HYPERISH
DISTURBED - Violence Fetish Lyrics

Bring the violence
It's significant
To the life
If you've ever known anyone
Bring the violence
It's significant
To the life
Can you feel it?

How do you sleep
When you live with your lies
Out of your mouth
Up from your mind
That kind of thinking
Starts a chain reaction
You are a timebomb ticking away
You need to release
What you're feeling inside
Let out the beast
That you're trying to hide
Step right up and be a part of the action
Get your game face on
Because it's time to play
You're pushing and fighting your way
You're ripping it up

How do you live without playing the game
Sit on the side and expect to keep sane
Step right up and be a part of the action
Come get a piece of it before it's too late
Take a look around
You can't deny what you see
Were living in a violent society
Well my brother let me show you a better way
So get your game face on because it's time to play
You're pushing and fighting your way you're ripping it up

So tell me what am I supposed to be
Another goddamn drone
Tell me what am I supposed to be
Should I leave it on the inside
Should I get ready to play


Okay, So I just made this super long entry that was just me rambling.. and then it got deleted.. so yeah.. CLICKKY!!!

So, just so you know.. I got caught again so I'm grounded and I probably wont be online for awhile... okay. class is over. gotta go.. more later


-shadow-

Drowning Lessons

Without a sound I took her down
and dressed in red and blue I squeezed
Imaginary wedding gown
That you can't wear in front of me
A kiss goodbye, your twisted shell
As rice grains and roses fall at your feet
Lets say goodbye, the hundreth time
And then tomorrow we'll do it again

I dragged her down I put her out
And back there I left her where no one could see
And lifeless cold into this well
I stared as this moment was held for me
A kiss goodbye, your twisted shell
As rice grains and roses fall at your feet
Lets say goodbye, the hundreth time
And then tomorrow we'll do it again

I never thought it'd be this way
Just me and you, we're here alone
And if you stay, all I'm asking for is
A thousand bodies piled up
I never thought would be enough
To show you just what I've been thinking

And I'll keep on making more
Just to prove that I adore
Every inch of sanity
All I'm asking for is, all I'm asking for is

These hands stained red

From the times that I've killed you and then
We can wash down this engagement ring
With poison and kerosene
We'll laugh as we die
And we'll celebrate the end of things
With cheap champagne

Without, without a sound
And I wish you away

-My Chemical Romance

Story

Have you watched my life fall apart
while i stood there
hardly breathing
blade in one hand
blood on the other
thats how it began
a scream
and then a comforting blade
self inflicted misery
soon it was my turn to watch others fall
and i did
they fell around me
a black hole
sucking us all down
pulling us away from the
happiness that once reigned
i stared as they lost it all
i, too, lost everything
and all because of the blade
or was it because of the scream?
neither will ever stop
we will all continue falling
a blade in one hand
blood on the other
it will never rest
it will never end
no one can pick up the pieces

-shadow-

Is it ever all a dream?
Vampires Will Never Hurt You

And if they get me and the sun goes down into the ground
And if they get me take this spike to my heart and
And if they get me and the sun goes down
And if they get me take this spike and
You put the spike in my heart

And if the sun comes up will it tear the skin right off our bones
And then as razor sharp white teeth rip out our necks I saw you there
Someone get me to the doctor, someone get me to a church
Where they can pump this venom gaping hole
And you must keep your soul like a secret in your throat
And if they come and get me
You put the spike in my heart

And if they get me and the sun goes down
And if they get me take this spike and

[Chorus]
Can you take this spike?
Will it fill our hearts with thoughts of endless
Night time sky
Can you take this spike?
Will it wash away this jet black feeling?

And now the nightclub set the stage for this they come in pairs she said
We'll shoot back holy water like cheap whiskey they're always there
Someone get me to the doctor, and someone call the nurse
And someone buy me roses, and someone burned the church
We're hanging out with corpses, we're driving in this hearse
Someone save my soul tonight, please save my soul

[Chorus]

And as these days watch over time, and as these days watch over time
And as these days watch over us tonight
[x2]

I'll never let them, I'll never let them
I'll never let them hurt you not tonight
I'll never let them, I can't forget them
I'll never let them hurt you, I promise

Struck down, before our prime
Before, you got off the floor
Can you stake my heart? Can you stake my heart?
Can you stake me before the sun goes down?

And as always, innocent like roller coasters.
Fatality is like ghosts in snow and you have no idea what you're up against
because I've seen what they look like.
Becoming perfect as if they were sterling silver chainsaws going cascading...

