Behind the forward motion of time

:: 2009 8 August :: 12.32am

i nevvvvvvvvverrrrrrrrr used to have a problem falling asleep. now it seems like i never can. i hope this is just a short phase because i love my sleep.

i just think it's really weird how different everyone is from each other. like i think it's weird i have friends that like, live with their parents whereas i am married and cooked a new mexican/noodle casserole thing for my HUSBAND tonight and like.... that was exciting.

it's strange how different everyone's lives are.

now if my job situation, money situation, and house situation could catch up maturity wise to the rest of my life... that'd be great.

someday.....

ps. jessie kae i love you and i hope everything is getting better. call me when you are able.

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spud

:: 2009 7 August :: 11.38pm
:: Mood: alone
:: Music: the Beatles

i often wonder whether it's better or worse that i don't post on here very often. i know that when i'm cruising my friends list, and i'm just doing a cursory screen, i'll sometimes ignore the ones that post like seven times a day. but if there's one that pops up that i haven't seen anything from in a while, i'll give it a read. i don't know. whatever. it is what it is, and if someone gets something out of it, then so be it.

apparently i have to re-learn how to be alone with myself. because i've been solitary here for approximately 9 hours, and i've been bored and lonely for approximately half of that time. so, i played wii, i did my rubiks cube, i cruised the internet, i watched superbad, and now i'm fuckin' here.

that's just lame.

and the more i think about it, the more i realize that it's exactly what i used to do to hide from myself. do a puzzle, play a game, read a book. which i think i may do shortly.

i suppose it's better than drinking myself into oblivion or getting doped up.

speaking of which, our front yard has a mole in it. probably a couple. pretty bad. i mowed this afternoon, and there were tunnels fucking everywhere. the lawn care people sprayed pesticide on it, which means the bugs that the moles feed on should die, but then the moles will just move somewhere else. we just need to kill those bastards. the neighbors won't like us very much if we just scare them off into their lawns. although, maybe then the neighbors will kill them for us.

whatever. i feel too crappy to really care that much. this sinus crud can go away any time now. it's been three days now, and i'm just getting tired of it. and i would like for my nosebleeds to have a chance to heal. that'd be great.

yeah.

well, this was uplifting. sorry about that.

i'm running sound for a live band at the crazy horse saloon on the 21st and 22nd. if you're in the area and would like to stop by, feel free. classic rock goodness, and your daily dose of spud. what more can you ask for?

i thought so.

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:: 2009 7 August :: 1.17pm

does anyone know of anywhere hiring?

skife

:: 2009 7 August :: 10.40am

$50 wigot me this.

76 suzuki gt 185.
needs some work, but i'll get it figured out.

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:: 2009 5 August :: 4.24pm

please pray for him and my family
i'm losing my father. he may never be the same again. he might be in a home for the rest of his life:

wernicke's encephalopathy which leads to korsakoff syndrome/psychosis.

my world is spinning to a stop.

:: 2009 5 August :: 3.07am

will you shave my coin purse?

hooooooooo.. ho ho ho. holy freaking god.

heh

:: 2009 4 August :: 11.40pm

i can't stand for him to leave. i know it's selfish of me, but i can't deal with it. i'm needy, i'll admit it. my happiness depends a lot on him, i've gotten better..but i still of course am happier when he's around. it makes me cry just writing this. i cant go a whole YEAR or more without him. i need him. and when he can come visit on weekends, that's when i'll be working.

ugggggggggggggh please don't leave me.

skife

:: 2009 4 August :: 12.13pm

so the guy on egay with a set of carbs for $79 has a "make an offer" thing on them, so i offered $45 because i knew they wern't going to sell. he counter offers with $79... i'm like WTF!?

i reoffered $65, hopefully they take it.

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:: 2009 3 August :: 4.21pm

oh my gosh so you know how i said i felt guilty for not buying that thing from the lady from khazacstan?

now i am looking at local news and i read this:

28th St. hit-run victim
from Kazakhstan
Suspect lodged in jail
Updated: Monday, 03 Aug 2009, 4:17 PM EDT
Published : Sunday, 02 Aug 2009, 11:35 AM EDT

WYOMING, Mich. (WOOD) - A pedestrian who was killed just after midnight Sunday morning was a Kazakhstan native.

The accident happened on 28th Street, just west of Byron Center Avenue.

The woman who died was a 23-year-old from Kazakhstan . She was in the United States with other foreign nationals, and, according to the Wyoming Police Department, was selling items to area gas stations and convenience stores to raise money for a religious group.

A suspect in the hit-and-run was identified and arrested. That suspect is now in the Kent County jail, and the prosecutor is reviewing the case to determine any potential charges.

Police officials are working with the Kazakhstan Consulate to notify the woman's family.
______________________________________________

super. that is awful. i'm 99.9% sure that is the same lady. if not then i know she is from the same group. thats so awful.

