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I'm just uptight.

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:: 2003 29 December :: 2.33 pm

PT. I
1) Using band names, spell out your name.

N o Doubt
A DULT.
N irvana
C rosby, Stills, and Nash
Y ellowcard

2) Have you ever had a song written about you? Yeah, once.
3) What song(s) make(s) you cry? None that I can think of..but "PDA" by Interpol makes me sad.
4) What song makes you happy? Everything by ADULT., Guster, and "Can't Stop" by Red Hot Chili Peppers.
5) What do you like to listen to before bed? Whatever's in my CD player.

PT. II
a p p e a r a n c e
HEIGHT: Somewhere around 5'3" I think, but it says 5'4" on my permit. Ha.
HAIR COLOR: Blonde, and some of it might be pink soon..hahaha.
SKIN COLOR: Ranges from mostly white to glow-in-the-dark white.
EYE COLOR: Blue.
PIERCINGS: None, because I am cool. But Kylie thinks I should pierce my vagina. Right.
TATTOOS: None.

r i g h t n o w
WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?: Faded black.
WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?: "Fake Plastic Trees" by Radiohead.
WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH?: M&Ms..bleh.
WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE?: It's freaking cold.
HOW ARE YOU?: I could be better, but I am mostly okay.

d o y o u
GET MOTION SICKNESS?: Not really.
HAVE A BAD HABIT?: Haha like fifty billion.
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: Most of the time.
LIKE TO DRIVE?: I think that I will. However, I do not like to sit through driver's ed for eight hours. It is terrible.

f a v o r i t e s
TV SHOW: The Simple Life duh.
CONDITIONER: I don't know, whatever I'm using right now I guess.
BOOK: Anything by Robert Ludlum, Ben Bova, Issac Asimov, Stephen King, Chuck Palahniuk, etc.
MAGAZINE: Eh..I don't know.
NON-ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Iced tea or Mountain Dew or Manzana Lift.
ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Depends.
THING TO DO ON THE WEEKEND: The typical answer: hang out with someone.
BAND or GROUP or SINGER or RAPPER: Interpol, Guster, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Radiohead, White Stripes, blah blah.

h a v e y o u
BROKEN THE LAW: Of course. Is it possible not to?
RAN AWAY FROM HOME: No, but I used to consider it all the time.
SNUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE: Yeah like twice.
EVER GONE SKINNY DIPPING: No.
MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL: Haha like five billion.
EVER TIPPED OVER A PORTA POTTY: I've banged on them, shook them, rocked them, wired the locks shut, and dropped bomb bags in them..but no, never tipped one over.
USED YOUR PARENTS' CREDIT CARD BEFORE: Yeah, but they knew about it.
SKIPPED SCHOOL BEFORE: I've pretended to be sick a lot.
FELL ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH: I don't think so.
BEEN IN A SCHOOL PLAY: I was the narrator for William's Doll in second grade, and I ruled.
LET A FRIEND CRY ON YOUR SHOULDER: Like everyone says, what are friends for?

l o v e
BOYFRIEND: No, I hate boys.
GIRLFRIEND: No, I hate girls.
SEXUALITY: I don't know, asexual maybe? Hahaha. Don't take that the wrong way.
CHILDREN: I hate children with a passion. God, no.
CURRENT CRUSH: Anthony Kiedis, heh.
BEEN IN LOVE?: I don't believe so.
HAD A HARD TIME GETTING OVER SOMEONE: Not really, no.
BEEN HURT?: Well duh.
YOUR GREATEST REGRET: Oh there's too many.
GONE OUT WITH A SOMEONE YOU ONLY KNEW FOR THREE DAYS: Nope.