-My Chemical Romance

I'm at a loss for words. Lily's dead. Chris is dead. Adam's gone. What happend? What fucking happend?

I've been a bad girl. Bad. today was 4 so far. that's no so bad... in total, for the past few days..16... I'm sorry, all you who want me to 'get better' I FUCKING CAN'T! and i don't need to. I'm okay, i promise you. I can't get better because there's nothing really wrong with me. why don't you beleive me? I dont /// all that much. I'm sorry if i hurt you. It'll be okay.. soon.

I want to leave this place. I went for a long walk today, to clear my head. i was all the way at the sledding hill before i relized i was freezing. i guess i just kept walking. tears were frozen to my face. but i didnt want to go home. i wish i never came home. I wish i kept going forever, or maybe just until i reached an ocean. either one would do. and then i'd fill my pockets with stones. and keep walking.

Things arent so bad here. not as bad as they could be. I guess i just over react. But when my dad told me he wanted me out of here, i didnt feel so great. today hasnt been the smoothest of all days. I just wanted to evaporate. I wanted to be gone, and take all your pain with me.

I read Adam's letter over and over again. I kept wishing the words would change. "Lily... She's dead." Lily..dead.. no.. not Lily.. and Adam, gone.. not saying where.. not saying when he's coming back, if he's coming back.

I will not feel safe again. I will catch you if you fall. I will be there. I do not need anything. I'll give it all to you... you will not need to fall..

-shadow-

woooo.
WHAT’S MY AGE AGAIN?

I took her out
It was a friday night
I wore cologne
To get the feeling right
We started making out
And she took off my pants
But then I turned on the tv
And that’s about the time she walked away from me
Nobody likes you when you’re 23
And are still amused by tv shows
What the hell is add?
My friends say I should act my age
What’s my age again?
What’s my age again?
Later on
On the drive home
I called her mom
From a payphone
I said I was the cops
And your husband’s in jail
The state looks down on sodomy
And that’s about the time that bitch hung up on me
Nobody likes you when you’re 23
And are still more amused by prank phone calls
What the hell is call id?
My friends say I should act my age
What’s my age again?
What’s my age again?
And that’s about the time she walked away from me
Nobody likes you when you’re 23
And you still act like you’re in freshman year
What the hell is wrong with me?
My friends say I should act my age
What’s my age again?
And that’s about the time that she broke up with me
Noone should take themselves so seriously
With many years ahead to fall in line
Why would you wish that on me?
I never wanna act my age
What’s my age again?
What’s my age again?
What’s my age again?

-Blink 182

Yeah, so.. today was an okay day, i guess. Except that emily, emily, and ella were not in school. But whatever, I guess. Anyways..

yeah, there was this erally akward kinda funny moment before chinese.. So Jenna's walking into study hall, and i see that she did something to her arm so i say "hey, what'd you do to your arm?" and she's like "i fell on the ice" and i'm like "slick" and then we walk away, and liam's like "was that supposed to be funny, because it really wasn't" and then sarah's like "yeah, bad joke" and i didn't get it.. and then like a minute later, i start laughing, cause i just got it. And yeah, it was a really bad joke...and i didn't mean it.

um.. lol?

yeah, so that was random and pointless. but anyways.

after the akward bad joke, we're standing outside chinese, and Julia is really really hyper, and jumping around doing ballet and stuff, and eyah. hyperness is contagious. so everyone's all jumping around and doing ballet and stuff... and then max comes over and does a weird thingy that almost resembles breakdancing...and then sarah tries to breakdance..except she can't..at all.. and then kayla starts trying... and yeah.. its a whole "i cant breakdance" party....
and then we go to class. and i bring rel. and yan lao shi doesnt notice for the longest time.. and then she does, and shes like "oh! we have a visitor. where are you supposed to be?" and rel just sits there. and then everyones like "shes a foriegn exchange student" "shes from europe" and the its like.. no.. and she's gonna get kicked out, but yan lao shi walks away. and doesnt come back.
i got a 91 on my test. :-D

anyways. thats my day. nothing really interesting.. oh well.

-shadow-

*breathes deeply*
I Don't Feel Very Receptive Today

This door has been shut for days
And it's all too familiar
Can't I just crack a window
Can't I just shake it off?

I'm sure I've tasted this before, before, before...
I'm sure I've tasted this before...

Everything is out of reach
And I just want to see outside
The air (the air) has been getting thin

I feel like cutting it open tonight, tonight
And falling on the floor

There's nothing left unused in here
There's nothing left to say

I haven't talked in days
And I'm really not too sure
What I sound like anymore
My vision has gone and my mouth is full, is full of sores

I feel like dripping it dry tonight
Over and over again
It's time (it's time) to open up the door

-UØ

She's okay... *breathes out*..she's okay.. it'll all be okay...

