Okay.

First week of NewJob went okay. It actually was a whole lot better by week's end. I am going to have to get over this not liking to speak French thing since that's my job now. Sigh etc.

I have a stupid NewJob story that happened on Wednesday and I wrote on Wednesday:

Today [Wednesday], we had a trainer come in and teach us Google Earth [which I TOTALLY already know and used when it first came out]. Before we started, he went around the room and asked our names and for us to say something in our language. He was French African.

Please tell me you are feeling the same thing I was: DREAD. PANIC. DREAD.

So we go around the room and everyone is saying five bajillion sentences and the other two French people have great accents and each have two paragraphs prepared already.

So he gets to me and all I can think to say is "ta mère est un pamplemousse." I can't call his mother a grapefruit! Who knows what connotation that has! I am probably calling her a whore or something.

What do I do? What do I do? OH! MAKE A JOKE! People love jokes! They will be so busy laughing that they won't notice that you say "Bone-jewurrr y'all"! Make a joke, Rachel.

Do I say my name in French or English? What did the Hope girl say? KAH-Rhen? Okay, so French.

"Je m'appelle Rachelle et je ne parle pas français."

Everyone is staring at me. Why are they staring? Did I miss an article? "Parlez-vous anglais?" No. No article needed. I said the "ne" but they can forgive that, I was nervous, I had to prepare a simple sentence. THIS IS A JOKE. I just said "I don't speak French" in French! Ha ha. Laugh already. No one is laughing. Okay.

"Ceci n'est pas une pipe...?"

Did they get it? Okay. He got it. And I got a little laugh. Ugh. Do these people have no sense of humor? Hope girl is staring at me. I'm not even looking at British guy. Heaven forbid he judge me. He's British. We left them for a reason. And Hope girl liked France. Screw them.

Reasoning doesn't stop the embarrassment. I can feel myself turning red. I am warm, it's warm in here. Ugh. I am a retard. Why did I think this job would be okay? I can no longer get away with the fact that I don't speak French.

I told them up front. I told them it was terrible! It's not my fault!

During break, I am furiously checking the internet as I have chosen sleep over Google Reader for the past week and have 97 unread items. I AM STARING AT THE SCREEN AND NOT WELCOMING CONTACT.

Hope girl turns around. TURN BACK AROUND, GIRL. DO NOT WANT YOUR HUMORLESS FACE LOOKING AT ME. AM ON THE INTERNETS.

"Bonjour, Rachelle."

Cut her off, cut her off! There's no way I'm speaking French to her and letting her judge me. I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND. I hate France! I hate French! I just told you I don't speak French.

"Oh, no. I cannot think to speak French today." Still staring at my 97 Google Reader items. Must label all interesting things.

"Oh. I was just... I was wondering why you said you didn't speak French."

I looked over at her. Oh, God. She is looking at me with pity and concern. Cut it off quick! No friends! No pity! No French!

"It was A JOKE."

"Oh." She turns back around quickly. The conversation is over.

Was I just a bitch to her? I think I was just a bitch. Whatever. She's not talking to me.

Ugh. Why don't these people get jokes?

At least they are all nice.

3 sparks | in the dark..