r a n d o m
DO YOU HAVE A JOB: No, but I need one because I am addicted to eBay and I spend all my money there. Speaking of eBay..
YOUR CD PLAYER HAS IN IT RIGHT NOW: Radiohead - The Bends.
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?: Gray.
WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?: Lots of things..hanging out with cool people (of which there seems to be a shortage of nowadays), good music, stuff like that.
WHO MAKES YOU THE HAPPIEST?: I don't know.
WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GONNA GET?: I was thinking No Doubt or Radiohead.
WHO DO YOU CONSIDER GOOD FRIENDS?: Uh like two people.
WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?: Exist?

w h e n / w h a t w a s t h e l a s t
TIME YOU CRIED?: Forever ago.
YOU GOT A REAL LETTER?: I got a Christmas card from my therapist hahahaha.
YOU GOT E-MAIL: I get penis enlarging ads and pill ads every day. But real email, from Cheri.
THING YOU PURCHASED: Er..I believe a Polly Pocket Lip Gloss deal thing for my little sister.
TV PROGRAM YOU WATCHED: The Weather Channel.
MOVIE YOU SAW AT THE THEATER: Return of the King, which was excellent as everyone knows.

y o u r t h o u g h t s o n
ABORTION: The thing isn't even alive. I mean, you don't feel bad about stepping on ants, do you? No.
TEENAGE SMOKING: I hate it and can't stand the smell. But whatever, it's your choice to kill yourself slowly. Less morons to populate the world.
SPICE GIRLS: They're fun to rock out to on occasion.
DREAMS: Freaking weird.

3 may be paranoid | not an android


:: 2003 29 December :: 12.45 pm
:: Music: "Cannonball" +Breeders+

OH YEAH I FORGOT.

BUY MY STUFF! PLEASE!

I'll love you forever if you do!

1 may be paranoid | not an android


:: 2003 24 December :: 5.53 pm
:: Music: +Radiohead+

Fitter, happier, more productive. Comfortable, not drinking too much, regular exercise at the gym (3 days a week). Getting on better with your associate employee contemporaries. At ease, eating well (no more microwave dinners and saturated fats). A patient better driver, a safer car (baby smiling in back seat). Sleeping well (no bad dreams), no paranoia. Careful to all animals (never washing spiders down the plughole). Keep in contact with old friends (enjoy a drink now and then), will frequently check credit at (moral) bank (hole in the wall). Favours for favours, fond but not in love, charity standing orders. On Sundays ring road supermarket (no killing moths or putting boiling water on the ants). Car wash (also on Sundays). No longer afraid of the dark or midday shadows; nothing so ridiculously teenage and desperate, nothing so childish - at a better pace, slower and more calculated. No chance of escape, now self-employed, concerned (but powerless), an empowered and informed member of society (pragmatism not idealism). Will not cry in public, less chance of illness. Tires that grip in the wet (shot of baby strapped in back seat). A good memory, still cries at a good film, still kisses with saliva. No longer empty and frantic like a cat tied to a stick, that's driven into frozen winter shit (the ability to laugh at weakness). Calm, fitter, healthier, and more productive..a pig in a cage on antibiotics.

not an android


:: 2003 22 December :: 9.38 pm
:: Music: "Ignorama" +Die Arzte+

My mother informed me today that tomorrow, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday I get to sit through the fun and exciting driver's ed at Right Way. Oh boy, I am SO excited. Except not.

And apparently there's this new law that says if you don't have your permit by the end of this year, you have to wait until you're fifteen and a half before you can get it. Hopefully I'll be able to get mine, because I really don't want to wait another six months.

Ahh god, I'm going to shrivel up and die of boredom tomorrow. Sheesh.

not an android


:: 2003 20 December :: 7.47 pm

Good god.

If this offends anyone, too bad! The British sure are strange.

6 may be paranoid | not an android


:: 2003 20 December :: 2.10 am
:: Mood: morose

I'm typing this in WordPad right now, because last time I tried to update, I had a good chunk of text waiting to be entered, and I was trying to upload some videos at the same time. Of course, the website decides to shut down. I closed it, which in turn shut down every single Internet Explorer box open. That was just annoying. So this way there's absolutely no possibility of me losing this. Because it's been over a week since I last updated, and because I promised Porcelain, this update shall be extremely long. Granted, half of it will be pictures and videos, but that's only because I'm lazy.