I swear i feels like i havent breathed since thursday night. Fucking thursday night. We almost lost her. We almost...
But we didn't. And she'll be okay.

Must think of the postitives..

So i got caught, but who gives a shit, right? They sure don't. Did they even catch me? Did they really see? How far can i push it before everything breaks? (and how do you get caught in school? I can't figure that out... I've never gotten caught in school..) Do i need to get better? Am i really that bad off? Define for me 'too far gone.'

Sorry, my thoughts are all over the place lately. I promise, I'm tryin to straighten everything out. Why is it bad to cut? Why am I so hypocritical? I've got to be the world's biggest hypocrite. I can cut, but they can't? Therapy is bad, but not for them? I can die, they can't? Am I crazy? (don't answer that..)

I hate fear. I hate fear. I'm scared for you. I'm scared for me. Why do I always seem to see the worst in every situation? The 'what if' thoughts kill me. I no longer know logical fears from those that are insane. Am I insane? I need to know what's going on. I need to know.

Right... Positives...
This wont last forever...

-*shadow*-

not again..
I will not lose my best friend to this.
I will not lose my best friend to this.

GOD DAMNIT!
not agian. not again..

emily I LOVE YOU!

Don't fucking leave me like this.
i love you.
i love you.
i love you.
i love you.

please.
please, please please.
i love you.

don't leave me like this.

i will not lose my best friend to this.
i love you emily.
please.

Oreo's and an Update
Forget My Name"
tell all my friends I'm dead
I'm leaving you, this time its for good
tell all my friends that I'm dead
it won't be long before you forget my name

can you tell
that I'm losing myself
I think I'm trying too hard to
let it show
to let you know
don't trace your footsteps back to me

cause I've been gone for a long time
waiting on the sidelines
hoping for a chance to play
well I thought I would never leave anything behind
I also never thought I'd say

tell all my friends I'm dead
I'm leaving you, this time its for good
tell all my friends that I'm dead
it won't be long before you forget my name

can you tell
that I don't know myself
I need someone to remind me
to let it go
please let me know
don't trace your footsteps back to me

cause I've been gone for a long time
waiting on the sidelines
hoping for a chance to play
well I thought I would never leave anything behind
I also never thought I'd say

tell all my friends I'm dead
I'm leaving you, this time its for good
tell all my friends that I'm dead
it won't be long before you forget my name

and if I had the chance
to do it all again
I wouldn't expect anything less
and if I had the chance
to do it all again
I wouldn't expect
I wouldn't expect anything less

tell all my friends I'm dead
I'm leaving you, this time its for good
tell all my friends that I'm dead
it won't be long before you forget my name

forget my name

-New Found Glory


Psychologists have discovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their personalities. Choose which method best describes your favorite method of eating Oreos:

1. The whole thing all at once.
2. One bite at a time.
3. Slow and methodical nibbles, examining the results of each bite afterwards.
4. In little feverous nibbles.
5. Dunked in some liquid (milk, coffee...).
6. Twisted apart, the inside, then the cookie.
7. Twisted apart, the inside, and toss the cookie.
8. Just the cookie, not the inside.
9. I just like to lick them, not eat them.
10. I don't have a favorite way because I don't like Oreos.

Scroll Down to find your results...

Oreo Alert
Oreo Alert
Oreo Alert
Oreo Alert
Oreo Alert
Oreo Alert
Oreo Alert
Oreo Alert


Your Personality:

1. The whole thing: This means you consume life with abandon, you are fun to be with, exciting, carefree with some hint of recklessness. You are totally irresponsible. No one should trust you with their children.

2. One bite at a time: You are lucky to be one of the 5.4 billion other people who eat their Oreos this very same way. Just like them, you lack imagination, and are just one of the herd.

3. Slow and Methodical: You follow the rules. You're very tidy and orderly. You're very meticulous in every detail with everything you do to the point of being anal retentive. Most people hate you.

4. Feverous Nibbles: Your boss likes you because you get your work done quickly. You always have a million things to do and never enough time to do them. Mental breakdowns and suicides run in your family. Megadoses of Prozac and Valium are called for. Now!

5. Dunked: Everyone likes you because you are always upbeat. You like to sugar coat unpleasant experiences and rationalize bad situations into good ones. You are in total denial about the shambles you call a life.

