of course after voicing my opinion i got yelled at by this person because i think differently then her.
well thats all for today-i saw mr. rogers this morining on channel 35. boy oh boy was it exciting!
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2004 7 December :: 10.21 am
:: Mood: dorky
Chemistry sucks
doing my chem. homework its not to much fun. i actually hate the class but i figured i would get it out of the way so i dont take it in college not that i would anyway but yead it works. i have to make a model of like to hugest element on the freakin chart it's like 98 errrrrrrr im never being sick again! things are going good with tj. i still dont know what to do for his birthday. i think i am just gonna take him out to dinner and maybe a movie or something... i dont know. i am so confused i can not show for boys. it's rather impossible.
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2004 6 December :: 10.36 am
:: Mood: crazy
:: Music: i have no idea
Is this some cazy sci-fi movie?
for some odd reason i am in a rather chipper mood. i dont truely understand it
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2004 2 December :: 9.59 am
:: Mood: cold
yucky
i colapsed this morning in the bathroom at home. i was standing doing my hair and then i woke up on the floor. i feel like crap right now and i wish it would all just end. thid week has been awfull and i dont understand why. the play is tonight and im very nervous about it.
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2004 30 November :: 10.05 am
:: Mood: crazy
ok so i got into a car accident yesturday. this lady pulled out in front of me in the parking lot at the middle school. she says she could see me going way too fast BUT she couldn't see me over the suv next to her to see me coming??? one question if she could see me speeding how come she couldn't see that i was coming so she wouldn't pull out in front of me? im so friggin mad you dont even know... now the right front fender thing is all dented and my blinker is hangin there. i need duct tape to fix it. but the lady was evil. she all got up in my face to make sure i knew that it was my fault... when in all actuallity she pulled out in front of me. god what are people retarded. i guess since she works at the middle school her statment is valid even though it made no sence. not only that the cop wouldnt even take my side of the story. Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
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2004 29 November :: 10.08 am
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: something i dont recognize
Tj of course
ok so tj goes to college in aug. and i know it's almost forever away but i dont want him to leave. his bday is coming up and i am so totally clueless to what i should get him...errr boys are so hard to shop for. i took him to meet the family on friday for our thanksgiving thing and he did pretty good. he was really nervous though. it was kinda cute. but the only thing bad was i didn't get any alone time with him. heck i didnt even get a good night kiss.errrrr what to do what to do i want him bad but everytime i try something for some reason it gets messed up. hmmmm i need to think of something before i go insane.....-Erin.
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2004 29 November :: 10.06 am
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2004 29 November :: 10.03 am
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2004 22 November :: 10.03 am
:: Music: GREENDAY
IM SO CLUMSY
ok so im stupid and trip down the stairs and sprain my ankle. it's all puffy and blue. i like to poke at it cause it jiggles and feels really goofy. but yeah we moved into our new house and it smells like old lady. i hadn't noticed it before but its awefull. the floors are really cold,,, i slept in the living room on my air matress why is my room the last to be moved and well dan just sneezed and i got all off track. well i be gone---erin
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2004 19 November :: 10.04 am
:: Mood: blank
gnzdbzdfzdgg
so i made wind ensemble-again- but this time i beat katie and shae and jessica. woohoo. this is exciting!!!!!!!!. but yeah im still worried bout me n tj but i guess there really is not a problem and im freaking out over nothing. but yeah i move this weekend andi am so mad. i dont want to leave i dont need to leave. well yeah i do need to leave but everything i love is here in cedar not in rockford. errrrr why do parents have to suck?? oh well i'll be 18 in july then im done with them...
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2004 17 November :: 10.11 am
:: Mood: curious
:: Music: Godsmack
hmmm i need a life
i think i screwed somthing up once again. my dearly loved boyfriend hardly ever talks to me anymore. he seems very distant and i can't help to think it's something i did or said. why does this happen i finally find myself someone i can be happy with and it gets messed up. or maybe it isn't and i am just ranting on and on about nothing... i just wish i could figure this all out. i hate being in the dark about stuff. they play is going on pretty good i think. i've never done this before so i dont know how it's supposed to work. i need some chocolate really bad. it always makes me happy and right now im feeling down because i miss tj and i never see him and i want hime sooo bad and all i do think about him and errrrrrrr why does it have to be like this. i need to fix it now before i go insane. our 3 month is tomorrow i'll take him out but where???????? ahhhh ok im outtie...-Erin
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2004 11 November :: 10.05 am
:: Mood: disappointed
:: Music: Slipknot
i hate parents...
OK I AM GOING TO VENT.
well now mom and dad have official told me we are moving away. i truly dont want to but there is nothing i can do. so i shall not complain.
me and mom got into another fight because i guess im a dumbass and dont know anything. im the only friggin person inmy family thats gonna go to college and do something with my life but im oh so worthless. and then i realize she dosen't care about anything i do anymore. most parents are involved in their kids life but my mom could care less. not t mention my dad but like i said before i dont complain. i just need to let it all out. screw them anyways in july i'll be 18 and i won't need them anymore.
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2004 10 November :: 9.55 am
:: Mood: angry
:: Music: Ozzy- Iron man
Stop with the crap...
i must get this off my chest before i go totally insane. everyone is always talking about how their life sucks and how they want to die. here is some advice..."GET OFF YOUR LAZY BUTT AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT" dont just sit there and let it control you. and by the way do you really understand pain or are u just pretending. is this life you live truely horrible or is it just a call for someone to pay attention to you??? im not trying to be all bad and say ooh i know pain and u dont. yeah bad things have happened to me and thats my problem. i have to deal with it. but at least i don't lay around feeling sorry for my self. why complain when u could be out there making your life better? the reason your life sucks is because ur afraid to work hard and fix things. i dont understand. it's your fault ur life is as miserable as it is. u let it happen JUST DEAL WITH IT!!!
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2004 4 November :: 10.17 am
:: Mood: melancholy
Where is there a light at the end of my tunnel
i feel so incredibly horrible i dont want to live anymore. yeasturday me and my friend holly played a prank on tj and he got pretty angry and now i feel very very bad. i just want to cry. i did cry. last night in fact, and i never cry. what kind of hold does he have to make me cry. i hope he feels special because i care about him so muchi just wish i could let it all out. be able to speak my mind. GOD why do i have to be so stupid... why do i always do things like that and get mad when i have to face the consequences. i wish i could just sink into a hole and onlly come out for food and sex errrrrrrrr
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