Along with the rest of the world, I'm insanely glad that finals are over. I never usually let those stress me out, but they got to me this year. I'm pretty sure that I died on math, which was two freaking days long. So much for getting better than a C. In English, I bet I failed the Tempest part, but that's okay. Chemistry was easy, except for I forgot my polyatomic ions cheat sheet and had to figure out a way to pass a super spy note to Adrienne asking her what they were. That was funny, because I tried to throw it on her desk and it fell on the floor, out of both of our reaches. After a huge dilemma, I finally got it to her..but of course, she had forgotten them too. I ended up putting C, because that always works. I ruled in Spanish, coming away with a ninety-seven percent (that means I only missed five! ha!), which left me with a ninety-five in the class. Not bad for not trying at all. Mod civ was alright, but Melanie copied like my whole scantron..heh. It's okay, she's awesome. Speaking of mod civ, the people in that class are incredibly stupid. It's because it's not an honors class, and usually all the morons get weeded out because they're too stupid to make honors. Obviously. In class on Thursday, these stupid kids that sit in the back of the class were lighting the textbooks on fire, spitting on each other, and making paper airplanes with freaking swastikas on them and throwing them around. One of them hit me in the back of the head, and they were all, "Oh, huh huh huh, can we have that back?" I said, "Sure, here!" and I crumpled it up and threw it back at them. Wahaha. They deserve to be shot or something. People that dumb shouldn't pass preschool. Oh well, hopefully I'll never see them again. Did I mention I have three weeks of freedom? Heck yes.

Too bad I'm going to be horribly out of shape when school starts again because the doctor said I'm not allowed to play soccer for the whole Winter Break. My leg (the sprained hamstring) hadn't been getting any better, which was only because I kept playing on it when they told me not to. What, did they really think I would stop playing? Right. I really ripped it up last Saturday when we had the Hart Tournament, because Mike put me in defense. Uh, I don't play defense! Everyone was talking about how fast I was after the game though..yeah, too bad I can't run anymore. So, the doctor told me to do the heat/ice thing (which I'm not doing because I'm lazy), stay off of it for three weeks, and do physical therapy (yay, now I get to see TWO therapists! joy). When I heard that, I said, "Physical therapy for a sprained hamstring. Did I hear you right?" Ah well, my doctor's nuts. Last time I was in there she told me I looked grunge. Okay whatever crazy doctor lady, you're strange.

Christmas is in less than six days, and I haven't gotten anyone their presents yet. This is not good. I wish everyone would just provide a nice list of things they want and give it to me in June or something. That would make shopping so much easier. Speaking of shopping, did I mention that I hated Walmart? I had to go there with my mom last Sunday to buy something, and I hadn't eaten breakfast yet. She gave me some money and told me to take my little sister to the McDonalds that's in the store and buy us all food. Of course, I walk in there and it's absolutely packed. However, it's not packed with normal people..it's filled with nasty, disgusting, white/brown/black trash (I'm not being racist here, it's the truth), half of which are disgustingly, morbidly obese. It was kind of funny though, because the people in front of us were speaking Spanish to the cashier, and my little sister asked me, "Do I have to speak Spanish to order something?" Silly kid. Let me tell you, I never want to go to Walmart during holiday season again. Scratch that, I never want to go to Walmart again ever. Everyone in there thinks that whatever way they're pushing their cart is the ONLY way. Of course, that same thing is running through the mind of every other person with a shopping cart filled with crap or a stroller filled with nasty kids with drool running down their smashed in, crying, idiot faces. We were walking down the aisles to get some stupid unnecessary thing, and these two people (one cart and one stroller) came at us from the front, each converging in on each other, determined to keep going even if the only way to do so was to run us over. We stopped, not wanting to get hit, and they both stopped and WE JUST STOOD THERE STARING AT EACH OTHER. They wouldn't move! I finally got pissed off (even more so than I already was, if that was possible) and yelled, "EXCUSE ME CAN ONE OF YOU PLEASE MOVE THANK YOU!!!!!" I guess I was intimidating (although I don't see how that could be, because I'm willing to bet my life savings that they both weighed at least triple what I am), because they moved. And god, did I mention I hated Walmart? Yeah.