6. Twisted apart, the inside, and then the cookie: You have a highly curious nature. You take pleasure in breaking things apart to find out how they work, though you are not always able to put them back together, so you destroy all the evidence of your activities. You deny your involvement. You are a compulsive liar and exhibit deviant, if not criminal, behavior.

7. Twisted apart, the inside, and then toss the cookie: You are good at business and take risks that pay off. You take what you want and throw the rest away. You are greedy, selfish, mean, and lack feelings for others. You should be ashamed of yourself.

8. Just the cookie, not the inside: You enjoy pain. And I'm pretty sure you have herpes.

9. I just like to lick them, not eat them: Stay away from small furry animals and seek psychological help - immediately.

10. I don't have a favorite way, I don't like Oreo cookies: You probably come from a rich family, and like to wear nice things, and go to up-scale restaurants. You are particular and fussy about the things you buy, own, and wear. You are a priss.


*******************************

So. and Update on my life:
Nothing has changed. I still havent recieved my phone call *makes sad angry face* I made Emily update her journal today (for the first time in 9 months) You can view it here at www.woohu.com/~level27freak55 (i think)... thats my life.. oh yeah.. i cleaned the basement today..

Oh.. and if (you know who you are) tell, I'm leaving. And I wil not come back.

yeah.
-*loser*-

I'm not sure.
Dunger Tea Leaves

dunger tea leaves of gold and green
smoothes by summerr's majesty.
broken carrige in the rain,
stable workhorse down again (down again)
lalala lai (repete 3 times)
polynesian refugee,
open water waits for me.
battered larbor runs away,
overworked and underpaid,
understrain
lalala lai (repete 3 times)
all our work has made us young.
all our work has made us young.
abandoned sailor left to die,
land of plenty is running dry.
sold my profits,
shard me home,
burned my stables to the ground (to the ground)
lalala lai (repete 7 times)
searchers never concentrate.
learn to love all the things you hate.
a saffron forest is where you'll die.
sunked issues left you dry.

-Silver


(i just want you all to know i typed that whole song)

So right now.. I'm in a completly spazzy mood. Because (you know who you are) wont call. And (you know who you are) can control my future. Please be nice..

Am I crazy?

This just in.. theres no heat in my house.. They turned off out heat.. It's like, 20 degrees in here... And i have no real heat source.. I'm so fucking cold...

anyways, (you know who you are), please call me.
why don't you want to talk to me? do you enjoy seeing me spazz over whats going to happen? do you enjoy seeing me lose all the trust i had in you? does you enjoy seeing me so scard? or do you really not see...

i want answers. im sick of waiting.. and worrying about this. any worrying about whether i really should be worrying about this. and ergh. im sick of trying to be mad when i cant. and i just want to know what's going to happen.. i want to know if i just lost a good friend.. or.. i just wanna know!

-*loser*-

What's happening?
The Cicada's Song
 
Tonight I have decided that there's only one way out
And I tried so hard to fight it but the blade kept coming down
Nowhere to hide
You were always way too strong
Out in the night
The cicadas sing their song
Tell me, are you listening? Because no one hears a thing
Tonight I have decided that there's only one way out
And I tried so hard to fight it but the blade kept coming down
I've got a torrid story but there's no one I can tell
I don't know if there's a heaven but I'm sure that there's a hell
I feel the knife
Like the first time breathing in
Coming to life
Like we'll never be again
Tell me, are you listening? Because no one hears a thing
Tonight I have decided that there's only one way out
And I tried so hard to fight it but the blade kept coming down
And it landed right where your heart should have been
And it was the last thing you saw, wasn't it?
I feel the knife like the first time breathing
Tonight I have decided that there's only one way out
And I tried so hard to fight it but the blade kept coming down
I've got a torrid story but there's no one I can tell
I don't know if there's a heaven but I'm sure that there's a hell
Out in the night, the cicadas sing their song.

-Autopilot Off


So right now I'm more confused than I've ever been before.. maybe.
Sarah is considering whether or not to completly ruin the wall that seperates me from my parents. I need to stay seperate from them to live... Therapy won't help.. and neither will getting sent away... I want to stay here with my friends. I can handle this. I really can. maybe.

This might be easier to get through if i was talking to Nia... But she doesn't know me as well as I thought.. (how could you ever think that about me.. )

So..to recap.. I'm about to lose everything I've worked for over the past year. I'm not speaking to one of my best friends. And I'm freaking out all over the place..

I want to erase friday. Why can't I keep it toghether? Why did I fall apart? Will it happen again? I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. Why can't I stop this? Why do I keep falling...? Have I hit bottom, or is there much more to go? Can this be stopped? Can I be stopped? What the fuck is happening to me?

