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m&ms487
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2008 10 November :: 2.58pm
I haven't updated in a while. I haven't had time. No. That's incorrect. I haven't had the motivation.
Something is wrong. I'm sleeping all of the time and always tired. It's not depression. I went to the doctor's and they told me I had a viral infection and anemia. A week later, it should be better, but I slept for over twelve hours last night and I've been laying down every chance I get.
I went home on Sunday for a family reunion and the only things people said to me is that I look like a poster child for anorexia and I look tired. I've lost almost eighty pounds. I'm trying to stay stable at 130.
Although my test came back negative for mono, I still think I probably have it. Why else would I be so tired all of the time? Everything is suffering because of it: my grades, my attitude, my dealings with my friends and brothers.
I just want to wake up and be okay.
1 memories made |
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m&ms487
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2008 21 October :: 10.50pm
Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one laughing, the only one aware. I just can't shake the feeling that sometimes I see things in a way that no one else can even comprehend.
Central won against Western. For those of you who don't know, it's a big deal. There are five state troopers parked about two hundred yards away from my apartment to keep things "under control." This is probably the quietest Saturday night of the year as of yet.
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m&ms487
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2008 15 October :: 4.25pm
I am withdrawing from chemistry. It is going to make me a happier person.
I'm taking French and three literary theory classes next semester. Probably.
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m&ms487
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2008 16 October :: 7.58am
Monday.
Math at nine. Chemistry exam at ten that I feel like I'm going to fail, but I can't afford to.
French at one.
Follow up appointment with the doctor at three. Maybe I'll know what's going on then.
SGA at seven, meeting with Brothers at eight, eboard at nine, membership education meeting.
Oh, and I have to buy toilet paper sometime.
AHHHHHGGG!
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fishyrere
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2008 10 October :: 12.46pm
I had another dream about you last night. But it's ok.
4 memories made |
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m&ms487
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2008 7 October :: 12.27pm
I got a straight A on my contemporary theory paper about Existentialism.
Yay.
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m&ms487
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2008 6 October :: 3.57pm
I'm finally getting into the swing of things this semester. My French Prof. told me I was doing fine in response to my comments about how I don't feel comfortable speaking in class or volunteering yet on my first participation review. I have things going with the Fraternity and I went to Mu Delta's (the chapter at Western) first degree on Saturday night. I have everything prepared for the chapter field representative visit when she comes the first week of November, and all in all, things are going well.
I have my follow up appointment with the gastrointerologist in a week and I turn twenty one in two months.
I still hate chemistry, but I'm going to stick it out because I have to. I'm doing alright in math, and I still don't have a graded paper back from my English class.
If I could live without the thought of death,
Forgetful of time's waste, the soul's decay,
I would not ask for other joy than breath,
With light and sound of birds and the sun's ray.
I could sit on untroubled day by day
Watching the grass grow, and the wild flowers range
From blue to yellow and from red to grey
In natural sequence as the seasons change.
I could afford to wait, but for the hurt
Of this dull tick of time which chides my ear.
But now I dare not sit with loins ungirt
And staff unlifted, for death stands too near.
I must be up and doing -- ay, each minute.
The grave gives time for rest when we are in it.
-Wilfrid Blunt
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m&ms487
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2008 2 October :: 12.39pm
:: Mood: annoyed
Classes, health, everything is quite overwhelming at the moment.
I had my scope last Friday. I was going to update something about it, but I was still too high from the stuff they gave me and then I took a four hour long nap.
She told me that I don't have an ulcer, and they took some biopsies of my stomach lining/bacteria to test for super acidity. She said that I might need a CAT scan. My follow up appointment is a week from Monday.
Classes. French. Je ne comp pas. J'aime la francais, mais je deteste l'examens. I have a 79% in the class right now. I keep on failing all of the quizzes because we take them after five minutes of review. I think I'm doing better than a lot of people in the class, though.
Chemistry. I would drop it if I could.
Contemporary Literary Thought. I've only written one paper, which was two weeks ago, and I haven't gotten it back yet. There is a TON of theory and philosophy. I feel like I need a philosophy minor to know what's going on. I like my New Criticism, and it's definitely NOT that.
Math. It's just a lot of work.
I can't wait until next semester when I'm taking two English classes and a political science class along with my next installment of French. I think this semester is going to be my rut semester and I'll be happy if I pull all B's.
I think I'm taking History of Literary Criticism this summer and that excites me.
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m&ms487
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2008 30 September :: 2.01pm
Rueben,
My phone won't let me call anyone. If you need me- I'm in Pearce on the fourth floor in the computer lab, and I'll be checking woohu.
If not, I'll see you at home around three or three thirty.
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m&ms487
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2008 23 September :: 12.39pm
Time is slowly slipping through my fingers like a silken cloth.
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m&ms487
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2008 17 September :: 12.25pm
:: Mood: hungry
So, I finally went and saw a specialist (gastrointerologist). I couldn't play last week in band because I was so nauseated and I finally got fed up with everything, so I went and saw a regular doctor at university health services and they referred me to a specialist in town.
I went on Monday and saw her: I'm having an GI ultra sound today at three thirty to rule out any possibilities of enlarged things (like my gull bladder) and I'm having a scope a week from Friday. The scope is where they shove a camera down my throat to look at my stomach and esophagus; I will be asleep when they do it.
For now I'm on Protonix in the morning to help to try to heal any errosion I've had, and Zantac at night to reduce the acid in my stomach.
The specialist said it's probably not an ulcer, but that the medication I was on (over the past year) probably relaxed the sphincter between my esophagus and my stomach allowing acid to come up in my throat. She said there's a strong likelihood that I will have acid reflux disease for the rest of my life if the sphincter doesn't heal.
I can't eat:
gum
tomato based foods
spicy foods
large meals
food high in fat
fried food
alcohol
coffee
caffeine
carbonated beverages
So, there it is. I'll get poked and prodded a bit more in the next few weeks: my follow up appointment is on October third.
Weight lost as of today: 66 pounds (scary)
On to french class (which is also scary).
3 memories made |
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m&ms487
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2008 7 September :: 8.20am
Wheatland was great. It's always great.
I'm throwing myself into a busy week again; classes, work, the fraternity.
I made first chair in University Band for the first time in a year and I get many solos, one of which is a montage of Raisins and Almonds-a song which I played many a time in my youth practicing.
My health is improving. My aciphex trial is almost done, and I'm better, but not totally healed. Going to Wheatland screwed me up a bit: it's always two steps forward, one step back. I think once I'm done I'm going to go on Prilosec for a while to help it heal all the way.
Wheatland pictures to be on facebook soon (whenever Jessie gets them up).
Mike Gravel.
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m&ms487
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2008 29 August :: 10.46pm
Ummm...
So, Contemporary Literary Thought=me reading Satre until I fall asleep for the past two nights, and tonight.
I likes.
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m&ms487
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2008 23 August :: 3.28pm
French is scary.
1 memories made |
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m&ms487
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2008 20 August :: 11.41am
Ummm... I make kick ass caramelized carrots and stuffed mushroom caps? Yep.
I'm investigating grad school: classes and such. I don't know. BAH.
i don't wanna go to work. i don't wanna.
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