My dog keeps getting up and going to my parents' room and barking, and it's two in the morning, and I have soccer early tomorrow even though I can't play, so this is all you get. Wait, what am I saying? "All" you get? Yeah, sure. From now on, I shall be more prompt in my updates so that no one will have to suffer through this.

2 may be paranoid | not an android


:: 2003 10 December :: 11.45 pm
:: Mood: pessimistic
:: Music: +The White Stripes+

I'd like to think that all of this constant interaction is just the kind to make you drive yourself away. Each simple gesture done by me is counteracted and leaves me standing here with nothing else to say. Completely baffled by a backward indication that an inspired word will come across your tongue. Hands moving upward to propel the situation have simply halted, and now the conversation's done. There's no home for you here girl, go away. There's no home for you here. I'm only waiting for the proper time to tell you that it's impossible to get along with you. It's hard to look you in the face when we are talking, so it helps to have a mirror in the room. I've not been really looking forward to the performance, but there's my cue and there's a question on your face. Fortunately, I have come across an answer, which is go away and do not leave a trace. There's no home for you here girl, go away. There's no home for you here. Waking up for breakfast, burning matches, talking quietly, breaking baubles, throwing garbage, drinking soda, looking happy, taking pictures..so completely stupid. Just go away.

2 may be paranoid | not an android


:: 2003 10 December :: 2.26 am

Oh my god, the sky is beautiful tonight. Absolutely gorgeous. I wish there was a way that I could capture it with my camera..I took a few pictures, but you can't see much. It's just..ahh.

3 may be paranoid | not an android


:: 2003 9 December :: 9.53 pm
:: Mood: freezing
:: Music: "Suite: Judy Blue Eyes" +Crosby, Stills, and Nash+

It is MUCH too cold to be taking the trash out while wearing only sweatpants and a tshirt and no shoes. Gah! Thirty-seven degrees! I may be a Californian (see: pussy, wimp, nancy) for saying this, but I was going to die of frostbite. I don't know how those crazy people who live in places where thirty-seven is normal survive. You're all nuts. Nuts!

In other news (I always thought it would be really cool to work for a newspaper or news station and say that in a story or something), we won 4-2 against Quartz Hill today, and everyone totally cares. I got to start though, and play most of the second half. This is good, except for it makes me try, which in turn makes my leg be dead. And that, my friends, is NOT good! But we knew that.

And I really need to get started on my homework, because I have [insert random big number here] years of it to finish. Granted, some of it isn't due until Friday, but then I'd have to panic and stay up all night on Thursday. And that would not be good.

not an android


:: 2003 8 December :: 3.07 am
:: Music: "Hands Away" +Interpol+

So, because I'm a pathetic sap who sleeps all day, it's three a.m. and I'm not tired. How cool is that? And because I had nothing better to do, I reread all of my old entries and fixed all the pictures that didn't work anymore.

Man, I was in a sad state of affairs a year ago. Maybe I still am, what with current events and such, but I expressed it more publicly back then. I was also much more vocabulary centered in my updates. Now I don't quite care anymore. But hey, at least I'm not typing like a retard. Typing correctly will pay off someday.

"Does anyone even understand what I'm getting at? Maybe you do. But then again, who knows? No one knows what isn't to know, and perhaps this isn't. Am I even making sense? Do you understand what I'm getting at? No, really. I suppose not."

I also liked to repeat myself and be vague. But of course. We can't forget this kind of thing either. I am so cool.

Oh yeah, everyone should click here and pretend like you are sending that to me. I'm everyone's friend!

2 may be paranoid | not an android

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