I'm just uptight.

I'm just uptight.

:: 2004 26 February :: 6.25 pm
:: Music: "Happiness and the Fish" +Our Lady Peace+

My Internet has been down for the past three days, and it was oh so inconvenient. But it's hopefully fixed now and will never go down again (ha..right) because it happens all the time.

Today during track we ran 400s, which was basically just torture. I'm so out of shape from stupid soccer, and I hate it. Yes, you could say that I could have run on my own time, but I have no motivation. I'm Nancy Myers, remember? I'm a slacker and a procrastinator of the worst kind. So that's not really an option.

John..I don't really know what to say, but (as cliche as this is) you know that anytime you need me, I'll be here. Please don't do anything too stupid, okay?

My parents yelled at me about my grades today. Uh, last time I checked I still had a 4.0. I have a B in Spanish (which is stupid because that class is SO easy..I just slack off, as usual), a freaking A- in honors English (it's near impossible to get an A in that class because of stupid Smithtron), an A in molecular genetics, a B in honors chemistry (but that's okay because that class is a joke), a C+ in honors algebra II/trig (that class is so hard, and they don't understand that..it's an honors class, so it counts for a B, and I'm almost to a B), and an A in track obviously. I don't get it. Last time I checked, those grades were pretty dang good..yes, I know that I should be doing better in math..but I can't. I just can't. They use the old argument of, "Well, up until seventh grade you did really well in math! It was so easy for you! What happened?" I think they've answered their own questions there. Math was easy in seventh grade and before. I was good at it. Getting placed in honors algebra II/trig is actually pretty good for a sophomore, but they can't understand that. I'm to the point where I'm beginning to not care about my grades anymore..end of the year slacker syndrome is setting in, and it's only February. It's hard to care about school when nothing seems worth it anymore.

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2 may be paranoid | not an android

:: 2004 24 February :: 7.37 pm
:: Mood: aggravated

Some people get bit from the inside. When they talk, it's cold and sour, and no, there's nothing they can do now. They've had their way too many times. If you glare to get what you want, it'll become your look. If there's dirt you've got on someone, you let it loose without a thought. You let the poison spill, spurt from your throat; hiss like steam because the pressure is unreal. I'm not saying that it's not. You're causing a scene. You're wearing out that note. You scream until it's gone..you scream until it's gone, gone, gone.

No government check can reverse it. You'd need a royal eclipse of the tongue..or is the pain that you endure now something you need? Well, you know how to get it. There's no climbing up that list. You just move down it one by one. You hate this and love that it shows you're insecure, but that's no excuse. Just tell them they lie..you tell them the truth. The things you won't take are coming in groups. The people abused the trust you had, and now you don't want it back.

4 may be paranoid | not an android

:: 2004 23 February :: 1.42 am

Do you ever just get that feeling where you don't want to talk to anybody? You don't want to smile and you don't want to fake being happy..but at the same time, you don't know exactly what is wrong either. There isn't a way to explain it to someone who doesn't already understand. If you could want anything in the world, it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting..and being alone never was. At least when you're alone no one will constantly ask you what's wrong and there isn't anyone who won't take 'I don't know' for an answer. You feel the way you do just BECAUSE. You hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then, all you can do is wait.

The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them - words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried when you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for the want of a teller but for the want of an understanding ear.

When sunshine is not enough to make me feel bright, it's got me suffering in the darkness that's so easy to come by on the roadside of one long lifetime. It's got me deep blue..you know I'm deep blue.

I hate this.

not an android

:: 2004 22 February :: 6.20 pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: "Bass Fiend" +Mount Sims+

I am posting pictures a lot. I have to ward off the stalkers somehow.

2 may be paranoid | not an android

:: 2004 20 February :: 9.15 pm
:: Mood: exanimate
:: Music: "For Me This is Heaven" +Jimmy Eat World+

Una Fiesta de Fotos Peque�o.

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Oh yeah, and everyone check this out. It's hilarious.

8 may be paranoid | not an android

:: 2004 19 February :: 6.57 pm
:: Mood: dead

Choose a band/or artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band:: Green Day
Are you female or male:: She
Describe yourself:: Basket Case
How do some people feel about you:: Good Riddance
How do you feel about yourself:: Walking Contradiction
Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend:: J.A.R.
Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend:: ..
Describe where you want to be:: Welcome to Paradise
Describe what you want to be:: Brain Stew
Describe how you live:: Jaded
Describe how you love:: Minority
Share a few words of wisdom:: Nice Guys Finish Last

Bands // Song Titles brought to you by BZOINK!

I love how in one day of track we ran more than we ever ran for the entire soccer season. Oh, it's just great.

not an android

:: 2004 18 February :: 5.49 am
:: Mood: awake

I am pissed because all the cool CDs that I WAS winning on eBay until recently are all high priced now. I will not go any more than five dollars because if I keep this up, I will have no money left at all. Dang eBay addiction. I'm still winning them though..heh.

Last night from around nine thirty until twelve or so I alternated between staring at the ceiling and reading a book. Then, from I think twelve until maybe two I dozed, but not really because I was coughing so much I couldn't settle into a real sleep. Then, from two until now I have been awake. Note that "do homework" is not in here at all. So that's what I've been doing for the past two hours..at five I got sick of it and started to clean my room because we are painting and it is a mess. If anyone wants pictures (because you all stalk me..I know), then let me know.

I dedicate this entry to insomnia. Mr. Insomnia, I just wanted to say how much I love you! Somehow, because of you, I get about two hours or sleep OR LESS each night, and I still have to function at school the next morning! You rule. Thanks for RUINING MY LIFE, YOU JERK.

*seethes*

2 may be paranoid | not an android

:: 2004 16 February :: 1.54 pm
:: Music: "Soma" +The Strokes+

what band/artist do you like but are rather ashamed to admit to?: New Found Glory, Something Corporate
which band/artist just plain bothers you?: Avril Lavigne, Good Charlotte, Simple Plan
which band/artist do you like but hated at first?: Sublime, Aqua
which band/artist did you like but now hate?: Blink 182, Good Charlotte
name a favorite band/artist you discovered all by yourself: Kent, Guster, Rx Bandits
name a favorite band/artist somebody recommended to you: Radiohead, Coldplay, Our Lady Peace, ADULT.
who was your first concert?: Superchic[k]
who have you seen recently?: I was going to see Guster..
which band/artist do you love but have never seen live?: Interpol
who do you love to listen to alone?: Radiohead, Interpol
who do you love to listen to in a group setting?: Mount Sims, ADULT.
you're organizing a music festival & 5 bands headline. who do you choose?: Radiohead, Interpol, Guster, Kent, ADULT.
do you have a favorite band/artist t-shirt? if yes, which: ADULT.
favorite album of all time?: Oh jeez..probably OK Computer by Radiohead
and finally... is punk dead or just extremely sleepy?: It got killed by all that pop-punk crap long ago.

band/artist survey by brainsaw brought to you by BZOINK!

2 may be paranoid | not an android