So progress reports came today.

This is by far the worst my grades have ever officially been throughout my entire high school career. I'm not going to say what they are, because you will all kill me except for the select few that understand my dilemma. I can't believe it though. I'm getting burned out, as is obvious..gah.

Funny thing is, I'm getting the worst grades in all my easy classes with the exception of AP physics. But seriously, my two non-honors/AP classes I have the bad grades in. That's just messed up.

Alright Nancy, time to get yourself together. Stop missing school. Start turning in assignments. Start actually studying. Get those damn grades up.

If I have these at the end of the semester I'm going to shoot myself or something similar. You have my word on that.

When everything gets lonely, I can be my own best friend. I get a coffee and the paper; have my own conversations with the sidewalk and the pigeons and my window reflection. The mask I polish in the evening, by the morning looks like shit.

I've got a flask inside my pocket, we can share it on the train. If you promise to stay conscious I will try and do the same. We might die from medication, but we sure killed all the pain. But what was normal in the evening, by the morning seems insane.

And I'm not sure what the trouble was that started all of this. The reasons have run away but the feeling never did. It's not something I would recommend, but it is one way to live..cause what is simple in the moonlight, by the morning never is. What's so simple in the moonlight, by the morning is so complicated. What's so simple in the moonlight, so simple in the moonlight..

So according to the books, tonight was spent out to dinner and at the movies with Jennifer Le. How dull.

Off the books, however..different story! She really wanted to go down to the UCLA medical center to visit Kelli there, but she didn't have a ride. I had nothing to do, so I offered to take her. I still can't drive people legally (and won't be able to for another four months), so we came up with the "dinner and movie" plan. That, we figured, would buy us four hours or so..plenty of time to go to UCLA and back and do things in between. You may think I'm foreshadowing something here, but really, I'm not.

So I picked her up and she made me stop at the new Walmart (die) to buy underwear (what?). Random, I know. But it's Asian, what do you expect? After Walmart we hit the freeway and started our journey. Amazingly, traffic wasn't bad until about three miles before Wilshire, where we were exiting. I learned that I really need to get my glasses before I drive at night again, especially on the freeway in the carpool lane with the wall two feet away. Not good. Anyhow.

We got to the UCLA area and started looking for parking. The only free parking we could find was at a Ralphs and Best Buy parking lot, and it was only free if you bought something at one of the stores. Fine, okay. So I bought Cheez-Its and French bread..awesome. So relevant, I know. Continuing.

After walking around the parking lot looking for an exit, we finally found one and went over to the hospital. It was the most confusing place ever, especially since apparently we went in the wrong door or something like that. So after wandering around like idiots for a bit, we found Kelli's room and sat and visited for a while. She doesn't look too bad, just a bit pale. Hopefully she'll be alright.

While in Kelli's room, Jennifer's brother called and said he was in the area; did we want to go get food with him and his girlfriend? Sure, why not. First we went and got boba (very good, I recommend it to everyone but only if you like tapioca balls) and then we walked over to this random burrito place. Let me tell you, that's the best burrito I've ever had..three bucks for a foot long burrito! That's a steal. And it wasn't like it was a crappy burrito, oh no. While eating we saw this homeless guy digging through the trash cans and pulling out food, so we gave him some leftovers. I've still got six inches of my burrito left though..there's breakfast. Yum.

By the time we finished all that, it was 9:45 or so, so we left. I got us back in boring old SCV real quick (I'm a good driver, really, I just have a tendency to speed a bit..nothing wrong with that) and dropped Jennifer off, then went home. Excellent.

The only thing bad about tonight is that I wasted a lot of gas and then forgot to get more on the way home. Oh well. Hopefully they won't notice..heh. Yeah, so, random adventures are the only fun things left to do here. All of you need to go with me on one, really. It's exciting. The end.

So today I didn't go to school because, well, I just didn't feel like it. My mother came in my room around 6:45 (which is when we're supposed to leave for school) and said, "NANCY!! Why aren't you awake yet?! We have to leave now!" and I answered, "Well you know..I don't want to go to school today. I just don't feel like going." I punctuated that statement by rolling over and facing the wall. So she left and I guess called me in sick or something.

Missing school honestly made my day so much better. Even though I missed two tests; even though I will have to make up what I missed over the weekend; even though I most likely missed some important lectures and new concepts; I couldn't care less. I'm not really into school this semester. Of course, I'm still going to do the work (when I feel like it) and still show up (most of the time), so hopefully my grades won't slip too much. I wouldn't let that happen. But seriously, I'm just way too apathetic to even care about anything involving school anymore.

Also, word of advice: if you're ever going to ditch, do it on a Thursday. That way you come back and it's Friday, which is one of the best days of the week, and you also have the entire weekend to make up what you missed. See, you get one extra day to turn in your work, but if you get it on Friday, you can't really turn it in the next day. Therefore you get three days, but it only counts as one because those aren't school days. I'm brilliant.

I suppose I should do yesterday's homework now. Whatever.

My teachers, they built the retaining wall memory, all those multiple choices I answered so quickly. And I got my grades back and forgot just as easily, but as least I got an A. So I don't have them to blame. I should stop pointing fingers; reserve my judgment of all those public action figures, the cowboy president. So loud behind the bullhorn, so proud they can't admit when they have made a mistake. While poison ink spews from a speechwriter's pen, he knows that he doesn't have to say it, so it don't bother him. "Honesty" "Accuracy" are really just "Popular Opinion." And the approval rating is high, so someone is going to die. ABC, NBC, CBS: Bullshit. They give us fact or fiction? I guess an even split. And each new act of war is tonight's entertainment. We are still the pawns in their game. As they take an eye for an eye until no one can see, we must stumble blindly forward, repeating history. Well, I guess that we all fit into your slogan on the fast food marquee: Red blooded, White skinned oh and the Blues. I got the Blues! I got the Blues! That's me! That's me!