-*loser*-

Bah Humbug
Firefly

You're my friend
You're not like them
but I caught your lie
and you know I did
Now I'm lost in you
like I always do
And I'm dying to win
'cause I'm born to lose

[Chorus:]
Firefly
could you shut your lie
Now I know your ways
'cause they're just like mine
Now I"m justified
as I fall in line
and it's hard to try
when they're open wide

Take my hand
Peal me up and then
we'll come back again
to a different when
Now I like this way
you can't go away
If you catch the name
you could not replace

[chorus]

Bring me your enemies
Lay them before me
And walk away

[chorus]

Fuck you firefly
Have you lost your light
Now I hate your ways
'cause they're just like mine
So you lost my friend
such a sorry end
Now I don't know why
so I joke and smile

-Breaking Benjamin


Yeah.. So it a few days after christmas... and things could be worse... atleast our house is still standing... Nothing burst into flames... except the tree, but we got that under control....

There were a few angry outburts... and few not-so-nice things were said... and there were ongoing jokes (that were too close to realitly) about our house being a nuthouse...

and maybe i lied to my best friends...

but life goes on and everythings okay for now...

-*loser*-

please
Dissolve and Decay

she wore crushed velvet
jet black and to the floor
she rode on angels wings
that appears to shine oh so bright
now the dark has gone this far
in her eyes that die
i can't find you
i'll wait for you i cross my heart

dissolve and decay theres nothing left for me (right now)

walk slowly towards the lights
she calling still falling, down
she crying (shes crying) and dying, lying
about last night
she can't find a way to tell me i can't find you
i'll wait for i cross my heart

dissolve and decay theres nothing left for me (right now)
this fires dying down theres nothing left to take (right now)

dissolve and decay theres nothing left for me
(sit back and let her die slowly, don't cry, she didn't love you anyway)
dissolve and decay theres nothing left for me
(just try to make it out alive your blood bleeds, your blood is flowing)

(right now) dissolve and decay theres nothing left for me
(right now) this fires dying down theres nothing left to take

-Hawthorne Heights

I have nothing much to say. It's been one month as of tomorrow, and i guess everythings okay with me.
Except it isnt.

But I don't want you to waste time worrying about me, really. Whoever you are, I'm sure you have better things to think about, and caring about me is just worthless.. Please just let it be and leave me to deal with my thoughts alone. You dont need to hear them..

Trust me, it will be okay..Now if only i could convine myself...


-*loser*-

Sorry Bigelow
Sandpaper and Silk

Wait 'til after dark
we'll try to make a mark
one that stays until we're done

And we'll pretend again
lets try not to forget where we are
and who we're with
Who we will find.

Miles can cut this tie we've made
the sharp side of the blade
As these words play out
they'll try and drag you down
you feel like one of them

Who we will find

Miles can cut this tie we've made
the sharp side of the blade
Make sure that you can keep it
make sure you keep it in your heart [2x]

Miles can cut this tie we've made
the sharp side of the blade
Miles can cut this tie we've made
the sharp side of the blade
Make sure that you can keep it
make sure you keep it in your heart

Miles can cut this tie we've made
the sharp side of the blade (in your heart)

-Hawthore Heights



19. not so bad.

Dont mean to waste your time... sorry.

if i could turn back time, I'd take away what I did to Emily. I thought i seemed like the right thing to do, but I guess I'm just stupid. Dont be mad at Benji. be mad at me if anyone.

-*loser*-

Is it okay...?
Drown

Good morning day
Sorry I'm not there
But all my favorite friends
Vanished... in the air
It's hard to fly when you can't even run
Once I had the world, but now I've got no one
If I needed someone to control me
If I need someone to hold me down
I would change my direction
And save myself before I...
If I needed someone to control me
If I needed someone to push me around
I would change my direction before I... drown
Good morning day
Sorry you're not here
But all those times before
Were never this unclear
It's hard to walk when you can even crawl
Once I had this world, but now I've lost it all
If I needed someone to control me
If I need someone to hold me down
I would change my direction
And save myself before I...
If I needed someone to control me
If I needed someone to push me around
I would change my direction
As save myself before I... drown….
Rolling faster then I'm breathing

-3DG


Is it wrong to be caught missing him when the rest of the world has seemingly moved on? If thoughts of him are constantly circling my head, causing tears and blood, is that okay?

How am I supposed to smile when he's no longer here? Could someone please explain to me how life is supposed to keep moving??

i'm so sorry.

-*loser*-