I'm so lucky.
wow.
I promise sometimes i don't know why i'm so lucky. honestly, yesterday was prolly the worst day in the world. how many 17 yr olds have to their mother that their her dad died? not many. but than. i have danni. who made me smile all afternoon when all i wanted to do was cry. we talked about everything. it actually feels like a weight is lifted off your shoulders. i needed that.
then there's jeff. oh buddy. i dno what i would do without him. he made yesterday worth it. i had dinner over there, it was so much fun. i can't stop smiling when i'm around him. his family is so cute, i got to hear all the fun kid stories, about dog's running into cars and green bean ninja-chucks. his brother and his g.f. are adorable. the whole time made me feel so much better. then the movie. what an adventure. it was awesome, even tho it should have ended like an hour before it did. but i had a good time. got home at 4. slept till 11.
have a bunch of wake stuff to help out with today. then tomorrow. wake. friday. funeral. fun.
I think i'm hanging out with jeff tonite. i hope so. he makes smiling so much easier. *sigh* see, i'm lucky *smile*.
*Until the day I die, I'd spill my heart for you*
xoxoxoxox

ummmm
yup. today went well....sorta.
went shopping. bought a sweater. for the funeral. yea....
hung out with danni. you make my world turn. LOVE YOU :)
now i'm at jeff's. having dinner. then going to the movies. fun. i'm excited. this ought to help out. i love my friends.
xoxoxox

No subject needed.
phone rang at 3:00 am this morning. it was my nana. my grampy had died.
He was sick, and throwing up. my nana helped him back into bed. he looked at her, and said "aggy i'm hungry." my nana was happy his appitite returned. she thot he was better. she went to make him food. she heard a gargling noise. he drowned in the fluid in his lungs. and thats how my STRONG, happy grampy died.
it's too surreal. his wake is tomorrow, and funeral on thursday. my mom isn't talking a lot. i already had my share of crying. oh man. when the world seems like shit is falling into place. someone falls. happy fucking christmas.
the end.

Perfect gone bad.
you know what you have a WICKED amazing nite, when you can't stop laughing till it hurts and you realize some people are worth it while others aren't. this was one of those nite. then i came home and boom. my mom quit smoking. and she is CRAZY bitch.
oh well. i had a awesome nite with danni and krystal and of course gladice sparkle charm. haha oh man.
well from turning completely cynical to happy to perfect and now back to normal, my mom will eat me for dinner life. oh well. things that are GREAT. don't las forever, but memories do. and oh man. tonite made me some happy memories.
aww. miss you *kisses*
that was my only down of the nite. (besides satan possessing my mother's body) i didn't talk to jeff. ohh well. i got tomorrow. i bought him a present tonite. and my mom but i think i'm gonna give it to suddam...cuz he's nice right now...hold shit...satan.
Oh well nite. i'm off to do my chemisty.
xoxoxox

I thot i was happy.
Hmm. i take my subject back. i am happy. i am actually happier than i've been in such a long time. a really long time. but why do i feel so fucking guilty about it? arg. ok. meg and i talked about this. she told me i have no reason to have to feel bad for being happy. but i do.
danni, i am REALLY sorry for all that you went through with adam. i guess nobody really knows what it feels like when you're happy and ur friends aren't happy for you. or not not happy for you, just too upset to allow. hmm i dno how to put it. it's a confusing topic. but i am honestly truely 100% sorry.
anyway. this whole hanging out with friends and jeff thing is harder than it should be. so i'm becoming a hermit. just kidding. i like being drained. it gives me something to bitch about.
hmmm. jeff slept over last nite. we decided to not go to school today. it was our own personal snow day. *smile* my only catch. i had to put the lights on the tree. my tree now looks like we bought it at the dollar store. tacky yet somehow wicked sweet.
hmm. i really miss the summer more than words could EVER express. Honestly, everyone was happy no one fought. and despite what others may have thought, i had fun at our girls nite. i did. it was fun to be there and laugh without having a real reason to, except the trace amounts of alcohol in our system. but yet. another wakeup call. amanda cried.
so yet again i have to say to myself. WAKE UP. SUMMER IS GONE. this is the time to fake smile. actually. i smiled on friday. we had a good time...
Hmm. i smile around *you* all the time. *sigh* i think that is the LEAST complicated thing in my entire life and i love it. seriously. it's worth it.
yep. Kurt's been talking to me a lot lately. and i'm gonna go with amanda to syracuse with him in jan. i kno this may seem weird, but it's like i dno. i forgive him for everything in the past and he's gotten help and he's pulling his life together. which i respect soo much. soo very much. but...there are still those memories. yep. and as much as i want things to be normal it's so hard to forgive someone that does that to a family. *sigh* i dno.
well i have to go fold some laundry and then off to work i go.
I'm not gonna cry today. I'm gonna smile. It saves me from answering a lot of unwanted questions.
hmmm. Wednesday 12:00 am. sometime i wonder why i am so lucky.
*but you still have all of me*
xoxoxo