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:: 2009 3 August :: 12.20pm

I wrote this Sept. 29 2002
I totally forgot about this, but it was funny! Jess ask Roman if he remembers! lol:

Well, i had a pretty good week i guess. except for some humiliation thursday.
ok..i'll tell ya what happened. our bus driver made all the high schoolers sit in the back so middle schoolers wouldn't go back there. anyway, roman being the friendly guy he is sat with me and struck up a conversation. then, our bus pulled up in front of cedar trails. we only go there to do fire drills so roman hopped up and opened the back door. i hopped out and so did three other people. i looked up into the bus and everyone is just sitting there and the bus driver is like "this isn't a fire drill get back in!" so i climbed back in and felt stupid all the way home. i told jenna about it in current events and if you know jenna the whole class knew after i told her. lol i'm not mad jenna! it was just a little embarrassing.

m&ms487

:: 2009 1 August :: 10.03pm

I wanna take a ride on your disco stick
Time to go to bed because I have to work at six thirty in the morning. Bah. This will be the last time, though, because I changed my availability. I will have six roommates this year and it's not fair nor is it realistic that they will be quiet after ten pm on Friday and Saturday nights. Therefore, I said I can't work until nine in the morning after this weekend.

I work the next three days and then I'm off to home for five days for a bit of a vacation which includes a shopping excursion to Valueland with my mother and grandmother and a family reunion.

I tried on most of my clothes today to figure out which ones still fit and which ones don't. Because of my illness I went from a size 16/18 to a size 6/8 in the past year. Right now I'm hovering around a 10/12, which is perfectly fine for me. However, that means that I have a ton of clothes that don't fit-old and new. Luckily, I didn't buy too many small clothes when I was really sick, so I only have a few pairs of pants that are too small; most of my clothes are way too big. I'm donating them when I go to Valueland next week.

"Now and then she appointed trysts beneath certain shrubs about the grounds, where he would find her naked, or with her clothing half torn to ribbons upon her, in the wild throes of nymphomania, her body gleaming in the slow shifting from one to another of such formally erotic attitudes and gestures as a Beardsley of the time of Petronius might have drawn. She would be wild then, in the close, breathing halfdark without walls, with her wild hair, each strand of which would seem to come alive like octopus tentacles, and her wild hands and her breathing: 'Negro! Negro! Negro!' "
-Light in August, Faulkner

:: 2009 1 August :: 3.16pm

i posted this quote from a book a long time ago but i love it so i'm doing it again:
My mind is blank now. Every part of my body is sinking and empty. I don't have to think about anything, hear anything, say anything, feel anything, worry about anything.
...there are no job interviews, no hypocrites. I do not have to... socialize. I do not have to smile. I do not have to justify my beliefs. I don't have to wear dress shoes. I don't have to pledge allegiance to the flag. I don't have to use a number two pencil. I don't have to read the fine print.
...it is true that it is nonproductive. But when ninety-five percent of out-of-bed activities hold the possibility of pain, to be pain-free is simply the most delicious feeling in the world.

-not mine

________________________________________

i'm reading through old entries. it makes me sad...

JESS this comment from you made me laugh hard.

"10-30-07 7:52am
jess i'm wearing my glasses today to cover my face lol

ttyl
"

do you remember that?

and this is funny to me
"now if only i could get myself to start fricken working out . seriously. i need to get serious about that. i really really do. i just feel like a moron in front of all those muscley guys. eww and i don't want to run on the tredmills and fall on my face like on a tv show. i'd be so embarassed. and it would hurt. i can't run on those treadmills. i'm not coordinated enough to do that and listen to my earphones and sing MY hUMPS in my head and watch the tvs with no sound and worry about what people are thinking of me and check my heart rate all at the same time.

HOW DO YOU PEOPLE DO IT. HOW DO YOU RUN ON TREADMILLS.

and that m y friend is the question of the day. how DO you people run on treadmills.
"

:: 2009 1 August :: 2.35pm

why do i feel so bad when a person who says they are a missionary from khazakstan that tries to help people from drug abuse and absitence before marriage etc. comes into my work and tries to sell me a pretty windchime and i refuse?

why do i feel so guilty?!!?

i only had 10 bucks on me and they were 15 and up.

the saddest part is i probably would have bought one if i had the extra 5.

i cannnnnt saaaaaay noooooooooooooo.

...isn't khazacstan the country borat was from? well... she didn't look like borat.

:: 2009 1 August :: 2.05pm

i've had this since 2002....

weirrrrrd.

:: 2009 1 August :: 1.37am

Jacob is leaving me. Well, for Pontiac. He got his job as a felony parole officer, which is GREAT, but not for me. I'm happy for him, but I'll miss him SO much. And it's not safe down there. He has 3 weeks to find a safe/nice apartment to live in in the surrounding area and go. He starts August 21st I think. So for a year or more he'll be permanently down there, so far away, working 40+hours a week. It makes me want to cry.