*smile*
I thot growing up was suppose to suck. i thot you're suppose to hate everything about it. high school blah and boys blah. but nope. not me. i'm perfectly happy with EVERYTHING. i am just sooo happy.
i love the fact i can just be with *you* and nothings wrong. *sigh* i really am ridiculously content.
soo last nite. we won the game. 91 to 41. yeaaa. you can only imagine how happy i was. we rock. then i hung out with jeff, danni, and adam. we went to friendly's. i love laughing. haha. we had a good time. then jeff stayed a while. *smile* yup. good times.
well i have to go get dressed. unfortunatly i have to work. but i don't care. at all, actually, b/c i'm in the best mood EVER and nothing can change that. yay for life rockin.
*smile* suga, suga, how you get so fly?

ahdfkhashfoiua!!!
Yup. i like my title. it expresses what i'm thinking. people are annoying. lots and lots of annoying. I just can't wait for the game and then to hang out with adam, danni, and jeff. seriously. i need this nite. i was in SUCH a good mood today. and i promise this afternoon is killing it. seriously. nothings wrong. everyone is just blah. and being around ppl who are blah when your hyper like you just consumed a box of captain crunch sucks. but i love them. so its ok. i'm just hyper. and trying to calm down. well. that sucks.
ohh shit. i just put the song of my life on. My immortal-Evanescence. holy shit. it seriously makes me want to have sex. haha. but don't worrry still a big ole V. ahh. i just love to sing it at the top of my lung and think. think of some fun times. aww. *kisses*
oh man. i made a shirt for the game. i'm gonna look mad hott. *insert wise crack here* alya, thinks my shirt looks like it was created by a 3rd grader. pshhhh. shows how much she knows. it's sooo 4th grade. haha. I love it. it's crazy. and my mood today fits it. haha.
hmm i dno if Jeff, can handle me today. i'm gonna be wicked pumped after the game. esp. if we win. we will. i have FAITH. plus if i'm still in this mood. i'm just gonna jump him :) oh man. sometimes i love myself. my moods are the best.
my throat hurts. i sang too much today.
hmmm. i looked for my class ring today. i couldn't find it. twas sad. i lost it in a snow bank at al's house. and i figured the snow melted so therefore i would find my ring. nope. figured wrong.
well. now. i think i'm gonna go get dressed. and do my hair. cuz right now. i look like a bus hit me and knocked me down some hill and i hit trees on the way down. enough imagery for you? k. good. i'm off. byee.
xoxoxox

oh basketball.
oh man. me and basketball games do NOT mix. i'm a complete nutcase. that's ok. socher and i took care of the fat 40 yr old man, who apparently noticed all these invisable offensive fouls...riiiiite.
aww. my boy...my Jeff :) went. i used his name. oOoOoOoo. i love hangin out with him. he's always making me smile. oh buddy. and when he sings. well just, it's amazing. he rocks. and i see him tomorrow. life is good. correction. life is very good.
hmmmmm. well i think i may go to bed now. i had mcdonalds yet again this week. i'm becoming the poster girl for them. i promise. well full stomach and tired body. time for bed.
g'nite xoxox

yea another day.
eh, yet another day has past. i wonder if your life really goes this fast. sometimes it feels like you don't have time to stop and enjoy anything. always, doing something. no time.
emmm. this day started off unusually bad. my windshield wipers broke. that was really bad. considering it's been raining ALL day. and well. trying to make them move with your hands doesn't work at as well as you thot it would. hmm. oh yea. then i told my best friend :) that the boy was coming to the basketball game tonite with us. *good luck to my lady pirates* and she wasn't too happy. i promise man. i'll never ditch you :) sending you LOTS of love <3. eh.
well. it's raining now. and i'm putting off doing any of my chores. yet again. and the essay for english. *sigh*i should really attempt to do something. oh well. power to being a slacker.

Welcome...
welcome to my mind. scary huh?
well. i kinda don't know why started this considering i don't think anyone will read it. but ohhh well.
hmm. listening to "hands down" by dashboard. i think i'm obsessed with this song this week. this varies. often.
aww. but this song reminds me of the the boy. that deserves another. aww. ha. i'm possibly the biggest dork alive. i'm over it.
tonite i hung out with my friend maggie. we've known each other since 7th grade. i <3 her to death. and she has some issues. but that's what makes me love her all the more. i'll always be there for her no matter what. you are who you are. no one can change that, even if they don't want to hear what you're thinking. Well. she was sad. so i took her in 'Isabella' that's my car. to the mall. oh glorious. well we didn't take part in commercialized christmas, instead we added weight to an already overweight america. we went to friendly's. we got a jim dandy. it was amazing. orgasmic you could say. 4 scoops of forbidden chocolate ice cream. oh man. besides the ice cream rocking some serious world. it was good to hear maggie laugh like that moment was all that mattered. sometimes moments are the only things that mattered.
hmmmm. the boy called me tonite. aww. he's...amazing. i don't think i could honestly be more lucky. i hope this feeling never wears off. moments like that matter the most. thank god for those.
well i'm off to bed. g'nite.
xoxox